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The Comforts of Home || Dylan & Felix
dylan-meirâ:
Yes. Yes, exactly. I know they wouldnât have killed him on purpose, but he still died and no one can say why. And I canât help but feel like itâs not because no one knows, but because they do know. [Dylan buries her face in her hands, tangling her fingers into her hair. It seems like the only thing keeping her here, anchored. Otherwise she feels unrmoored, untethered from everything else. Even herself. She doesnât know whatâs happening, or maybe she does but she doesnât want to believe it, and she has no idea which one scares her more.]
Iâm sorry. I know Iâm not making sense. It just keeps rattling around in my head, you know? I canât help wondering if itâs going to happen again. It seems like it already is. This is how it started last time, too. No one knew what was happening, no one was saying anything. It just kept getting worse. And there were these rumors that the Elites were covering it up. And now, again. Canât help like feel itâs a pattern.
â
[Felix frowns, blinks. He looks away from her a moment, and stares into space. Happening again? Like, whatâdoes she think everyone is going to get sick? Or that everyone is going to... die?Â
Well, he wouldnât die, because heâs not Infected but.... she is. Oh. Oh.
He shakes his head and looks up to see her grabbing fistfuls of her hair. Sheâs distressed, and heâs really not great at comforting people who are upset, but he does feel for her. God, how trapped must she feel, being in a body thatâs infected. ]
Oh, honey... no, itâs okay I... I get it, I think. Youâre making sense. But also like... I donât think you should be panicking. Nothing bad is going to happen to you.Â
[He reaches out to rest a hand on her shoulder, feeling slightly awkward about it but telling himself that he doesnât. He doesnât need to convince himself what heâs saying is true, though, because he believes it already. The Elite and the NWRF wouldnât let anything bad happen to someone like Dylan. Sheâs one of them after all, and even if the Infection had something to do with Kaiserâs death... Dylanâs nothing like him. He doesnât understand all the science-y stuff behind it all, but he refuses to believe the same thing could happen to her that happened to him. He was just... Bad. And Bad things happen to Bad people.]Â
Dee, I promise. Everything is going to be okay. Theyâll protect youâyouâre loyal and youâre good. And you donât go around throwing... chairs or whatever at people with your brain. Youâre not going to end up like Kaiser. I promise.Â
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end transmission | isha & felix
isha-feinbergâ:
[âHello?â? Does this person think Isha is his conscience speaking? She canât place the speaker from a single word, but she can place their critical thinking skills. How many conclusions could possibly be drawn from a voice coming from inside a cupboard?
The nice thing about being behind a door is that this disbelief can register on her face without worrying about causing offence. Thereâs catharsis in that, and it makes it a little easier to then gather herself and not be rude.]
[The tip of her tongue touches her lower lip and the synthetic, drying taste of lipstick, and she shakes her head.]Â Hello. The door has become stuck, would you please try to open it from your side?
[If itâs a mechanical error then it wonât make a difference, but itâs worth trying, and until then Isha just tries to keep her breathing steady. Sheâs feeling somewhere between snappish and panicked and she doesnât really want to be alone till the door opens. And she will say, in favour of this personâs slow thinking, that they feel totally unthreatening.]
[Obviously as she says it, it makes a lot more sense than whatever his response had been, and if he were someone else, he might feel briefly embarrassed that he hadnât caught on sooner. But heâs Felix Turner, and so he doesnât particularly feel embarrassed, because it doesnât occur to him that any of this could remotely involve him. Heâs just an innocent passer-by, to an apparently malfunctioning door he didnât build, and an unfortunately trapped voice he doesnât know. He didnât program these locks or step into a closet without propping the door open. If this is anyoneâs fault, he takes solace in the fact that itâs definitely not his.]
Oh! [Obvious, and yet, heâs relieved itâs a simple enough ask. Who is he to look down his nose at an opportunity to look like a helpful hero without so much as breaking a sweat? He steps forward and tries the handle with confidence.Â
It doesnât open. He blinks down at it, and at the door, momentarily confused. He tries again.]
Umm... yeah, itâs not working from this side either. [He tries scanning his PDD under the lock, but it flashes âno accessâ at him. He doesnât know what to make of that, because he doesnât know if heâs supposed to have access to this particular closet, anyway. After all, heâs Uninfected, so what would he need with supplies? He doesnât know what kind of supplies they are, but he figures they have something to do with the chores, which he thankfully doesnât have to do.]
The scanner isnât working for me either. Umâ[should he go get someone? Heâs about to ask, but instead, he asks:] Did someone lock you in on purpose?Â
.
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BLOODLINE ⏠howl ⏠felix & ricky
diederick-dmornayâ:
[[ âI like you.â Ricky simply looks at Felix. Watches as he keeps talking mentions Charlie (it makes his chest tighten, Charlie hasnât even messaged him yet). As he talks, though, Ricky thinks that Fee is talking to himself. He has too, doesnât he? Barely knows Ricky well enough to say anything of value. Says Ricky has a strong personality ,is confident. That is the first thing to pull a more genuine smile from Ricky. Where is this so called confidence?
Itâs not with him whenever heâs alone with Charlie. When he was alone with Kaiser. ]] Oh, mon cher, you barely know me. Iâm easy to like, at first.
[[ Fingers curling tight into his own are the first thing to truly give him pause. Itâs a friendly, kind gesture. The younger man was right to tighten his grip: his impulse was to pull away.
Got to see him one last time. Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Silver linings. Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Fate.
Heâs right about one thing: silver linings arenât helpful. Ricky scoffs, rips his hand away. ]] Itâs not fucking fate. If it is, she is cruel! Be kinder if I fucking died with asteroids! Skipped out on this whole bullshit attempt at âlivingâ! Went with ma mère!
Kaiser was a fucking bastard and he left meâ [[ his voice cracks but he continues, red faced and teary eyed ]] â and now heâs fucking left me again!
