forget-her-somehow

[forget-her-somehow]

Dear M,

I'm yet again, at the lowest point of my life and self isolated long enough I want to dig through the walls just to reach you. My soul has been aching for a long time and nothing could sooth it like you do. It's cold, and it hurts. And I wish I could hold you for warmth. You're the only one who knows how to fix this I think.

I don't know if I'm regretting the decision to let you go, but I do wish that you'd reach out to me. I miss you so much but I'm not sure if I can be normal around you. I don't think I could pretend and keep my feelings under wrap, be it my anger towards your nonchalance, my sadness for what we once had, or my lingering affection for your adorable quirks.

I dreamt of you again today. Not sure if I was happy to see you but I did woke up with racing heart because I didn't want to face you. I still wonder what would happen if I saw it through. And I still wonder what would happen if I didn't reject the last hug that you offered.

I think I'm still yours, unfortunately. It just feels wrong to even think about being with anyone else. I think my future lifespan has shortened considerably after you left, even now I'm just in the process of giving up. I must sound so pathetic right? I hope you're not like me. I hope you live longer and happier than me. I love you.

[forget-her-somehow]

good things will happen 🧿

things that are meant to be will fall into place 🧿

[forget-her-somehow]

Man I just wanna belong to someone :'(

[forget-her-somehow]

I'm so grateful that I got my heartbroken by you

At least in the last moment I know that you meant to let me down gently

Instead of having me come crashing down like a glass vase falling from a pedestal

I'm so grateful that you let me practice to live in your absence

At least it doesn't feel too different when you're not around after you left

Instead of having to adjust to the sharp pain, you were just a dull, numb ache

I'm so grateful that I never have to see you again after you left

At least I don't have to witness how you're unaffected by our ending

Instead of having to pretend that I'm not wandering between stages of grief

[forget-her-somehow]

I am so in love with the way my heart is still beating for me

I am so in love with the way my blood travels far and long for me

I am so in love with the way my appetite is keeping me alive

I am so in love with the way my voice sounds so sweet when I speak kind words

I am so in love with the way my legs are still bringing me to places

I am so in love with the way my hands feel when they touch my skin

I am so in love with the way my rational thinking keeps me safe at all times

I am so in love with the way my emotional feelings remind me that I'm not numb

I am so in love that my soul is still kind and gentle despite what I've gone through

[forget-her-somehow]

The questions of ‘why are you with me?’ Finally have answers.

I’m not anymore.

Well- in a sense. Marriage and dating is off the cards, and with that, the obligation to stay just for reciprocated affection and familiarity.

In the events of a breakup, it is now much easier to leave if we wanted. Never speak again, go our separate ways and stop existing to each other.

But- we’re here.

‘Why are you with me’ is much more relevant now. The spark has diminished so why are you here? Why am I?

Because the part of my life with you in it hasn’t finished yet. Because we haven’t seen that movie. Because I still care about you absolutely for being the person you are. I don’t need a kiss to remember why I’m still here, I’m with you still because you were never just a partner to me, but a friend.

You don’t have to keep asking, just, follow me and let’s go get coffee again.

[forget-her-somehow]

Found this song on my birthday and it was too close to home lol

[forget-her-somehow]

It's been three months

Why are you still the first person I thought of when I need to be comforted and to be tormented

Why are the remnants of love you left me with still make me crave for more of it yet I want to reject it if it comes in a different form

Why are you still the reason I'm a Schrodinger's cat

Why are you still haunting me when I'm already repenting from you

Do I need a great amount of hatred towards you so I could feel apathy next

Do you still think of me when I try to forget you, do you still try to forget me when I think of you

Can I ask for you back so you could push me away again

Can you please fix me and break my heart again

[forget-her-somehow]

When I read again of what I wrote, I think to myself, "what are you on about?"

[forget-her-somehow]

1)

Two is a company

Three is a crowd

What if there's only

Two of us in a crowd?

I'm readily present,

Yet you're always so absent,

No one to blame here

Other than two people being two different persons

You say your friends are not so kind

Feels like you come to me for comfort

Just to feel good for yourself

What about me,

Can't I want you for more than a chat?

Talk to me baby, tell me why

Since when that we went from

Lovers to fair weathered friends?

Two is a company

Three is a crowd

Sometimes life just gets in between us

Sometimes it's just me

2)

I had to take off my shirt to talk to you

Bare bone vulnerability

It started with gentle sensuality

Kisses to stop the tears

Coy invitation to leave our clothes

In my closet with the skeleton

I have to take off my shirt to talk to you

Thinly veiled mystery

Left behind crude flesh and carnality

In a way to make you stay

After what's left of us in night time haze

For another minute so we could talk

3)

I wake up wishing that I could bring myself to the garden

Touch the grass and see the flowers

Feel the morning breeze and warm sunlight

Because I miss how you made me feel like early spring back in 2018

Hear the flowing water from the fountain

Drink the bittersweet black coffee that oddly reminds me of you

Feel the pebble in my shoes, sometimes sharp sometimes blunt

Like how you left me on a bed of roses

That you forgot to pluck out the thorns

See the sunlight that shines down the canopy of trees

Their branches just shy of touching each other

Did they fight? Could they reconcile?

Are their roots still entangled like we are?

When I see the critters running around

What blissful life they live and love and create

How beautiful it is to have a simple life, with simple purpose of just to live

I know I know, you're trying so hard and I'll try to be fair

But sometimes the robin doesn't ask for the sweetness from the berries but your warmth instead

4)

Kissed me, not my lips but my nose

Touched me, not my thighs but my heart

Braided my hair with your fingers instead of tugging it

Drew circles on my palm instead on my waist

Rubbed my tummy, told me how soft it is

And how soft I make you feel

Called me names, the same names that I called you

In the four chambers of my heart and the one that we both share

Tried to be tender though it's not your nature

Stumbling through your words though your action speaks louder

The warm water running on the bath tub

Fresh towels and laundry fold

Heard you sing while you made me food

I wondered if I asked too much from you, but you assured me saying

You wanna make my sleep a sweet little death

So I don't have to worry about living

5)

I want to carve out sweet little hearts from my calves, ruby red flesh dripping crimson red blood, I'll tell you there's no way I could leave you now, tell you I'm part of your system now

I want to shove my heart down your throat since wearing it on my sleeve is not enough, I need to you to feel, no taste, just how sweet my love for you is