fionaosmanarchive

[fionaosmanarchive]

Fiona lifts her eyebrows, utterly delighted by the situation she's happened across, and on a day when she especially needs it. There's never anything as good as serendipitously encountering the weirdos of the world. "Hmmm," she hums, cocking her hip against the machine beside the one he has his arm stuck in. "I could, obviously. The real question is, will I. Some might say I'd be interfering with natural selection."

Where: anywhere there could be a vending machine.

Who: open for anyone. (capping at four: 0/4) @sewastarters

The days were getting longer and that's how they felt. Accepting the job of managing the new agency in Seattle from the main company back in Scotland, Andrew knew it wouldn't be easy. He wasn't even sure he could even do it. Truthfully, he was doing a great job, but he always felt like he was falling short. So he tried harder and harder, which meant he was getting tired. His boss, Sam, had told him that the first month or so would be difficult and work-heavy. He had been right, of course, but Andy wasn't expecting the toll.

As he was taking a little break walk, the Canadian decided to get a little snack from the vending machine. Anyone who knew anything about Andy knew that snacks were often the highlight of his day. But this one, this little brownie that looked delicious was... stuck in the machine. He could see it behind the glass, desperately hanging in there, almost floating. After a few kicks in the machine, he tried the old put your hand in the machine trick. Which far from helping, did help him empathise with the snack. "Hey!" he said to you as you were passing by, "could you help me, please? I'm kinda stuck here..."

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"It is so real!" Fiona laughs, half ready to pull out her phone and prove it to him. She would know, seeing as she's spent cumulative weeks of her life curled up in bed voraciously reading articles about the deepest parts of the ocean and the furthest reaches of space, all with her stomach in anxious, fascinated, excited knots.

"Shut up," she says with a pleased grin and a roll of her eyes. Thadd's dumb and painfully obvious flirting has been an inherent part of their friendship since they started hanging out ten years ago in high school, and usually she doesn't look any further into it than that. Sometimes, however, she can't help but question that assumed innocence — like right now, when something about the way he's looking at her makes her feel a little flustered. "And Megolodons don't exist anymore, stupid. But yeah, in principle, I guess. They're definitely closer to whatever current cool ass sea monsters are down there."

Rolling her eyes again, Fiona shakes her head and fixes Thadd with a grin. "Do you just like when I call you stupid, or something?"

"Literally, am I supposed to be hearing a difference?" Thadd had the (some would say unfortunate) habit of drawing a joke out for just a touch too long. Luckily for him, Fiona's frustration with him seemed to always remain at baseline. Not so luckily for her, that made her one of his favorite people to try and annoy, just to see how far she'd let him take it.

Unsurprisingly, what she was actually talking about was so much cooler than an animated movie about talking fish. "There's no way that's fucking real." His head shook, forehead resting against the cool glass as he tried to process the information he was being given. "But if it was...d'you think that means that, like...the astronauts are also closer to a fucking Megalodon or some shit than any other human on earth?" Sick? More like terrifying. A shudder runs through him at the thought. "You wouldn't fit in there...you're the least less developed creature I know." He turned his head to offer her a smile, a genuine, though poorly worded compliment.

"Wait, is that where the Loch Ness monster is?"

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"Neat," Fiona says, drawing the word out quietly as Melody takes her into the studio itself, which looks different than she'd expected but still just as cool and filled with equipment, some of whose purpose she couldn't even guess. Tilting her head and peering at the 'x' in question, she thinks for a second before saying, "Any place at all? Can I go crazy and say, like, the peak of Mount Chimborazo or do I have to be reasonable?"

"just stay behind me." she laughed with a shake of her head. it wouldn't be an issue to show her the studio. people were still busy setting up before the live would begin. "it's all really on the computers. we've gone through rehearsal so Iit's really just a fancy powerpoint if you think about it." her finger pointed down to the x noting her place. "here. pick any place you want to be."

