for-what-reason-if-not-love

[for-what-reason-if-not-love]

An Uneasy Sort Of Love

(DazaixChuuya) (pre-canon timeline)  Leaning against the cold wall of the dingy alley, Dazia waited for Chuuya to finish up the job, frost seeping into his back. He had been standing here for the past twenty minutes with a vague idea of where the hatrack was, his best bet being that he had already cornered the coroner/prosecutor and was almost done with the deal. Chuuya had gone after the guy unwillingly, before grumbling about how it wasn’t his job to smooth talk his way into ensuring that their hostage be proclaimed officially dead to the public.(He wasn’t, not that anyone would dare check on the heavily mutilated body to confirm the identity.)

This job was way below their pay grades, and Dazai knew that the mafia had men specially posted to keep their public representation straight. To drag not one, but two executives from their posts, just for some political haggling was downright disrespectful, but Mori had been angry because of their last brawl, which had happened three week ago, that had bought the whole house down (literally), so they couldn’t really argue.(Dazai had really gone too far that time, and Chuuya’s temper had flared up to new heights).  And now they were stuck running all the small errands. Dazai even had his right as the guerilla commander revoked for the time being, and he had thrown quite the hissy fit (three of his subordinates had turned up dead later). Chuuya had to endure an hour long lecture from Kouyou, after which the port under his watch was shifted to her.

Of course this was all temporary, this punishment of theirs, but the humiliation of being knocked down the pegs kept them servile, especially Chuuya, who had been mortified at the prospect of demotion and how it would affect his standing (It hadn’t really, but Dazai did not see any use in reassuring the slug). Dazai himself had just whined about the whole fiasco over a cup of scotch to Odasaku and Ango.

The building that had been ruined was the information warehouse, and quite unfortunately- not that Dazai cared- a lot of valuable data had gotten destroyed.

Mori had been nothing but a looming shadow on his back, radiating severe disappointment and scorn, but never actually voicing it. Dazai hadn’t really been affected by the whole conviction,  playing it off as an error of judgment on his person, but deep down he had been just a tad bit let down. It was only because Chuuya seemed to be hell bent on ignoring him now on all levels except business, choosing to hole himself up at Kouyou’s okiya, rather than sleep at their apartment ever since the verdict.

It was becoming frustrating, this game of avoidance that only Chuuya seemed to  be playing. It seemed as if the hatrack had finally taken to his heart Kouyou’s advice to not interact with a demon like him. Honestly, it’s Chuuya that’s a literal demon between the two, but who even listens to him anymore? 

All Dazai had been able to catch of the pipsqueak were glimpses in the corridors, vanishing as soon as he turned the corner, or learning from Kouyou’s snide mouth about his partners whereabouts or most recent back alley fits. 

[for-what-reason-if-not-love]

Boys that cry black tears, their faces screwed up with fear, blood cold at the horror of what their mind is trying to whisper into actions. Their tears taste of ashes and holy regret.

Boys that try to hide their eyes flashing red, from the adrenaline of a pressing fight, scared to make their enemy see what they themselves witness in the mirror every night. The mirror gets splintered every time.

Boys that hide how tightly they're balling their hands, frozen by the possibility of someone seeing their sharpening claws digging out blood from their palms. The floor is splattered with a deep red.

Boys that avoid turning their head at the slightest of sounds, not wanting anyone to pick up their keen sense of hearing. They never wanted to hear half the things the darkness is always whispering. The echos keep resonating in their head for a long long time.

Just, lost boys with powers they don't know how to handle themselves, thrust into a world without any rules on how to protect themselves from the people that see them as humans.

[for-what-reason-if-not-love]

Pitiful Creatures

Sometimes you just need to cry it out on a shoulder.