[The anger startles Felix, and he gasps a tiny bit, barely audible, as Ricky rips his hand away.Â
And maybe heâs right; maybe Felix doesnât know Ricky, but thatâs never really mattered, before. Nobody really knows Felix either, and they love him or hate him, regardless. Heâs not made a habit of really knowing people because he doesnât let anyone really know him. But he doesnât need to know everything about a person to like them, or to love them, or to stand by their side when everything is falling apart for them. Felix doesnât know what itâs like to well and truly know anyone, and maybe it matters less to him because he doesnât know what heâs missingâbut for the first time, his eyes start to water as Rickyâs voice gets thinner and raspier, and itâs not often Felix really empathizes with other peopleâbut he feels for Ricky, now.Â
Heâs afraid to touch Ricky again, because he doesnât want to make anything worse, or upset him further, but something about the Eliteâs frenetic energy around Kaiser leaving him gives Felix something to bind himself to. He feels the slightest bit more grounded than he has the rest of this conversationâbecause that anger and resentment? That heâs familiar with.Â
His expression flattens a little, maybe hardens a smidge, but itâs calm, otherwise.] Alright. So he was a bastard, and he left you. Your anger is valid, Ricky. You have every bloody right to be angry and to be hurt and trust me, darlinâ, this universe isnât fucking fair, I know that much. And it sucks sometimes, and Iâm really, really sorry. Really I am. Iâm sorry this happened to you and that itâs not fair. It isnât.
And... and maybe youâre right, and I donât know you well, and youâre a bastard tooâbut so what? If Iâve learned anything since coming here itâs that everybody is a bit of a dickhead, honestly, and like... fuck it. [He shrugs.] Iâm apparently the worst, which is like, news to me, but whatever. And you didnât die with your mother. You survived and youâre here and I bet sheâs glad you did. Iâm glad you did. I know... I know we hardly know each other, but Iâm here, arenât I? Do people really have to be best friends after the bloody apocalypse to like, connect and stand by each other? I donât think so. I think the end of the world sort of changed... everything. And if you want to like, go scream or break things or throw rocks at some walls or trees, like. Letâs do it. Letâs get the fuck out of here and just go do it. Letâs go down to the docks or the beach or... anything.
And if you donât want to do that, if you just want to like... sit here and be angry and sad for a while and maybe have a drink or two, thatâs fine too. Youâre allowed to feel whatever youâre feeling, Ricky, and I canât like... change it or fix it, as much as Iâd like to. I canât do much at all, really, but what I can do is say that I like you, whether you want me to or not, and that Iâm here for you.
[He pausesâalmost a surprised pause, like he hadnât fully registered that he was getting passionate until he was through it, and the silence when heâs finished echoes loudly. He takes a breath, feeling firm, but feeling sure.] Besides. Iâm sort of unpopular here and being with the NWRF like... if it makes you feel better, maybe IÂ need you. So youâre my friend and if you donât like it, tough luck, I reckon.
[He cracks a small grin, because itâs his weak attempt at lightening the moodâor even just getting a brief window of relief for Ricky. A smile, a chuckle, anything. Just a moment of lightness in what probably feels like an eternity of dark.]Â
#SORRY THIS IS SO LONG#pls dont feel the need to match obviously!#have 2 gifs bc novel#ricky#ricky: bloodline#i hope this doesn't blow up in his face dlfkad but you gotta hand it to him#this is possibly the most he's EVER tried and boy is he tryin <3
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BASTARD GEOMETRY. rose + fee
rosasteinâ:
tuesday. april 11th, 2163. outside delma house.
[ Rosalind Stein is not unintelligent (no matter what her long-buried chemistry exams might say), though sheâs starting to question the legitimacy of such a claim. A woman had directed her up the stairs and to the right, said âthatâs where your house is,â and let her loose with her bag and her sketchbook. Still, Rose finds herself sighing in front of the wrong door, with the wrong symbol, in the wrong wing. The logical solution would be to look at the map available to colony members on her PDD. The implementation of this solution is lost somewhere between the fact that semi-regular system updates are keeping the map from loading, and an unhealthy dose of stubbornness that insists she doesnât need a map anyway.
Rose is so incredibly lucky, she thinks, that she hadnât been left to her own devices in the wilds of the earth for four and some years. Screw statistics, honestly, but there was at least an 87.69% chance sheâd be dead. ]
âŚItâs a square, Rosalind. You went in a circle, in a square.
[The air in the Colony after the funeral is only marginally less somber than before the funeral. Which like, sure itâs only been a day, but Felix didnât know this âwolf manâ he keeps hearing about (and from the sounds of it, he was a bad and dangerous person, so was it really that big of a loss?), and heâs sort of ready for things to go back to normalâhe was pretty ready yesterday, in fact. After all, he has his own stuff to be worrying about. Like dishonest playboys and rebounds and social-romantic justice.
Hmph.
He comes out the Delma common room door at an uncharacteristically brisk pace, (dressed for the Spring that seems unconvinced if it wants to come and stay a while, in flowy lilac harlem pants and a white, hooded jumper cropped above his navel) and he lets out a little, surprised âohâ when he spots a girl he doesnât recognize standing there looking confused, at best.]
Darlinâ, you look like dingo pup in a driveway. Are you looking for someone, or...?
#he's always over dressed for the apocalypse#i apologize in advance for... everything about him lmao#(also i LAWLED at her circle square commentary lol)#also Fee in my head would like me to clarify to u he's a natural blond so ignore the brown hair#rosalind#rosalind: bastard geometry
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RUMOUR WEED | fee, annie & lissy
lissy-mccallâ:
annie & felix.ââ
[They have been over it, like a million times in the dorm, but Lissy manages not to sound too exasperated by Annieâs insecurity. She knows that Lissy is right really, and itâs the same stuff Annie would say if their positions were reversed. Annie just always fears the worst.
Itâs surprisingly reassuring to hear that Felix was actually in a similar boat with Alois, though. For some reason Annie would assume that when people like Felix Tee and Alois Van Asch are together, they must be having sex. But evidently not; and it makes Annie aware that sheâs probably a bit too hung up on it. And itâs nice to hear that Fee had felt insecure about it, because if someone like him feels insecure then itâs way less isolating to think of her own insecurities. She nods along, because she completely relates to the worry of what it means when someone doesnât immediately want to take you home. Her face does fall at his conclusion, though.]
But what if you want them to try and get into your pants two minutes in though? [Annie balks.] I meanâ sorry, Iâm not trying to be like, weird and gross. I know itâs good that heâs being respectful. Iâm just⌠impatient. The kissing is so nice, and thereâs this whole other world of nice, fun stuff that I would like to see. But like⌠all in good time, I know. Itâll happen. And Iâm sure everyone in the dorm will be so glad when it does, because maybe Iâll finally shut up about it.
