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forever-atiny · 1 day

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💎🍊Without you, I’m so lonely

Title from Darl+ing (SEVENTEEN)

Summary: Seungkwan is stricken down by the flu during the Follow Tour in Japan. Jeonghan takes care of him but Seungkwan misses Seungcheol.

CW: emeto

Sickie: Seungkwan Caretaker: Jeonghan + S.Coups/Seungcheol + Woozi/Jihoon

Seungkwan groaned as the light was flipped on, attacking his retinas, and turned onto his side to bury his face in the pillow. It barely helped and, even worse, with how stuffed his nose was he only held out that position for another few seconds until he had to turn back onto his back before he suffocated. Despite having his eyes pressed shut, it was too bright.

The bed dipped beside him and a soft hand brushed his hair away from his forehead.

“How are you feeling, darling?”, Jeonghan asked genty, his voice barely above a whisper, yet it hurt Seungkwan’s head.

“Amazing, hyung. Truly amazing”, Seungkwan said through gritted teeth, immediately feeling bad for snapping at the older. Jeonghan, as promised, had come back early from the team dinner - he hadn’t even planned to go to once he had realized how sick Seungkwan was - to check on him. It wasn’t fair of the younger vocalist to be snippy or cold towards him. He was just so frustrated. They had just finished three amazing nearly back-to-back concerts in Nagoya and, instead of celebrating with the rest of the team in Osaka where they were set to perform in a few days’ time, he was trapped in bed.

Feverish.

His head pounding.

Nose stuffed and running simultaneously.

A rough cough making his throat and chest hurt.

Nausea burning in his stomach.

Exhausted.

Sweaty.

“Sorry”, he whispered, coughing slightly, and opened his eyes, “I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful or be rude. I’m just … well, cranky, I guess. I don’t wanna be sick.”

Jeonghan just shushed him, placing his cold hands against Seungkwan’s burning cheeks. Despite his whole body freezing, his face was hot. That was the fever, probably. The touch felt heavenly and he sighed.

“I know, Kwannie. I’m sorry you’re feeling so terrible”, his hyung replied. “Did you take your meds?”

Seungkwan nodded. “I took the meds”, he rasped, coughing again. “I tried to sleep too but I couldn’t. I talked to Coups-hyung on the phone for a bit but he had to leave pretty soon… I really don’t feel good.”

“Oh, Kwannie”, Jeonghan cooed. It should have been awkward, Seungkwan supposed. He was a grown man after all, hell he was closer to thirty than to twenty by now. Yet, with Jeonghan, somehow, it wasn’t weird at all. He just had those parent vibes that not only Carats joked about. And Seungkwan really needed his hyung right now. “Is there anything I can do to help you? Do you wanna cuddle? Maybe it will help you sleep and even …”

He didn’t even need to finish his sentence for Seungkwan to agree. “Please, hyungie”, he whispered, desperate for something he couldn’t describe in his voice. “I …”

“I got you, darling”, Jeonghan shushed him, climbing under the blankets with him. It must have been his plan all along, Seungkwan realized then, because Jeonghan was already wearing sleeping clothes. He knew Seungkwan would never tolerate somebody entering his bed in street clothes. Though he might have made an exception for his hyung in this situation.

As soon as Jeonghan was settled under the covers, Seungkwan buried himself in his chest, shivering as he finally felt a bit warmer. Jeonghan wrapped his arms around Seungkwan and entangled their legs for maximum warmth.

“I’m sorry”, Seungkwan whispered, annoyed with how he could barely hug Jeonghan without being unable to breathe. Even less so was he happy that his nose was now so stuffed he could only breathe with his mouth open, which irritated his already raw throat. “You didn’t have to come back early, you know?”

“Don’t apologize. I wanted to come back and check on you. Without you and Cheollie it wasn’t that much fun either way.”

“Sorry.”

“Nope, you’re not allowed to say that again, Kwannie”, Jeonghan scolded lightly, tapping his fingers against Seungkwan’s temple in a gentle admonishing motion. “It’s not your fault that you are sick. And I wanted to come back and see how you were doing because I was worried. It was my decision and I’d like you to understand that. I’ll always come back to check on my babies.”

“Dino is baby”, Seungkwan mumbled, flushing red and not knowing what else to say. His hyungs words warmed his heart and made him feel loved like little else did. How did he deserve such a caring hyung?

