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there are many benefits to being a marine biologist

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COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN!

It’s come to my attention that I’m broke, so here’s my new and improved commission info!

Feel free to DM if you are interested or have questions!

Reblogs very welcome :D

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oh to be a sleepy little cat on a windowsill, going "mrrp" as soon as im awoken

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[Image Description: A drawing of a shark. Its head is sticking up from the bottom of the image. Its mouth is mostly closed and it is looking up. There is a thought bubble to the right of its head. It says, “Ah. Fuck.” /.End ID]

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Anyone up for an OC fact swap?

Send me an ask with a fact about your OC and i’ll reply with a similar fact for mine

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Sharks live in salt water because pepper water would make them sneeze

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a concept: me, you, at an aquarium holding hands and looking at sea turtles

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what if we kimssed,,,

and we were both sharks

[image description: a picture taken from below two sharks resting on glass. the sharks are laying next to each other and facing opposite directions, with their heads on each others' fins. end description.]

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how do you get all the way through marine biology college or whatever and not realize the “sharks are smooth” guy is doing a bit

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tired: mermaids are all women

wired: much like elves, merfolk are mistaken by sailors for being all women because they have long hair and are very pretty

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Ah, to breathe water like air, and to be lying at the bottom of the sea where no one can touch me, surrounded by sharks as they are my companions, algae in my hair and salt in my lungs, but all in all to be truly at peace.

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guys listen

mermaids would have to be dark-skinned and chubby to survive in the ocean 

water isnt a great means of protecting oneself from the sun theyd have to be very dark if they were shallow mermaids and they didnt want to be constantly sunburnt and they may be paler if they lived deeper in the water but theyd have to be buff and/or chubby as hell to resist the water pressure and cold of the deep sea

what im saying is pale-ass white skinny mermaids are just unrealistic

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❝ There’s a reason nobody wears shoulder pads anymore. Just saying. ❞

“Yeah it’s because they’re cowards but I’m bringing them back!” 

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SENTENCE STARTERS | SHIT MY 100 YEAR OLD GREAT GRANDPA HAS SAID

for context : my great-grandfather turned 100 a couple of weeks ago , and he’s very happy about reaching triple figures ! since he’s so modern and knows what tumblr is , he wanted me to make a collection of his most quotable moments ! most of these were said whilst watching tv shows like masterchef or project runway ( esp. project runway, he used to be a tailor ! ) or playing ps3 games ( one of his new fave pastimes ) 

