fightfora-paramythi

[fightfora-paramythi]

“It made me wonder how many times we forgive just because we don’t want to lose someone, even if they don’t deserve our forgiveness.”

— Deb Caletti

[fightfora-paramythi]

“Just because things hadn’t gone the way I’d planned didn’t necessarily mean they’d gone wrong.”

— Ann Patchett (via perfectquote)

[fightfora-paramythi]

“Sometimes you just need to distance yourself from people.”

— Unknown

[fightfora-paramythi]

“What’s the worst thing I’ve stolen? Probably little pieces of other people’s lives. Where I’ve either wasted their time or hurt them in some way. That’s the worst thing you can steal, the time of other people. You just can’t get that back.”

— Chester Bennington (via perfeqt)

[fightfora-paramythi]

“The person you will be in 5 years is based on the books you read and the people you surround yourself with today.”

— Unknown (via perfeqt)

[fightfora-paramythi]

[fightfora-paramythi]

“First love does not mean best love. And best friends may not mean best friends forever. But they both mean at some point, somewhere, someone did care. And their memories still there.”

— Crywank -  Welcome To Castle Irwell (via resqectable)

[fightfora-paramythi]

please — take care of your heart, spirit, and soul. please — protect your happiness, energy, and mind.

[fightfora-paramythi]

“The most important day is the day you decide you’re good enough for you. It’s the day you set yourself free.”

— Brittany Josephina (via perfeqt)

[fightfora-paramythi]

[fightfora-paramythi]

“It’s a most distressing affliction to have a sentimental heart and a skeptical mind.”

— Naguib Mahfouz, Sugar Street (via hplyrikz)

[fightfora-paramythi]

[fightfora-paramythi]

Relationships get so bananas when you start deciphering the other person’s love language.

Like I thought I was just acquaintances with this person because they never told me details about themselves and we just talked movies and writing . But then they made time to have coffee with me and they showed up out of breath because they ran. Like. RAN to be on time for coffee with me?

And I was like “i don’t mind waiting” cause I never want to run

But they said they wanted every minute they could get because I’m so busy usually

Which is when it clicked that I didn’t get how much they considered me a friend because I just straight away didn’t see MY signs of affection in them and went “cool! Casual buds it is.” But now that I’m seeing their signs of affection, I feel a little silly for dismissing them like that even though I felt like we could be best bros.

Anyway, some people show affection through time or intensity or commitment and not vocally. I really have to remember that!

[fightfora-paramythi]

reminder: i’m going to love you no matter what

[fightfora-paramythi]

Part 4.

And I’m still confused asf. I’m still emotional. I’m still battling. I’m still angry. But I have to realize who I’m really fighting. Who is really confusing me and taking the small things and attempting to make them the most fatal. Of course he’s using us. Taking the one thing that he knows I care about and twists it. By bringing our arguments. Or faults. Or confusion. Because he knows that this one thing is what’ll hit me the hardest and make it so easy to screw my mind up eternally he knows. because he uses those closest to us. He takes the picture and he puts his own in front of it and attempts to blind us. And he finds so much joy in it. And that..that angers me. That causes me to even be angry with myself. Far more than anything else. I take up for that. I confess to that. I hold myself accountable to that. Because we so easily let you get in the midst of the very things that God gave us as gifts. To carry us and to carry us far. So when I say I’m tired oh I am. Of being manipulated. Of blaming shit on other people when I know who the blame should fall on. Etc.

[fightfora-paramythi]

Part 3.

That one unblemished gift that he specifically tells me to use and use without limits without conditions without keeping in my even MY OWN FLESHLY FEELINGS IN A MOMENT. My gift. My purpose. Love. Not heroism. Not always understanding. Etc. etc. etc. it is love.

[fightfora-paramythi]

Part 2

My love is shown through me having faith in your life for you while also dealing with my own faults. My love is shown in stating HARD truths that I’m often scared to say. My love for you is shown in placing you from MY own hands into Gods even though I want to scream at him and question everything he’s doing. My love trusts for you. My love goes to spiritual war for you. My love sits in the darkness of my room and battles Satan for you. My love is not always loud. Or pretty. Or fully understanding even. but it IS. and it is ALWAYS. It is not always perfect. It is not always logical. It is not always manifested in the way that you expect it to be causing it to seem like it is not there and yet..my love IS. and it is ALWAYS. and it makes me wander fr. how tf God mist feel if I feel how I feel right now. Bc the difference is HE DOES have the power to save. And yet just like we do each other we tell him “God there is nothing you can do to help me” we say that......to the one who literally formed us from dust..we say that. “God you don’t care” “God you created something useless something dangerous something that always fucks up something that has achieved nothing something that...” no........no see cause it isn’t God who fails to care. It is ourselves. Towards ourselves. I didn’t care. I made myself useless. I claimed that I was dangerous. I took my mistakes and let them be what determined who I was. I called myself nothing. I became my own God. and I failed to let him in my head. And that...is why I crashed. That...is why I got to a place. That I find myself in places. Where I see nothing but black. My mind is raging into nothingness. And I say I gotta go. That is my choice. That is me determining my fate. Me denouncing what God said to me. What he promised me. It was me. I cannot save you from yourself. But I can love you. I can love the you go loves the lord and loves your life. I can love the you who wants to kill yourself or be killed and ignores the Lord. I can love the you who shows me love and gives me affection. I can love the you who calls out my faults and shows me nothing. I can. I do. I will. Despite any thing else. Saving is not my power. It has never been. And it was never my intention my love for you is built upon love alone. Not the power to always be the best for you. Not the power to never make you upset or question. Not the power to even be the one person to make you nothing less than happy that is not my power. My power is to love you. And it’s so fucking funny because I can literally feel the pull. The pull of my flesh wanting to say shut the fuck up. Go back to crying. Go back to blaming. Go back to anger. Go back to numbness. Go back to confusion. Go back to being frustrated with her. Help her believe you don’t care. Help her believe that you see her and are looking over it. Help her believe everything that is the exact opposite of what she should be believing. Why? Because then I win! He says it then I win!! Then she “has no one” then she has “reason” and guess who gets her....me. It took me this. It took me blaming self. To realize we ain’t fighting each other. We are up against something so much bigger. We talk about the underlying and fail to realize that Satan is part of that. That the spiritual realm is part of that. My power is to love. I vowed. I vow. I promised. I promise. It is. It is always. It will be. It will be forever. Why? Because that is my commitment. To myself. To you. To life. To God. To reciprocate the power given me in such fullness. To act accordingly. To portray it so much that it exceeds the human understanding and confuses people with me. And angers people with me. And makes people think it’s fake. I’ll take that war. I’ll take it. But I will never. And I repeat never. Stop giving the love given me. Especially to you. Despite anything I’ve ever done. Despite any offense. Despite any fault. Or flaw within me. I hold that one thing.