ermmm.... what are you doing here. now this is just embarrassing for the both of us...
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i dont think i like sucking dick... like its so whatever. its fine for like the first 2-3 minutes but after that its just like damn when will this nigga cum my jaw is getting tired 🙄.
i am so glad i started receiving head though, life changing day. ever since then i GET mine i know thats right !!
after that experience im left wanting... more. for a brief second i thought maybe i should jack off again just to see if that would help, but i dont think it will. i wonder if its because there was no emotional connection there. i dont think i want there to be. im also left wondering if there was something more that i shouldve said or done but i honestly just didnt feel it in me.
ALSO i like how after every time i have sex im always like "yeahhh im good on that for a while". like was that even fun? not really?
i dont think im asexual, like i said i like getting head BUT i dont think i ever feel what im supposed to feel. what is that? i dont know. like I said i wonder if its the emotional connection and vulnerability thats missing.
anyways back to the hurricane. i just wanna sleep through it. for now i just want to eat cookie and play my silly little fashion game. GOOD NIGHT!
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one thing i HATE being is just a hanger on. like ugh... i was in such a good mood too. just like i said earlier life will always come to bring me back down
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i get in the car and fawking jacob tells me "at first i didnt want you to come" and "i just wanted to be with danna" in the vein of being an "honest person"
like huhhhh???
who tells a person that???? now i just feel awkward. what reaction did he expect me to have telling me that
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im not paying $60 for an uber to get dick from an emotionally unavailable 28 year old. i dont care how nice and big it is fuck that shit. thats called self respect if im being #real iktr
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like nothing in particular happened. its just i became unhappy today and needed to just come back to my dorm to feel sad yknow
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people talking about my weight loss always makes me feel weird... like today the dining hall lady was trying to be nice but all i could do was laugh awkwardly
yeahhhh
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and hes RIGHT i am a hot commodity (moreso warm) and i could potentially find someone better for me
^ writing this part the next day. I've lost almost all interest in him. that was a very weird situation to be put in so early. also hes kind of boring texter, and i dont wanna go back to the basics. so yeah... i wont text him unless he texts me first. ALSO i did end up texting him in a very mature way. kudos to me for not calling him a pussy ass bitch or being crippling needy.
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if i text rishab im needy but if i dont ill go crazy... decisions descisons
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floplympics gold medal goes to me! guy from gender studies was trying to talk to me but I was being so fawking awkward! i can make it up next week whatever
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yknow what im pissed off again cause why is this always a thing for me
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isnt it funny that youre too nervous to say hi to me in class but not nervous enought to text me out of the blue asking me to suck your dick. the shit i go through...
IM MORE THAN MY HOLES
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today will end with me crying
maybe i am a little spoiled
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soul crushing time at dads for thanksgiving
on top of all the mess with austin being sniffies boy
i just felt so out of place and unimportant, useless
nobody really talked to me and i wasnt sure how to involve myself
everyone was sitting on the couch and i didnt want to squeeze between anyone so i sorta just left and went outside, nobody noticed which sorta made me feel worse. but it also felt good because i needed a breather and to feel the cold
hmm what else, oh i feel like no one remembers me. like nana sue has no clue who i am which sucks. and neither does uncle sam
I miss grandma so much
this year just felt off.
OMG also everyone is totally hating on me being an english major wthhhh leave me alone asf
im jealous of devon and how easily socializing comes for him. im just incapable of it, hence me just lingering around the house looking cute
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