[She shoots Lissy an apologetic grin. Sheâs definitely been a bit boy-crazy lately, which sheâll blame on the fact that sheâs sort of on the cusp of maybe having sex, but not actually having it. Itâs a very frustrating place to be, but Lissy and the others have been so patient listening to Annie rant about it.]
___
[[ The fact Annie thinks Lissy, in anyway, could be bored of this conversation is laughable. Itâs the most high stakes yet actually not-high-stakes-at-all sort of drama that stops life becoming a long, mindless blur of days. Annieâs trying, putting herself out there and getting hands on her boobs. (Must be nice.)
Lissy listens, intently. Giving Felix a curious look at his phrasing. Felix was worried about a guy not wanting to take advantage? Its the idea of taking advantage that has some of the laughter leaving her. Itâs an inscrutable look, Felix doesnât know her well enough to read the silent look of stony faced concern. As though it didnât happen, she turns to Annie, shaking her head and looking up to the heavens. ]]
Once it happens you wonât shut up about it, because I will just ask you for every single detail! If you do stop talking like, all this build up to leave us with nothing! No follow up! Thatâd be worse. [[ Lissy jokes. Half-jokes. Maybe? ]] Have you, like, asked him? Just. Straight out said Hey: I wanna bang. [[ She puts on her best smarmy slash smooth sexy (?) voice. ]]
@felix-teeâ
[Lissy answers before Felix can, but sheâs concise in the way that heâs learning is in her characterâand is so totally opposite of his character. Not only because he talks a lot, but also because heâs not as good at finding the right words to explain himself, and so he has to sort of wander around trying out a whole bunch of them until something sticks in a way that makes sense.Â
Or until somebody stops him.Â
He nods at Lissyâs question and implied advice, and his head swivels to Annie, curious and engaged.] Yeah, have you? Because that would be my advice sweetheart. If you want something, you just have to go out and get it. Itâs what I did with Alo and itâs sort of my mantra with like, everything. Donât let anyone make you think that you have to wait for somebody else to bring you an opportunity, or for somebody else to send you an invite. Just bloody go out there and design. Throw some postage on it and mail it to yourself.Â
[He laughs, light and tinkly, feeling unusually silly. Being playful in a sort of... controlled and contrived way is in Felixâ s usual repetoire, but usually heâs too concerned about appearances to be silly or goofy.Â
But something about this conversation with these CalGals is making him relax a little. And while itâs nerve-wracking in its own way, itâs also really liberating. Still, heâs a long way away from being truly transparent or real. Thereâs so much facade to who he is as a person these days that even Fee has trouble telling where the mask ends and the actual person begins.]Â
@annie-perraultâ
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winter-kissed | fee + costin
{pre-ruina rex} Monday, April 3rd, 4:34pm
cvnstantinâ:
[Constantin never believed in comparing problems, not even before. Itâs become especially important since D-Day, though, because he hears a lot that his and Anaâs experience must have been so much worse than anyone elseâs, but itâs all perspective, isnât it? It was the worst thing that ever happened to Constantin.
But someone with a more âtypicalâ D-Day experience still went through the worst day of their lives. Just because there may have been objectively less trauma, that doesnât mean their worst is worth less than Constantinâs worst.]Â
Is not stupid. [Itâs the first thing he thinks. Felix isnât stupid for being upset. Thereâs so little left in the world â where are people meant to put their hopes, if not into other people? And Felix is still so young, with so many âfirstsâ left in his life. Some good, some as painful as heartbreak.] Fuck his motherâs cross, what an idiot for him to not treat you good. You are better than to be âother personâ in his life. I hope you know he is tell you more about himself than he tells about you. Is obvious he is stupid dick who have no respect.
[Constantin doesnât know the full context, of course, but heâs always had particularly strong feelings on loyalty. Perhaps it isnât âcheatingâ if youâre not in an established relationship â and Fee had never mentioned having a boyfriend so that seems like the likely situation â but itâs very much bad form to lie by omission. If youâre seeing someone else then you owe it to both parties to tell them about it, so they can fully understand the situation and decide for themselves if theyâre alright with it.]
[Costin replies like heâs all in with his opinion. He barely knows anything about the situation, doesnât know who Felix is talking about or much of the details, but his reaction is passionate and sure. And Felix doesnât know if Costin is just saying all this because heâs Feeâs friend and he knows Fee needs to hear it... or if he actually feels that way.Â
But either way, it is what Fee needs to hear. The certainty with which Costin iterates and reiterates that itâs Aloisâ loss, that heâs the âstupid dickâ and the âidiotâ... it makes Felix want to burst into tears again. Not because it makes him feel worse, but because it feels like permission to hurt. It feels like permission from someone older and wiser than him to be angry. To let himself feel this pain.
Itâs hard for Felix, because he spends so much of his time, weak and vulnerable as he may be, fighting being fragile. Heâd grown up in a world where appearances were everything, and impressions were invaluable, and he just couldnât afford to appear weak or breakable or hard done by. Whether he felt that way or not. He had to be accomplished, he had to be confidentâhe couldnât let anyone see him flinch. Because what would people think? It was a shitty, mean, judgemental world, and you had to fake it hard until you made it look easy.Â
His hands find his face as the tears swell at his lashes and he tries in vain to rub them away. His fingertips come away damp. Taking a shaky inhale, he tips his head onto Costinâs shoulder again. When he swallows, it feels like a new rock has formed there, at the core of his throat.]Â
Itâs just... I wouldnât... I wouldnât fucking care if he were like, hooking up with other people if heâif he didnât make this whole bloody thing about wanting to make it special and... like, I feel like Iâve been tricked. If Iâd known he was just another playboy I could have... treated it like that from the beginning. But he... he acted so... so interested and sweet and I thought... I just...Â
[He falters. He doesnât know how to explain this. This is decidedly the most vulnerable heâs been since coming here. With the exception, of course with the conversation with Alois where all this went down. But even then, heâd had a wall up. Heâd put on a brave and pretty face, more or less.] There arenât a lot of people here who get me, you know? And he... I thought he did. We have a lot in common. And he told me he wanted... to take me a âproper dateâ and not rush into anything because he wanted to... do it right, or whatever.Â
But then out of nowhere he just... just suddenly said we should take a step back. And that there was someone else. And I know... I just know heâs not saying the same thing to whoever they are. He was just... he was just bullshitting me the whole time and itâs so fucked up because Iâm Felix Fucking Turner! Iâm better than that and he... [Felix doesnât quite have the confidence in his own name, at the moment, to get behind the pride and dignity of that argument, as much as heâd like to. As much as he normally would. He feels broken. Like heâs been lied to, and now heâs stuck lying to himself, as well. If he hadnât been already.]Â
Heâs an asshole, [Felix lets out finally, in a weary, tired gulp. It sounds almost like a plea. Something between that and a shuddering breath.]Â Â
#idk if this makes sense but im TRYING OK#lmao#have some word vomit!#constantin#constantin: winter kissed
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end transmission | isha & felix
isha-feinbergâ:
when: wednesday 12th april 2163 where: a corridor, by a supply cupboard who: open!