(DazaixChuuya) (Omegaverse Au) (Alpha Chuuya and Omega Dazai) (Fic Excerpt) (Approx 2k words of hurt feels and Alphas on the verge of a breakdown)

For the past several weeks, Chuuya had taken to willingly spending his time in combat zones, taking on almost all the field assignments that Mori had to offer. It was quite frustrating on how hard it was becoming to catch the Alpha around and Dazai could recall that the last time they had even so much as had a decent conversation, was weeks ago, too far long for his liking, and now his patience was getting thinner.

Ane-san had also expressed her concern regarding Chuuya’s behavior, quietly stating that he had not once visited her establishment this month, her current disapproval in her young charge showing from her sharp tongue. She had gone on to make a quip about how it was Dazai’s own self-destructive behavior that was starting to rub on the Alpha, the accusation leaving a bitter taste in Dazai’s mouth.

He had left her place with an empty expression, immediately deciding on hunting down Chuuya and giving him a  piece of his mind about how it was <i> he</i> that was the self-destructive one of the two, or maybe put out the offer of double suicide if Chuuya really was working with the aim to kill himself.

A call from Hirotsu confirmed that Chuuya had just entered the Mafia headquarters to hand in the latest report regarding his most recent suicide mission (Dazai had thrown quite a hissy fit upon hearing the nature of this mission a week ago, because of fear and jealousy alike), the news making Dazai pick up  his pace so he could catch Chuuya before the Alpha left the building. 

He had noted it, the reason behind the whole relentless overworking, had known it was because of Corruption and the high amount of casualties that had recently eliminated half of Chuuya’s underlings, topped with the work overload he must be facing due to his newly earned position as Executive. But mostly it was due to the files on the Arahabaki case that Chuuya was finally allowed to  review because of his status, and really now, this was becoming troublesome. (Dazai has already peeked into the files.)

Rushing over and climbing the stairs in strides had gotten him to the top floor much faster than he calculated, giving him enough time to compose his rapid breathing and pull up an unperturbed face. He could hear Mori’s voice from the other side of the door, droning on about some flaw in Chuuya’s report, the defeated silence in answer stifling the air and disrupting his breathing. It sounded like Chuuya was even more disheartened then the last time Dazai had gotten a glimpse of him in the corridors.

Mori had moved on to give a little lecture on Chuuya’s carelessness and crude behavior that he used in dealing with the mission, with what must be in a disapproving tone, if Dazai ever heard one. In his mind’s eye, he could imagine Chuuya, frozen in a terse bow with his hat off, eyes fixed on the carpeted floor in a show of respect and submission, a frown marring his handsome expression. 

Dazai was still reviewing the entire one on one happening on the other side of the wall, when the door opened up to reveal Chuuya, who was wearing a look of utter surprise on finding the Omega, that did nothing in hiding the watery gleam of his eyes, making Dazai’s inbuilt instinct go on high alert mode.

It must have shown on his face, the alarm, because the next thing he knew, Chuuya was already walking away from him in hurried steps, face shadowed by the brim of his stupid hat. It hurt, just a bit, seeing his partner ignore him so openly after a month of radio silence.

His mind reeled in itself, seeing the Alpha sprinting down the corridor, wanting to ran away and shut himself in his nest and sulk about the whole situation, his mind wanting to retreat back into his shell, but without it registering, his feet had already started following after the frustrated scent left in the Alpha’s wake. Chuuya was already at the end of the passage by the time he caught up, ducking into an empty meeting room.

“Leave me alone for a bit, Dazai”. It wasn't exactly an order, body turned away from the door, waiting for the omega to clear out, his voice sounded heavy, gloved hand coming up to cover his face.

“Chuuya”. He was hurt, honestly, first time they talk in a month and Chuuya is asking him to leave him? Unbelievable.

Dazai did not pay any heed to his request (when did he ever), choosing instead to close the door behind him and stride into the center of the room, a cautious distance from the strung-up Alpha. 

“Kouyou nee-san said you're being an ass these days, and I couldn’t agree more”. This elicited no response from Chuuya. “Sulking just because of Mori’s lecture?”, Dazai asked, slowly trying to close in the distance. He lifted his hand up to rest it on his shoulder, prepared for retaliation. 

