fromtheroguesmouth

[fromtheroguesmouth]

Titty Pit

Boyfriend (randomly): Can I get a ball pit full of boobs? Like, remove all the balls from it and fill it up with detachable boobs.  Me: I have some concerns.  Boyfriend: No, no, you don’t understand. I just want to jump into a pile of boobs. Me: Like, silicone boobs? Because we can get you some silicone boobs to jump into.  Boyfriend: No, like real boobs but they’re detachable. So you can take your boobs off and put them in the pit. It’s a titty pit! Me: No.  Boyfriend: Fine...can I have a bouncy castle made of boobs?

[fromtheroguesmouth]

Overheard during my boyfriend’s D&D run

GM: There are two women walking toward you but because you’re wicked high, they just look like a walking pair of boobs.

Boyfriend: I attempt to grab the boobies. I’m high, I don’t know what I’m doing!

GM: The boobies are now running away...

[fromtheroguesmouth]

Open the Oyster

Me: I’m going to finish my coffee no matter what time it is. Boyfriend: You can do what you want. The world is your oyster. Me: Okay, but you’re the one dealing with me. Boyfriend: Oyster... Me: Just letting you know. Boyfriend: Dear, did you know that pearls come from oysters? The pearl is in the oyster. Do you open it?” Me: I don’t know, I’ll have to roll a d20. Boyfriend: Do you open it? Me: Yes. Boyfriend: You should have used Search first. It was booby-trapped.

[fromtheroguesmouth]

The Buttrockets Family Motto

After rolling 8 hits in Galaxy Defenders. Friend 1: Pops Buttrockets once told me ‘If you’re going to shoot something, shoot it a lot.’ I took that to heart.”

We call my character, the tank, Killzone Buttrockets. :)

[fromtheroguesmouth]

Overheard during “Galaxy Defenders”

Friend 1: Calm your tits. Friend 2: No! My tits are on fire! Friend 3: Flaming titty whistles...

[fromtheroguesmouth]

Never doubt the Wheel - Overheard during “7 Wonders”

Friend 1: What’s your new hobby? Friend 2: His new hobby is shaving skin flakes off his penis. Friend 1: -cringing- A thousand rabbis just woke up and said “what the fuck?!”

Friend 1: Can you get me a beer? Friend 2: Sure, what kind? Friend 3: Angry Dick Flakes. That’s his new favorite. Friend 1: Is Rhodes a new euphemism for butt-sex? “I want Rhodes, gimme Rhodes!” Friend 2: I’m a certified genius, I’m just completely incompetent. 

[fromtheroguesmouth]

Put up your Dukes - Overheard during “Coup”

Friend 1: I stab you with a knife. Friend 2: You stab me with a knife? Friend 1: Yes! Friend 2: I block it with a woman. Friend 1: I doubt it. Friend 2: -flipping over his car- Behold, my vagina!

[fromtheroguesmouth]

Can’t get enough freedom

Friend: ‘MERICA! Sorry, I was overcome with patriotism. 

[fromtheroguesmouth]

Maybe you don’t gotta catch ‘em all...

Friend, using Google: Things that look like vaginas...Pikachu, no!

[fromtheroguesmouth]

Go in the back room and turn off the lights. There will be sausage in there soon.

One friend to another

[fromtheroguesmouth]

I'm not a majestic sex stallion, I'm a majestic sex Snorlax. Hard to find, but really not worth it in the end.

[fromtheroguesmouth]

Powerful Stuff

Boyfriend: I want my music to give him a boner so hard that it knocks his house down!

[fromtheroguesmouth]

Killzone Buttrockets - Overheard during “Galaxy Defenders”

Friend 1: Killzone Buttrockets [my official Galaxy Defenders nickname] killed everything!

Friend 2: Buttrockets killed my family.

[fromtheroguesmouth]

One Secular Libation

���If the Blood of Christ were stout, I’d go to church.” 

[fromtheroguesmouth]

[fromtheroguesmouth]

Sheep for Wood - Overheard during Settlers of Catan

Friend 1: Uh..okay. Does anyone have wood?

Friend 2: I've got wood...about 7 inches.

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 Friend 1: -creating a penis out of Catan pieces- It looks more like a shovel than a penis.

Friend 2: That's okay, you look more like a penis than a person. I throw 3 sheep in the water and get wood!

Friend 1: You're sick.

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Friend: My dad used to always tell me that tits are like martinis. One is not enough, and three is too many.

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Friend 1: I'm putting a fat cock in your bed! Friend 2: There's always have a fat cock in my bed -points to crotch-

[fromtheroguesmouth]

Dat Nikola...

-Friend and I watching Tesla coils make Doctor Who music-

Friend: I’m going to masturbate right now.