foolishham-blog

[foolishham-blog]

Coffee Talk

Word Count: 13K+

Warning: General Fluff, Major Cuteness 

A/N: It’s been hella long and I’ve been working on this for so long and doubted this for so long, but its a new year new me ew, so hope you enjoy ! 

Lin was always awake, unlike a normal person he was up nearly all night until he would pass out at his desk or piano. He would pander new tunes on his piano and write them down, or he would be doing research on how notes work together.

This side of Lin was barely shown, unless you looked close enough to notice. Those eyes you would typically see happy and crinkled from a joke, have bags from restless nights. The jitter of his body you would assume was all the happiness bottled up inside, but it was the multiple cups of coffee with a ton of sugar that was used to keep him up.

Although Lin stayed his overjoyed self all the time, it wasn’t healthy.

But this would make me a hypocrite.

I would wake up to this side of Lin when I got a texted asking me if I was up. At first, I was never up, nor did I want to be. But I would be awake for him, for him to share what's on his mind. To hear his voice so tired, but so happy that he completed a staff of music. When I got used to his tendencies I would stay up aswell, letting the hours past as I wait for that phone call in the early hours of the morning.

I would do most things for Lin.

Like a typical morning, I clean around my house (even if I do this everyday and the house was clean enough to eat off the floor) waiting for a phone call.

The times he calls is never announced, but when the chime of my phone I run towards it as it lets off more noises.

From: Old Man Miranda

“u up?”

2:13AM

From: Old Man Miranda

“That sounds horrible oh my god. I’m so sorry”

2:13AM

From: Old Man Miranda

“I’m horrible… Can i make it up somehow?”

2:14AM

To: Old Man Miranda

“You can buy me groceries, i only have carrots.”

2:15AM

From: Old Man Miranda

“Carrots?”

2:15AM

To: Old Man Miranda

“carrots.”

2:15AM

From: Old Man Miranda

“Meet me at the park down the street from your house, I’ll treat you now.”

2:16AM

To: Old Man Miranda

“When? because I can tell you now I won't be up till 11.”

2:16AM

From: Old Man Miranda

“Now.”

2:16AM

From: Old Man Miranda

“And I’m not taking no for an answer ;)”

2:17AM

To: Old Man Miranda

“What? Lin no”

2:17AM

To: Old Man Miranda

“Lin-Manuel”

2:18AM

I sighed and sank down into the couch. These early morning talks never lead to an actual face to face interaction. The closest thing to it was phone calls, never anything above that. I have barely even seen Lin in person as it was. I see him almost once a week and that depends on our schedules which was hard enough as it is.

I got off the couch with a little less pep then I had when Lin initially texted me. Leaving my apartment at 2AM wasn’t an ideal situation,but , I would do most things for Lin.

Lin has a tendency to be early to most events, so it didn't surprise me to see him already sitting on our favorite bench that was hidden to most. His hands gittering and he moved them down his thighs as he sat seeming uncomfortable. He looked up and a scowl turned into a gentle smile as he stood.

“(Y/N)!” Lin said in a whisper yell. We came to a middle ground from where I was before and the bench. He wrapped his arms around me gently, his body warm and calming. I pull back from the hug looking towards the bench where there sat two cups of what seems to be coffee.

I looked towards skeptically and he nervously walked towards the bench sitting down and offering me a cup.

“I bought you a coffee?” He softly said as he handed me the cup. I sat down next to him turning my body slightly towards him.

“Lin,it's nearly 3 in the morning, what coffee place is even open?” I said grabbing the hot cup with both hands taking a sip.

“Well, there isn't any, well not around here.” he said scratching his face “But, I know our addiction is worsening-”

“Yours worse than mine, might I add.” i cut him off giggling, and him chuckling.

“Yes I do confess to my addiction, but that’s the first step.” he chuckles some more “But anyways, I thought ‘this may be perfect’, but then I realised I didn't give myself the proper time bubble for running a few blocks from mine to here so I just took a few old cups I had laying around and, made some.” he said reclining back and taking a sip of his cup.

“So you didn’t buy it?” I said looking at the side of his face.

“Well, technically I did buy it, but then I drank it, then I made it and now we’re both here enjoying a nice, possibly poisonous, cup o’ joe.” he said taking another long sip. I look at him squinting, when he notices what he said he sits up immediately. “Not saying I would poison you, because you’re an amazing person that the world needs to see and hear and all that, oh god i'm digging a hole tonight.”

“Yes you are, but you did ‘buy’ me coffee” I said and winked. My hands hold tightened onto the styrofoam cup. “It’s beautiful out, thanks for forcing me out of my home.” I said looking at Lin who was already looking my way.