“I said LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, DAZAI!” As soon as the contact was made, Chuuya had whirled around and shouted it on his face.

It wasn't the fresh wave of angry alpha-scent pheromones that hit Dazai, to make him stumble back a step, rather it was Chuuya’s face, tear tracks cutting clear lines into his cheeks, the colour of his eyes intensified by their glassiness.

“Chuuya!”, if Dazai wasn’t alarmed before then he was definitely shocked now, moving with purpose towards the Alpha that hadn’t seemed to realize that he was crying at all. Chuuya seemed surprised to see him advancing forward, stepping back a bit to avoid the Omega hellbent on cornering him.

Chuuya kept backing away from him, not realizing that Dazai was fully intent on getting over with whatever-this-was. The back of his knees hit the seat of a swivel chair, and Dazai wasted no time in pushing him back to sit on it, hands firmly holding his shoulders.

Chuuya made a move to stand back up, but Dazai was fast enough to straddle himself on the distressed Alpha, wrapping his arms around his lithe frame.

“Honestly if you hate being down talked by Mori so much…”, that was most definitely him skirting around the main issue because rule no. seven of surviving the underworld stated that issues that are not talked about, don't exist and right now making Chuuya calm down was top priority.

“I mean, Mori is technically right in his way…”, He continued talking, wanting to distract him with the things his mind must be thinking.

By now Chuuya had taken to hiding in his embrace (knowing it was fruitless to try and fight against Dazai), hands holding onto his waist a little too tightly for comfort, sniffling every few seconds, but Dazai doesn't mind. He had taken to hugging Chuuya back just as tightly.

After what seemed like an eternity, Chuuya’s shoulders relaxed a bit, just a bit, and the barbed wire wrapped around Dazai’s heart managed to ease it’s hold. He had his cheek resting on Chuuya’s head, waiting for the flood gates to close.

“Sorry”. The Alpha seemed sheepish, judging from his cracked voice, but Dazai just shook his head and let out an exaggerated sigh.

“Chibi, you had me worried here for a second”. This earned him a low growl from Chuuya, making him grin.

“Chuuya got all his tears and snot on my shirt!”

He missed this.

Relaxing his stance a little, he prodded further,“Oh, so it’s about your height? Quite a weird thing to sulk about.” 

“Shut up,” Chuuya groans, his face still hidden. By now the Alpha had calmed down, breathing pattern going back to notable.

Dazai started to pull back from the embrace, wanting to see Chuuya’s face properly after so long, hands coming to hold Chuuya’s red face, “Look at you”.

This situation was definitely a first for both of them.

”Chuuya looks like a little toddler”. Dazai lovingly squished his cheeks to maximize the effect. The Alpha’s face was flushed, red-rimmed heavy lidded eyes looking back at Dazai, bottom lip bitten into by his fang, but he still managed to look attractive.

Chuuya must have been tired, because he only sighed at the remark and moved his hand up to cup Dazai’s. Winding his fingers in between his, he pulled them back from his face and held them in the space between them.

 Too much distance, Dazai thought, slowly pulling his hands away and moving closer again to wrap them around Chuuya’s neck, resting his face on his shoulder, nuzzling his scent glands under his collar. A deep inhale of the Alpha’s scent had him going boneless, touch starvation making itself obvious. Chuuya seemed to have sensed it too, moving to nuzzle his face into Dazai’s neck, hands moving to his waist to pull him closer.

Dazai’s body seemed too eager for this physical touch, head tipped back to allow more access for the Alpha, as Chuuya kept kissing and nipping at his glands, hands twisted in Chuuya’s hair, exhaling soft sighs and gasps every so often. 

Perhaps, Chuuya thought, he should feel guilty for having neglected his omega for so long. 

Even at this proximity, he could barely make out the scent of Dazai, overwhelmed by blood and gunpowder. It was a soft whiff of petrichor and paper, intoxicating and ensnaring.

