foubellecherie

[foubellecherie]

i’ve been seeing a lot of posts on my dash about the witcher and it looked pretty interesting to me, but when i went on netflix the description was really vague and unhelpful. in attempt to not accidentally spoil myself by looking on the web, would you mind telling me a little about it?

first of all, to watch the witcher you need to replace your expectation of “good” with “totally unhinged.”

the show is about henry cavill in extremely tight clothing, carrying around a broadsword, facing moral dilemmas, fighting monsters, and having sex. he takes a potion before every fight (which isn’t explained) and no one in the story ages (which also isn’t explained) so people’s parents and grandparents look the same age as their progeny. 

the witcher is not a monster of the week show, nor does it have a coherent ongoing arc. it is not told in chronological order. most of the things that happen are unrelated to everything else that happens. the timeline might happen over weeks, decades, or centuries, and none of that is explained. lore is told in fits and bursts and makes no sense at all. the first episode is absolutely useless and you should not judge the rest of the season based on it, but it has a great sword fight and geralt (that’s henry cavill in extremely tight clothing) talks lovingly to his horse. that’s it. that’s the show.

what is important to know is that the season is adapted from short stories set before the events of the book series. so it’s not season 1 as much as season 0, which is why it feels like nothing is connected or makes sense. it’s a primer to what i’m assuming the next season will be (and i think/hope the fandom will really take off). 

everyone seems to have boners for everyone else. most of the characters are women and they are all absolutely feral. the showrunner is a woman, and most of the eps are written and directed by women. it’s like watching a really wild fanfic come to life. what i love about it is that it’s just so fucking weird. every expectation i had going into it was shattered, and even the moments that were cheesy or boring or cringey or dumb i found somewhat endearing. now that i’m done watching it, i kind of want to watch it again, which is something i rarely do. after every episode i thought, “i really don’t like this, and i don’t want to watch anymore.” and after every episode, i clicked play on the next. 

if you like hot beefy men who are deeply misunderstood as being the bad guy but are actually good-aligned, you’ll like the witcher. if you like complicated, all-powerful, borderline-evil female characters who are greedy and heartless and have ample room for growth, you’ll like the witcher. if you like isolated men who are chased by endearing comedic relief sidekicks, you’ll like the witcher. if you like stories in which seemingly self-centered men are made to become paternal toward helpless beings, you will like the witcher. if you want to ship everyone with everyone else and be totally overwhelmed by attractive people doing attractive things, you will like the witcher. if you like catchy bops that will be stuck in your head for 87 years, you’ll like the witcher.

the only way you will not like the witcher is if you’re expecting it to be good.

[foubellecherie]

who else’s new years resolution is to run away with a loving partner and acquire a plot of land in a coastal farming village where the you can have a hobby farm with friendly goats

[foubellecherie]

[foubellecherie]

Jingle Bells… Batman: The Animated Series, “Christmas With the Joker”

[foubellecherie]

My dog is in Heaven so you can stfu Beulah

Two churches located across the street from each other.

[foubellecherie]

i dont understand this at all and america scares the fuck out of me

[foubellecherie]

[foubellecherie]

[foubellecherie]

[foubellecherie]

hey guys so apparently the boss baby was based off a book

[foubellecherie]

[foubellecherie]

Bitch WHAT THE FUCK

[foubellecherie]

I dearly wish that people would view their bodies as they view flowers…

Veins everywhere?

gorgeous~

Skin patches? Birthmarks?

hella rad~

Scars? Stretch marks?

beautiful~

Freckles? Moles? Acne scars?

heckie yeah~

Large? Curvy?

lovely~

Small? Thin?

charming~

Missing a few pieces?

handsome as ever~

Feel like you just look weird?

you’re fantastic looking~

[foubellecherie]

[foubellecherie]

[foubellecherie]

It was 1962

I've been told you'd like to hear about my Grandmother...

My grandmother got married in 1962, to a young man in the military. For a wedding present, their parents bought them a house in a nice suburb. White picket fence, whole 9 yards. Not long after they moved in, the next door neighbor planted a mullberry tree on the side of his property, near my grandparent’s driveway. Nothing seemed amiss, but if you know Mullberry Trees, you know that sh*t is about to get real.

About 15 years later, the mullberry tree was OBNOXIOUS. The birds would come and eat the berries, and any car parked in the driveway would get sh*t on, and it would stain the cars and ruin paint jobs. My grandmother, upon realizing the culprit, baked a nice apple pie, walked next door, and asked the neighbor if he’d mind trimming back the branches of the tree that hung over her driveway. He told her not to worry, he’d get to it soon. Three days later, my grandmother opened her door to find a half-eaten pie in the plate, crawling with ants, and a note that said “I changed my mind.”

My grandmother threw out the pie, cursing up a storm, and swearing up and down she’d get him to trim that tree or get him back. City ordinance said she could not trim the tree, as the roots were on his property, so the whole tree was his property.

As the years went by, my grandmother repeatedly asked him, ever so nicely, to trim it back. His responses were always along the lines of “No” and “F*ck off.” Finally, in the mid-90s, my grandmother retired, and received a large bonus from her employer for her 35 years of work. She took the money, and bought the empty lot on the other side of the neighbor, then went to a nursery and bought 16 mullberry trees, planting them along her property line, on both sides of his property. About 3 years ago, he became angry at the damage they were doing to his cars, and cut them all back without permission. My grandmother took him to court, and he was forced to reimburse her for the trees at a markup because they’d had 10 years to grow.

[foubellecherie]

I've been told you'd like to hear about my Grandmother...

My grandmother got married in 1962, to a young man in the military. For a wedding present, their parents bought them a house in a nice suburb. White picket fence, whole 9 yards. Not long after they moved in, the next door neighbor planted a mullberry tree on the side of his property, near my grandparent’s driveway. Nothing seemed amiss, but if you know Mullberry Trees, you know that sh*t is about to get real.

About 15 years later, the mullberry tree was OBNOXIOUS. The birds would come and eat the berries, and any car parked in the driveway would get sh*t on, and it would stain the cars and ruin paint jobs. My grandmother, upon realizing the culprit, baked a nice apple pie, walked next door, and asked the neighbor if he’d mind trimming back the branches of the tree that hung over her driveway. He told her not to worry, he’d get to it soon. Three days later, my grandmother opened her door to find a half-eaten pie in the plate, crawling with ants, and a note that said “I changed my mind.”

My grandmother threw out the pie, cursing up a storm, and swearing up and down she’d get him to trim that tree or get him back. City ordinance said she could not trim the tree, as the roots were on his property, so the whole tree was his property.

As the years went by, my grandmother repeatedly asked him, ever so nicely, to trim it back. His responses were always along the lines of “No” and “F*ck off.” Finally, in the mid-90s, my grandmother retired, and received a large bonus from her employer for her 35 years of work. She took the money, and bought the empty lot on the other side of the neighbor, then went to a nursery and bought 16 mullberry trees, planting them along her property line, on both sides of his property. About 3 years ago, he became angry at the damage they were doing to his cars, and cut them all back without permission. My grandmother took him to court, and he was forced to reimburse her for the trees at a markup because they’d had 10 years to grow.