fierydepths

[fierydepths]

I have to remind myself time and time again.

You had your chance, you blew it.

[fierydepths]

The Capricorn side of me reminds me that we shouldn't be wasting feelings

[fierydepths]

YEAH DAMN RIGHT I’M BITTER

[fierydepths]

Somehow I just can’t get through my head the fact that you always, always seemed to be finding reasons why we can’t be together.

Before we got together: “your ex might think I stole you from him”

When we were actually together: “I only want you sometimes; I can’t help but keep acting like I’m single and I still want to flirt with other girls”

Long after we broke up: “we have different goals in life and we might just end up being hindrances to each other”

And then you message me late at night telling me you feel sad and lonely.

I was right here, all yours to take.

You should’ve kept me instead.

[fierydepths]

Honestly. I’m smitten, and I’m enjoying this.

[fierydepths]

I gathered all my feelings in a sack and hurled it off the top of the highest mountain i could find. But my irrational fear of falling has paralyzed me from making my way back down.

Now I'm both empty and stuck.

[fierydepths]

Confession:

I still think of my ex from time to time, and I keep wishing that things were different. Wishing that I hadn't spoiled him too much. Wishing that he wasn't so passive. Wishing that he had greeted me with "how are you" a lot more often than greeting me with complaints about his day.

I said I'd give him another chance, that he could court me again, and yet he wasted my open line to turn me into a diary, giving me updates about his school life, but that's all the conversations ever were. Even after we broke up, he was never interested in checking up on me. So i told him to stop.

I feel like i could use a bit of comfort and sympathy right now, but maybe i'm better off alone. For the rest of my life.

[fierydepths]

Lord, thank you for letting me experience happiness beyond what I thought I was capable of. It was wonderful to fall in love with someone who said and showed that they were in love with me. Even for just a short while.

Even when they changed their mind after. It doesn't change the fact that it happened. That we happened.

Lord, it was the best week of my entire life and I will always treasure it for days, months, years to come.

[fierydepths]

How i justify my bad decisions in life

[fierydepths]

FUCK. OK I KNOW I BLOGGED THIS BEFORE BUT I JUST REALIZED HOW MUCH MORE RELEVANT THIS SONG IS TO ME NOW, POST-BREAKUP. I'm gonna go die in a corner now.

[fierydepths]

2007 all over again

[fierydepths]

I’m not gonna apply for the Japan scholarship this year anymore.

The instructions posted on the Embassy of Japan website clearly state that the exams will be in mid-June. I will be back from the US in July. Given that this program is organized by the Japanese government, it’s a lot likely that they will stick to their schedule, and they will not allow those unavailable on the posted time period to request for a different schedule.

If I don’t make it to Australia next year, I’ll just apply to do my thesis here, while attempting to apply for the Japan scholarship for real.

Or I could just go on ahead and be a consultant already.

[fierydepths]

Make it stop.

[fierydepths]

Fun night

[fierydepths]

Love is a bitch

[fierydepths]

IT BEGINS.

[fierydepths]