M. C. || 24 || Australia || ✝ "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." - Luke 12:6-7 (NIV)
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
Text
Part 1: Bats & A Red Wall
26 December 2024
It is Boxing Day. Christmas was calm. Quiet, but peaceful - a welcome reprieve from the turmoil and heartache that had littered the year. Marcy's father was in Malaysia over the holiday season but that was alright. Everything was okay - not perfect, but okay. She felt happy. It felt good to be ending the year in a calm state.
Marcy's father left a lot behind in Malaysia when the family immigrated to Australia seventeen years ago: family, friends, bad habits, friends with bad habits. Friends who sucked him into smoking and drinking and gambling. Or maybe he was the one who sucked them in. They were wildfire and wind - the wind spreading the fire, and the fire fuelling the wind: a vicious cycle.
You could not blame Marcy's mother, then, for worrying every time he went back to Malaysia to see his friends. Because of precedent, you could not blame her for not trusting him. You could not blame her, still, for asking her daughter to go behind her father's back and log into his internet banking account to check whether any great deal of money had been lost - especially when they all knew he had been spending some late nights at the casino in recent months. How many nights exactly? They were unsure. They were often asleep by the time he came home from work.
So Marcy logged in, if only to appease her mother. She had logged in several months before, at her mother's first request, to find her father perfectly responsible and nothing to worry about. She was confident this time would be the same.
What was once a house deposit was now a small fraction of what it was. There was no way it could be true. Marcy scrolled back in time, heart racing faster by the second, eyes frantically scanning her father's spendings, until the site wouldn't let her go any further back. She downloaded the .csv file. Ctrl + F for 'casino.' Conditional formatting to highlight them all. Red everywhere. Too much red. Moths in her stomach. An internet search taught her how to sum together all the values of cells adjacent to those highlighted red. Her formula spat out a figure. There was no way it could be true. She added them up cell-by-cell anyway, just to be sure. Same figure. Moths turned to bats.
She stood up, holding her laptop in her hands, Excel sheet open - a wall of red. How was she going to tell her mother? Her feet took her from her bedroom to the dining room, where her sister sat with her mother. The bats were erratic.
"What's wrong?" her mother asked immediately.
"Dad has gambled away over $44 000 in the last four months."
- excerpts from a book I'll never write
15 January 2025
0 notes
Text

Schloss Schonbuhel / Austria (by Dominik Schenk).
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
4 January 2025
"Occasionally weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have."
- John Piper
0 notes
Text
nightbirde & floating
27 December 2024
"You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore, before you decide to be happy." - Nightbirde When I heard Jane Marczewski say these words on international television in 2021, I wasn't entirely sure what she meant. The words are simple to understand, but for a writer such as Jane, I imagined they held a lot more depth than the obvious. I knew she had a beautiful faith, and yet, I wondered if her words were encouraging an indulgence in the fleeting, temporary pleasures of this world - an attempt to distract and to drown out her pain and sorrows, which we know doesn't really work. I have been told over and over that it is only God who can satisfy, and I have repeated those words just as many times myself - even if only just to myself. But I believe, now, that there is a difference in wild escapism, and the simple enjoyment of pleasures. It's okay to find moments of real happiness when afflicted with great sorrows. It's okay to joke around with friends when there are more serious things to deal with. It's okay to jump into a pool and let the peacefulness of floating hold you for a moment. It's okay to intentionally seek out things that will bring you small comforts - it is not a slippery slope into idolatry and it is not a betrayal to God. To intentionally distract from pain is okay - sometimes a momentary reprieve is what we need in order to survive, to keep going. It doesn't mean you care any less about the things hurting your heart. Jane's words, I believe, express permission to be happy, when circumstances oblige you to be sad.
1 note
·
View note