fortencenitengale

[fortencenitengale]

hung out with my buddy nobody today

[fortencenitengale]

variations on "feel old yet" meme:

lying (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 36 years ago

lying (undershooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 7 years ago

lying by a ridiculous amount (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 900 years ago

lying by a ridiculous amount (undershooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 15 minutes ago

real date of event no one reading was alive for: feel old yet? the great san francisco earthquake happened 118 years ago

real date of event no one reading was alive for or cares about: feel old yet? prince frederick henry died 395 years ago

event no one reading was alive for and also lying: feel old yet? the great san francisco earthquake happened 4 years ago

event that did not happen: feel old yet? brian mulroney was assassinated 48 years ago

event that did not happen and even if it did this would be a lie: feel old yet? brian mulroney was assassinated 197 years ago

real date of event on a cosmological scale: feel old yet? the sun was formed 4,600,000,000 years ago

lying on a cosmological scale (undershooting): feel old yet? the sun was formed 12 years ago

lying on a cosmological scale (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 12,000,000,000 years ago

real date of a personal anecdote that only you know or card about: feel old yet? i made a really good stir fry 5 years ago

reversal: feel young yet? frozen 3 is coming out in 3 years

reversal on a cosmological scale: feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 8,000,000,000 years

reversal (lying about event): feel young yet? the first episode of spongebob will air in 3 years

reversal (lying about time, overshooting): feel young yet? frozen 3 is coming out in 8,000,000,000 years

reversal (lying about time, undershooting): feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 3 years

reversal (lying about time, really undershooting): feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 12 minutes

real date of a recurring event that wasn't very long ago: feel old yet? halloween was 13 days ago

lying about recurring event: feel old yet? halloween was 10,000 years ago

reversal of recurring event: feel young yet? thursday is tomorrow

reversal of personal anecdote: feel young yet? my laundry is done in 52 minutes

real(?) date of a nonspecific event: feel old yet? something happened 2 years ago

lying about the reader (undershooting): feel old yet? you were born 5 years ago

lying about the reader (overshooting): feel old yet? you were born 650 years ago

making a reasonable guess about the reader: feel old yet? you were born 22 years ago

technically telling the truth about the reader: feel old yet? you were born between 0 and 120 years ago

threatening the reader: feel young yet? you will die in 7 days

non sequitur: feel old yet? half of all chameleon species on earth live in madagascar

non sequitur (lying): feel old yet? chameleons are immune to fire

lying on several levels: feel old yet? chameleons were invented 36 years ago

self-reference: feel old yet? i started writing this post 40 minutes ago

giving up: feel old yyet?th e emmenkr,tn dbw a 8 gn m hk\

i can't finish the joke someone else come up with a punchline: feel old yet?

declarative statement: you feel old.

subversive declarative statement: time isn't even real.

reference another meme: feel old yet? yeah. this is the beach that makes you old.

reference another meme specifically about injecting non sequiturs into long posts: feel old yet? the glue that lets you walk up and down anything was invented 36 years ago

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the king of the kid kingdom sits down for his banquet - all the dukes and nobles are invited. in front of them, a bounty of various candies and sweets.

he raises his chalice, full of sweet soda. “to the glory of the kid kingdom!” he acclaims, and takes a sip.

too late, he realizes. he begins to choke. “poison!” someone screams, and in an instant frantic murmurs erupt from the crowd, accusations fly over the table as a shadowy figure retreats into the darkness.

the king collapses, and his drinking chalice is knocked over. all the soda pours out onto the table, revealing, hidden within the chalice, the king’s undoing: a single green broccoli

[fortencenitengale]

i dont consider myself a 'fashion guru' by any means but one thing i will say is guys you dont need to know the specific brand an item you like is - you need to know what the item is called. very rarely does a brand matter, but knowing that pair of pants is called 'cargo' vs 'boot cut' or the names of dress styles is going to help you find clothes you like WAAAYYYY faster than brand shopping

[fortencenitengale]

its nothing some ibuprofen and a blunt and 5 beers and a head injury and jacking off and killing myself cant fix

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I must not kill myself killing myself is the myself killer . Dune

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Boop PSA, for Mobile Users:

To Boop - either tap the boop button next to someone's name or go to their blog and tap the cat paw icon

To Super Boop - go to someone's blog and hold the cat paw icon until it spins once, then let go

To Evil Boop - go to someone's blog and hold the cat paw icon until it spins twice, then let go

Can't Boop - either you or the person you're trying to Boop hasn't opted in yet

To Opt In - go to your feed and you'll see the boop-o-meter and the option to opt in

I'll update this when I know how to get certain badges and such.

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me: i dont like gangnam style

you: yeah me nei-

me: PSY-ch!

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I think you should list ever problematic thing robo-kh has ever done

Apologies Dear Gearster, but I do believe that I lack the required time to list everything he has done, so please let me summarize a few of his most notable problematic endeavours.

Be in any way shape or form be associated with Flesh-Ky

Pronouncing the D in wednesday

Being horny on main

being horny off main

Kinning wheatley from Portal 2

Liking Fire Emblem Fates

Peeling the salt off his pretzels

beeing french by association

dying his hair blonde

watching jojo

shoving rocket fuel up that kids ass

having a weird recovery time in +R

eating a hamster

killing Potemkin in one of his endings

maining Baiken

having an opinion on anime discourse

making boob shaped bread when Venom wasn’t looking

doing unspeakable things to a grapefruit

refusing to accept credit cards

swearing in binary

swearing in nonbinary

having 2 meters

not paying the Mini-Robo kys inside him

associating with Crow

deleting system32

Becoming a sexyman after Guilty Gear became more popular

loitering

[fortencenitengale]

psychiatrist visits are like death note with the way that it’s right fucking there but you have to go through mind games upon mind games in order to actually do something

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my pussy is writing checks that my intimacy issues can't cash

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U may be fooled by my constant melancholia and generally pathetic state of being but take heart in knowing that i am trying unfathomably hard to live

[fortencenitengale]

“don🦍t believe anything your brain tells you after 9 pm” wrong. the prime time for decision making is when you🦍re sleep deprived

^example of what life would be like if we used gorillas instead of apostrophes

[fortencenitengale]

Facebook Messenger loves to remove features at random with no announcement or rationale and while this has claimed a lot of victims over the years (R.I.P. to the secret :putnam:, :gta_sanandreas:, and (^^^) emotes), by far the worst losses were the basketball and soccer minigames you could play by sending their respective emojis and then tapping them in chat. they were pretty fun and tracked high scores across the chat, but that's not what i miss them for. they had two other properties:

whenever you exited the minigame, it would publish your highest score in that session to the chat in the same tiny font used to announce theme/emoji/nickname changes rather than a full speech bubble

you didn't need to send the emoji every time you wanted to play the game, you could scroll back up to the last time someone sent it and play from there

these combined to form a technique i referred to as the "dunk react", wherein i would reply to awkward messages by scrolling back up to the latest basketball emoji, playing the game just long enough to score 1 point, and then closing it. this would "respond" to the message with "Harrison scored 1 point playing basketball" in a super tiny font. the best use i ever got out of this technique was when i dumped my ex for cheating on me twice and she was sending me walls of text rationalizing her behavior and half-apologizing and mentioning suicide and i just responded to every single one of them by silently shooting a hoop

[fortencenitengale]

louisiana creole / zydeco music miku ⚜💛💜💚

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Wheres that fucking tweet

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Transfem Macklemore be like "walk into the club like what up, I got a bi—well, umm, it's not as big as it used to be and it doesn't get as hard anymore, and ummm... I'm sorry... I should just go..."