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fourlium · 3 years ago

Text

Blink

I wrote this with the idea in my mind that we may all have been a Kang Sol A once in our lives. And that is not a bad thing. We may all have felt that we were only there to shine the light for the chosen ones or for the “bright”. You see, we all are equally-flawed. And that is, if that characteristic is even a flaw. But to set the point straight, we fill each other’s gaps. And to have someone like Sol A in our lives is to have another reason to brave tomorrow. So I may as well be a Kang Sol A, then.

This was inspired by back number’s song Mabataki or ‘Blink’ – which I cannot put into words how much I love. A part of this writing is my interpretation of the song itself, materialized through that of Sol A and Joonhwi’s being.

For you who have been hard on yourself. You are needed. You are loved.

Sol A and Joonhwi had just finished their Criminal Code class and the two is now heading to the legal clinic to help Professor Kim for another case.

“You think this will be another defamation case?”, Sol A asked the bright-eyed boy walking beside her.

Joonhwi flashes a teasing smile at Sol A proceeding to say, “I don’t think so. But if that’s the case I guess you won’t need me anymore since you are a master in that.”

Sol A stopped at her tracks and stared at the guy for 5 seconds or so and rolled her eyes at him before marching, heavily at that, towards the door of the legal clinic. A confused Joonhwi followed and hurriedly sat beside the sulking Sol A.

“What now? Why the long face?”

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

“What did I do wrong now?”, Joonhwi paused, and with a realization, scooted closer to Sol A.

“Were you upset because of what I said earlier? It was a compliment, okay? All good, all genuine. I believe in you, you know that.”

After what seems to be Joonhwi’s main defense in court, Sol A just remained silent. She stood up from her seat after a while and began to walk back and forth the space as if thinking hard about something. After what feels like an eternity for Joonhwi, the girl finally spoke her mind.

“I’m sorry. I admit that it was about that. It is just that I’ve been stressed for the past few days, and I must have projected my pain on you. I’m sorry, Joonhwi-yah. And thank you for believing in me,” Sol A said in her most sincere, albeit nervous, self. With Sol A’s confession followed another silence that was composed of tension- from Sol A’s end- and soul-searching stares from the boy sitting in front of her.

“It’s okay. It’s alright. I know you’re working on it, and I understand. Thank you for being honest with me.”

And after a mutual understanding through their eyes that seems to be a secret code for only the two of them, all is well yet again.

The two now is seated closer than before from each other while both of them stares at the clock that seems to be ticking at a slower pace than normal. Sol A eventually sighed, turning her head towards Joonwhi who was already looking at her.

“Do you want to listen to a song? I guess Professor Kim is taking time because of the traffic,” Joonhwi suggested while fumbling at his pants' pockets to grab his phone. Sol A then offered her earphones and all is set. Joonhwi insisted to pick the first song this time, contrary to him letting Sol A choose first whenever they are in this situation.

Happiness isn't the repeating cycle of night turning into

The bright morning as the stars fall

Rather, it's holding an umbrella for a special someone

As the rain falls on them

The song starts with the vocalist’s cool voice, yet Sol A felt warmth. Maybe it’s from the lyrics of the song transcending language barriers making her understand the Japanese words or maybe it was in the way Joonhwi’s hand made its way towards hers, softly linking their fingers together, which brings comfort in her stead.

It’s fine if there’s no answer

As to why we’re alive

As long as you want to protect

The person you want to see and the things you need

Without pushing myself and being humble

Just like this, if I were

To sing these dear feelings

The song went on the first verse after what seemed to be a magical instrumental. Sol A, although hesitant at first, clasped her hands tightly with Joonhwi’s. And then there was magic.

Happiness isn't the repeating cycle of night turning into

The bright morning as the stars fall

Rather, it's holding an umbrella for a special someone

As the rain falls on them

It’s not something you can find by refusing to blink

Or straining your eyes

So stay by my side

Joonhwi was silent but a knowing smile was apparent on his face after the verse finished. It is as if he’s learned the meaning of the song after a week of just this very song playing whenever he listens to music. Maybe he did search up the translation and understood it from there. Or maybe he understood it because of Sol A. Maybe it was because he found the personification of the song in the person his hands are clasped with now. Scratch that ‘maybe’. This time he was certain.

I couldn’t become a person who lived for their dream

A person who diverted away from the right path

A person who was used for someone else’s sake

Or a person who lived for themselves

But it’s just that today again,

I thought that maybe someone will think I’m needed

After what felt like hours, the song went to the bridge and right there and then Joonhwi pressed Sol A’s hands, conveying what it seems like his version of comfort and confession.

Happiness isn't the repeating cycle of night turning into

The bright morning as the stars fall

Rather, it's holding an umbrella for a special someone

As the rain falls on them

The me who’s perplexed upon finding yet another weakness

But is that even possible

In the place where I find my eyes closed

Sol A yawned, the song pulling her into a deep slumber. It was at this moment where she decided to place her head on Joonhwi’s shoulder. The song hits it closing verse at the same time Sol A’s eyes finally gave in to sleep.

