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JEAN FUSSED BUT GAVE GROUND

he threatens violence often enough, but his instinct is to recoil, not lash out. it’s hard to tell what is genuinely him. his depersonalization and obedience are coping mechanisms that keep him safe, but he doesn’t need them anymore. he folds to others’ demands (“he will submit…”) because he thinks he needs too. even when he’s being a stubborn pain in the ass, he always acquiesces. my hope for him in tgr is that he refuses things, defends his autonomy, gets angry. he needs to define his own boundaries.

he spends so much of tsc in deliberate resignation—to the violence that’s done to him, or even just to the will of others (kevin, thea, david, neil) he needs to learn to make decisions for himself. but he is a sweetheart and a little lamb and he can’t help wanting to please others☹️☹️☹️ he should get angry and yell a little and cross his arms and refuse to give in (neil style). this is particularly key in his relationship with kevin.

the trojans are a perfect match for him—stubborn and unyielding in their own good-natured way and he is one of them deep down…but the next step on his healing journey is building back up his dignity and self-worth. so i hope we see him stand up for himself💛

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i’m making myself finish master and margarita before starting tgr….also bc i’ll be in madrid w friends this weekend so i don’t want to be furiously reading on my phone instead of spending time w them. so i will have to delete tumblr to not get spoiled . but trust i will be posting w a vengeance when i get back

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Monet’s Garden. Givery, France.

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True Detective//1x01

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SATURDAY NITE…..STOMPIN’ AT THE SAVOY!!! Savoy Ballroom Dancers, Harlem NY. 1930s-40s

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The magic of a scorching summer evening

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I heard about this earlier but this is phenomenally good news because a lot of these manuscripts hold palestinian intellectual history dating back centuries and my friends who work in the Islamic book history field believed these all to be gone

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These are trying to kill me and i think they’re going to succeed

excerpts from “there is always another,” one of the short stories in Star Wars: From A Certain Point Of View: the Empire Strikes Back

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scattered scabbers thoughts 🐀

thinking about peter a lot bc i hate when he’s sans personality in fics….the sexy lamp test but with peter and most don’t pass. which is fine, I don’t think a fic about wolfstar or jegulus needs to center peter. but i am tired of him being left out when his angst potential is off the chain. so here is an incoherent ramble about my peter.

first you must consider the james of it all. i don’t think peter cares that james is a bully at all? he likes being on the side of power. i also think he has crazy abandonment issues which manifest as clingy servitude to the most powerful man around. my treacherous eunuch vibes. and with james he is straight up the jealous ex (‘no one else can have you’, if you won’t love me the most, you won’t live to love at all). in ye olden days, he was the kings poison taster, who became a mithridatist and then poisoned the king himself.

in snape’s worst memory, james messes with him to make sirius laugh. before that, peter’s the butt of the joke for the other marauders (don’t be thick, before wormtail wets himself, always trailing after…) peter’s laughing the hardest, but james only cares about sirius. that’s what eats away at him. HE FUCKING HATED SIRIUS I KNOWWWW IT.

i actually like to think that for years peter was intentionally trying to sabotage james’ chances with lily. he wanted that cookie so effing bad. james and lily’s marriage is what finally does peter in. he’s all jolly and clever and smiling at the wedding and when he gets home mascara streaks, full bottle of wine, patsy cline record, hysterical sobbing. he was holding out for….what? james to realize he loved him more than sirius, more than lily? to marry him instead? this fantasy crashing down essentially causes a psychotic break.

wolfstar would never notice this, because they spent six years orbiting each other before finally getting it together, and often forgot about pete if he wasn’t in the room (they did feel bad about it though).

he hates not meaning enough to james. he wants a reaction, he thinks being able to betray means you were once in someone’s confidence. but when it comes down to it, he can’t bear that james know it was him who betrayed them. he plays his former best friends against each other, gets made secret keeper, tells voldemort, and then hides from the fallout until sirius hunts him down. he probably grieved james viciously, but with the tenor of someone whose close friend died of illness— guiltlessly. once he realized how unrequited that love was, he needed to excise him, carve him out as if he were a tumor in peter’s heart. AND SENDING SIRIUS TO JAIL FOR HIS CRIME IS THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS !!!!