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"Oh my god," Fiona laughs, both surprised and delighted and maybe even on some level offended by the bald-faced assumption right out loud. "That's, like, so rude." She's grinning though, because more than anything she's always kind of liked people who have no filter. "No I'm not drunk, I've wanted to be a mermaid since I was little, it's just the evil stuff that's a little more recent." Shrugging, she leans her shoulder against the glass tank and turns her full attention to the man. "And before you judge me, it's not like I asked to be a harbinger of misfortune. I was just born that way. Isn't life supposed to be about embracing who you are?"

It all started as a joke, when in the middle of a lunch with clients, Kingston’s associate offered they go to the aquarium before heading back to the office. “You can’t be serious. We’re really going there ?” Yes, Kingston, you were. And there, he was. His mates were a few steps ahead while Kingston here, was enjoying a second of peace before a new swarm of people would rush into the room. You didn’t seem like a big deal at first, until you started talking. Couldn’t you just stare at the fish quietly ? But then he just stared at you, instead of looking at the big tank. “I’m sorry ? Have you seriously thought of that before or are you just drunk ?” How did people get so weird ? 

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Fiona snorts. "Do humpbacks know how to have a laugh? Definitely my new second favorite whale," she nods, "I do love a good trickster. Maybe they're just trying to make sure everyone else down there isn't taking everything too seriously." Which, of course, she can appreciate.

Tilting her head in thought, Fiona says, "I guess probably something in the water would be my favorite animal, but that's always been kind of a hard question for me, like — there's a lot of good animals." She juts her hip against the glass, giving it good thought. "Octopuses are really cool. They're, like, crazy smart and look like some science-fiction shit. If there are any super, super giant ones down there, that's for sure my favorite animal. What about you?"

Levi succumbs to a hearty chuckle at her wicked sense of humour. "Luring people into misfortune?" he chortles, arching a playful eyebrow. "Well, confidence is everything if you're gonna rock the slutty mermaid look." He redirects his stance and turns to face her, his fingers drumming thoughtfully against his hip. "A whale, you say? I'm more of a dolphin man myself, but if I had to choose...I'd say humpback. They're regal, with that enchanting singing voice, and they still know how to have a laugh." The corners of his mouth quirks upwards, and he shakes his head in disbelief. "Are we really discussing what kind of whale we'd be? Since we’re on the topic, what's your favourite animal, then?"

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Fiona watches the woman with a bald fascination — she likes the way she talks, the tone of her voice and the deliberateness of her words and the verbiage itself. It's sort of mesmerizing, and in a way that Fiona has always wanted to be herself. Her cheeks actually flush with pleasure at the sentiment that she'd make an endearing mermaid, of all the silly things.

"You would for sure make a good sorceress," Fiona assures her with a short laugh. "Plus, mermaids and sirens and whatever, that's too juvenile. I mean, perfect for someone like me," she jokes, "but I see you as being more, like, sitting on a throne of darkness, do you know what I mean? Like, terrible to behold vibes, not some hot girl in a seashell bra sitting on a rock for no reason."

A chuckle elicited Anita’s lips at the statement, amused as she watched the younger woman pressed against the glass with a look of yearning ever present on her face. “No, you’re quite right. If mermaids are real, I’d imagine they’re more devious than they’re portrayed in those Disney pictures.” She moved a few steps closer towards the tank, her gaze following the brightly coloured fish passing by, although, it made her feel a little bad for them being confined to life in an aquarium rather than out in the sea. “Ah, so... a siren? I’ve always found the concept of them so fascinating. But Ariel? Not so much. I’m partial to a femme fatale and none of that cheesy, wholesome rubbish.” The subject of mythical creatures wasn’t something she anticipated she’d put serious thought into when she awoke that morning, but it was keeping her entertained nonetheless. “If it’s any consolation, I think you’d make a very endearing mermaid.” Shaking her head, she couldn’t but laugh. “I don’t think I could be one, not because I’m not capable of being an evil temptress, but because I’m not much of a swimming in the ocean kind of woman. I’d rather be a sorceress of some kind.”

