fuzzypoems

[fuzzypoems]

You showed up from the aether A ghost from my past We held hands under summer sun Have cried together under winters moon Your name is carved into my ribs By the beating of my happy heart Sharing spells, opening locked doors, polishing self reflective mirrors I sleep the deepest when I feel your dreams next to mine Restful little deaths together entwined Amethyst and Rose quartz embedded into flesh Reliquaries made from the patron saint of these dreams Blind hands find each other within the blackest of tides Floating along the shores of screaming steel belching corrosively Terrifying Strength hidden under the gentlest of cloaks Holding hands as we breach the sands Not an easy task but we know this will last A wonderful heart wrapped in bone A place to finally call my home (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLRMkq8HeS7/?igshid=1lb768wjtywgt

[fuzzypoems]

Snow capped pillars marking graves Lost souls hidden under the gurgling creek Fresh paths of yesterday made scarce by fresh powder The water is alive with the flashing of scales Wander onwards and upwards along the places we use to haunt But the ghost of my heart is no more Stitched together by loving hands An amalgamation of so many pieces I am not new, we are not fresh or clean This is something better, an understanding of sorts Working together to love ourselves as much as we love one another Every flaw and every success everything that makes us what we are Because this path may not be new to us, our feet remember where to step Still my eyes sparkle in wonder because it all looks to beautiful to just let slip past Our breath is uneven - mine is deep and slow like a forest asleep your own is faster, more shallow, like waves on the beach And isn’t that the perfect place to rest and wonder Where the trees break away into sand and sky (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLKWZr1H2tZ/?igshid=c44t7v9x8wjx

[fuzzypoems]

Today I am dysfunctional because: it has been so long since I have put pen to paper that the silence feels like the tallest wall. (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLKRDmtH1Di/?igshid=3joazr4rmrh4

[fuzzypoems]

Today I am dysfunctional because: something is making me glow so hard that it feels like my skin is shining. (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/CCthAGYHLig/?igshid=ucbx91786ayl

[fuzzypoems]

This cascading presence of something small and powerful just out of sight The delight in steps once made as the ending might have changed Sacred treasure of my people, a gift given and taken by all A dim flickering light inside an otherwise dark and crowded space Silhouettes flash before me for an instant as it is swallowed once again in shadow But this light does not break, nor does it leave us alone The strength it gives can be enough to go the greatest lengths This light can drive the weak of mind mad with impatience This light inside all of us - is hope (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/CCroSHEHJRY/?igshid=1cwiktcpbql93

[fuzzypoems]

There are spells on the tip of my tongue when I’m with you Enough to fill the pages of a hopeful grimoire I feel Charms carved into my bones when you touch me Placed there by the tracing of your fingers against me I hear Enchantments in my ear when you whisper I love you Layers and layers without pausing for breath I feel the sigils under my skin when you hold me Glowing between us like fireflies against the night sky Who needs an altar for worship when you stand before me A goddess forgotten but never quite lost to us The cards and the bones, are blank as new canvas Because our future is ours to craft as we like Our palms are worn smooth against one another Leaving no trace of the maps we’ve followed for years now (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/CClm-tOHvu5/?igshid=19t0egzm4k21n

[fuzzypoems]

Such things that bump and scream in the night Retched and beautiful beasts lost in a trance of lights to bright Poison smoke hissing from between the jagged teeth of clenched jaws Poised and ready to strike anything that enters the space they have claimed as noble territory Musky scents pervade the senses as you edge your way past this invisible barrier Ownership as if deeds were clenched in clawed hands before a judge of cosmic scale The path is dangerous, every step could be the last one you take, but where does it lead When the gentle woods and screaming cities meet and blend into the muffled scream of one biting a pillow Here is where the souls of man and woman alike can be found, teetering on the edge The mystic symbols and energies of an elder power being repressed by the new age dogmas and constructs around us Walking forever on that line so as not to be either savage or heartless in the eyes of the masses But what is the point of such a ploy; does it truly matter if the world likes what it sees when you hate what it has to offer? The rumble of vehicles above you on bridges is reminiscent of the thunder you hid from as a child The feeling of rain upon your face is a reminder of all the times you shed tears under this humble sky These are the worries and the wonders of the world, glorious terrible beasts that care not for you Descend the steps towards something different; never claimed it was better or worse Because this stagnant array of humanity has left a sandy taste upon my tongue, one that must be cleansed And I absolutely refuse to bare my teeth at the world if I am unable to taste that which I take (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-z4iw6nirV/?igshid=1himo9su1gw47

[fuzzypoems]

Today I am dysfunctional because: I have all this energy and yet not a drop of motivation... (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-z3I0IHfx-/?igshid=1frz6e4ysxcyv

[fuzzypoems]

