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[felix-valentine]

Injection Site Irritation - FTM

An update regarding an old post of mine:

I once posting that I was icing my injection sites because they’d become irritated, itchy, and sometimes even bruise after doing them. 

There is a prevention to this, though, one that is surprisingly easy. 

After doing an injection, put on a band-aide, then massage the area. That’s all you have to do. Massaging the area helps the T distribute and prevents the irritation. I always put a band-aide on first to keep the site sterile (and it bleeds a little sometimes, too).

[felix-valentine]

The consequence of improvements

One of my biggest goals is top surgery and it has been long before I even knew I was trans. From the time I developed my chest I knew it made me uncomfortable and I didn't like it being there. Even back then I wanted it gone. Now, over a year on testosterone and legally a man (that being, court documents were completed and approved) my path has been paved. Next year I have my first consult with the surgeon who will do the surgery for me if all goes well. It should be great, things should be all looking up, but they're not. The insurance I have right now, the one available to all low-income people in my area, will cover the cost of the surgery in it's entirety. Just as it covers my testosterone and other medications. However, if I were to get a full time job I would inevitably make too much money to keep that insurance. If I lose the insurance I'll also lose my chance at top surgery since I can't afford it on my own. I had found a job that would have been great for me, it would have worked well for me as an autistic person who deals with a lot of anxiety - but they only have full-time positions. It had taken me longer than it should have to realize the issue inherent in me trying to get full time work. I had worked through the anxiety related to applying - I was actually getting excited about it - but then as I read over the job details once again - as I looked at the benefits and noted the insurance coverage it provided - that was when it hit me.

The realization hit me harder than I would have liked. Where I had been making positive change in my life and mental health I fell off of all of that. I hadn’t even realized immediately that it was incredibly depressing to find out. All of that excitement to only realize that in the end I cant because the simple act of trying to do something to improve my living situation will only make it worse in the end because apparently I’ll just be punished for trying.

I just feel empty.

[felix-valentine]

Transition update

Over a year on testosterone now. Socially, I pass as a man now. People no longer see me and assume that I’m a woman. I’d say it was helped by the mask, but no, I actually have a beard now so I doubt the mask really makes a difference. My voice has deepened from the soft and feminine start it had, I’m not even entirely sure what I used to sound like anymore. I have an old video saved for comparison so I’ll probably update that at some point.

Legally, my name and gender are changed. I am Felix, and I am a man. 

[felix-valentine]

So a new update: I’m now a bit over a year on T. Recently I’ve gotten notable facial hair growth. Mostly at my jawline and chin but my upper lip is the second thickest spot and my cheeks are becoming quite fuzzy as well. 

It seems to grow pretty intensely overnight but in odd pattern. For example most of the fuzz on my cheeks is the same length but then sometimes I’ll find a random long strand. 

It’s definitely interesting to move your face and feel the fuzz tickling the collar of your shirt. 

[felix-valentine]

there’s literally no such thing as an ugly girl and im sorry if you’ve been brainwashed into believing otherwise 😔

[felix-valentine]

               — 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚆𝙸𝙽𝙳 𝚁𝙸𝚂𝙴𝚂 ✶ 𝚂𝚃𝚄𝙳𝙸𝙾 𝙶𝙷𝙸𝙱𝙻𝙸

[felix-valentine]

The air quality in the PNW is normal now, at least where I am. I haven’t actually looked at the fire maps in a while since things have basically gone back to normal after we were taken off evacuation notice. No longer need to wear a mask just to go outside and the sky is back to normal as well. 

I’ve started to have a bit more luck with the luer lock syringes. I guess maybe the issue I had last time was not moving the plunger in and out enough before filling the syringe. 

Sometimes I approach my shots with a sense of dread. It’s not that I don’t want to take T rather that I just don’t want to deal with the pain of the shot. The shot usually isn’t too bad but sometimes it feels worse than usual. Usually the pain is only in the initial poke but sometimes that sharp pain lasts the whole duration of the injection. The pain is gone the moment the needle comes out regardless but sometimes it’s just more or less unpleasant. I push myself through it even so. I’d feel even worse without the shot. 