Dazai let out a sharp gasp when Chuuya slipped his hand under his shirt, cool leather caressing patterns on heated skin under the loose bandages. It felt like fire chasing away the frost.

“Chuuya” Dazai gasped out, to which the Alpha just hummed. Dazai was feeling too warm now,pressed up against Chuuya, heat pooling in his belly making him breathless. He tried to wiggle a bit to adjust his position on Chuuya’s lap, intent on simply rutting and making-out, but the Alpha had a very tight hold on his waist.

 Chuuya yanks a fistful of Dazai’s hair, exposing his pale neck. He starts with light kisses that turn into soft bites, the Omega shivering and spluttering out half gasps and moans.

“Chuuya.” Dazai whines, shaking hands trying to unbutton Chuuya’s shirt, mirroring Chuuya’s actions of opening his neck tie. He shivers when Chuuya bites into his collarbone and tugs down his shirt and jacket which pool behind his back. The Alpha makes quick work of the bandages winding down his neck, exposing all the rope burns, scratches and bite marks on his pale skin to the soft evening light, and Dazai shivers at the heated gaze directed at him. He doesn’t know what to make of-never knew how to process- the fact that Chuuya finds him attractive, a shiver sliding down his spine from the way Chuuya was giving him this look.

The room was already tainted with their scents running wild, mixed with the heat of arousal and want. Dazai could feel the slick sliding down his thighs, could feel Chuuya’s arousal between his legs, could feel his self-control thinning out as lust choked all coherent thoughts with desire. 

“Chuuya, please”. This was getting borderline unbearable, how Chuuya seemed so calm and collected in a situation like this, even with his hair mussed up. (The hat was knocked down somewhere on the carpeted floor) and his face looking so kissable.

Chuuya pulls him in by his nape into a slow open mouthed kiss, moving on to suck  and bite at his bottom lip, it would most likely bruise (Chuuya liked leaving evidence of his hold on his territory), tongue settling heat in his mouth as his other hand slowly trailed down Dazai’s spine.

Before the Omega could process anything, Chuuya had already scooped him up and stood up, walking towards the conference table, and Dazai paid no mind to it, too busy getting his share of kisses and fervent touches.

They only separated once, when Chuuya had deposited him on the desk surface, to take of their dress shirts, the Alpha immediately pulling himself back between his legs again to drown in the kisses. Dazai was lightly rutting against Chuuya’s obvious erection, desperate enough in his actions to make Chuuya start unbuckling their pants.

One shove and Dazai’s pants and underwear were thrown somewhere behind them, leaving him perfectly naked to the alpha’s heated gaze, safe for the bandages winding down his torso and appendages. Chuuya pulled off his gloves by the tip of his fangs, fully intent on simply staring at the ruffled Omega.

One hand moves to part Dazais legs further, as the other moves to circle around his neck, pushing him down until his back rested flat against the desk. Even now Dazai’s mind likened this action to creating distance, but he simply lay there, content on sitting back and seeing what Chuuya was willing to do. Cold fingers brushed against his flushed erection, making Dazai jump, slowly making their way to circle the tight leaking hole.

Chuuya had a perfectly expressionless face, only his eyes letting go on how interested he was, solely focused on Dazai’s lower body. One finger slid in without any sort of resistance, which showed just how aroused the Omega was. Dazai breathing stuttered.

“Sorry” Chuuya mumbled lowly, apologizing for what exactly, for having flooded out his emotions earlier or for downright ignoring him for a whole month now, Dazai wasn’t quite composed yet to try and decipher that, mind more than content at just being touched after so long.

[for-what-reason-if-not-love]

First Talks

so I finally decided to gather up my words that I've never been able to voice out loud and dump them here, because Tumblr may be a hell site, but its anonymous to a comforting degree and these words can’t seem to wait any longer.

I apologize in advance for the fic excerpts and mindless self talks to follow.