[So many black clothes. Isha doesnât like cleaning them as much; white clothes are easy because you can bleach them. Dark clothes show every little hair and bit of fluff, and sheâs spent the better part of the last hour with a lint scraper trying to clean up everyoneâs funeral clothes. When she gets sent off to get some more laundry detergent, she suspects itâs because she keeps sighing so fretfully while everyone else is chatting and trying to establish some sort of normality after Kaiserâs death.
Isha is fine with that, gliding down the corridor and slipping into the nearest supply cupboard. She has to stand on the lowest shelf to reach the detergent, which is far back on the highest shelf, and while she does so the door swings shut behind her.
Itâs very dark, all of a sudden. Isha always needs to know where the nearest exit is, and she fares poorly when sheâs trapped somewhere like this. Her PDD does nothing to open the door, but it wonât bend to brute force either; why doesnât she know how the bloody doors work? Is it a mechanical error? A computer thing? Someone in the tech department is playing a joke on her? The light of her PDD is painfully bright as she types out an indignant message to the first IT person she can think of, that Paxton person, to say that sheâs stuck.
In the meantime, sheâll try slow deep breaths like they always tout in therapy. Itâs only when she hears someone coming along the corridor outside that she slams her palm against the door.]
Excuse me? Hello? [She manages to sound rather annoyed for a woman hoping to get some help. She doesnât want to admit to the pounding in her chest or the strangling feeling in her throat. She just wants to get out of this stupid damn cupboard.]Â
[Felix doesnât especially know heâs a skittish person, but when an indignant, muffled voice and some hard slams project from a closed door beside him, Felix does jump a little. He touches his chestâreflexâand lets out a little, almost silent âohâ and steps back. Also reflex.Â
Then two plus two suddenly make... three, and he realizes someone seems to be knocking from inside a roomâa closet, by the looks of it. He smartly deduces this because the door is narrow and the strangerâs voice sounds like sheâs in a small space.Â
Oh, and because thereâs a cloudy gold plaque on the door that says âSupply Closetâ.
He frowns a little, takes an uncertain step forward.] Uh, hello? [He looks around briefly. Is this phantom voice even talking to him?]Â
#this is kinda shitty also but im GETTING THERE#that is to say i am here on the dash so hear me roar even if it's ineloquently!!#two plus two make 3 not 4 bc he doesn't figure out she's locked in#bc he's precious#isha#isha: end transmission
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EMPTY BEDS ⏠ howl ⏠ jr & felix
who-is-jrâ:
[[ Fee explains himself, giggling nervously and fumbling a little over his words in a way JR really wouldnât have expected from him.
âDidnât want you to think Iâd forgotten about it.â Huh, he hadnât considered that, actually, JR well and truly forgetting about the day after the party and whatever else may come. Heâs not used to seeing people again. At least he wasnât, before.
Itâs a realisation that sneaks up on JR as though itâs nothing: a simple fact of his life before that arrives without pomp or ceremony. Seeing the same people all the time: itâs new. ]]
I wasnât expecting you to find me or anything. [[ He hopes it doesnât come across cruel, itâs a simple fact. He looks at Felix, usually dour expression carefully taking in Felixâs youthful features and pink cheeks. Heâs still cute in the daylight, he canât help but wonder if Fee thinks the same of JR. ]]
Iâm not very talkative. [[ A fact Felix was made aware of when JR so very quickly reached the end of his verbal flirtation and went straight for a more physical approach. After a moment, JR smiles small. His elbows settle on his knees, hands held loosely as he looks out at the same old view. âComplicated stuff.â Heâs vague, JR isnât sure if he wants to be asked about it, so he doesnât. JR doesnât really want to talk about his shit right now, even though it drags his shoulders down, makes him less angry but sad as he looks out. ]] Yeah, always something going on, isnât there?
[Â âI wasnât expecting you to find me, or anythingâ.Â
In an unexpected way, itâs almost a reliefâor... if not a relief, then maybe one of the reasons why Felix had been inclined to find JR. To reconnect. Because Felix was quite used to being pursued, especially by random blokes he had random pashes with at bars or clubs, blokes he didnât really care to remember, necessarily. Blokes whoâd tell him about their sisters in Brisbane or abroad, and their majors or minors or least favourite subjects in school. Usually, most of that was in one ear and out the other, because it wasnât about him and because he was too busy wondering about what he looked like or if he would book that job or if there were any scouts around or if someone would take his picture just now and talk about him on Echo. If he would be in the news by morning.Â
Usually, he just wanted to drink a little and forget a little and fool around enough to make himself feel wanted, without fooling around so much that he felt gross and guilty, like he had time and time again.Â
At least, that was before. Before... all this. A lifetime ago. Everything seemed to be different now. Everything was different now. Even Felix. And admittedly, even the things that were important to him. Well... some of those things had changed, at least.]Â
Thatâs okay. Iâm quite talkative, Iâm told, so like... good balance. [He slides JR a cute smile, letting himself flick at his fringe with painted fingernails for a moment. He clears his throat, and casually rests his thin forearms over his knees. He nods at JRâs quiet observation.]Â
Yup. Reckon so. And like... I wanna say ânowâ, because itâs easy to blame the apocalypse for everything, but I guess... thatâs one thing that has sort of always been true, hasnât it? That thereâs always something going on. Thatâs just... life. Even before. Itâs just... different things going on, now.Â
[Maybe worse, maybe better, maybe neutral. Everything was kind of... relative, in a way. Or meaningless. The point is, itâs hard to compareâbut then again, heâd had boy problems and family problems and lonely problems long before the end of the world. So... is it really so different, now?] And maybe some things, the same. [He shrugs.]Â
#i LOVE jr's tiny little revelations that come up that seem so small but are breakthroughs considering his condition#so 'seeing the same people all the time: it's *new*' really fuckin GOT me in the feels tho#jr#jr: empty beds
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The Comforts of Home || Dylan & Felix
dylan-meirâ:
[Felix is right that death is scary, maybe moreso than he knows. Before D-day, the only experience with death Dylan had had was with the cattle. Her uncle had made a point of having everyone who worked the ranch slaughter at least one cow, as part of learning how to run the ranch. Most of her aunts and uncles had done it a few times, both for meat and mercy. Dylan hadnât been old enough yetâ just shy of a few months when the asteroids hitâ but sheâd seen it done. Sheâd also seen the slaughterhouses where their cattle were turned into carcasses for butchering; sheâd seen the bolt gun and the knife both. She was no stranger to death. But it was one thing to see an animal die, part of the cycle of life. It was another thing entirely to see people die. And D-day had been Dylanâs introduction. So yeah, death was scary.]
