Text
big fan of when some edgelord isolates himself from the world hiding in his menacing magical castle, only for his future love interest to ram down the doors like YO BITCH! i live here now
34K notes
·
View notes
Text
"Ok, ma'am that'll be 226.03$."
I take my wallet out of my pocket and unfold it. It is empty other than a single moth that lazily flies out. The moth lands on the tap point of the card reader. There's a beat, and my payment is processed. The moth flies back into my wallet and I put it back in my pocket.
118K notes
·
View notes
Text
I submit to you that the most iconic feature of any animal is either unlikely or impossible to fossilize.
If all we had of wolves were their bones we would never guess that they howl.
If all we had of elephants were fossils with no living related species, we might infer some kind of proboscis but we’d never come up with those ears.
If all we had of chickens were bones, we wouldn’t know about their combs and wattles, or that roosters crow.
We wouldn’t know that lions have manes, or that zebras have stripes, or that peacocks have trains, that howler monkeys yell, that cats purr, that deer shed the velvet from their antlers, that caterpillars become butterflies, that spiders make webs, that chickadees say their name, that Canada geese are assholes, that orangutans are ginger, that dolphins echolocate, or that squid even existed.
My point here is that we don’t know anything about dinosaurs. If we saw one we would not recognize it. As my evidence I submit the above, along with the fact that it took us two centuries to realize they’d been all around us the whole time.
183K notes
·
View notes
Text
laptop overheating?? pour water on it to cool it down!
755K notes
·
View notes
Text
This is badass: Medieval Nubian Fashion Brought to Life. Click through to the link because there’s more replica clothing and it is all stunning!
28K notes
·
View notes
Text
HOBBES vs. TIGGER cage match TO THE DEATH say goodbye to your childhood because ONE! WILL!! DIE!!!!
59K notes
·
View notes
Text
Sauron: “I like your Silmarils”
Morgoth: “Thanks, I stole them from the president”
75K notes
·
View notes
Text
77K notes
·
View notes
Text
gay people can never say 'I love you' it's always gotta be some shit like "you are a wood-elf, anyway, though elves of any kind are strange folk. yet you comfort me. where you go, I will go," and "but you comfort me, gimli. i'm glad to have you standing nigh with your stout legs and your hard axe."
6K notes
·
View notes
Text
36K notes
·
View notes
Text
I love genuinely innocent “boys will be boys.” Just saw a guy come out of a frat house to poke a pair of jeans they’d left outside - they were frozen solid, and as soon as he confirmed that, like twenty more boys came rushing out of the house going “YOOOOOOOOOO”
476K notes
·
View notes
Text
wirt from otgw really is one of the best written teenage characters ever i think. like. he's 15-16-ish and wants people to take him seriously SO badly, but he also struggles to take responsibility for most things. he's dripping with anxiety. he overcomplicates everything in his mind but sometimes he has lapses of impulse. he can be surprisingly blunt when he's angry. he can't help but hate his little half-brother (and stepdad) out of spite and it takes both of them nearly dying for him to start working through those feelings. he's really creative but he keeps his interests in poetry and the clarinet a secret because he thinks it's fucking embarrassing. he reads real estate magazines and knows a lot about architecture and interior design, which is such a random little detail but i love it. he's self-conscious and lowkey suicidial and always assumes the worst in other people's view of him, but BASICALLY EVERYONE BACK HOME LIKES HIM, including the girl he has a massive crush on, and he just can't see it because he never makes an effort to reach out. every minor stepback feels like the end of the world to him. he has no idea who he is or what he wants.
9K notes
·
View notes
Text
if they put me in a big pot of soup i would be fine.
74K notes
·
View notes
Text
so important for every character to be an idiot, but each in their own unique beautiful way
15K notes
·
View notes
Text
imagine how much more fucked up the history of the world would be if eating someone's brains reliably conferred on you their memory and knowledge
34K notes
·
View notes