Unbidden tears came to his eyes and he pressed his eyes shut against the burning sensation.

“Dino may be the baby but you … hey, Kwannie, are you crying?”, Jeonghan asked confused. “What? What’s wrong? Don't cry, darling.”

“Nothing”, Seungkwan sniffed, “I just … thank you … for everything.”

“You don’t have to thank me either, hon.” Jeonghan pressed a soft kiss against Seungkwan’s temple. “Your fever really got you emotional, huh? Why don’t we talk later when you are feeling a bit better? Sleep for now.”

Seungkwan nodded against his hyung’s shoulder, sure he was smearing snot on him. He knew Jeonghan didn’t care and while disgusting, Seungkwan was too tired to care either.

“Love you, hyung”, he muttered sleepily, “tell me about team dinner?”

“Love you too, baby”, Jeonghan replied.

Seungkwan fell asleep to tales of Seokmin trying to get Hoshi drunk, Woozi trying to stop Seokmin from trying to get Hoshi drunk and Mingyu trying to stop Woozi from trying to…

💎

When Seungkwan woke up again he was uncomfortably hot and wet. Sweat soaked everything around him and yet he couldn’t even care how disgusting that was. All he could focus on was the nausea in his stomach and the sensitiveness of his skin.

He felt a thousand times worse than he had that morning when he had awoken with just a sore throat and a low fever. The flight to Osaka had not been pleasant at all with how stuffed up he was and by then he had to accept that he wasn’t well … but he hadn’t expected he’d feel this bad. Just the thought of moving made him want to cry.

His stomach was cramping harshly and he couldn’t even begin to describe the feeling in his throat. It was terribly tight and uncomfortable, as if he wasn’t supposed to swallow. It was like he could feel his stomach contents slowly climbing up his esophagus.

Seungkwan was surprised to find Jeonghan still sleeping peacefully next to him. The older normally had issues sleeping after all but he seemed to be so exhausted that not even his bed partner turning into a furnace seemed to wake him. The way Jeonghan was holding him would have been comforting in any other time and place but with how overheated he was, Seungkwan needed him to let go.

“Hyung”, he whispered, shaking Jeonghan’s shoulder. He didn’t want to wake him, not when they all were working so hard but what choice did he have? He felt like he was boiling alive and that couldn’t be comfortable for Jeonghan either.

Luckily the one shake was enough to wake him up, apparently. Jeonghan jerked awake, and instantly fumbled for the lightswitch. When the light was turned on, Seungkwan saw just how much he had sweated. The sheets around him were wet and tinged yellow and so was Jeonghan’s previously white shirt.

Jeonghan didn’t seem to care. His brow was furrowed in worry and he looked so very concerned. One of his hands came up to feel Seungkwan’s forehead. “Oh, Seungkwannie. Are you feeling worse?”

Seungkwan nodded, feeling his expression turn into a pout. “‘m so hot”, he complained, swallowing against the thickness in the back of his mouth, “and so nauseous.”

“Are you gonna throw up?”, Jeonghan asked panically, sitting up and looking around for a receptacle just in case.

“No. Yes. Maybe”, Seungkwan whispered, “I don’t know, hyung. I … my stomach hurts and the cramps are really bad and I feel really nauseous but I can’t tell if I need to puke.”

If he was honest, Seugkwan really really didn’t want to throw up in a strange city, in a strange hotel bathroom. Being sick at home was already bad enough, but somewhere else? No. He couldn’t imagine how awful that would be.

“Okay, try to stay calm, hm?”, Jeonghan suggested. If it was anybody else Seungkwan would have told them where they could stick calm when he was feeling this bad but he couldn’t find any anger flaring towards his hyung. He just wanted a hug. “Let’s sit in the bathroom just in case. I want to take your temperature again and see if we can get some meds to help you, okay?”

Seungkwan nodded and let himself be pulled to his feet by Jeonghan. He had been laying down for the better part of the last sixteen plus hours so, while unwelcome, the headrush wasn’t unexpected. Still he stumbled into his hyung’s arms, Jeonghan’s hand rubbing up and down his spine the only thing grounding him.

Standing up must have triggered his body in other ways too: Suddenly all the mucus that had been stuck in his nose decided to run down to his upper lip and the tickle in his throat turned into a full-blown cough. Jeonghan didn’t pull away, instead just cradled Seungkwan’s head against his shoulder and let him cough.

