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So I thought. The angels must be better than g-d in so many ways. As they are perfect and good and evil and
Functional
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Heard the angels real loud. Signaling their danger, mimicking cicadas making love. A kind of false sense of security
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I think I'm just so bored today I've been off of social media for a bit now and only come back occasionally now. _
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I love women so much. I think about so.manybdiffernt types of women. Like women who drive giant trucks.
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my couch IS comfy I'm so comfy up here I'm so awake but I'm so positive I think. I love my friends I feel so good. Work is a work out. I think I'm getting endorphins I have a really hard time working out when physical exertion isn't mandatory. I can't mottivate enough to focus long enough to work out regularly and/or long enough to make a difference. Testosterone really helps. I have so much more hard muscle where there wasn't before. I love working. I hope I just get to keep working. I feel like I'm constantly joking and wishing I'm doing a good job so I xan keep just doing a job. That's normal. I like my work when it's solitary. I'm excited for this Friday bc Andy is gonna be on the register and I'll work the bar. I'm going to be so on it.
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Of the flesh - I
How far can I go to switch around these parts til you no longer recognize human anatomy
Can I make a dog out of a man
And make his skin still fit over filed down bones
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Tremors[1990]/any friday the 13th sequel [seen the original too many times and absolutely none of the sequels] doubl3 feature tonight. First half memorial tribute movie watch for late great older man who made me go awooga Fred ward. And of course friday the 13th
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OK breaking down my rough belief system as a combo of catholic and Jewish upbringing. Like a catholic I believe in hell [only a little bit], the devil [only a little bit], and demons [I fully believe in]. Then they way judaism treats G-d, angels, philosophy etc. I find I believe in more.
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just thinking about how my phone really does have the wealth of the worlds knowledge in it. like because of search engines like google and firefox. i watched a video that explained how google works via a connecting web of pages and can find not only websites but phrases, links and images etc this way through the system of following a web of pages. why am i not researching every second of everyday just because I can and I have questions. i should write down every question i think of to research later or even a minute later. i need to start writing down every thought i think ill remember in a minute. even more of a persuasion to carry around
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I feel like maybe I'm doing youth right bc I'm doing some damage to myself
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OK I am accepting that my eyes do look kind of crazy and orange or whatever. the lady who told me that we had the same eyes, I remember her eye color was pretty orange-brown. She told me that purple eyeshadow made her eyes look even more orange, she said she loved having weird/outstanding eyes. I love her because she talked to me even tho she could probably tell I was coming from the therapists office. this was a while ago. she made me feel even younger than the young I was. made me feel like she was a faerie from a story, like we shared a strange little secret.
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Why do I love brown tshirt lightwash blue jeans/jorts combo I can't resist it's so good but so boring. It's like. Goth in the summer implies that it's like being a cat with black fur that becomes bleached brown in the sun. It's a summery look
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to remember -- degree ideas
people often talk about getting a degree to learn a field they wont even go into. it just interests them. i want to study anthropology or history i think. i love to learn about cultures and other human things I would have a hard time learning if i didn't seek it out. that might be all learning. anyways. I could see myself "wasting" a degree in anthropology/history as well as some study in animal behavior. I would LOVE to study animal behavior. I can do population calculations. i can do math sometimes i just need formulas. how much math do i need for a minor in animal behavior??? I guess i'll only know if i go to school again.
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it's like. Am I neuerodivergent. Do I just have anxiety. Do I even have anxiety yes of course you do. Are depression and anxiety the thing making everything hard all the time always. No clue. Do I even have depression yes literally you do.
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