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[female-ff-emt]

Recently my life has been all about EMS. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun, it’s pays my bills, and my new partner is awesome. But it’s killing me in the way of exhaustion. I went a whole month where I didn’t sleep through one night at work, and on that truck, that’s rare. I’ve been assulated by a patient in which my temporary partner thought he had some unspoken duty to deal with it when I already had. It’s been a challenging month. I can only hope this month will be better. But I have a bad track record of being up for 24 hours straight on this truck. To add to this, our admin says we cannot nap before 5 pm... in my opinion that’s the stupidest rule in the world.

[female-ff-emt]

We have all had those really incredibly crappy calls in emergency services. This past year, I’ve had quite a few. And it takes a village to make it through these calls. But what happens after the call? In my experience, everyone goes off and does their own things. Cope with it how you cope with it kind of deal. But I personally feel like I am alone. I would appreciate that extra help. And it’s so hard to reach out for it.

We all suffered a loss this year. My emergency services system lost a great man. I lost a peds patient, and sadly I have only had two successful cardiac arrests saves in my career. Knowing how many arrests I’ve been too, that number seems so low to me.

The point of this post is to encourage any first responder out there, if you need someone while you are struggling with the stresses of the job or just a specific call that still haunts you, reach out. Reach out to friends, family, loved ones, your crew, a counselor, me, just reach out to someone. No one should have to go through this alone. It’s time to start saving those who save us.

[female-ff-emt]

So I started my full time position a few months ago. I got the new truck, the new station, the new fire crews (which have so far been great!) and everything seemed perfect. My partner was nearly impossible to get along with at first! But now I've come to understand her and we have started working together better.

Now I just need to learn how to balance work with volunteer. The other day, there was a fire literally five minutes away from my house and instead of calling for someone to grab my gear and meet me there, I stayed home. I was so exhausted from my twenty four hour shift in which I got no sleep but felt worse about not going! I have never felt so exhausted in my life. I have been struggling to find motivation to go to the station even though working EMS really makes me miss fighting fires!

I am already considering a change in which side of emergency services I work on. I want to ditch EMS and go to fire again!

[female-ff-emt]

This post is to pay tribute to a great man who recently passed away. He was the assistant chief of my old department. He had a wife and 4 month old baby boy. He was a respected firefighter and good friend. He was the best teacher you could learn from. He risked his life daily to help people in need. He was found in cardiac arrest and passed away following a successful trench rescue. He died in the line of duty. He was 32. And his name is Stan.

Assistant Jeff "Stan" Holden was all of those things and more. He took a chance on me, made sure he did everything he could and taught me as much as possible. I won't be able to thank him, or repay him for all that he did. He believed in me when no one else at my old career department did. The world has lost a damn good firefighter and even better person.

The support from the community has been amazing. We have all come together, even though it's such a tragic situation. At his funeral, I saw so many different patches, ranging from small towns like Farmville to the biggest cities like FDNY. Everyone knew him and every one loved him.

That picture was taken on one of the overpasses that he passed under on his way back home from the ME's office. It was amazing seeing how many people came out of make sure he got there, so many people that one overpass was actually overloaded with 4 fire trucks and 5 ambulances.

To end this post there is only one thing to say. Rest easy Stan, we'll take it from here. AC Jeffery Holden, 204, 8/13/18.

[female-ff-emt]

Wow. What a whirlwind I've been on in the past few weeks. I am now an independently functioning EMT in my system and I have finally earned my yellow stickers on my helmet, which my chief said I should've had weeks ago. It means I finally proved myself competent in firefighting. Now, people will doubt my abilities less, at least hopefully. I got checked off on driving trucks at my volunteer department. So my life has been getting better, like I knew it would. Only one minor thing, I haven't worked for two weeks straight. When I was at work last, my bosses offered a full time position to my partner for the day. Now, it doesn't sound like a big deal but I was promised that I would be the first to go full time by the deputy director of our organization. So when they go back on that promise, it can be a little... annoying. I love the girl that the full time position. She is so sweet and so good at what she does. But it's still irking. Things are still better at my new organization and I have been doing some great fire training lately. Things are looking better and it's about time.

[female-ff-emt]

My volunteer department needed to test hose yesterday. The company they hired and neglected to tell me about… Entirely manned by my old career department. I spent over nine hours looking at the two people that have black balled me from two of the three career departments on my county. They are brothers, one being the chief and the other being the deputy chief. They refused to look me in the eyes. But I held strong. I acted normal, smiling and waving at all my old friends, most of them happy to see that I has recovered from my harsh experience in leaving the department. My volunteer department chief apologized for not telling me who would be doing the testing because when I arrived at the test site, I was thoroughly shocked to see them. However, at the end of the day he said he was proud that I didn’t let them bother me. Why would I? I mean, they already took my job why would I let them take anything else?

[female-ff-emt]

I was a career firefighter for three months. It was a great three months. Nothing says I love my job more than willing putting myself through Hell and back, coming home exhausted, beaten and bruised, but going back anyways. It was because I loved the rush and I loved the idea that the simple exercises and the people I did them with were the skills and people that would one day help me save lives. But then I was fired, because I was “unable to physically do the job”. I thought this strange as I did all the exercises they expected me to. Now I wonder, since this was their first time ever having a female in their ranks, was this maybe a factor in it? I had to do things differently and I can’t help but think that had maybe a small part in me losing an amazing job. I just wonder how the other female is that was still there when I left. I hope she has better luck than me and I hope that since she has more of their personality, she won’t be singled out for being the only female left in a department of men.

[female-ff-emt]

This is just a place to express my thoughts and feelings about my new exciting career as a firefighter/EMT in the state of North Carolina. I hope this blog is something people can come to and see the hardships but also the amazing parts of being in a fire department and the many different obstacles and advantages to being a female in a male dominated field. I hope everyone enjoys.