[felix-valentine]

Well, it’s been a while since I last updated this. The situation with COVID here in the US was incredibly stressful and set off my anxiety horribly to the point where I hardly had energy for anything and spent those first weeks fighting anxiety and depression.

Then as things start to settle once more now, here in the Pacific Northwest, there’s wildfire outbreaks all around where I live. Thankfully my town never needed to evacuate. We spent a bit over a week on a level 2 evacuation notice, before being downgraded to a level one for a couple of days before finally having the notice lifted. Air quality is still horrible though with the amount of ash in the air being in hazardous levels. Thankfully air filters in my home’s AC are keeping the air inside at a manageable level.

Despite everything I’ve been able to continue going to my appointments for T and I’m working towards getting on a waiting list for top surgery. I’ve still got about five months before I’ll have full coverage for the surgery (my insurance requires being a year on T before the surgery is covered) so I’m about halfway there not including the time I’ll be on a waiting list for the surgery.

I’ve been having better luck with my injection sites in the past months. Where they used to get very irritated after an injection now they typically don’t. I’m not entirely sure what the change was, maybe I just got better at administering them. Though, sadly, I ended up having to switch the pharmacy I get my medication and needles filled at a few different times whether it was due to facing discrimination or due to a shortage in supply. The current pharmacy I’m getting my shots filled through uses luer lock syringes and wow - I really don’t like the luer lock ones. The needle is the same as ever but the syringe itself is made with a different plastic and has a different rubber piece inside. Trying to inject my T with those syringes is awful. It’s so hard to push the testosterone through and the plastic pieces stick. It moves very nicely when empty but once the T is inside it it’s almost as if you’re trying to move cement through it. Last time it didn’t feel like the syringe was going to even let me finish the injection. I ended up pushing so hard to make it go through that I made myself bleed more than normal for my injections (that being normal is not bleeding at all or like just a little speck of blood) thankfully though the pain didn’t linger and I got the T through in the end.

In other news I now have pet snails. I started raising them when my stepdad put in a larger garden. The snails were caught in the garden and put into a tank. Now they’re breeding and thriving in the tank. With my last count being about nine snails (three adults and the six babies they had) however I’m now thinking they’ve likely bred again during this wildfire outbreak however I’ve been spending less time outside looking at their tank so I’m not sure on updated numbers - not as if that’s easy on a normal day though since not all the snails are always out in the open.

To end this post off: sky shots from various times since the wildfires broke out.

[felix-valentine]

Keep reading

[felix-valentine]

Pedophilla 👏🏻 is 👏🏻 wrong 👏🏻

There is NO excuse.

Children can’t consent.

It doesn’t matter if you identify as a kid.

You still have a grown mind and adult body. Kids DONT.

Not even going into how trans age is BULLSHIT.

Pedophilia is bad should not be a radical statement.

[felix-valentine]

My injection sites continue to get irritated within a day or so of doing them. So icing it to alleviate the itchiness. Not sore at all, just itchy and this time it bruised a little.

[felix-valentine]

Y’all are so awesome!!!!!

[felix-valentine]

my esteemed rival,

[felix-valentine]

One month on T update. irritated injection site, name/gender change filing.

Well largely my first month on T has been uneventful. All current changes have been slight differences I suppose for my body heat, oily skin, and BO. I have a nicely growing amount of peach fuzz over my cheeks and it’s a wonder I haven’t rubbed all of it off with how much I’ve been petting them. My upper lip has the longest hair of my face thus far though it’s also the most sparse. My chin has some evident hair growth with small hairs that look like sharp stubble - though they’re actually rather soft like the rest of my peach fuzz. 

The coloration of my facial hair thus far is odd. I assumed that since my hair is naturally dark brown that my facial hair would also be dark but so far it’s actually quite pale and blends in with my skin tone. Maybe I should have expected that since most of my body hair is much the same. A friend of mine, another trans man, told me that he actually dyes his facial hair and when I asked if he could teach me how when my facial hair gets a bit longer he agreed. 

