fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

I don’t even know where to start, that’s probably why I’m typing this a day early. Tomorrow, she’s been mine for a whole year…my girlfriend, then my fiancee, but always my whole entire heart, my everything. This woman has completely turned my world upside down, in the most amazing ways. I was fine with settling, convinced that I didn’t deserve more, but throughout this entire year, she’s made me realize that I do deserve love, and she’s done it in the most patient, sweet ways. I was convinced I was damaged goods, that no one would want me or see me for who I really am, until her. She makes me feel like I’m not damaged…that I’m worthy. Of life, of love, of happiness. Of her. Isn’t that fucking crazy? She’s so fucking beautiful, incredibly sexy, the most caring and kind soul I’ve ever met, her sense of humor is out of this world (in the best ways possible), gives the absolute best cuddles, makes me feel safe and protected in every situation, and is just the most amazing soul in the universe…how in the world did I manage to score her? I still have no idea, a year later. I still won’t have any idea when we’re 87, sitting on our front porch in our rocking chairs, holding hands. But I do know that I don’t take a second of it for granted, and the rest of our lifetime together will be nothing short of full of love and happiness, without a second being taken advantage. I don’t second guess things at all, same as a year ago. I fall asleep with her on my phone and in my head, and I dream of her nightly, so I wake up happy, to her beautiful face every morning. Just like a year ago, I still can’t stop thinking about her, wanting her, needing her, caring for her, and loving her. And I’m so honored that I still get the chance to do that. I still get to call her mine, forever.

I love you Kristen…more than I could ever put into words. Like…

-honey bunches of infinity

-a whole bunch of bunches

-an infinite amount of a lots

-a million times over

-to the moon, around the sun and back again…plus a shin. 🥰🥰🥰👽♾️

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

Normalize being kind & supportive for no reason

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

i don’t know if it’s because today has been a year since i first talked to her or what, but i woke up with my butterflies absolutely raving just before she had to leave for work. we said our good mornings and sweet dreams/drive safe’s and i went back to sleep. maybe it was only for like a half hour, but still…i went back to sleep and of course, i dreamt of her. (yes, of course, gorgeous…i know you’re reading this and you’ll argue it, but of course…end of story 😘) it’s no surprise that i dreamt of her…it’s a daily/nightly thing. if i’m not sleeping, then i’m daydreaming of her…her smile that stops me dead in my tracks still…her eyes that i get lost in every single time and often forget what i was previously saying…her hands, her lips, her mouth, all over me, so much so that i tingle and moan just dreaming of her on me, in me. the cuddles after, feeling her arms wrapped around me, the safest i have ever felt in my life, knowing this is it, this is where i’m meant to be. home. so of course my dreams were of her.

a year ago today, those dreams started becoming my reality. every single day, I have woken up with a message from her or to her on my screen, and i never thought I’d would be so fortunate…one of the lucky ones that gets that forever love hit her like a truck out of nowhere. i tell her all of the time that it’s hard for me to put into words how i feel about her because it’s just so much, I don’t always have the words. but I’m going to try.

you make me feel safe. you are my absolute best friend and i know that with you, i have nothing to fear. the only fear i have in life now is losing you. not waking up next to you, even if it’s on FaceTime right now. never feeling your kiss, your touch, you, again. but i also know that our love isn’t just one lifetime of us…i fully believe our love has spanned lifetimes and realities, and I have loved you for all of them.

for the first time in my life, and i know this is sad to say, but i feel worthy and deserving. deserving and worthy of love, and happiness. deserving of a best friend in a partner, one who never gives up and always shows up. deserving and worthy of being able to adventure through life, and always having someone to do that with.

we aren’t perfect. no one is. but i know that you are the most amazing, sweet, caring, loving, kind, smart, ridiculously fucking hilarious, goofy in all of the perfect ways, sexiest, cutest, thisclose to the sweetest blue alien love souls that i’ve ever been confident was meant for me. devon sawa said it best in casper…”can i keep you?” 🥰

happy year of knowing you, beautiful…i am so so blessed and so happy to be here, with you. i love you, a whole bunch of bunches, plus a shin. 😘😘

