ffntroco - Tumblr blog

[ffntroco]

Unique way to integrate kitchen with stairs - open shelving underneath stairs

[ffntroco]

Conjunction: Jupiter and Saturn

Credit: Vladimir Mach

[ffntroco]

Hello Girlies,

So you know I’ve been on this journey of health and fitness. A lot of ppl tell me they think I looked this way all my life. During the winter my focus was staying warm and getting in tune with my movement. Getting that yoga in, Pilates in, and now that I got into the shape I wanted because that’s what y’all are always asking some of my secrets I know sooo many women compliment me and say how much they love my shape. So for the girlies, guys, and aliens that wanna know I’m sharing. So I’m in a space where it’s summer time and my mind screamed fats. I want to fill out, I want to glow, and be healthy. So fats are everything especially when it comes to skincare. I know where taught that fats are bad but actually fats are indeed good for you and important. Saturated fats are not. Those that are really concentrated and manipulated pretty much. Some things about fats.

Some are my favorite fat filled ingredients

• yogurt

•ice cream

•most nuts

•avocado

•olives/olive oil

•ghee

•organic healthy cheese

• fish(stay limited)

• eggs

•coconut/coconut oil

•steak/grass fed

• bacon(I love)

Today I ate cheesecake uhh I love and I ate a yogurt bowl. I’m always heavy on my liquids. I’m either drinking kombucha, a green juice, coconut water, or water. A while ago which I’m getting back into is fruit infused water. I love to stay hydrated. That’s one of my main priorities I gotta hair my fluids you know and if not I go crazy lol.

It’s so important to stay hydrated and that’s pretty much what fats would do it’s like nature’s Botox lol. And as always staying on top of my routine. Someone stole my yoga mat, but I’m doing that often. I’m more inbound now taking time off from work. I like to go to low key gyms so I’m gonna while I have this downtime to give myself some much needed tlc. It’s so necessary. Stay fit. And if you’ll like to book anything from yoga, massage, consultations, meal prep all that. Hit this number: 9124992721

[ffntroco]

*another deep sigh*,

Y’all the devil really is working. As you know or don’t know I’m just in a space in life where I’m just trying to you know lead a very straight path. Keep tunnel vision, but bitches keep fucking with me and it’s so annoying. Bro my boss got me freaking arrested simply because what? Who I am or what I look like(which can mean a variety of things). I have all the odds stacked against me. I’m black, queer, and male. I face so much disrespect simply because all of those things and these past two years taught me a lot and taught me the importance of being able to fend on your own. Why I didn’t call myself trans or anything and don’t take part in a lot of the community things in my town is simply because of the fact that I’m not welcomed. Wherever I go I’m an other. Personally I feel the whole movement of creating segregated communities came about because of segregation. Due to that everyone who felt they didn’t belong simply because they didn’t know themselves then created all these separate communities to find a place out of the fear of individualism. Being an individual someone who don’t look like, act like, and even carrying the same burdens comes with a lot. You have to be strong, confidence, aware and simply love themselves. That’s what I see when mfs are attacking me, trying to block me from being able to work or make money, calling me slurs, the sexual abuse and harassment which caused me to be exiled. All of it is simply because ppl don’t love themselves and is scared of themselves. When your face to face with someone who knows their worth and owns it guess what that energy is intimating to most. And you have to be strong enough to recognize THAT IS NOT NY FUCKING PROBLEM. Your intimidation and need to create this fictional character in your head of who I am bc most of the times it’s projections. Projections we either submit to accept or projections we send back to rebel. Truth is all in perception to be honest. That’s it. A simple reaction.

What do you see in the mirror? Do you love what you see in the mirror? And how to you express that love to yourself?

Because I see beauty after all I been through and go through I’m still here. Still able to share breath and still able to give love. A little hope. They keep trying to take my ass out, but I am here. Just like you I have life experience and life challenges and I’m here to share. You know people like me aren’t supposed to have anything. Me identifying w/ my femininity more and me loving to feel and look pretty a lot of hate is spewed my way. You’ll think that it wouldn’t because before I began my actual physical transition even with my beard I would get called a women, men would approach me calling me lady, asking me bc they was confused. Even as a kid boys would say they thought I was a girl with an Afro. I was always androgynous very comfortable with both sides of me and was aware of my ambiguity but inately I know what I was born as. lol. That’s why I say no one really cares, but if you’re beautiful people care not even physically but your aura. The outside helps lol.

Lately I’ve been needing to hold myself extra hard and accountable because the abuse my whole arrest situation was just an abuse tactic and a warning to the others if you get out of line this is what can happen to you. Racism and the ideology of slavery isn’t gone and the treatment I receive here shows me that as well even within the lgbtq community. It’s a hierarchy system only those are supposed to be in certain positions to keep those in check. It’s about what you do when you’re put in that position you can get in line or you can be an anarchist like me. I’m too much of a Gemini to follow trends and systems. My brain is way too intellectually manic for that so I’m gonna register that critically and do it in the way that makes sense to how my brain is saying do this. It’s what works for me. Back to the aspect of individuality. I’m an individual and I’m gonna be me. Trans and all. I don’t care. And I’m keeping my piece and my name because guess what that’s me. Apart of what makes me…me. A trans empress. Goddess if you will. And I carry myself as such. And I’m not stopping until my life reflects that. Stay beautiful. Fight the good fight and never stop going. Never. Through hardships as well as when the more easy times come in to play.