It was awful, really. The coughing was shaking his whole body and it did his nausea no favors. Seungkwan was barely able to fight back the gags. Jeonghan seemed to understand and within a few seconds had pulled Seungkwan towards the bathroom, where he made him kneel down over the toilet, in case the coughing did bring up something.

By the time the fit was over, Seungkwan hadn’t thrown up but he nearly wished he had. His stomach was just even more angry at him and he felt like he was about to gag and throw up any second now. Leaning over the toilet bowl didn’t help the feeling at all.

Jeonghan, the hyung he was, seemed to sense that. Or maybe he knew from own experiences. Whatever it was, he gently pulled Seungkwan away from his bent over position and propped him up against the glass of the shower.

“Let’s take your temperature, okay?”, Jeonghan suggested, placing his cold fingers against Seungkwan’s brow. Seungkwan nodded. Without letting go, his hyung reached up for the sink where Seungkwan had left the thermometer earlier when he had first gotten the chance to check how high his fever was. Then he sat cross legged in front of Seungkwan, holding the device out to him.

“How do you wanna do this? Under the tongue is more accurate but if you’re feeling too nauseous we can do the armpit too?”

Seungkwan couldn’t imagine sticking the thermometer into his mouth. It sounded like a disaster just waiting to happen. Besides, his nose was so stuffed he doubted he could even breathe with his mouth closed. So he untangled his left arm from his shirt sleeve and put the cold metal under his arm, suddenly shivering from the cold.

Jeonghan entangled their fingers as they waited for the beep, pouting. If he wasn’t so tired and felt like speaking was just a bit too risky, Seungkwan would have tried to alleviate his worry. So he just let Jeonghan busy himself with cleaning up Seungkwan's snotty face while they waited. When he pulled the thermometer away and found a reading of 39.1°C he realized there was nothing he could say to even make this better. It was a pretty high temperature, one that if they were at home in the dorms would have the hyungs call a doctor. Now, in a hotel room, they could ask for the medic of course but Seungkwan really didn’t feel like getting prodded in the middle of the night.

He assumed Jeonghan agreed with not involving the team medic yet, because he just sighed and then scooted to sit next to Seungkwan, letting him rest his weary head on his shoulder. “Do you wanna go back to bed?”

“No”, Seungkwan mumbled, swallowing harshly. Just the one word had been enough to make his stomach somersault. And then he hiccoughed. The panic on Jeonghan’s face would have been funny considering it truly was only a hiccough but the way it made Seungkwan’s mouth water and brought the taste of his earlier food to his throat, made it decidedly unfunny.

“Oh God”, he whispered, feeling himself start to tear up. It hurt his throat and the involuntary motion made the situation feel much more dangerous than it already was. He didn’t want to throw up.

“Let’s get you back over the toilet, okay?”, Jeonghan asked and helped Seungkwan crawl forward.

Feeling his body jerk with the motion, Seungkwan whimpered. His mouth was full of saliva and he spit into the water below repeatedly, trying to get the sour tasting fluid out. His shoulders rolled and his body worked against him, his stomach cramping and feeling so sour and sick.

And yet, nothing happened.

Jeonghan’s hand on his back was a welcome distraction but it didn’t help.

💎

Seungkwan didn’t know how long they sat there, just waiting. It could have been minutes, hours or days from his wonky perception. All he felt was the snot dripping down his nose and the nausea deep in his stomach.

“I don’t think you’re going to throw up, Kwannie”, Jeonghan finally said, patting his hip. “Why don’t we go back to bed?”

“What if I throw up?”, Seungkwan whispered. Deep cleaning a hotel room surely would be expensive for the company and he already felt bad for whoever would have to do that if he got sick on the carpet.

“I’ll get you a trash can, okay?”

Seungkwan had seen the tiny bin in the room. Even if he managed to hit that should the nausea win over, it would overflow within seconds. He shook his head, whimpering as the motion aggravated his headache and dizziness.

“Let’s lean back at least, hm?”, Jeonghan suggested. Without really waiting for an answer he pulled Seungkwan between his legs and into his arms. “No use hurting your back sitting like that.”

Seungkwan allowed himself to curl up against his hyung, shaking and coughing in his arms. Exhausted tears threatened to fall and all he wanted was sleep.

“What can we do to make you feel better, love? You’re due for some meds around now.”

Seungkwan shook his head. He could not stomach anything right now. All he wanted was to be home.

Well, that wasn’t quite true.