[It wasnât that, though. Or, it wasnât just that. It was the nature of it. What everyone was saying in hushed whispers or behind closed doors. And that it had been Kaiser of all peopleâ Kaiser, who for all his faults was by no means weak or unhealthy, and in fact had been fine not an hour before.] No, of course not. I know theyâre notâŚtheyâre not murderers. I know they have our best interests at heart. But I canât trust that theyâre telling the whole truth. Itâs just toâŚwrong. Remember way back in January, that weird parasite? What if this is like that, but worse, and theyâre covering it up so nobody panics? I mean, no one even saw this coming so whoâs to say it wonât happen again?
[She can feel herself breathing hard, reflexively swallowing down the lump in her throat, and she tries to get control of herself. Itâs hard. Her whole life, sheâd been taught that the best death is one you donât see coming. Now she knows just how wrong that is.] What if Kaiser was just the first?
â
[Heâd just missed the parasite, thank God, but he had heard about it, obviously. Well, heâd heard some things, and itâs hard to tell whatâs fact and whatâs rumour, but Felix has always sort of had selective hearing in that way, anyway. Rumour or truth, heâd believe what was convenient to him, or what was the most interesting.Â
Still... covering it up? Covering up what? Heâs heard peopleâs conspiracies about the parasite being not-exactly-an-accident, since apparently some of the Infected lost their powers when they got sick. But he doesnât believe that the Reformists could be involved. Didnât everybody get sick, after all? Infected and Uninfected, Reformists and anarchists? No, it must have been a coincidence. Heâs not been here that long, but he canât imagine the NWRF would do anything that disorganized or risky. Itâs just stupid.Â
Felix is careful, because Dylan seems like... legitimately upset. Her voice is cracking and her eyes are red and sheâs struggling to get the words out, and though heâs confused and opinionated, Dylan is one of the few people he has here who is truly on his side, especially after what happened with Alois. She may be Infected, but sheâs also NWRF. Not only is she his friend, and one who reminds him of home, at that, but sheâs also like, officially on his side. Politically. Sheâs a safe bridge he really doesnât want to burn. ]
What, like... you mean what if he died because of the testing or something and theyâre trying to cover it up?Â
[He doesnât know about that either. Itâs possible... heâd believe it sooner than the idea that theyâd done it on purpose. But obviously, if theyâre covering anything up, itâs probably only because theyâre trying to keep the whole Colony from panicking. Just another way theyâre trying to protect the community.]
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winter-kissed | fee + costin
{pre-ruina rex} Monday, April 3rd, 4:34pm
cvnstantinâ:
[When Fee finally pulls away to wipe at his tears, he hides his face by some sort of instinct. Itâs totally fruitless because obviously Constantin knows heâs crying; turning his head away wonât do much. Itâs easy to forget, sometimes, just how self conscious the boy is, and if the turned head isnât a reminder then the next words out of his mouth certainly are.
Itâs unthinkable to Constantin that anyone can be hurt like Felix is apparently hurting, and somehow be primarily worried that people are going to find out he cried. At least, thatâs what he assumes the request means. It could be a preemptive request not to tell anyone about whatever Fee is about to explain, but somehow Constantin thinks itâs more about the tears. Either way, of course he wonât tell, not when itâs clearly so important to Felix.]Â
Okay. [Constantinâs answer is unhesitating, and for a moment it seems like Fee has cried himself out â but then a fresh wave of tears hits and heâs gone again. Thereâs an apology, and Constantin shakes his head. Obviously itâs not necessary; heâs glad Felix felt like he could talk to him about whatever this is. Wanting to bring Fee back to earth, back to here and now instead of whatever memory is gnawing at him, Constantin takes the sharp edge of Felixâs jawline under his palm and tilts the boyâs face back to him, searching for his eyes. It was what he did with Anaya, whenever things were too much for her. Find her eyes and remind her that he was there, and never mind the universe stretching out endlessly behind them.]Â
Is okay. Tell me vhat happen. [Heâs got no real idea of how to deal with situations like this, but instinct tells him that talking about it is better than leaving it to burn in your chest.]Â
[Felix is the one whoâd asked Constantin to come. Heâd asked him here, because heâd wanted to talk to him, or maybe heâd just wanted his comfort, wanted someone to tell him he was right and Alois was wrong and he was perfect and Alois was a foolâbut now that heâs here, he doesnât know how to say the words. He doesnât even know what he would say, if he could say anything at all. He doesnât talk about his mistakes, his pain, his weaknesses, and suddenly this feels a lot like admitting weaknesses he doesnât want anyone to know he has.Â
What would Costin think of him, if he knew that Felix let someone play with his heart that way? That Felix cared enough to be taken advantage of like this. He feels so stupid, and so embarrassed. Embarrassed for the position that heâs in, and embarrassed for crying about it like a baby. Costin was stuck in a spaceship. In actual-fucking-space. For like, five years or something. He was totally alone except for one person, fighting for his life while he thought the whole world below him had ended, that everyone and everything was gone. What the hell does he care about Felixâs love life problems? Itâs so insignificant, and Felix knows it, and he hates himself.Â
âTell me vhat happenâ, and Felix both wants to, and doesnât want to. He aches to get it off his chest, but also desperately wants to run away, to take it all back and say thereâs nothing to talk about after all.Â
He stares at a dip in the cement at his feet for a moment, like he might drill a hole out of it, like he might feel better about his hurt by glaring at the stone, blaming them for his problems. Eventually, he takes a shaky breath. Opens his mouth. When he speaks, itâs barely a whisper.]Â
Itâs... stupid. Itâs stupid. I just. Someone I thought I was close to... someone who I thought...like, cared about me, basically lied to me. He treated me like I was so bloody special and then he... [Felix falters. Swallows.] It turns out there was someone else the whole time. Which... [which might have been different, if things had been.... well, different. But Alois had acted like... God, it makes Felix angry just thinking about it. How could he have been so fucking stupid?] Which maybe wouldnât have mattered if he hadnât made it seem like... [he doesnât know how to explain. Heâs out of words and heâs frustrated and suddenly the last thing he wants to do is talk about Alois.] He just lied. He played me and I fell for it and I donât... I donât do that. Iâve never...