To be honest with you, this was not a spur-of-the-moment decision by Joonhwi. He was planning to confess after all. And maybe in that plan was once a plan that included him singing a song for Sol A. But then the great second round judicial passer decided against it. His reasoning composed of Sol A laughing at him, his average voice, or him not having the guts to do it in front of someone like her. Yet again, it seems like fate was in his defense and the girl beside him just fell asleep before the song ends. And so, in quiet hums to the melody and quiet hushes to not wake up Sol A, Joonhwi sang along to the closing verse of the song.

Happiness isn't the repeating cycle of night turning into

The bright morning as the stars fall

Rather, it's holding an umbrella for a special someone

As the rain falls on them

And then before I realized,

I was the one that was being protected

Always,

I want you to always be by my side

Even when my eyes are opened, even when my eyes are closed

As the song comes to a close, the door opened revealing the much-awaited Professor Kim. She took a glance at the bodies that occupy the room and found herself smiling at the sight. As much as she wants her students to rest, there is a call for work and at that realization, she decided to make her presence known.

“I don’t want to take away the moment from the both of you, but our client is waiting in the hall right now.”

At the sound of Professor Kim’s voice, a surprised Joonhwi shuffled in his seat, waking up the tired Sol A in his arms.

Pause.

The two of them looked at each other’s eyes, still surprised, realizing that break is over. Yes, they were surprised. Or maybe this is the only reason they are forced to think, for their heartbeats were at high.

After the session was over, Professor Kim accompanied the client outside after reminding Joonhwi and Sol A to discard the trash that was left from the snacks before exiting the room. And so, they went to clean and arrange the files for the next consultation.

“The song earlier. What was the title of it?”

“It’s Mabataki by back number. I can send you the link if you want to.”

“Go on. I really liked the melody and somehow the lyrics spoke to me. Huh, am I being sentimental again? I thought that was the alcohol speaking for a moment,” Sol A joked.

“Nah. As if there’s alcohol in your system. It’s just you. Also, Kang sol,” Joonhwi says but pauses mid-sentence.

“Why? What’s up?”

“Never mind. I’ll just chat you later.”

“Yah! Han Joonhwi!”

The two of them had just finished cleaning and went on separate ways back to their dorm to catch some rest. Sol A proceeded to take a quick bath to ease the tiredness away. After the refreshing bath, Sol A was determined to sleep not until a text popped up.

Kang Sol.

Yah, are you there?

Here’s the link of the song https://open.spotify.com/track/7hIfpcdUZcyCKHYy8gp49E?si=095d6e0abb584ce4

Also, you may want to check the translation to satisfy the ‘sentimental’ in you. Haha. Kidding. But for real, check it out.

한준휘 is typing…

“What’s with him now?”, Sol A ponders as the time wastes away waiting for Joonhwi to send her the following texts.

What happened earlier was certain to me.

I had planned to confess before, but I can’t seem to find the words so when I found out about this song and immediately thought of you, it hit me. I was so sure at that moment.

I’m not really good with words so I find it comforting to have someone who understands me just by looking at my eyes. Uhh, I don’t know. I’m just rambling at this point.

Read the lyrics.

More than my confession today, I want you to remember the lyrics.

Good night, Kang Sol.

Just when Sol A thought this was the end of his ‘rambles’ as he declared, another text pops up.

Remember the lyrics. Uhh, especially the last part where you decided earlier to sleep at. Haha.

Just so you know.

Because you’ve given me all that.

Sol A can’t seem to wrap her head around it. She was aware of what happened earlier, of how Joonhwi’s hands searched for hers, how he pressed it three times – yes, three times – and how she fell asleep to his voice. And she cannot also seem to find the words for what happened.

More than my confession today, I want you to remember the lyrics.

So she did. And right there and then, she understood everything.

That it is perfectly normal to fail because there is grace.

That happiness is sheltering the person you care for from the rain under a shared umbrella.

And more importantly – that forcing yourself to see will not bear the right answer, and that closing your eyes is not a loss.

It’s in the blink.

It’s everything in between.

It’s everything that’s in front of you right now.

Closing notes:

I don’t really know if I made sense, but this was just a spontaneous entry without any storyline or whatnot. It’s actually my first time in years to write another entry with dialogues. So please bear with me at that. And I sure write for therapy and as a hobby. Although that may be the case, I will still be perfectly happy to hear your thoughts! All mistakes are mine. All song translation is credited to: https://lyricstranslate.com/en/mabataki-blink.html & https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/back-number/Mabataki/translation/english

All my appreciation to back number for letting me, and now us, to hear this song.

Just as Law School and Kang Sol A gave me the strength and motivation to write again (and believe in myself again), I hope that the message of this entry will come across like that to you as well.

Thank you so much for taking your time to read.

Just keep blinking.

-fourlium

#law school kdrama #han joon hwi #kang sol a #solhwi #joonsola

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