He wanted his Coups-hyung.

It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate Jeonghan being with him. He did very much so. But since Seungcheol had torn his ACL in August Seungkwan felt like he had barely seen their leader. They had visited him at the hospital of course and he had been there for their Tokyo concerts, on stage even, but then they had left to film Nana Tour and ever since it had just been phone calls and video chats. While Seungkwan had spoken with him earlier, complaining about being sick, he now missed Seungcheol more than ever.

He must have been quiet for too long because soon enough Jeonghan gently called his name in worry.

“Sorry”, Seungkwan mumbled. He felt terrible saying it out loud - he didn’t want Jeonghan, amazing, sweet Jeonghan who had sacrificed a nice evening with the team and was staying up with him at night, to think he didn’t appreciate him. But he couldn’t help the words that spilled over his lips: “I want Cheollie-hyung.”

Jeonghan sighed, playing with Seungkwan’s hair and patting his back as he coughed once again. “I wish he was here too. Let’s call him, alright? If he picks up he picks up. If he doesn’t, we’ll let him sleep.”

“Please, hyungie.”

There was no time difference between South Korea and Japan, so Seungcheol should be asleep. Resting and healing. Seungkwan felt incredibly selfish. Jeonghan must have read his mind, as he said: “Don’t, Kwannie. Don’t feel bad about it. We all need Cheollie at times and we all miss him. You’re sick and exhausted and overtired. He won’t mind. Besides, he has all the time now to rest for once and he would feel terrible if he found out one of his babies wanted him and didn’t dare call.”

Seungkwan didn’t have a chance to reply before Jeonghan pressed the call button for a video call. So he snuggled his way under Jeonghan’s chin, trembling with fever and anticipation if Seungcheol would pick up.

He did. Bleary-eyed and confused, but instantly concerned when he saw Seungkwan tucked into Jeonghan’s arms.

“Hey, ddaddu”, Jeonghan greeted him, “I got a sick kid missing you here.”

“Morning, Kwannie. Hannie”, Seungcheol replied and moved in the frame of his phone, apparently sitting up. His face was pulled into an adorable, worried pout. “What’s wrong, Kwannie? Are you feeling worse than before? Did you talk to the medic already?”

“I’m so nauseous, hyung”, Seungkwan mumbled, “everything hurts. I just don’t feel good. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, baby”, Seungcheol repeated. “I love you so much. Do you just wanna chat a bit?”

Seungkwan nodded reluctantly, coughing softly. His voice felt very wet and close to breaking when he continued: “I love you, hyung. I’m sorry for waking you up.”

“Don’t be”, Seungcheol and Jeonghan said at the same time, then Jeonghan added: “We didn’t call the medic yet. Kwannie has just been super nauseous and we’ve been sitting here for some time now. I miss you too, for the record.”

“I wish I was there”, Seungcheol said with a sigh, running his hand through his hair, “how often have you been sick, Kwannie? You may need the med…”

“I haven’t thrown up, hyung”, Seungkwan explained, suddenly emotional. He wiped at his eyes. He was so sick of feeling sick. “I … I feel so horrible.”

His throat jumped at his admission and he swallowed harshly.

“Baby, I know you won’t like this suggestion”, Seungcheol started, “but… Do you want to throw up? It might help you feel better. At least less nauseous so you can take some medication and sleep.”

It was one thing for Seungcheol, who felt like he was on the other end of the earth, to say this but Seungkwan hated that Jeonghan, right behind him, gave a noise of agreement and nodded.

“I do want to feel better … but …”

“Cheollie is right. Getting your stomach empty might help”, Jeonghan agreed.

Seungkwan was doubtful. Why would puking help if he was trying not to puke? Why did having to puke be the solution to not being able to feel better? He hated vomiting. Sure, not as much as Vernon who could be labeled slightly emetophobic or even Mingyu, who was kind of very emetophobic. Seungkwan had no issues with it, as long as it wasn’t him throwing up.

Seungcheol, true leader that he was, perceived Seungkwan’s reluctance even through the phone. “It can help, having your stomach empty. I don’t think Jihoonie would mind me telling you this in this situation but when he has a migraine and is really feeling sick he sometimes tries to make himself throw up so he can lie down and sleep faster. It helps him a lot and it might help you now, too.”

Seungkwan grimaced but he had to give Seungcheol some credit. He had seen how awful migraines made the producer feel and so he kind of got why he would do that. That didn’t mean he wanted that for himself.