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

She’s sleeping right now on FaceTime and I want nothing more than to teleport there and sleep in her arms. She’s so beautiful. Still, I wonder every day how I got so lucky to deserve her. I know she’ll say that it’s because I exist and I refuse to argue with her, especially when she gets that stern voice going, so I digress. The point is, she’s mine and I get to spend the rest of my days relishing in the fact that she’s mine and I get to pour all of this love into her that she so deserves until then end of time. That makes me happier than I thought I ever could have been. Yes, I’m over the moon ecstatic that I’ll get to call her my wife too…but the fact that I get to love and experience her as she is, as she’s meant to be, as I love her endlessly, is more than I could have asked for.

I found myself irritated earlier. My best friend has a boyfriend less than an hour away, but he rarely makes the effort to see her. It irritates me because if my love was with an hour of me, I’d be seeing her daily, nothing could stop me. But I calmed myself down with the thought that soon, I’ll be falling asleep and waking up beside her in our bed every day, and now all is well again.

Sleep well gorgeous…sweet dreams, I’ll meet you there. 😍🐝♾️

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

She’s sleeping right now and doesn’t even know it, but I’m absolutely entranced by her. More so now than usually, only because it’s so innocent…the way her breath catches, her cute little noises she makes when she’s sleeping, how peaceful she is, how she automatically looks for me and makes sure I’m good (if I’m awake) as soon as she wakes up.

I can’t wait to see her again, to feel her, to taste her, to love her and to show her love, just like I do in my dreams nightly…but for right now, this is perfection. The silent stillness, minus the sound of her breathing, falling asleep and waking up to her beauty…this is perfection.

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how she makes me more, better. I know, it sounds weird. But it’s true. Until now, I’ve never met a person who was able to make me better. But she does. And she makes me want to be better tomorrow than I was today. Life isn’t just something that I get through now. It’s something I enjoy living. We have these routines that we do…coffee in the mornings, making dinner together, binge watching tv shows, watching movies…but they aren’t really routines to me. They’ve become rituals, things that I need to happen because during those moments, they bring her closer. So routines are better now too, they’re rituals, things that we do to show appreciation of the love we share every day. Music has always been one of my absolute favorite things, but now, the love songs finally have meanings. I’ve always loved these same songs, but the words are something I actually feel now. I finally know what they all speak of and it’s incredible. Even on the days when I want to give up, especially on those days, she knows just what to say and do and by the end of the conversation, I’m ready to put my all back into it and try whatever was bringing me down again. I don’t know. It’s 2am and I’m a bit tired but not sleepy yet and I’m just overwhelmed with how fucking lucky I am, to love this absolutely insanely amazing woman and the kicker is, she loves me back. She makes me want to do this life, with her right my by side, and make it the best one either of us could have imagined, and that’s just what I plan to do. She makes me happy. Beyond happy. Beyond happier than I’d ever dreamed. She makes me happy, she makes me feel loved and safe and cared for and more words than I can ever put on paper. She does all of that. She makes me want to sing again, and I often do, while she listens intently and smiles that gorgeous smile at me. She makes me me…she brought me back to myself, and I didn’t even know I was lost.

I love her. Oh, I love her. ❤️👽🐝♾️

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

now my life is sweet like cinnamon.

she left almost a week ago, and i'm still trying to collect my thoughts. this will probably still be a jumbled mess, but i need to get this out.