[He trails off, afraid if he says anymore, heâll just start crying again.]Â Â
#constantin#constantin: winter kissed#alex if you are reading this iM SORRY#i know alois didn't intentionally do any of this and it's much more complicated than this#this is just fee's perspective and heartbreak talking iM SORRY ladkjfa
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SOME KIND OF SOLACE || alois & felix
alois-the-real-boyâ:
[[ For a long moment Felix looks at him, simply looks, and Alois canât do anything but look back. He hates this, the raw expression in Felixâs eyes, the sick turn of his own stomach as he realizes, piece by piece, that there may be nothing about this thatâs salvageable. Alois knows this is his fault. He let things go on for too long, let himself have the best of both worlds where he could mean something to Clove in private and mean something to Felix in public.
Selfishness. There isnât any other word for it. Alois had spent all this time willfully ignoring the growing attachment between them because he wanted to believe he could have all of it. Obviously, he doesnât deserve that much.
Felix finally looks away, and the heavy feeling in Aloisâ chest drops. âRight.â Alois frowns and barely shakes his head, not that Felix will see it.
âI think you should go now.â
Thereâs a finality in the statement that tightens in Aloisâ chest, a finality he wants to fight against but knows he doesnât have the right to. Itâs a wonder Felix hasnât told him to leave before now, he thinks.
Alois dredges for literally anything else to say, but predictably, comes up short. He wishes he had a little more of his father���s heart in this scenario, and less of his motherâs chilled diplomacy. Nodding faintly, he hesitates one last time before standing, and even there he pauses, fingers twitching where he wants to reach for Felixâs shoulder but⌠doesnât. ]]
Okay, [[ he says quietly instead. It sounds loud to his own ears, but probably not nearly so much to Felix even in the heavy, subdued air of the room. Lips pressed into a thin line, he just nods again. ]] ⌠okay.
[[ Alois walks to the door, pausing and letting his fingertips touch the frame as he glances back. Anything else he can think of to say dies on his lips. None of it feels like itâd be good enough, so with one last muted nod, Aloisâ hand slips from the door frame and, as requested, he leaves. ]]
[Itâs not what heâd wantedâwell, obviously none of this is what heâd wanted. But heâd not wanted Alois to leave, exactly, and the room feels colder without him. Emptier than itâd been before heâd shown up, and Felix canât help but wonder if heâd known he was going to be saying all this when he was walking up to meet Felix in his dorm, or if itâd blindsided him the way itâd blindsided Felix.Â
Heâs not sure which answer is better. Or which is worse, rather, because both make him feel pretty shit.Â
But heâd had to ask him to leave. Heâd had to ask him to leave because this numbness would expire, soon. His anger would subside and Felix was afraid of what would be left in its place. He knew it would be more embarrassing. And if Alois was going to play him like this, the least Felix could ensure is that he kept up appearances. That heâs effortless confident, endlessly self-assured and independent. He doesnât need anybody. He doesnât need the validation of some boy. After all, heâd had everything once. Fame, money, admiration, accomplishment. Beauty. He doesnât need anyone or anything, except for maybe (secretly) his father.Â
He doesnât. He doesnât.Â
Sure enough, when Alois leaves, Felix sits quietly for a few minutes, then closes the curtains of his bedposts, and cries.]Â
FIN.
#i wasn't gonna reply but then i had feels!#<3#alois#alois: some kind of solace#and thank you maddie for the beautiful appropriate gifs!
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BLOODLINE ⏠howl ⏠felix & ricky
diederick-dmornayâ:
Iâm not very likeable. [[ Ricky admits: whisper soft in case someone else hears. Itâs a fact, he canât really hide it. There are brief, shining moments where Ricky is likeable, is lovable, but they seem further and further apart nowadays. Maybe theyâve always been brief, shining moments.
There were moments Kaiser liked him. Moments that Ricky liked Kaiser. Itâs complicated being any part of the Bähr family. Ricky knows his mother mustâve hated herself for falling for Kaiser, he was a monster. Her job was supposed to be to lock him upânot have his babies.
âEven if they hate you, sometimes.â ]] I transferred here for him, you know. He only spoke to me once. Wasnât happy to see me. [[ Ricky runs his hand through his hair, head ducking down, he thinks he may cry again. He doesnât know why heâs telling Felix all of this. Maybe because heâs the first to listen in a way. Maybe because heâs telling him that his dad doesnât like him either. Everyone else only has kind things to say about their parents. Another things that makes him feel like shit. Canât even get his own parents to care about him properly.
He shakes his head, looking up at the ceiling. ]] Now my mother hated me. [[ Itâs not a laugh: heâs showing teeth, a broken sound, borderline hysterical. Bringing his hands up, rubbing them over his face, base of his palm rubbing over his eyes. ]]Â Maybe youâre lucky you never knew her. She gets to stay perfect.
[Felix is trying his best not to crumble in his uncertainty what to say. Heâs a little uncomfortable, but not because he doesnât want to be here, just because he wants to say the right thing, but he doesnât know what the right thing is.
