fellatingrevolvers

[fellatingrevolvers]

Me: *looking at a porcelain hand in the home decor aisle of a store* if I lost my hands in some kind of tragic accident, I’d decorate my entire home with hand-shaped things. Then I’d invite guests over for like, dinner parties and such and sit there expectantly just basking in their discomfort.

My boyfriend: Do you hear what you say when you talk? Do you know what you just said to me?

[fellatingrevolvers]

cats being capable of understanding accidents and even giving you a little head bonk to let you know you're still cool makes it infinitely funnier that they don't understand when you're trying to help them

cats when you step on their tail: i'll admit that was rather ouchie, but given the lifetime of goodwill and trust between us, one must conclude this booboo is but a fluke.

cats when you try to get their claws unstuck from the couch covering: this nefarious bitch has never had a single honorable intention in their dishonest and shameful life, this must be one of their sinister plots or perhaps even an attempt on my life,

[fellatingrevolvers]

Just tried to play an ancient flute and it started filling the room with this awful miasma that wont go away

[fellatingrevolvers]

all of the characters in interview with the vampire (2022) are so complex and are all subjected to such wild experiences but jesus CHRIST imagine being louis de pointe du lac's sister. the story starts out and your brother louis has a sketchy fucking job but you let it slide because Hey At Least He's Supporting The Family. and then one day he's like hey i have a new friend and you're like who is he and he's like French Individual. which of course is disappointing but hey! let's invite this french man over to dinner whats the worst that could happen. and turns out that the worst that could happen is mr oui oui cuntatron 9000 with his his little ponytail acting as if he has 47 large sticks shoved up his anal cavity bashing your Other brother about religion in a passionate monologue about how much he hates god and also he's not eating anything? Whatever it's your wedding day soon!! so your wedding day happens and it's banger, tap dancing and shit, but womp womp the next day your other brother Tragically dies but hey at least you've still got louis! JUST KIDDING during the vigil this blonde french fagatron tiddles and toddles up to your brother and he's like "we fucked last night why did you ghost me" to him and of course you don't have the capability to process this at the moment in your grief so you're like Whatever! but then on the night of said vigil louis proceeds to fuck off for several months where did he go? good lord how worrying. but then luckily he fucks back into the picture several months later when you host a little party! but he's got that blonde french fuckhead with him, who insults the banjo band you have in your front yard and is wearing a stupid little had but whatever! louis come inside please it's been forever. and also louis is wearing these little fucking sunglasses now so youre like Take those off what the fuck are those. and his eyes are all fucked up and Not Normal but you're like Whatever! and then he's like You Are Going To Have Twins and you're like What and he's like You Are Going To Have Twins It Will Happen ! and you're like I heard you the first time What and then he fucks off again with the blonde guy . but then turns out that you DO fucking give birth to fucking twins. you see louis and his gay ass sunglasses a few more times over the years but for the most part he's absent and also kicks your door down that one time with like. Way too much strength for a human being and also you've been hearing rumors on the town that your brother and The Worst Blonde Individual Known To Man are fagging it up homosexual style in their shared one-bedroom townhouse and and also why do you only ever see him at night? and you're not quite sure what Is Fucking Wrong with him so you think it over and you're like Hey I Think We Have To Disown This Guy .i know just how to do it let's put his gravestone in a graveyard and "bury" him and have an epic Surprise Grave Reveal when he comes over! because like what else can you do?? and then you never ever see him again . also it's like 1910

[fellatingrevolvers]

this puppy currently being fostered by a rescue i follow makes me feel like. like. i don’t know. she’s a bug

[fellatingrevolvers]

I love you, George Takei.

[fellatingrevolvers]

it’s been said before but the fact this site used to let you edit other people’s posts is beyond unhinged. the potential for slander was next level, you really could just edit the body of posts that weren’t even your own and it’d look like the OP said it. just casually spread misinformation via reblog, the original post being lost to time. john green cock monologue. sayonara you weeaboo shits. they gave us way too much power. can you imagine if a website let you do that today? people would lose their fucking minds. sure, on twitter you can impersonate anybody, but you have to make your own tweets. they would never let you edit other people’s tweets! that’s stupid! it’s literally the worst feature any social media site could ever have! if it ever happened somewhere else, it would be by accident and fixed immediately! but on old school tumblr? yeah, you could edit someone’s childhood fear from vampires to danny devito, and we all just had to live like that for years. INSANE.

[fellatingrevolvers]

all my haters become tomaters in my lovely summer garden

[fellatingrevolvers]

The lovely shapes and colors of our companion's eyes.

[fellatingrevolvers]

[fellatingrevolvers]

hello yes i would like to report a murder

[fellatingrevolvers]

Have you reconsidered embracing ceremorphosis?

[fellatingrevolvers]

[fellatingrevolvers]

[fellatingrevolvers]

My friend just started playing BG3 and he made this character I'm-

And yes, he's a Bard.

UPDATE: I thought this came from a friend in AUS as I was sent this in Discord in our mutual server but it was actually from @trustisearned!

(See post below)

[fellatingrevolvers]

[fellatingrevolvers]

Now that we’re halfway through May, I feel like it’s the right time to ask: WHAT Pride parade are all of you whiners going to that everyone has their dick out and is doing pet play on the main road and impressionable children are being harmed and the fabric of society is being rent?

I need NAMES and ADDRESSES and TIMES of these parades so that I can get railed by two guys wearing harnesses in front of a Pinkberry and an unattended middle schooler. I’m an American, aren’t I?