flail999

[flail999]

I went undercover as a cornflake at Kelloggs for seven years

[flail999]

Every morning my stupid Unholy Abyss Crystal tries to subtly influence my mind into going to my dentist's office & sealing his soul inside my Tome of Agony. Not willing to part ways with Unholy Abyss Crystal or dentist. Advice appreciated

[flail999]

Elven blunts vs. Dwarven edibles

[flail999]

Trying to command my Undead army of skeletons but they keep embarrassing me in front of the enemy by pretending they don't know me. I threaten them with my evil Lich staff but my voice cracks & they all laugh at me

[flail999]

(x)

[flail999]

Elf portrait.

[flail999]

*Sucks you away*

[flail999]

NEVER bring an elven shoegaze producer to a dwarven industrial rave I watched my homie Shi'kaal the Introspective get torn limb from limb in the pit 😭😭😭

[flail999]

I take great pleasure in poking the long gleaming muzzle of my revolver under the stall doors in public bathrooms

[flail999]

Top 10 reasons you'll never get with me

My Yummy

My Lala

[flail999]

an evil spore stole my wallet+fucked my mind

[flail999]

wait here while my manservant fetches the anti-elf rifle

[flail999]

Rummaging around in my open abdominal cavity & pulling out lint, a fish bone, an apple core, as well as various brown coins

[flail999]

Selling MrBeast's bone marrow on Temu

[flail999]

Aww there's a stray exiled Shaolin monk crawling around on my porch & pawing at my screen door begging for kibble

[flail999]

Shooting individual amoebas with my .50 caliber sniper rifle