Comment 😈 if you read all the way through.

[ffntroco]

*Deep Sigh*

A lot on my heart, but no one to talk to about it or not feeling safe. Everyone labels me as the bitch, but in reality my heart is so soft and pure. The drama. Why do boys make it so difficult and why do they claim to like you, but try to put you through hell. If you’re that nigga for me why try to inflict pain in me. If you wanna sleep with me why would you talk to me like shit? Why don’t you uplift me. Instill confidence. Passion. Joy. Inspiration. It’s like the goal is to shake up my confidence. I’m exhausted and quite frankly is why I choose to stay single. I’m young and don’t wanna waste these years chasing men. Young and wealthy is my goal. Multiple streams of income and all that. I don’t know who I can trust sometimes and I don’t even know if I can trust myself and after I fought for this healing. This peace. This self love. I still find myself weak because of I guess my craving for love in my lonely little world. But I am scared of if it.

Where’s the loyalty? The appreciation? The respect? The real desire to just be a real person. And it’s no hate in my heart no malice or ill will, but I will no longer let ppl sit and play in my face. Fine you don’t want me then bye. Compare me to others? Go play like you don’t see this divinity elsewhere. I am beautiful and deserving of a beautiful life. So if we cannot add to each others beauty then so be it. I’ve had so many people trying to tear me the fuck down guys. Like it’s been difficult and sometimes it’s hard not to let it not get to you especially when physical violence is involved. What I’m learning is to not get entrapped by someone else spells anymore and stay hyper focused on the blessing that is my life. That’s how you end the mind games and the playing around. And the drama. Like Maddie said in Euphoria. Out of sight. Out of mind.

I hate attention guys. Like I hate it, but people for some reason make me the center of attention by dragging me into problems. I’ve healed. I don’t wanna argue. I spent most of my childhood confused, alone, isolated(which is why it’s hard to make friends for me), abused and neglected. I don’t entail that being in my adulthood since I’ve already been robbed of my childhood and at some point we all have to grow the hell up. You cannot suck on mother’s tits. In taking this time to invest in myself, my future and my loved ones. I have to deem what’s important. What’s important for me is making sure I will be okay. What I’m learning is I have to be okay with not involving myself into other ppls dramas anymore. So many ppl hit me below the belt because of where they are and I’m learning that’s not my fault and I’m learning it’s okay to admit I felt hurt, betrayed and you broke my trust and I know that you don’t care but it’s okay because I do. When we push our feelings to the side in that defense mechanism we’re just telling ourselves we don’t value ourself. I’ve been needing to speak for so long but we live in a world where ppl like me however you may interpret it do not to have a voice a voice in the space of the fact that alot of us queer folk need to take the time to heal. We’re taken advantage of, beaten, neglected, abused, and made to be something we’re not all because of the egotism in masculine energy. It’s like when your feminine the only thing you amount to is being viewed as pleased and I have to accept it because you think I’m sexy. But this sexy mf also walks this thing called life as well as sometimes I’m not feeling it just like you don’t be.

I had to hermit myself. I had to go love on myself. I had to go value myself. I had to protect myself. That’s all I been doin. Lovin me. Valuing me all of me and I’m actually not afraid so say damn okay im not that bad of a person lolz. Stay beautiful.

[ffntroco]

I’m an artist

[ffntroco]

Getting back to wellness I’m understanding I have to put my pride to the side. In this time I began working on my music designing my website. I’m learning to not rush any process in this time of anything go w/ that flow and umm allow things to unfold. I put out there to the universe. What I’ll enjoy and umm take it from there. I’m really enjoying this new found peace of understanding that there’s nothing wrong with taking your time on anything and your mental health is everything. I’m excited about this new chapter and I was very nervous, but I’m grateful for blessing of self love and grace fr.

What I’m definitely learning is the body needs rest and restoration. Times where you can indulge yourself into self care versus self preservation. To survive is deferent than to live. Allowing things to be as they are and properly always choosing to lead a dharma aware path.

- “to The Bhagavat Purana, righteous living or life on a dharmic path has 4 aspects: auesterity(tap), purity(Shauch), compassion(daya), and truthfulness(satya). An undharmic lifestyle contains 3 vices pride(ahankar), contact (sangth), and intoxication(Mandya).”

Men. I’m working on each 1 by 1 by 1 by. Taking care of the mind body and spirit.

||10 Ways I Implement my spiritual beliefs into my daily habits||

1. Prayer w/ every meal.

2. Practices being grateful

3. Being kind to myself and others

4. Being self aware

5.leading a whole lifestyle

6. Eating strictly healthy

7. Staying hydrated

8. Exercise

9. Developing hobbies

10. Dance

This week health tip to stay that girl or that guy.😘

- I switched my daily coffee for matcha. I started drinking coffee really young. My thing as a kid was coffee or tea and a good book, but coffee is not always the best for you. So I found out about matcha through my love for anime. Now I went on a juicing binge and one of my favorite ingredients was celery. Celery just makes you gorgeous I switched up my matcha for A green machine at brighter day. If you have a juicer or would like to get into juicing try drinking this

Celery

Burdock root(you can get from brighter day fresh)

Some type of citrus

Cucumber

[ffntroco]

[ffntroco]

[ffntroco]

Getting a lot into a small space - one side built in bench with bookcase and fireplace. On the other side home office & courtyard. Both getting natural light from (1) skylight.