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Thing is, Fiona doesn't really think Archie's a bad guy — she just thinks he's kind of a dumbass, and it's fun fucking with him. Also, he's exactly the kind of dude who would offer to get her something just because they happened to run into each other at a pastry shop, and she's always been partial to people buying things for her.

"Sure," she says, "but you have to pick what you think I like." Because if everything wasn't a game, what was the point, really? "And by the way, no, marriage isn't part of love," she adds, returning to what he'd said before. "I mean, I don't think it is, anyway. It's just some random thing people do for taxes, right? Maybe it symbolizes something to do with love, but I still think people are crazy for legally binding themselves to each other or whatever when we all know nothing lasts forever and, like, more than half of marriages end in divorce. I guess people just think they're different. But you're not," she shrugs, giving Archie a raised eyebrow. "How long do you really think your wife is gonna find apple rose tarts funny instead of annoying?"

archie laughs because she isn't far from the truth. they'd gotten married in the hopes of strengthening their already damaged relationship and if anything, it just put more strain on them. "i'm sure there's a good reason behind it somewhere, it's part of love, isn't it?" he suggests, though not entirely convinced himself. "i think she'd find it funny, aye." archie starts to laugh however, "see, it's too late for that 'cause i have to go pick my daughter up from her grandma's which is why i'm out of the house. so this'll be what i bring back on my return which is when she'll realise i didn't do what i was asked today." he can't deny that an apple rose tart to the face was in fact a suitable punishment. "in my defence..." he ponders for a moment, before shrugging with a laugh, "i have no defence, i'm just shite at doing chores." archie turns to the counter and orders the tarts, along with some doughnut bites for paisley. he skips on anything for himself. "can i get you something?" he offers fiona, "to say thank you?"

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Fiona's in the middle of giving a dramatic roll of her eyes while he hammers home his point about being averse to the ocean and all its (in her opinion) cool mysteries when his casual claim to not know what she's talking about genuinely surprises her.

"What?" she cuts him off before he can finish his sentence. "Cthulhu, the most famous water monster, like, in history? That really famous horror guy wrote about him — I haven't read any of them," she assures him, "but I've read about them, and it's pretty much the coolest thing ever. I genuinely believe if I was floating on the water in the ocean and felt something grab me I'd feel part fear and part elation."

"Did you have like a bad experience in the water or something or do you just hate it 'cause you like sipping your Starbucks mom drinks and hating on things?"

Avi hums in acknowledgement as he listens to her talk about the ocean and how much she'd love to know what's down there, but for him, it was the complete opposite. "See, you say inhuman and that is that exact reason I'm okay being here and whatever we don't know about being down there. I made the mistake of watching The Meg in theaters once and honestly, that was enough what if's for me." If he never had to think about that movie again, that would also be good enough for him. "The closest I want to be to discovering sea creatures are real is sipping on a caramel macchiato from Starbucks." He dreaded the day when Mila was old enough to ask to do something like scuba diving or to go on a cruise. "Okay, I have no clue what that is, but it doesn't sound like I want to know either."

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"Oh my god, you stupid idiot, I'm not talking about Finding Nemo," Fiona reprimands him, only partially fighting back a grin. Sometimes she can tell when he's being dumb on purpose, but sometimes she can't, and it's always halfway between annoying and endearing. "I'm talking about Point Nemo, it's a place. It's, like, this one spot in the middle of the Pacific ocean that's the farthest point on the planet from any land. Apparently if you're there, you're closer to the astronauts in the international space station than any other humans on earth. Which is fucking sick, if you ask me." Hand on the glass, she looks longingly again at the water and heaves a sigh. "I just think that's so cool. I wanna go someday so badly. They say there are creatures in the water there that are less developed than everywhere else for some reason. I guess probably 'cause the environment hasn't changed as much as the rest of the planet down there."

Sometimes Thadd wondered why he still hung out with Fiona...but then he remembered that she simply knew too much, and he'd rather have her as a friend than as his enemy (even if having her as a friend was a little like having her as an enemy, anyways).

