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#58 “Congratulations! I’m going to have sex with you.”

Dear Applicant,

On behalf of This Girl, I am please to inform you that you have been selected for admission into My Vagina and Surrounding Areas. Congratulations, you have made it to the end of a highly selective process that is much less selective if it’s been a while.

In coalition with my pussy, the nape of my neck, charming personality, and big naturals, I commend you on the excellent qualifications that lead you to your acceptance; thinking I’m funny, sharing your burrito with me that one time because you were already done with it, being at Catherine’s party when I didn’t have to work the next day, living close to me. During the admissions process you were rigorously assessed by a board of my friends over brunch. We found you to possess “good arms” and to “sort of look like Clive Owen.” Congratulations, I’m going to have sex with you.

Although this letter accepts you into This Girl for at least the night, and possibly semesters upon semesters, the journey is not over. Once arriving at my loft bed you will meet some of the greatest academic challenges of your life.

A few helpful tips as you embark on this journey of a lifetime:

1.     This Girl wants you to succeed. Vaginas are complicated, nuanced spaces where hopefully we can make complicated nuanced observations. Bring booze.

2.     At This Girl we believe in a core curriculum of oral sex, intense making out, funny bits in between, and then fucking me like the dirty girl I am.

3.     Oral sex cannot be emphasized enough. A common mistake amongst This Girl freshmen using one’s tongue during oral sex like it’s a smaller wetter penis. The point is that your tongue isn’t your penis, so don’t try to fuck me hard with it. It’s just as This Girl’s school motto states “Lick it Slow. Keep it up Top.”

4.     The more turned on This Girl gets, the more sensitive she will be down there. Slow is good. Deep is good. One finger at a time please. Once I cum, I’m going to need you to pull out slowly and let me lay there for a second. School policy.

5.     Don’t just whip your dick out of This Girl whenever you want to. What is this, a state school?

6.     Studies show that students who ask thoughtful questions on how to make This Girl cum have a 200% success rate at cumming frequently themselves!

7.     It’s both the partner’s responsibility to tell each other when we answer correctly, when we’re close but not A +, when we didn’t even show up for class.

8.     Thanks for looking like Clive Owen.

You now join a diverse student body that includes a dude whose dick I threw up on once but he never noticed, a bisexual with Lion King sheets, too many comedians, one first love and one great love.

So pack plenty of water, clean underwear, and a hunger for knowledge. We’re going to have sex!

Sincerely, This Girl A Mother Fucking Institution

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Eminem x Robin WIlliams

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Bi Community Survey 2016

Hi everyone, 

If you remember, last year I made a survey to see what the bi community’s experiences, diversity, and opinions were like. I got a fair amount of response, and some interesting results. 

This year, I made a better version. It’s more user friendly, it asks better questions (and asks them in ways that are easier to understand). 

It asks about your mental health, if you have ever considered suicide/self harmed, experienced sexual assault, etc. You don’t have to go into detail on any of the personal questions, and you can choose ‘prefer not to say’ on them.

It also asks your opinion on inter-community politics and gender politics in general, and your experiences as a bi person. So as you can tell, it can be a little lengthy, especially depending on your own personal experiences. It would take the average person 15-20 minutes to take. 

If you can, please take the survey! If not, please reblog and signal boost. 

Here is the link: [x]

After a few weeks, or once the responses seem to die down, I will publish the results on here.

Thank you! 

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Good morning! Opening the hips and the heart with a #pigeonpose/#mermaidpose. Getting ready for the day and the week, one pose at a time. (And yet I’m still in 🛌🛌🛌💤💤😪😪😄😄)

#yoga #victorchauyoga #epicyoga #boysofyoga #lululemonhk #lululemonambassador #hipopener #heartopener #backbend #relax #beachyoga #beach #boysofyoga

@boysofyoga @lululemonmen @mens_yoga @epicyogaofficial @lululemonhk (at At Busselton Beach)

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Punny Illustrations by Arseniic (Deviant Art) (Tumblr) Related: Cute and Funny Illustrations by Jaco Haasbroek

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Just a little reminder of what’s to come this year. ;D

Happy New Year!

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Tips for going down on a girl?

Don’t be a bitch. If you’re gunna do it, do it well. 

Tease the fuck out of her before going in. Put that tongue away. Kiss every inch of her, except her pussy. Inner thighs, neck, lips, nipples. Start at her mouth, work your way down. Did you get her neck already? Good, now do it again. Build the anticipation. She’ll love it even more.

When she can’t handle the anticipation any more, go in for the kill. Eat that pussy like you’re on death row and it’s your last meal. 

Most girls respond really well to clit stimulation, but don’t over work it. Some girls like it when you stick your tongue in, some don’t, so be cautious when exploring that option.

The best way I’ve learned to do it is to start off slow. Long licks. Cover all of it. Slowly work your speed up. Go a little faster. Every been told to write the alphabet with your tongue? Fuck that. It’s stupid. 

Have her lay on her back, put her legs over your shoulder. That’s the one of the best positions for her to get max pleasure. It also allows you to use your hands. While your mouth is going to down reach up with your hands, grab her breasts, (some girls like their nipples squeezed when getting eaten out. Try exploring that option if she’s down). You also have the options of using one of your hands to finger her or rub her clit while you lick. If you get into a good motion of licking while you rub her clit with your tongue, I can almost guarantee that she will go crazy.

Think you’re done after she cums? WRONG. You’re not done until she grabs you by the hair and pulls you up because she can’t take it any more.

Now go my student, go and eat that pussy like it’s your sole purpose in life to make that girl scream your name, Gods name, and every swear word she’s ever heard in her life.

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this is so sad yet important

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Repeat after me, kids: your significant other liking multiple genders does nothing to invalidate the fact that they like you best.

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My sexual preference is often.

Unknown (via quotethatword)

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Train Wreck Tumblr Posts

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 I just realized that the goal of a Mario game is to get money and then slide down a pole.

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love is contraband in hell cause love is an acid that eats away bars. but you, me, and tomorrow hold hands and make vows that struggle will multiply. the hacksaw has two blades. the shotgun has two barrels. we are pregnant with freedom. we are a conspiracy.

“Love” by Assata Shakur (via yesixicana)