❝ You like mixing knits? So do the people at the retirement home up the road. ❞ ❝ Roses are red, violets are blue, it’s not blood orange, it’s red, fuck you! ❞ ❝ Darling, you can write a porno if you want to, as long as it’s better than Fifty Shades. ❞ ❝ If you can’t be a professional, at least you can try to dress like one. ❞ ❝ Since getting older, I’ve adopted a new “fuck you I’m fabulous” attitude. ❞ ❝ A glass of red wine a day keeps the grim reaper away! ❞ ❝ Oh my gosh! Did you shit on the food, or is that your idea of a sauce? ❞ ❝ That outfit looks fabulous, if you want to look like your waist fell. ❞ ❝ I’m very satisfied mustard has come back into fashion in 2018. Good choice world! ❞   ❝ If I was many years younger, I’d romance you. ❞ ❝ People think I’m insulted when they call me Sir, but I’m flattered. I never got knighted! ❞ ❝ Nobody has worn something that hideous since 1918. I should know, that’s when I was born. ❞ ❝ There are so many beautiful things in this world to get insurance on. ❞ ❝ When it comes to work, I’m a bit of a control freak…but who isn’t? ❞ ❝ What’s a man gotta do to get a glass of wine around here!? ❞ ❝ I’m this old and I can still take myself to the toilet. Life success! ❞ ❝ ____ is panflexible and nobody can tell me otherwise. ❞ ( ** HE MEANT PANSEXUAL LMAO ) ❝ I’m so cool, I use text speak. LOL: lights on loser. FML: find my leggings.❞ ❝ …There is only so much tackiness one human body can endure. ❞ ❝ I’m all for full body prints, but not when they make you look like you escaped the zoo. ❞ ❝ I saw a curvy model in the street the other day and now I wish I was 80 years younger. ❞   ❝ What’s with this cutout trend? Were you hungry and just ate your clothes? ❞ ❝ I survived a world war, yet I can never survive the grocery store. ❞ ❝ Chartreuse is a crime against fashion. If you ever wear it, I’ll pray for your descendants. ❞ ❝ There’s a reason nobody wears shoulder pads anymore. Just saying. ❞ ❝ Are you wearing silk chiffon? HELLO 2005!!!! ❞ ❝ If I want to eat a full tub of ice cream, I’ll eat a full tub of ice cream. Don’t judge me. ❞ ❝ An advantage of getting older: I can walk outside in pyjamas and not get judged. ❞ ❝ Wow. Blindness. What a plot twist that was. ❞ ❝ Why is it a thing that all mages just have to be sexy!? ❞ ❝ When it comes to weaponry, too big is never a bad thing. ❞ ❝ Everyone seems to be dropping like flies…It’s a little bit mad. ❞ ❝ I maxed out my two-handed weaponry skill. I am a man to be feared! ❞   ❝ You have about as much emotion as a tree trunk. In fact, that’s an insult to the tree trunk. ❞ ❝ “Let’s play with magic we don’t understand, it’ll make us incredibly powerful!” Dumbo! ❞ ❝ Oh look, it’s the president of Dorktopolis, capital of the Nerd Empire! ❞ ❝ In the wise words of my late father: “Fuck you, I was here first!” ❞ ❝ Don’t you have something better to do than trying to destroy the world? Take up baking, or knitting. Maybe poetry? ❞ ❝ Leather is the unsung hero of fashion. If I could live in leather, I would. ❞ ❝ Frozen pizza is the greatest invention our great planet has ever produced. ❞ ❝ Quinoa looks like tiny little bird poops. I’d rather eat my own shoe than eat that. ❞ ❝ Does my butt look big in this? ❞ ❝ HOW HAVE YOU ESCAPED MY CLUTCHES!? ❞ ❝ Of course I believe in evolution. How else would Bulbasaur become Venusaur!? DUH! ❞ ❝ What do you call someone who can’t move very fast? You! Hah! ❞ ❝ I just killed a dragon…I’M A FUCKING GOD AMONG MEN! ❞ ❝ Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I sold your weapon, so don’t kill me baby! ❞ ❝ There is no problem that cannot be overcome by force. ❞ ❝ Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training. I should know! ❞ ❝ You can overcome any adversary simply by having a tragic backstory. ❞ ❝ I let Beyonce dictate my life. If she would do something, then damn, I’m gonna do it too. ❞ ❝ Oh. My. God. It’s a motherfucking walk off. ❞ ❝ I would hang out with you Janice, but unfortunately, I’m a father. Duty calls. ❞ ❝ You know who doesn’t like me? People who suck. That’s right. ❞

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i love every cat in the entire world. every cat on the planet.

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if a boy doesn’t look a little bit slutty...if he doesn’t look a little bit like a harlot then i don’t want him

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Good Fuckin Tropes™

cryptid-kaz :

Characters realizing for the first time that their injury is going to scar horrifically 

character A: *reveals something shocking* - character B: okay - character A: why aren’t you freaking out - character B: it’s been a weird fucking day man

Characters having complete breakdowns after realizing they’re becoming one of/have always been one of the monsters their side is fighting 

Character going absolutely berserk and tearing the enemy apart after someone they care about is killed/injured 

Big menacing characters being absolute nerds and sweethearts 

On the flip side, tiny cute characters that will fuck you up 

Heroes realizing they can’t fight on their own, but can win with the Power of Friendship 

Character A: Yeah, I can’t make you do *thing,* but they can - character B: *smirks*

Character being ridiculously proud of their best friend and showing them off and cheering them on way more than necessary 

Character suddenly realizing they’ve been in love with their best friend for years in an “oh shit” moment 

“Remove your weapons” *removes weapons* “ALL your weapons” *removes even more weapons* “ALL OF THEM” *removes one more giant weapon that realistically couldn’t be hidden anywhere on the human body* 

Talking animals getting offended when humans assume they’re just dumb regular animals 

A group of characters that has no idea how to deal with a child getting saddled with having to take care of a kid 

Characters talking to their dead SO’s grave 

Sweet innocent characters that cuss like sailors 

Feel free to add on!