He pauses a short moment after Rickyâs âlikeableâ comment. Though he knows it wasnât really asking for reply and Ricky was mostly talking to himself, Felix answers anyway.] I like you, [he stresses. Itâs quiet tooânot quite a whisper, but still on a breath. People have told him heâs not very likeable in the past, and a part of him thinks maybe itâd be a helpful thing to say here, if he could say something like that out loud without it hurting his pride. He doesnât believe itâhe doesnât want to believe itâand heâs afraid that if he says it out loud, itâll make it more real. Itâll give it power. So instead, he leaves it at that: he likes Ricky. And maybe itâs not enough, but itâs true.Â
Then he thinks of something else.] Charlie likes you, too, I know. There are people who donât like me for whatever reason, but that doesnât mean theyâre right. [Kip certainly isnât right.] Some people just canât... stomach strong personalities. People are threatened by people who are confident, or who speak their mind or challenge them to be better. Not everyone can be, like, all sugar and spice and everything nice, you know?Â
[Â âHe only spoke to me once. Wasnât happy to see me.â Felix swallows. Watches Ricky run his hand through his hair, the way his eyes blur, and he ducks his chin, turns his face. Felix reaches out to take his handâthreads his fingers through Rickyâs and grips it tight before Ricky can pull away. He doesnât know what to say, so he just listens for a while, thumb stroking over the back of Rickyâs hand.
âMaybe youâre lucky you never knew her. She gets to stay perfect.â Heâd never really thought about it that way. And in his head, his mother is perfect. Though, thatâs probably why his father got so much of his resentment. There was nowhere else for it to go. Nothing could touch the fabricated memories of his mother, she could do no wrong. But his fatherâhis father could.]Â
Maybe... [he echoes gently, nodding. Buying time, filling the silence.] And maybe... maybe thatâs part of why you came here. You didnât know he was going to pass but he... but you got to be here, to see him one last time. Maybe it would have been worse if you didnât. You might have always wondered. I know... silver linings arenât really helpful in, um, a time like this. But it does sound a little like it was... fate. That you were here.Â
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RUMOUR WEED | fee, annie & lissy
lissy-mccallâ:
annie & felix.â
[Oh, god. She had kind of hoped Sailor Moon was like, a relatively popular nostalgia thing and it was just coincidence that none of the girls in the dorm had seen it, but Felix being confused really drives home the fact that it was definitely not a cool thing to watch.]Â
Oh, uh, no, heâs just a character from a show I used to watch. [She shrugs it off fast. Annie had fixated on cartoons a lot as a kid, because they were easier to draw than real people. She could draw herself as Usagi, or Roxanne from the Goofy Movie, or whoever else, and it was like a fun way of exploring her gender expression before she really worked it all out.
Annie is surprised that Lissy volunteers the dance information, because sheâs usually so private with people she doesnât know well â but when Annie glances at her she sees the small, fleeting expression of regret. Itâs barely noticeable, but Annie knows Lissy too well by now to miss it. She doesnât want to expand on her scandalous dances, so Annie jumps in to take the fall. Itâs the nice thing about their friend group: theyâre all anxious wrecks sometimes (well, apart from Mira), but if one of them is more stressed, the others will unlock the mom-friend-override and access confidence they wouldnât otherwise have.]Â
Well, I, uh, made out with this guy Benji a couple of times. Like, in the baths. And he touched my boobs. [Annie glances around, wondering if she can see him in the dining hall, though it occurs to her that pointing him out to Felix would be an awful idea because she just knows heâs the kind of person that you say âdonât look!â and heâll do a full body swivel and ogle. She does see Ajay on the other side of the room, and though Annie doesnât point him out, she does lean in and lower her voice conspiratorially.] And I went out for drinks with this guy, Ajay, but he didnât try anything so I donât know if heâs like, super interested.
____
[[ Lissy thinks she maybe should join in. Whatâs the harm in sharing names? With Felix, maybe, something might actually happen. Lissyâs been too chickenshit to find either Lake or Draco. Draco at least it was simply nice but with Lake? Sheâd lied to him, started to try and turn him against Charlie. She doesnât want to have to face that again. There is plenty of harm in sharing, then.
Annie, always being in Lissyâs corner, takes the fall. Or, Lissy thinks, she simply gets a chance to talk more about it. Lissyâs happy for her, truly, sheâd talked about Benji and Ajay in the dorm and itâd been fun. Light-hearted. Sometimes, Lissy thinks sheâs just vicariously living through Annie. Lissy shakes her head, laughing at Annie. Just a little bit. ]]
Again, Annie, just because he didnât try anything probably means heâs, like, taking his time. Why wouldnât he be super interested in you?
@felix-teeâ
[Something about the way she describes the details makes Felix giggleâheâs not sure if its how sweetly virginal âhe touched my boobsâ sounds, or if itâs the accent or the fact that sheâd done it in the baths, which somehow seems like, a pretty pornographic setting for someone whoâs enthralled by having their boobs touchedâbut whatever it is, he chuckles, fingers coming up to touch his lips, shading the flash of teeth. But heâs not laughing at herâheâs laughing with her, (he hopes), because her energy is infectious, and heâs sure that bubbly, nervous need to laugh is coming from her.Â
At the next comment, Lissy voices the same thing Felix had been thinking. What does not âtryingâ anything have to do with it? Then again...] Sheâs right, you know. I donât see how like, not âtryingâ something after just one date is like, at all an indicator. But I do understand how you feel. Like, Alois and I have hung out a bunch of times, and weâve snogged and stuff, but wellâthat night at the party, I might have suggested we leave together, you know... [he figures the context is implied.] And he actually said heâd rather wait. Like, until he could take me on a âproper dateâ. Whatever that means, these days, [he adds with a bit of a laugh.]Â
[Heâd not been planning on telling this to the girls, because heâd worried it would make him look bad, or undesirable, but now, in the context, he can use it as a way to be encouraging to Annie, and make himself feel better at the same time. And talk about himself again. Itâs a win-win-win.] And at first, I was a bit worried, what it meant that he didnât like, immediately want to take advantage and take me home. But I think thatâs just a sign that heâs like, a proper gentleman and doesnât feel the need to rush things. And maybe itâs the same thing for this Benji bloke. Like, trust me, honey, Iâve had those first dates where they try to get in your pants like, two minutes in. You donât want those. Those ones are usually pricks who arenât worth your time.Â
[Heâd had to learn that the hard way, to be honest. And they arenât mistakes (plural) heâd wish on anyone else. Especially anyone of the LGBT+ community, because self worth and confidence is already hard enough for them as it is.]Â
@annie-perraultâ
#my muse is fucking fried sorry pls accept this flaming garbage#still love the content but my writing is a listless mess rn im sorry#lissy#annie#lissy: rumour weed#annie: rumour weed
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troye sivan in three months trailer [x]
@felix-tee
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The Comforts of Home || Dylan & Felix
dylan-meirâ:
[All of a sudden Felix is there, right in front of her, and itâs all Dylan can do to keep herself falling apart, into him. Sheâs so used to having someone who would catch her, a shoulder that she could cry on and an understanding ear, that the restraint chokes her like a leash. And the weight of it, the crushing reminder that she doesnât have that anymore, is like the final straw on her back. She nods at his half-perceived question and sits mechanically in the nearest chair.]
