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:-( but i’m healing so that’s good... i have 32 more days in this then about 2 more weeks of getting very weak,then 6 weeks post op it gets BETTER?! we hope anyways

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got a new lil bralette

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Ive been thinking a lot about my fitness journey lately and I get really emotional.. I’ve just put so much effort and time into becoming a better human. everytime too I remind myself that I did it for me, and that is what really gets me. Of course I wanted people to see me as the best I could be. And I’ve been a little discouraged lately, but then I just think back to my 13 year old self and just how proud she would be of me.

This is from my drafts.. I don't remember when exactly... 

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dear sam,

wow do you feel emotional or something?

I just looked through this entire blog and the mental growth is incredible. I’m so proud of you for committing everything for YOURSELF.

In the begging the negativity is pretty obvious😬 and I know that you weren’t trying but it was there and i’m really sorry you went through that.

remember in grade nine when you started your journey. man when i hear some of those songs it takes me back to septmember when you were doing that little loop up 17th st. (fireball, work bitch) do you remember that first ever transformation photo! and how proud you were, after that there was no stopping you. the fight was to be skinny, SKINNY. but as time went on it eventually turned into HEALTHY. At that transition point is where you changed your view had more positivity and your words were less destructive.

at times your ambition was too strong and there was a lack of self awareness. sometimes the intensity of the workout was too much for your body to handle, and i’m sorry for that as well. you didn’t think that rest was really much of an option for awhile and didn’t understand it’s inmportance. i think that getting mono was a lesson, by taking away volleyball when the joy was back in it hurt, bad. and even this year being so tired for provincials.. you did that to yourself. but i mean admitting it is the first step haha.

You have become a positive source for yourself and

I know that there are bad days, but look at what you’ve been through (and sadly some of the stuff you put yourself through) you are remarkably strong and inspired.

We both know that your love for sports began as a tag along from matt, however your drive for fitness was you alone. Look at what you’ve accomplished and the stuff you do in a week!!

i don’t want to blame, but i know how helens self image hurt yours and the dieting and constant negativity on not only her body but your dragged you down. i know that was really hard to grow out of and leave behind but aren’t you happy you were able to?

I will have to admit though that i’m scared for what the future holds. I don’t want this to be your prime, I want you to keep up the effort and make healthy choices whenever possible (yup that’s right, your the annoying one who eats oatmeal every morning😉) And we both know that you are not afraid to treat yourself, but remember moderation. If it’s everyday is it really a treat??

Another draft post from June 2018 

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sooooo, I don't know I stopped with this blog and started this instagram. I like tumblr way more. 

So here are some screenshots of a page that I will be deleting after this lol 

But I’m just here to say that I have let myself go a little bit ): I am not proud, but I have accepted that there is nothing I can do but work harder now. Injuring my knee almost a year ago now really put a damper on my fitness journey and (low-key my life in general) and the reason it has such a big impact is because I identified myself with working out and playing volleyball and after the injury I didn't have that anymore. 

I have really been struggling at being consistent or even half consistent, I want to get back to where I was a couple of years ago, but that is so difficult because honestly I’m lazy now and have a really hard time prioritizing it. 

All being said, I have no better time than now to work on myself for myself 

October 2019 

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the ups & downs & dissapointing myself with inconsistency

I find it really challenging to stay “balanced” as simple as it sounds I have not been able to do it. I find myself one day 10/10 and feeling like i’m on top of the world then the next day not even wanting to see people

to be continued

Aug 2018

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june 25 2018

so ive been eating clean for ONE ENTIRE WEEK! that means no: gluten, dairy, sugar, cocoa and eggs until yesterday!

honestly it’s been really hard (mostly) mentally and just the fact of having the food. It’s moderalty a choice right now.. but it’s a choice to try and feel better. a choice to find a balance and try to avoid being bloated it hurts everyday. I find my biggest struggle with this too is knowing that I work out a lot and that I don’t see any results, it’s frustrating and makes me question what the point is. In the end the point is overall health and that does include exercise however a big portion is how you fuel your body as well.

it’s a choice to put myself first even if it’s hard and I want to break to my cravings.

Note: I still haven’t food prepped

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“self love is as easy as unlocking a door. but until then, you have to struggle to find the right key.”

— the key to self love.

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this spoke to me, and i just want to put it here for myself as a reminder

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“Document the moments you feel most in love with yourself - what you’re wearing, who you’re around, what you’re doing. Recreate and repeat.”

— (via degasdad)

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it is so hard to stay “balanced” i find myself struggle to eat in moderation & be ok with rest days. like this moment i felt absolutely unstoppable!!! however earlier this week i had a serious internal argument about how i felt/looked and i was disappointed in how i had “lost” my progress when really it was just my body being a body and bloating ect... with all that i’ve said i find myself getting closer to my goal of being a the best version of myself. i have lots of wants but i also appreciate the time i carve out for myself and progress i’ve made. adult sam is proud🌸 xox sam april 29/18

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This is a reminder to breathe. Truly breathe. Remember that you are, in fact, closer to your goals than you were yesterday and that you are allowed to take a moment and appreciate all you have accomplished, even if that’s just getting through another day. 

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“She practices being herself every day. Having to shed the layers of other identities took time. She even lost friendships. She couldn’t fill their egos anymore. When you focus on yourself, and love yourself, some relationships have to go.”

— Adrian Michael

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the truth

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”

— Thich Nhat Hanh

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today’s words i’ve done this quite a few times, it’s where i find quotes or sayings that fit my mood and match it or even better boost it. it really helps me to write down & accept the feels that i’m feeling even though it is always the last thing I want to do

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country boi i love you

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time...

I have been told by two people that I look thinner. my grandpa and my eyebrow lady, now it may not seem like much but I felt that I’ve been stuck in a plateau for the past month... but I see myself everyday and I had noticed an awesome change the month ago and now other people are noticing!! It reminded me of the quote I saw on pinterest awhile ago so I thought I should share😇 keep on keeping on💜

march 2018