my best friend took me to the airport to pick her up. i was nervous the whole way there. more excited than nervous. more anxious than nervous. but as soon as i walked into the airport with her flowers and coffee in hand and saw her, all of that went out the window. that first kiss? i have never ever felt like that in life, ever. everything else disappeared. there was nothing in my brain besides the thought of her lips on mine and how they felt, how i never wanted it to end. after we got her luggage, my nerves kicked up a bit more. she didn't know it, but i was definitely popping the question when we got to my best friend's house. i knew we weren't going to run to the courthouse...but they say when you know, you know...and i know. and queen bey said, "if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it"...so i did, because i love her. the entire trip was magical. she and my best friend hit it off like old friends, like i knew they would. she met my other friends and they all loved her, like i knew they would. i care about those things. they don't change anything, but i do care. it makes me so happy that they all got along and enjoyed spending time.

but the most magical part? her. her touch, her kiss, her voice, the feel of her breath on my neck...waking up wrapped in her arms, falling asleep the same way every night. i was in absolute nirvana, pure blissful happiness and it lasted almost two weeks. she is my undeniable miracle, my soulmate, my everything. 🐝♾️

i can't wait to see her again...but it's only temporary. i love her, endlessly...more than i could EVER put into words. ❤️

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

Obsessed is an understatement. You know how you watch these romantic comedies as a teenage girl and when the girl gets her love interest, you’re all for it…until you realize that, “it’s just a movie, that would never happen in real life.” But it does. It did, for me, I mean. I still don’t know how, but I’m literally dating my dream girl. Hell, more than my dream girl. She’s more than even the best, wildest dreams could ever imagine being. I can’t stop staring, 99% of the time it’s because she’s so beautiful I don’t know what to do with myself, and the other 1% is me wondering how in the hell i got so lucky. She said I can’t be the luckiest all of the time, but I feel it. I have never been so far away from someone, yet felt so close. She hasn’t even touched me yet, but I shiver at the thought of her touch. I tremble at the thought of her lips on mine. The thought of being in her arms and falling asleep to the sound of her heartbeat with no distance between us is going to be heaven. She’s sleeping right now and she’s so peaceful. I fucking love her so much. I wish I could tell her how much, but words fail me. In a couple of weeks, she’ll be here for a visit, and I’m determined to show her…that’s easier than words anyways. 😉 She’ll be here soon, so soon. I’m so excited. I’m nervous that she’s gonna change her mind when she gets here (even though I KNOW that isn’t gonna happen), but the excitement overtakes the nervousness. I will be kissing my girlfriend in a few short weeks and that is the long and short of it. I’m so happy. And in love. And all of the things I never thought possible, all because of the one I’ve waited my whole life for.

I swear…I’m gonna marry her.

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

I have never in my life been this happy. Or this in love. I’ve never given this much of myself to someone, especially without hesitation. This is the type of love that you only read about in books, or see in romantic comedies. You have my entire heart. But my soul? That’s been yours from the beginning, but now it’s entirely yours. I don’t say that as a scary thing. Hearing that you have someone else’s heart and soul in your possession is kind of intimidating, no? I mean it in the way that my heart and soul is all about you. It’s you that it craves, you that it loves, you that it wants, you that it needs. There is never a time I’m not thinking about you. When I fall asleep with you, you meet me in my dreams. When I wake up with you, my mind is immediately filled with the overwhelming happiness I get from seeing you when I’m just opening my eyes, that sets my day on a “no matter what happens, today is going to be good,” kinda path and adds to my happiness. When we’re at work, even on our busiest days when our communication is interrupted, you stay running through my mind. It’s crazy that there are 931 miles between us, yet I still feel you with me everywhere. I don’t know what the future will bring to an exact science, but I know that it will be filled with us together, in our home, filled with so much love and absolute happiness we won’t be sure what to do but embrace it. I love you, my love. 3 months down, and forever to go. Like honey bunches of infinity. 🥰👽🐝♾️

