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fire-within-burns-eternal · 3 years

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So, I’m Ukrainian. I’m an immigrant but the rest of my family lives in Ukraine. I don’t like sharing anything online, but after what happened with Apollon’s and Hermes’ help, I wanted as many people as possible to know of the Gods’ generosity and support and tireless care. Please bear with me, because this is a LONG post, but I felt it was important to include all these details.

As many of you already know, Russia invaded Ukraine on February 24th.

They started their invasion in the night, by bombing the shit out of my country.

Before this, Putin had made a speech where he explicitly said that he would only be taking the Donbass region. He lied. When the war started, it felt like we had all quite literally fallen down some weird rabbit hole and woken up in a completely different reality. It did not feel real.

Putin’s lies and our consequent shock resulted in several things. First, the invasion came on so suddenly that my cousins, at the time of the attack, were alone in Kyev, far away from the rest of my family. They woke up to the sound of bombing and sirens. They could not understand what was happening.

At first, there was confusion; a muted sort of panic. And by the time that they (that many Ukrainians) even understand what was truly happening— that we were at war, that we were being bombed, that we were going to die— there was complete chaos. Of course the entire city, the entire country, fell into hysteria. Imagine that you, wherever you are, put down this very phone you’re holding now to go to sleep. Imagine scrambling for this phone the next morning, when you’re woken up to the sound of bombs and sirens. To the sound of bombs and sirens in your ordinary city, where you commute everyday, where you go to work, or to school, and where you come back home at the end of the day to make your dinner and scroll through tumblr. It’s an indescribable feeling.

With this hysteria, there was this mass exodus of people fleeing. They literally just threw their belongings into bin bags and ran for their cars. I’m sure you’ve seen that photo of the traffic jam, but even that is just a *tiny* glimpse of it. It took people an entire day to drive along a road that would normally take them less than one hour to get through. But, either way, my cousins didn’t have a car. They couldn’t get to our family by using public transport.

They were trapped.

At this point it’s important to note that they live in two different places, on opposite sides of a river that goes through Kyev. One of my cousins left her apartment and crossed the river to stay at my other cousin’s place.

As the day went on, things got progressively worse. It’s all a blur, to be honest, and I’m not sure on the specifics. The days have kind of blended into one. What I do remember is them having to go down into their underground parking to take shelter. I remember them crying. I remember seeing constant updates on the Russian invaders advancing closer and closer to them— and all of us being completely helpless. Like I said, everything was just thrown into chaos.

That same day I sat down to speak to Apollon. There was chaos, complete chaos— but I forced myself to go into deep stillness and hear him. Not only were his answers clear and loud, but he also brought just. Completely overwhelming support. He has always been the home of my soul, the source of my stability and peace— and I didn’t realise just how much I needed him in that moment.

He showed me which areas of Ukraine would be safest to stay in. He told me that there is a moment coming up in our near future where there will be a short window to run, and that when that moment comes, we can’t hesitate like we did before but have to take immediate action. Remember that river I mentioned? And how my cousins had two apartments on different sides? He told me that under absolutely no circumstances can they cross that river— that is, go back to my other cousin’s place. That same night, a Russian missile hit an apartment block. It was less than one minute away from my other cousin’s place.

With his advice, my cousins were safe that night.

The next day, the shooting started. Russian tanks entered Kyiv. People were still fleeing, yes, but many were too terrified to leave their homes or bomb shelters. The sound of gunfighting was non-stop. But Apollon advised that we had to get out, and so that’s what happened.

My aunt left that day and just absolutely floored it on her way to Kyiv. She got there in less than half the time. She drove into the city, among the tanks, among the shooting, and got my cousins out of there.

This entire time, I had been praying to Hermes for their safety. I asked him to help them get back to the rest of our family safely. He nodded, winked, and then zoomed off to deliver more than I could have ever asked for. He did more than I could have ever even imagined— and for what? All I did was make him an espresso and burn some myrrh incense for him. Same with Apollon— just biscuits and tea. And yet they both went above and beyond and saved and protected and watched over my family with so much love and fierceness that I just, well, I’m crying while writing this. I can’t put it into words. Nothing we could ever give them could ever be enough to fully repay their generosity. They are beautiful, and they love us so, so much, and all we can do is just give them all of our love in return.

I’m not even sure how it happened, but at some point, my aunt accidentally bumped into this man who was also sucked up in all of Kyev’s chaos. He told her, with a lot of urgency, that on her way back she should not take the main road, but should instead drive through the forests and small villages.