"Leaning into the evil part of evil mermaid a little early, aren't we, Ursula?" Thadd's eyebrows flash in Fiona's direction, but his attention is just as quickly taken by the sea lion passing right before them--not so much the animal itself, but Fiona's own reaction to it, the way her eyes track it's movement, her face seemingly unsure on whether or not she wanted to be excited or terrified, a little of both. He knew the feeling well, especially when it came to her.

Maybe she wasn't the only one who knew too much about the other.

"...like, the movie that's basically Taken but about fish? Yeah, Fi, I've seen it."

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"Hang on," Fiona says, shaking her head and holding a hand up — as appealing-sounding as the organized pantry sounds, she cycles back to what Jamie had said before that. "You don't go in the water at the beach? You have got to be kidding me, Jamie, that's, like, blasphemy of the highest order! I mean, the dark is one thing, I guess, I've never really minded it, honestly, but I get it. But the water..." She shakes her head again. "No way. This summer, I'm getting you in the beach. I won't take no."

"it's the most annoying ache, but at least it's fun to satisfy," she said with a small shrug. "space is one of mine, too - but it's more interesting than really... haunting. the dark and quiet would get me, though. space is an obsession - a real haunt would be the ocean and the dark. i'm terrified of both of them. i refuse to get in the water at the beach, i stay in the sand, and i can't do the dark. i'll freak out," jamie said, picking at her cuticles. "i kinda get off on good organization, though. you should see my pantry. i just reorganized it and it's beautiful - unless it's been gotten into already, then it's probably trashed again."

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"Well you should know the description of every D considering how you get around," Fiona says, tongue in cheek, as if she's just made a great joke. "Actually so true though, he does seem like the type to try and scale down the side of the building, doesn't he?" Somehow, her mind turns them both instantly into a couple of old ladies wearing fur coats and acting like they had nothing to do with the mysterious murder of their rich husband — except it's not a murder, it's just a bad prank, and it's not a rich husband, just some freak from their building. "Love the idea of dressing in Thadd's clothes to take him down, imagine his face when the cops break his door down. We'll have to be there too to take a picture. Great blackmail."

"Those poor people, we should signs warning people of him" Murphy would probably feel like shit if they were wrong but she had a feeling in her gut that they weren't. He was weird. "I'm not a doctor, I don't know the description of every D!" MD, PhD. It was all gibberish to her. "Then we should run outside because I bet you that he'll try to scale down the balcony. Three floors up, maybe we'll be lucky enough to see him fall." Sadistic, maybe, but also entertaining. "Actually, you are right. The fire department is a gift to us. We need to get hot before the get here. Maybe rummage through Thadd's clothes to commit the sealant crimes in and then walk down the hall when they're trying to break him free like we're just two girls going out."

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Fiona grimaces. "Ew," she says, "marriage consistently sounds so awful, I don't know why you people bother." Still, she stands on her toes to try and see what's towards the back of the display behind the glass, and points to a few pastries with a little label in front of them reading 'Apple Rose Tarts'. "Those," Fiona tells him, "it's cheesy but, like, in a good way. Hope she's got a sense of humor — if I were her I'd immediately be pissed at you for spending the time you could've been doing the laundry getting me an apology gift for not doing the laundry. Probably throw the apple rose tart in your face, actually."

@sewastarters open inside 'sugar coated' cafe.

"you've gotta help me," archie said, turning to the person nearest, "what do you think i should get that says, 'i'm sorry i forgot to do the laundry like you asked'?" it wasn't unlike him to use sweet food as a way of apologising to his wife for his inability to do any household chore first time around. he couldn't explain why he never did what was asked, it always just seemed to be forgotten about until the moment he knew she'd come home and he'd have to come up with an excuse. archie just always seemed to be distracted by something. "i don't think my back can take another night on the spare bed."

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"Oh my god, I wanna go scuba diving again more than anything in the world," Fiona says wistfully, jumping with two feet into the shift in topic. "I haven't in forever, I don't even know why. Will you try it if I go with you? I'm, like, a really good swimmer, I could totally save you if need be."