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

It’s been 3 months tomorrow since you asked me to be your girlfriend. It feels like it’s been three years, in the eternity it feels like I’ve known you. I don’t know that I’ll ever get used to you, but I know that I’ll spend the rest of my days trying to, and loving every second. I was not looking forward to a long distance relationship, but with you, it’s more than worth it. It helps that technology allows me to see your gorgeous face anytime I want. I daydream of kissing you. When we wake up. Before you fall completely asleep, just as you’re dozing off. Before grocery shopping. After grocery shopping. In the aisle while grocery shopping. At home putting the groceries away. Every chance I get, I imagine my lips on yours. In every way, in every scenario. When we fall asleep together at night, I dream of you. Your hands all over me. Your mouth following the trail your hands lead. Little nibbles along the way, followed by sweet, calming kisses, before you pull me into your arms. I sleep so good there. When I wake up to your smiling face, it makes my whole day. No matter how little sleep or if a nightmare randomly crept in, waking up to you is all I could ask for and more. You’re my everything, you know that? I never knew that this type of love is what I’ve always deserved, that you are what I’ve always deserved. That’s why it didn’t work with anyone else…my soul knew what it was looking for, and holy fuck, did it find you. You. My her. My girlfriend. My gorgeous future wife. My best friend. My person. My absolute everything. Thank you. Thank you for loving me the way I never knew existed. Thank you for treating me the way I never knew I deserved to be. Thank you for helping me to see that I am worth everything you give. Thank you for showing me that the most meaningful life full of unconditional love and happiness really is written in the stars for me. Thank you for letting me love you in those exact ways. Because my love, you deserve the world, and I plan to give it to you. Tonight, as I listen to the pouring rain, these lyrics come to mind … “I’ve got plans for you, I’ve got such big plans for you,”; “I realize that you’re all I wanna run to,”; and, “I’ll love you till my lungs give out, I ain’t lyin’…I’m all your’n.” I can’t believe it’s been three months, but at the same time, I feel like you’ve been mine far longer than that. I’m so lucky, whether I’ve officially spent 3 months or 37 years calling you mine, I still go to bed a lucky woman and wake up even luckier every day I call you mine again. Happy 3 month anniversary beautiful…here’s to a lifetime more. I love you, endlessly. 🥰👽🐝♾️

I can’t wait to be home soon, my love. ❤️

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

I’ve been trying so hard to sort out these thoughts in my head, to give voice to these feelings. I never thought this was in the stars for me, that you were. When we started talking, I was sure that love was done with me. But then…this gorgeous, eyes so blue I could get lost in them (and do), smile so beautiful that it makes me smile, adorable, sweet, funny soul walked into my world and flipped it upside down. Now I can’t see anything but love. Love from you to me, from me to you, and from ourselves to ourselves. I realize now that this, you, are the love I’ve always wanted, always needed. You’re who this long wait was for. I’m sorry it took me so long. But it needed to be the right time, the universe said. The stars, the moon, the universe, the galaxies, fate, my dad…all of the above magic conspired to bring you to me. You are, hands down, the love of my life. The one I’ve always dreamed of, the one that only happens in movies, the one that my dad would have absolutely chosen for me. The craziest part? You haven’t even touched me in person and I can feel you all over me. Your sweet kisses, the nibbles that I know will follow, your hands roaming all over me, the weight of your body on mine and how fucking safe all of it makes me feel. I have never felt this safe and secure and home…just…home. All of the things that I can’t imagine not feeling now, and that I’m excited to spend the rest of forever feeling and experiencing…with you. Just…you. My gorgeous, masterpiece art work, beautiful, sweet, kind, funny, amazing, blue alien love future wife. 🥹🥰

I know it took me what feels like an eternity to get to you. But I promise…I swear…I will spend every second of the rest of forever loving you the way you love me. I have so, so much love to pour into you, and I absolutely cannot wait. I also cannot wait to share so many more things with you…our animals, our home, your last name when I make you my wife…our love. I know this post is all over the place, but welcome to my brain. I can’t stop thinking about you and I can’t stop wanting you and needing you, and missing you. Fuck, I miss you. Or, as we both prefer, tu me manques.

I love you, endlessly, with every atom of my being…down to your bones.

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

-Jm Storm

[fireflydreamswithadragonflypulse]

foggy day in the forest.