My aunt had lived in this region of Ukraine for her entire life. As did my grandma and everyone before her. Yet this random man she bumped into by complete chance was able to tell her a way out she had never heard of before in her life. He knew the names to all the roads, all the small villages, all the turns in even the most forgotten forest roads. It was absolutely insane. My aunt literally said that she felt that “he had been sent by the heavens”.

So, that’s the road they took on their way back.

Just for comparison, a friend of ours from the same town left before sunrise that same day to also rescue his stranded daughter from Kyiv. He took the main road, and he only got back well after nightfall. My aunt, on the other hand, left at around lunchtime, and managed to get back somewhere around the late afternoon.

I literally just bawled my eyes out when I was thanking Hermes for all this.

Just a few hours after they left Kyiv, the most intense part of the fighting moved right outside the apartment my cousins had just escaped from. The bridge that linked Kyev to my family’s city was blown up. Russia sent more airstrikes. As of today, February 27th, Russia has continued shelling residential districts in Kyev. We still have friends trapped there, and they say that the sound of sirens and gunfire is non-stop. I’ve seen videos filmed from apartment windows showing missiles flying and hitting residential buildings. At night, the sky lights up with what looks like orange fireworks. Many people have not left the bomb-shelters for days. The Russians have killed hundreds of civilians, including children. And this is just the beginning. With Apollon’s advice, my cousins got out just in time.

With the Gods, I feel safe, and I feel hopeful. I wrote this post because I wanted everyone to know about their help and their miracles. And I want to thank them in this way. I’ve spoken specifically about Hermes and Apollon here, but the truth is that I’ve been praying to many more of them— and I feel their presence, and I see their help and support. It’s very hard for me to feel little else other than anger and fear and pure hate towards the Russians who are either invading or have turned their backs on us because they are “too scared” (💀), but… there are moments, really stunning, beautiful moments, when I’m able to experience the Gods in a light that I have never seen them before, and I am grateful, and I am so, so in love.

I even thank Ares and Eris for the war. Imagine that! War— war is pensioners being burned to death as they’re hit with missiles. War is burning kindergartens and starving cats trapped in buildings and more loss and injustice than you can handle. But I am grateful, still, that even in the darkest and most unimaginable hours us Ukrainians have managed to reach the absolute heights of honour and heroism. I am grateful that the colossal rage and hate we feel has given us the strength to actually fight back against a maniac who will very soon turn his country and his own people into something unrecognisable.

When tyranny is allowed to consolidate its power, it freezes entire nations and the futures of millions of unwilling people. Just as with the Nazi regime, the majority of whom were too scared to speak out, too— these people will turn unrecognisable. I had never understood how ordinary Germans had been able to just go along Hitler’s increasingly insane plans and demands– without any protests, without any rebellion. Now, I understand.

What we see as ‘evil’ has many sides to it.

A few weeks before the war started, I had an OBE where I walked with Apollon through my house, watching him lock the doors leading to the outside. He then showed me an excel spreadsheet (yes, really), where there was something about me only being allowed to worship Eris in tangent with Ares. Of course, I could have never imagined what this really meant… but I don’t get chills, I feel supported in the knowledge that my Gods know what will happen and that they are leading me. And that they have excel spreadsheets to keep up with my spiritual development, apparently.

So, even in war, us Ukrainians are blessed, because it is precisely our rage and the hatred we feel in the face of injustice and cowardice that allows us to keep fighting despite all the odds.

Yes, the Gods are multifaceted, and they cannot be contained only in what we see as ‘good’. I understood that before. And in these past few days, what I’ve also found is that when you go far enough into their ‘bad’ aspects, too, you will always, always, be swept up in the fires of divinity. I will love them and I will praise them with the entire spectrum of my being, and it is exciting to find that this spectrum lights up and seems to grow as my own relationship with the Gods grows.

If you were affected by this post in any way, try to give the Gods something nice. They love and care for us more than we can ever understand, and what I’m realising now is the amount of times that they must have saved someone’s life during my time worshipping them. I just… we all see our own personal version of them, but they truly do so, so much, and I just!!! I don’t know. I want them to know how much we love them, and how much they mean to us all. I just can’t believe our insane luck at having them by our side.

Note: during the time that I’ve been editing this post Putin has declared that he is now happy to use nuclear weapons, and he has also just sent a bomb into my family’s city. I’m looking at a photo of it smoking right now. I can see my grandparent’s apartment window. They are old, and severely ill, and when we called them they were barely breathing because of their terror. But, they are alive. The bomb missed them.

Fuck Putin, fuck Lukashenko, and fuck all the cowards who are too scared to stand up to them.

And now…. unbelievable. We have now just received another alarm for an incoming bomb. I’ll just send this post off now. I can’t believe that this is happening to my country of sunflowers and heroes. We will keep fighting. May the Gods watch over us and give us strength.

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