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old iOS looks like how dj got us fallin’ in love by usher sounds

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I love being in college because there are no actual adults around so everyone is just going around bullshitting their way through basic tasks. Like I can be like “I think I got better from my cold because I ate an orange yesterday” and everyone is like “Yeah makes sense” and somebody could just be like “I’m gonna put my pillow in the washing machine to clean it” and everyone’s like “Sounds like a great idea John”

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when i die

me: wassup bro lol god: 7 HOUR compilation video of you hitting curbs while driving (VERY FUNNY)

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wtf is this im so fucking scared

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who wore it better: irishman accidentally protesting  against heterosexual marriages vs Donald Trump seemingly opposing childbirth

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“Russia is European” “No, Russia is in Asia”

Have you considered: there is literally nothing justifying Europe and Asia being two different continents in the first place 

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“That’s just how I am lol” NAH. That’s a character flaw. Work on it. Fix it. Grow.

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okay but why the fuck do you black out when all you pokemon faint?

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Say it with me kids

Words are not oppressive. It’s your choice to be offended by them & give them power. Stop being a pussy.

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mood: the mexican dude who told judge judy “this is your show but this is my episode”

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me: i really need to talk this out with someone 

my anxiety: ur coming off needy. isolate urself and handle it. all u need is U!

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one of my favorite weird history moments has got to be when american agents tasked with nixon’s security while he was in the soviet union as vice president under eisenhower detected unusual amounts of radiation in his hotel room so they discussed it loudly to each other to make sure the soviets knew that they knew since there were obviously bugs everywhere and the next day it just mysteriously went away and they never learned any more about it