“It’s no problem, I would force you out of your home any time” he said with a soft smile. “Y’know, I asked you out here for a reason and it may be an idiotic reason but, still a reason, an actual important reason. Not saying that all reasons aren’t important reasons.” he stuttered with a slight pout.

“Will this reason be talking about how many times you said ‘reason’ in one sentence?” I laughed but Lin’s face stayed the same, so  I stopped laughing.

“Actually, I really wanted to say how much I appreciate you and what you do for me. You’re one of those one of a kind people that only good people get. Which I don’t understand how I even got to meet your acquaintance-” Lin breathed out.

“Lin, breathe.” I said worried.

“See! There it is, you’re concerned with my well-being over yours. Before you say anything I can tell your hands are freezing the way your holding the cup.” He says taking the coffee out of my hands and placing both of our coffees on the bench. He grabs my hands right after, bringing warmth not only my hands but also my face. He looks down at our hands avoid eye contact “God, I don’t know how to say things like this, which is really weird because I write things for a living and dear god (Y/N) I love you.” He blurts out, making my face more red. Lin lets out a sigh before continuing softly “I am hopelessly in love with you and I haven’t been able to tell you. It may be selfish of me to say I only want you for myself, but dear god do I want that more than anything.” He finally looks up into my eyes, the emotions that have been in his mind for years are finally out, a single tear leaves his watery eyes. “I may be making a fool of myself, and I don’t know why I did this and I should just-” He lets go of my hands and tries to move away. Before he can move to grab the coffee’s I grab onto his cheeks and lean my head on his.

“Lin, I am hopelessly in love with you to.” and with this Lin leans in, placing a gentle kiss on my lips. His cracked lips taste of the coffee he was just drinking, bittersweet. He pulls back and laughs.

“So, not so bad for coffee at 3 in the morning huh?”

[foolishham-blog]

Oblivion

Word Count: 16k+

Warning: angst, fighting, car accident, hospitals (that’s it i think?)

A/N: A modern time Lams story! My first one on top of that. This is the first story i have up here, so no stress haha i'm dying. I hope you enjoy! I cried writing this.

~

“I can assure you that Maria is just a friend. I don’t know why you always jump to conclusions!” Alex yelled while clutching the wheel. Stealing glances to his boyfriend John who had his arms crossed over his chest looking down at his lap holding a scowl.

“What do you want me to think, Alex?! You’re never home, and when I call you at 12 in the morning when i'm up and thinking if you're okay, she picks up with her sultry “Mr. Hamilton's busy” or whatever” John says turning his body to face the man he loved, and who he hoped loved him back.

Or was that a joke? Did he just want a man for once?

John never thought that Alex would cheat, but with stories of his past he wouldn’t be surprised, heart-broken, yet not surprised. He never held what happened with Eliza close to mind, but maybe he should of, if he had just payed attention.

Alex held the wheel closer staring out the window silently, thinking of a careful way to calm down his boyfriend. But how do you calm someone down when your anger levels seem to burst out of the car. Alex loved John, with all of his heart, but he couldn't blame him for his thoughts. John had been very cautious in their relationship, especially in the beginning. Yes, Alex had told everyone he had cheated, he had ruined his relationship to a beautiful girl, but this only lead him to realize his love for John.

Alex being pulled out of his thoughts with a scream coming from his right. Waking from his daze, bright lights aimed right to the front of the car. Alex turns the wheel away from the car, but unfortunately, luck was not on either Alex’s or John's side as the car rolled off the embankment of the road they seemed to take every Saturday.

With blurry vision, Alex looked over to John, who’s hair seemed to be a floating cloud, his face covered in scratches from the glass that left blood upon both of their faces. But Alex didn’t care about himself, he needed to help his boyfriend as much as possible, before he was gone. As alex tried to reach out to John to give his best attempt to help his boyfriend, he only felt a hand grip his softly. In blurred vision he could see John, just hanging on, trying to squeeze all of his pain into Alex’s hand. Just like that Alex’s vision only showed tiny black dots and a sharp ringing in his ears, but above all he could hear the faint voice of the man to the right.

“I’m sorry.”

~

The lights seemed dark, but seemed to burn his eyes, a slight pitter patter of the rain seemingly close, but no where to be seen. A warmth seemed to cover behind him, consuming him like he would. He knew he did no wrong, but he also didn’t know how else to feel along with him.

Being with him felt like oblivion, a dark closed room with nowhere to go, but it was okay. The dark seemed to cover him like he would on nights John didn’t feel okay. Even though his work screamed for him in his office across the hall, he would leave it all to protect his turtle from all the frightening things.