Iâm fine. Iâm okay. [Lies, but white ones. Sheâs gotten so good at telling those to herself lately, itâs easy to tell them to him. She doesnât keep up the ruse for long, though. After all, she didnât go searching for Felix because she wanted a makeover.] IâŚIâm just scared. I donât know. This whole thing with Kaiser⌠[She canât put it into words. It sounds childish and stupid, being afraid of something she has no proof in.] Iâm sorry. Itâs notâ it shouldnât be a big deal. I mean, I didnât even know the guy, and from what I do know he was a right awful bastard. I shouldnât care at all, much less be bloody scared! Bugger got what was coming to him.
[Itâs an awful justification and even she knows it. Sheâs the last person on earth who has the right to play judge, jury, and executioner. No matter how awful Kaiser was, he didnât deserve to die. And he especially didnât deserve to be killed, if thatâs in fact what happened. And yet, here she is. Justifying his death to avoid thinking about what it means for her.] I just. I donât know, Felix. This whole thing just feels wrong.
â
[She looks sort of... out of it, as she lowers into the chair. Like sheâs on autopilot, but her mind is somewhere else. Her movements are mechanical, tense. Felixâs mouth tightens, and he sets his notepad aside as he watches her frozen expression, flickering like a staticky television channel.]Â
Oh, babes... [He can understand why sheâd be scared. Itâs a scary thing even for him, and he isnât burdened with an Infection. He isnât one of them. But poor Dylan is stuck like thisâstuck with an Infection she doesnât want, and she feels out of control for it. No wonder sheâs nervous. Heâd feel the same way.] Of course itâs scary... death is always scary, no matter who it is. Weâre not, like... supposed to feel good about these things, even if the people dying arenât people we know or really care about.Â
But what do... what do you mean, wrong? Are youâyou donât believe the NWRF were responsible, do you? Donât let people get into your head, darling. People will say anything to make people think Reformists are totally evil, when all theyâre doing is trying to help people. Protect people. Like you, and me. And even Kaiser.Â
[Only... it didnât work with Kaiser. Because heâd resisted too hard. Maybe if heâd spent more time cooperating, heâd still be alive.]
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EMPTY BEDS ⏠ howl ⏠ jr & felix
who-is-jrâ:
[[ Fee takes a seat. He looks ready to leave any second, though, not truly settling in. Maybe heâs testing the waters, first. Makes it easier to dart away once JR reveals his true colours.
Oh, honeyâ there it is. A little pet name that instantly helps to lift his mood. His words are too kind in some aspects, but he is right. It is always there: staring you in the face. Such a small place (or so heâs told, what reference what does he really have?) if anything major happens, there is no really chance of hiding from it. ]] Yeah.
[[ Fee says heâs OK, but admits to dealing with things unrelated to Kaiser. JR almost wants to say the same, except Fee is saying he can handle it. He, on the other hand, really canât handle it at all. The fact heâs quick to smooth away any concern makes him think that Felix doesnât actually want to talk about whatâs bringing him down, so JR wonât pry. ]] Hope whatever it is gets easier.
Youâve been wanting to talk? [[ Itâs phrased as a questionâmainly because JR canât imagine why anyone would actively seek him out. Sure, Felix got to see a very different side of JR to the majority of people here but it was hardly a side that said heâd be a good conversationalist. ]]
[Itâs a good thingâand something of a miracleâthat JR is fond of Feeâs frequent use of pet names, because whether the blond is aware of it or not, they do tend to get on the nerves of a lot of people, and someone like JRâso stoic, so serious and reservedâis a much higher risk of being turned off by those sorts of things. So itâs nice that he doesnât seem to be opposed to it. That he even seems to relax a little under Feeâs tentative touch and somewhat inelegant attempt at comforting words.
JR hears Fee on his struggles, but doesnât pry, which, out of reflex, is something Felix simultaneously greatly appreciates and feels a little insecure about. Contrary to what some people would believe, Felix is pretty private about anything in his life that makes him actually feel vulnerable, and after a life in the spotlight, and under the critical eye of the media and paparazzi trash magazines, the idea of being exposed makes him nervous.Â
On the flip side of the coin, however, he wants people to want to know about him, he wants people to be concerned about him. And if they arenât, if they donât pry, he always winds up wondering how much they careâif at all. For the most part, though, in this circumstance, he leaves those insecurities buried where they belong.
He almost winces as JR repeats his phrase back to him. Shit. It sounds a bit clingy, doesnât it? Or vaguely... threatening. Heâd not meant it like that, and he scrambles to clean up his mess, even if JRâs reaction had been muted; curious at best, concerned or confused, at worst.]
Ohânot likeânot about anything serious, sorry. Not in a âwe need to talkâ way, [he throws about some air quotations and lets out a nervous giggle.] Genuinely, I know some people are so triggered by those words. Fairly so. [Clears his throat.] Anyway, no I just meant... I thought itâd be nice to talk, thatâs all. It... was nice getting to know you a little bit at myâat the Delma party, I mean. And I didnât want you to think Iâd forgotten about it, after weâd had a quick pash, and all that. Iâve just... had a lot going on, lately. Complicated stuff, so like. Iâve been distracted. But Iâve been meaning to like, reconnect, thatâs all.Â
[He smiles sweetly, but his cheeks are the tiniest bit pink. Heâd fumbled a lot, and he hopes it comes off as endearing, and not pathetic.]Â
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NWRF 99 // BROOKLYN 99 STYLE
*BROOKLYN 99 THEME PLAYS BUT IN A CREEPY POST APOC WAY*
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