“So I haven’t heard from you in a while, and I am certain it’s NOT because you are doing better” “No you right, you right... it’s been hard and I always find it hard to open up to you because you are the bluntest person I know” “Well that comes with the territory, wanna talk about anything in particular today?” “Well... I have been having some suppression issues, which probably has a lot to do with why we haven’t spoken in months. I thought that maybe if I could get a grip on everything then maybe I could control it, make it something that works for me, not simply running rampant” “And how has that been going for you? How did it feel to have a firm grip and total control?” “It felt wrong, it felt like I was strangling myself with hands that were numb... like I was being held down against my will while someone I thought was familiar did all the work” “Well that sounds like something that isn’t even close to healthy” “It wasn’t, or isn’t... I’m not even 100% sure who I am right now,; and all this time to myself is making it feel dangerous to be with others since they haven’t seen me before and no one ever really likes me for me ya know?” “Does this all have to do with that person you trusted - until they openly told your roommates and co-workers that they were only your friend because they thought you would kill yourself?” “FUCK THAT I LOVE MYSELF I AM THE LEAST SUICIDAL PERSON I KNOW!” “Calm down” “No, that shit was absolutely ridiculous, no one who actually knows me would think that, I’m depressed sure but I am a try hard and a fucking fighter, I don’t take the easy way for shit” “So what are you going to do about this all then?” “I’m gonna put my warpaint on and fucking FIGHT” “Good, now get out of your own head and act on that, channel that into something you can use to fight” “Thanks, that’s what I’ll do - thanks again for listening” “It’s my head too, what else can I do? Where else could I go?” (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-fNgdOnB68/?igshid=672e83dbrr5m

[fuzzypoems]

It all feels like paint sliding down a window as the colours overlap and bleed Nobody can remember how to colour in the lines, dribbled spattering of blood on canvas What can you do with a mind stretched outwards while being driven further in? The locals are reaching a cabin fevered pitch as they begin to climb their own walls Clawing always at a decades worth of hasty wallpaper thrown over childish murals on bare plaster Walking straight on too the horizon as they try to follow the twinkling stars they have given names and faces Voices of the dead become unearthed as the old ways are given a breath from the lungs of the living Chanting the chorus to every song they stole from you so long ago in dark bedrooms and smoky basements Strokes of the brush cut the image out from under the canvas skin, rage behind every single motion used Creating images of dreamlike qualities to muffle the screams of nightmares that find you even while awake Prayer after prayer is held high above the bowed heads of a country living in fear, the sighs of a world allowed to heal On the final morning the sun shall rise in the west, and this new dawn shall become a spell for the future A clear incantation for the lives to come and the days beyond our line of sight Allow yourself to be filled with light from many sources, let not one star hold your gaze for too long Because the sky is always shifting, and the sands of time can sweep you off your feet if you lack the conviction (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-eJREJHQJR/?igshid=p03l84gfgkyl

[fuzzypoems]

Today I am dysfunctional because: the whole world is calling to be on the spring winds and summer sunshine - how long until I break? (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-cmVE8AHiJ/?igshid=1dwphvtslxnoa

[fuzzypoems]

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A silent and lonely task, the path leading forward can be dangerous Anger can swell inside, leaving only blind violence to fill the hearts that surround Push past the rage, forget the humiliation, consume the anxiety that threatens To push back harder, to accept things how they are, and change what you refuse to accept Allow for the passage of time to be on your whim, strangle the very breath from the world with determination Be as the blizzard on the first day of spring, a reminder that hard times may have passed, but will also return Never forget that to channel is to give meaning, to be consumed is to be without purpose or direction Use the time you have to polish what you found as you wandered the streets at night in search of something real Do not quench the passionate flames that threaten to devour you whole, instead tame them as your own Until the waterfall runs towards the sky, until the stars land at your feet, until the sun is warmed by your light. (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-JnGp2niVj/?igshid=23mkdkce6r1v

[fuzzypoems]

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A post shared by Clint Ruttan (@lostintranslation1015)

“I fucking hate you” She said it after I was gone, my back wasn’t even visible. She said it after bringing someone into my home that I had specific asked her not too. “I fucking hate you” It doesn’t hurt, doesn’t really feel like much to be honest. It doesn’t hurt, it reminds me again why I am making the right choice. It doesn’t hurt, because there is nothing o can do about it besides let it go. “I fucking hate you” Compared to the last twenty four hours it would seem so very out of place. Compared to the last few months it makes all the sense in the world. Compared to the last few minutes there is a peaceful quiet that feels correct. “I fucking hate you” I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m not surprised. I’m sorry to hear that, but I don’t hate you. I’m sorry to hear that, but at least now I can breath. There has never been a time when the conversation wasn’t meant to hurt me from your mouth, you speak of manipulation in order to throw off the scent, because looking at it from the outside you are the source. It follows you because you feed it, it follows you because you own it, it follows you because you created it, it follows you because you need it. You speak of closure but really you want another swing. Another chance to taken it all and scramble it so others can’t have it. Another attempt to break what you can’t have. But now it feels like I’m on the other side of a train from you, because I’ll keep walking But you will stay behind trapped by this wreck waiting to happen And all the noise and commotion it makes won’t make me turn back around. Because I’m use to walking away from wreckage. (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-FKJxvn1-z/?igshid=1ll1hw92wh9g3

[fuzzypoems]

Today I am dysfunctional because: my mind is a lawless wasteland, my heart is a battlefield, and I’m Le tired. (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9uRHjSH4eR/?igshid=1fy1s0h7nfuwf

[fuzzypoems]

“Short and Sweet” (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9uQIAUn67H/?igshid=iasg20126ppy

[fuzzypoems]

Today I am dysfunctional because: you gotta ride the high until your wings melt my dude. (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9nCyEOHJpb/?igshid=1ijwn9wum6l52

[fuzzypoems]

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“Shot & Sweet” (at London, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9kqAl1nZFE/?igshid=1in46gqed5msa