Zahara peered at the woman with a warm smile, thinking about her options before coming up with a response of her own. "Well, if you become a mermaid," she said with a warm smile, "-can you promise to teach me how to hold my breath for that long? I could definitely use that skill when I finally work up the nerve to go on a scuba diving trip."

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"Yeah," Fiona says, her sarcasm so dry it might have been taken for sincerity by somebody who didn't know her well, "a special on freaks, maybe."

Instead of leaving like she'd been ordered to do, Fiona leans back against the wall and folds her arms, latching onto the promise of entertainment that Zeke provides now she's lost her privileges at the bar. He's always been easy to annoy — kind of like daddy Dahmer, only Zeke she's known since she was a teenager and she has a reason not to like him beyond a stupid mustache.

"That must be why you're here," she adds. "'It's like Gathering of the Juggalos 2023 in there, you'll fit right in."

He could have kept walking and truthfully speaking, he should have. He'd recognized the other woman by the pitch in her voice long before he'd gotten close enough to confirm that it was in fact a not-so-friendly face.

As much as his own little brother had the ability to burrow beneath his skin in the most frustrating of ways, the woman before him had managed to crack the code for herself. Sometimes, all it took was a single look to strike annoyance deep within him.

Seeing as he'd witnessed her getting kicked from a bar, the annoyance was replaced with something akin to entertained. "That's too sweet, Fi. I'm sure the bar is set pretty low right about now though, but I'll take it."

He had half a mind to brush past her and into the bar she'd gotten the boot from, but he stood in place and dared to linger, despite knowing better than to play with fire. "It sounds like that charm of yours didn't work out so well, huh? I guess it's more of an acquired taste. It's a shame, really. Aren't they running a special tonight?"

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"Oh my god, yeah, I wonder if they do," Fiona muses, gaze sliding back to the wall of water and all the fish behind it. "I could see it. So casually sinister. Anyway — come on, this way," she leads Savi out of the underwater dome, down a few hallways, and up some stairs to the food court, where the smell of fried food greets them.

"Nice," says Fiona, and points further down. "There's the pretzels, I think. We should try to find the fish sticks, though."

"yeah i'm gonna need some food here soon." something that would make her stomach stop heaving and a hamburger would be hit or miss. "wouldn't it be tragic if they served fish sticks here?" Her eyes grew in size at her own thoughts before shaking them out. "can you at least point out which one is which?"

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"I'm pretty much always right," Fiona says matter-of-factly, flipping the page and skimming the next one, "it's just nobody ever listens to me so I can't technically prove it." Finding nothing else of interest, she hands the papers back and looks over Melody's shoulder at the whole weather set-up with the green screen and the camera, and everybody milling around getting everything set up. "Can you show me that stuff?" she asks, grinning enigmatically. "I promise I won't be a liability about it."

continued from here @fionaosman

"see not the best influence for him, just adding more the reasons why you don't want me to lose my job." it wasn't like she couldn't apply somewhere else but it would be harder to find an organization that would take her with the potential fines as well. " Her smile perked up at the song reference, a constant on her spotify playlist. "I guess you're right. even if it's only geriatrics and stay at home moms watching my report they should at least get it right."

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"For real," Fiona agrees seriously, "I feel that Ursula would like us, actually? Ariel was legit annoying, I almost don't blame her for getting rid of her voice, you know?"

The mental image of Gabi floating on top of the water luring people in with her glimmering bra while she, Fiona, waits sinisterly beneath to bring them misfortune, most probably in the most violent disgusting way she can think of, is good enough to make her laugh out loud. "We could for sure solve overpopulation together," Fiona jokes. "Also kind of a killer pitch for a movie, not gonna lie. Can you really not swim?" she adds, latching back onto that random tidbit. "You should let me teach you this summer."

"We would just become friends with ursula rather than let her take our voices." They weren't speaking of the movie but she could see them choosing to make the prince's life miserable rather than trying to get him to fall for them for the sake of love. "We'd make a fortune and probably be happier breaking hearts than being in a position to get our broken. I'm not the best swimmer but I'd float on the top to lure people. Maybe make my shells glitter so they're like a neon sign in the distance."