But between his raw throat, the coughing that seemed to only get worse and the sniffling he knew he was in for a rough few days. He would be lucky if he was fit for the next concert. So maybe, if he felt better after throwing up…

“Okay”, he mumbled, kind of already regretting it the moment the words left his mouth. “How do I…?”

“I’ll get you a glass of water”, Jeonghan said, clearly knowing what he was doing. He handed the phone to Seungkwan and removed himself from the maknae. Without Jeonghan’s warmth at his back Seungkwan shivered and jerked forward with a forceful sneeze.

“Bless you, baby”, Seungcheol said, “I’m really sorry I can’t be there for you.” “It’s okay, hyungie. Talking with you already helps”, Seungkwan replied, sniffing and using his hand to wipe away the snot dripping down his face. It would normally be disgusting but right now he didn’t care one bit. “Besides, I got Hannie-hyung with me.”

💎

It all happened so fast after that. Jeonghan ended the call - no need for Seungcheol to helplessly listen - and pressed the cup into Seungkwan’s hand, after helping him situate himself over the toilet. “Drink it all in one go”, he explained, “you’re so nauseous it should tip your stomach over the edge.”

Seungkwan took a deep breath, not daring to think about what he was going to do, then gulped the water down in one go. For just a split second he thought it hadn’t helped, but then all he could do was mumble a terrified “Hyungie…” before a geyser of water erupted from his mouth. Waves of vomit splatter relentlessly into the dirty water below, slowly turning from liquidy transparent to chunky and smelly brown.

It was disgusting and painful and it felt like it would never stop. Seungkwan was sure that if Jeonghan hadn’t held him up and kept muttering reassurances into his ears he would have just combusted of awfulness on the spot. He wasn’t sure he had ever thrown up this violently before.

And then it was over. Seungkwan gasped for breath, panicked and terrified and sobbing before he could stop himself.

Yet, as Jeonghan pulled him into his arms, soothing him with soft forehead kisses and warm words, Seungkwan finally realized he felt better.

Sure, his head still pounded. His nose was running and he knew there was a spot of snot on Jeonghan’s shirt. His throat was very close to just giving up on his voice and his chest hurt from coughing and vomiting alike. But the awfulness of nausea was mostly gone.

As that realization came, Seungkwan felt like he was hit by a truck. Tiredness was overruling all other feelings and he was sure if he wanted to he could have fallen asleep just then and there in Jeonghan’s arms. He was pretty close to do so, actually, when his hyung shook his shoulder.

Seungkwan whined. He just wanted to sleep. He wondered if he said that out loud as Jeonghan whispered: “I know, I know. But let’s change your clothes, okay? And we need new blankets, you were sweating so badly earlier.”

It sounded like too many steps, especially too many steps that would require him to let go of Jeonghan. Even that his hyung seemed to have anticipated.

“Let me call one of the other members, okay? We can sleep in my room tonight and I know all of your hyungs will be happy to carry you there, hm? Who do you want me to call?”

Maybe he had his mind still on him due to the conversation earlier or maybe he just wanted his vocal team leader but no matter what it was, Seungkwan found himself mumbling Woozi’s name.

“I’ll call him.”

💎

Fifteen minutes later, Seungkwan found himself laying on Jeonghan’s hotel room bed dressed in fresh clothes, also belonging to Jeonghan, while Jihoon was sitting perched at his side. The thermometer was stuck in Seungkwan’s mouth, even as he was falling asleep, and Jihoon was running gentle fingers through his hair. Jeonghan was taking a shower. Seungkwan hadn’t even realized that he had apparently thrown up on him a bit. He was terribly sorry but an apology would have to wait until morning.

All he could do before finally drifting back to sleep was ask: “How is Hoshi-hyung?”

Jihoon sighed, fondly rolling his eyes.

“Pathetically drunk. He will hate himself come morning.”

Notes: Happy Birthday, Jeonghan!

I don't have a Jeonghan fic written but I think this fits him much better anyways! I already miss him so much :(

#the coughing triggering your gag reflex is so real 😭#literally the worst thing #ahhhh this is so fluffy!!!#incredible as always 🩷🩷🩷#seventeen platonic #seventeen fanfiction #seventeen sickfic #seventeen #kpop platonic #kpop fanfiction #kpop sickfic #kpop #sickfic #fanfiction #forever-atiny

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