For now I’ll take my lightly colored facial hair as a blessing in disguise since maybe it’ll let me avoid it looking awkward as it grows in. It could also do just the opposite but I’d like to look on the bright side. 

[Irritated Injection Site]

My fourth and last injection of the month had been rather difficult. Not only was my bottle slightly short of my full dose - which isn’t a big deal on it’s own - I also had an issue with a bubble that just wouldn’t go. I did my best to remove as much of the bubble as I could without losing any of my already smaller dose and injected when I thought I had enough of it out. 

Within the next 24 hours or about that I realized that I, indeed, did not have enough of the bubble out as the injection site became itchy. Really, the itchiness was the only really problematic part. It remained itchy for the next couple days and a small lump formed under my skin. I wasn’t entirely sure what it could be, whether the bubble had caused it or if it was an allergy (which is also a possibility) I messaged my doctor and received the response that the reaction I was having was fairly common though I was advised to keep an eye on it in case symptoms worsened - thankfully they did not - and the irritation has been getting progressively better. Today when I had my follow up appointment I asked my doctor if icing the area would help with the irritation or if it would make it worse. She said that icing it was a great thing to try and that if I could treat the irritation with icing it that would be preferable to having to use medication to calm the irritation. I iced it a little when I got home today and it was a wonderful feeling. 

[Name/Gender Change Filing]

Not really a ton that I’d like to say here since this is more so my personal life and details where I’d like to remain at least somewhat anonymous here BUT I will say that I filed for my name change and got back my first bit of information regarding it. It’s gone through apparently and now I’m waiting for further information to come in so I can go about changing it in all of my accounts and on my ID - sounds like it’s going to be exhausting but also euphoric. 

But the filing itself actually didn’t cost much even with no fees waived. 

I am slightly nervous about having my gender legally changed. I’m certainly not at a point where I’d say that I’m comfortable with the idea of public restrooms. Right now I’m legally considered a woman but being on testosterone makes me feel uncomfortable with the idea of being in the ladies room - however - even once I’m legally considered a man the lumps on my chest make me feel intensely uncomfortable with the idea of being in the men’s room. So essentially when I’m in public if I need to pee I’m just going to have to deal with being uncomfortable because the alternatives are STRESS. 

[felix-valentine]

Temperature changes and testosterone

Nearly three weeks on testosterone and I think one of the more notable changes needs saying.

When you start on testosterone your body temperature gets slightly higher.

It’s not a huge change and it’s overall unnoticeable for the most part.

The things I’ve noticed though are as follows:

My room is always very cold due to a badly set up heating system in my house and my room having concrete walls. Before starting T I’d either be wearing multiple layers and snuggled in blankets to stay warm while in my room or on worse days spending my time in the family room instead.

Now that I’ve started T I hardly notice the cold of my room. It’s still cold for sure but not as bad as it was. I’ll still wear a sweater in my room but I don’t have to go to further extents to stay warm.

On a related note: I always make my bed extra cozy using multiple soft and warm blankets. I used to be able to burrow under several blankets and feel amazing. Now - at least recently three has been the limit and I wake up thirsty because I was very warm all night.

Hot showers become difficult. I used to always want the hottest setting on my shower and I still gravitate to the hottest setting now but I can’t stay in that much heat as long as I used to. I eventually have to turn it down because it starts out amazing but turns uncomfortable.

It’s a very slight change overall but it’s a noticeable one.

Overall I’ve personally enjoyed it. I live in a typically very cold area so feeling slightly warmer is welcome.

[felix-valentine]

With two more shots I’ll be about a month on T. It honestly feels surreal. Like part of me never thought I would get to this point. 

Next shot is on thurday and final shot of the month is thursday next week. 

Then I’m visiting my doctor for a follow up on wednesday - the 12th.  

[felix-valentine]

When I was a little kid I raised an abandoned robin until he was old enough to fly. Then I took him to an animal sanctuary to be rehabilitated and released.