They planned to grow old with one another, to age with grace. There minds ran together. They planned it perfectly, to share a family, to share one love, one house, and to embrace the feeling of oblivion together, the soft and warm oblivion of each others bodies. To hold and cherish one another till they were old.

They planned to adopt, of course with marriage coming first, but that was inevitable. It was a plan, Alex loved to plan. Alex wanted to share his life with John to share his heart, his mind, his words with him forever.

Forever , was that the correct word to use in between the two. The plan was forever, to lie in the soft warm blanket of oblivion together. To hold each other close and to never let go.

Alex once wished upon a star for happiness, and he never thought he would find it in this oblivion called love. To love John was an essay to good for anyone to see, for anyone to hold something so beautiful and courageous. To love him seemed so little above all, but it took over his heart, his mind, his lungs. He felt as if this oblivion was to hard to escape, but why would he want to escape him. He didn’t want to let go.

~

A bright light shone in the room, a light beeping seeming too far for his ears to obtain. The overwhelming smell of bleach seeming to mix into the tubes in his nose. He felt powerless and heavy, it was hard to move with out shooting pains coming from all parts of his body. His eyes blinking fast, desperately trying to gain a clear view of the room around him.

He was in the hospital, the room was pristine, but gloomy, the soft taps from the rain outside the window. His leg lifted into the air, arm embraced in a cast and an IV placed in his other arm. The events of what happened in the car, it all waved into him like a punch to the face. The screaming, the fighting, the accusing, the crash, John.

Was John okay?

Panic rushed over Alex as his heart monitor peaked up, allowing nurses to rush in, screaming for something. But Alex couldn’t hear them, his thoughts overpowering everything else. Is John okay?

“Mr. Hamilton please calm down, this will only do you better” an older lady said holding down Alex’s arms. Alex gave up the fight, feeling to weak to fight, or to stay conscience. The only thing keeping him awake, John.

“Where’s my boyfriend, John, that’s his name he was in the car with me where is he?” Alex croaked out, fear and paranoia rushing over him more harsh than the stinging pain from talking.

“He’s in the next room, please sir cal-”

“I need to see him” Alex cut off the woman, quickly croaking “Please, he hates me, God, I did this please” Alex say’s tears leaving his eyes. If only he had listened, if he had not been so stubborn, If only he was better.

“Sir, you nor your friend are in a good enough condition to see each other.” she said sympathetically.

“Please” Alex’s voice cracked, the woman handed him a cup of water to help him out, if only she had done this before, he could’ve won this argument by now. Alex gulps down the ice cold water giving him some relief. “I beg you, and I never beg for anything, this is all my fault, I need to see. Please” he grabbed the woman’s hand looking into eyes, giving him some sort of leverage.

The woman looked towards the door and back to Alex with a sign.

“I could get in trouble for this. But, I can tell you love him. I will try my best to get you to him.” She said getting up and walking out of the room. But trying wasn’t enough for Alex, he worked hard in his daily life, and that’s what he’ll do and more for John. Just as he was about to pick himself up to get a better look of the room, the woman from before walks into the room with a wheelchair.

“Dr. Hansen is currently in another wing for a “supply check”, let’s get you to your friend.” She smiled trying her best on her own to help Alex out of the bed. Although not perfect and hitting a few soft spots on Alex, he was still getting to John.

“Boyfriend, by the way, he’s not just my friend, he is my life” Alex says as she hangs the IV, a tear slipping down his face. The woman stayed silent as she wheeled Alex carefully out of his room into the one directly across from him. Tears continuously leave Alex’s eyes as he looks at his little turtle hooked up to machines. Johns face tattered up, cuts and bruises adorning his face along with those of so familiar freckles. Alex was pushed next to John’s bed, just causing him to let out more tears. His heart monitor says that he is alive, but that’s not all what Alex is worried about. He destroyed him, It was his fault.

His fault, his fault, his fault.

The love of his life, lying there helplessly. His warm blanket of calmness, left with only the marks that Alex had caused. Alex reached out for John’s hand, lifelessly hanging in Alex’s tight grip.

“I am so sorry John. This is my fault, nothing you can say or do will ever make me think otherwise. I should’ve just came home on time all those nights, I was to caught up with fighting off Jefferson. I don’t know why I became so close minded to my work. I should be with you always, not some silly job in fighting Jefferson. I plan on, for the rest of my life to be with you and to show you everything. You hold captive my heart, my mind, and our future. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please turtle, pull through, I love you so much.” Alex sobbed, leaning his head onto his and John’s interlocked hands. Maybe his tight grip with bring John to consciousness. “I’m Sorry” Alex sobbed out holding his hand tighter.

Then suddenly a tiny and soft squeeze to Alex’s hand caused him to smile just a little, letting out a sob. The oblivion, he knew, was here to stay.