and then IN TERMS OF THE WEASLEY OF IT ALL: i do think he had a deeply inappropriate attachment to percy weasley. there is a lot to explore there. and then going with ron was just an excuse to see harry also yikes (but it’s funny having every man who knew james show up and be like hi harry i was in love with your dad. don’t worry though, im normal about you. except snape who was famously in love with his mom #diversitywin)

i like peter’s animagus and ‘ratness’ as a metaphor for the sickness and rot in the marauders friend group and ultimately wizard society of the epoch. the praying on the weak, turning a blind eye to abuse and discrimination, upholding hegemonic power. just like rats are symbolic of plague, peter is a manifestation of the sins of that culture. he is a symptom.

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“Bee Nott Afrayed  Of Anny Man Thatt Walks Beneath The Skys Tho Big He Bee Or Small You Bee For I Will Equalize”

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scattered scabbers thoughts 🐀

thinking about peter a lot bc i hate when he’s sans personality in fics….the sexy lamp test but with peter and most don’t pass. which is fine, I don’t think a fic about wolfstar or jegulus needs to center peter. but i am tired of him being left out when his angst potential is off the chain. so here is an incoherent ramble about my peter.

first you must consider the james of it all. i don’t think peter cares that james is a bully at all? he likes being on the side of power. i also think he has crazy abandonment issues which manifest as clingy servitude to the most powerful man around. my treacherous eunuch vibes. and with james he is straight up the jealous ex (‘no one else can have you’, if you won’t love me the most, you won’t live to love at all). in ye olden days, he was the kings poison taster, who became a mithridatist and then poisoned the king himself.

in snape’s worst memory, james messes with him to make sirius laugh. before that, peter’s the butt of the joke for the other marauders (don’t be thick, before wormtail wets himself, always trailing after…) peter’s laughing the hardest, but james only cares about sirius. that’s what eats away at him. HE FUCKING HATED SIRIUS I KNOWWWW IT.

i actually like to think that for years peter was intentionally trying to sabotage james’ chances with lily. he wanted that cookie so effing bad. james and lily’s marriage is what finally does peter in. he’s all jolly and clever and smiling at the wedding and when he gets home mascara streaks, full bottle of wine, patsy cline record, hysterical sobbing. he was holding out for….what? james to realize he loved him more than sirius, more than lily? to marry him instead? this fantasy crashing down essentially causes a psychotic break.

wolfstar would never notice this, because they spent six years orbiting each other before finally getting it together, and often forgot about pete if he wasn’t in the room (they did feel bad about it though).

he hates not meaning enough to james. he wants a reaction, he thinks being able to betray means you were once in someone’s confidence. but when it comes down to it, he can’t bear that james know it was him who betrayed them. he plays his former best friends against each other, gets made secret keeper, tells voldemort, and then hides from the fallout until sirius hunts him down. he probably grieved james viciously, but with the tenor of someone whose close friend died of illness— guiltlessly. once he realized how unrequited that love was, he needed to excise him, carve him out as if he were a tumor in peter’s heart. AND SENDING SIRIUS TO JAIL FOR HIS CRIME IS THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS !!!!

and then IN TERMS OF THE WEASLEY OF IT ALL: i do think he had a deeply inappropriate attachment to percy weasley. there is a lot to explore there. and then going with ron was just an excuse to see harry also yikes (but it’s funny having every man who knew james show up and be like hi harry i was in love with your dad. don’t worry though, im normal about you. except snape who was famously in love with his mom #diversitywin)

i like peter’s animagus and ‘ratness’ as a metaphor for the sickness and rot in the marauders friend group and ultimately wizard society of the epoch. the praying on the weak, turning a blind eye to abuse and discrimination, upholding hegemonic power. just like rats are symbolic of plague, peter is a manifestation of the sins of that culture. he is a symptom.

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the trouble with being born, e.m. cioran

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maybe THIS trinket will be the one that saves me

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the first recorded kiss—CBS8383 II.8

ne mu-ni-sub₅ / and he has kissed her