fattoothin

[fattoothin]

Ive moved over to #edtwt .. theres no censorship and I’m in a groupchat where we are all on a diet and send body checks and weight checks and calorie check everyday...Currently 227 which is like what the fuck.. but this ten day diet should put me down  a bit over 20 pounds.. I’m going to the pool soon to do laps.. I’ve gotten way to addicted to binging and I need to stick to this diet for the ten days to actually get some weight loss going. I want my self control back so badly.. It literally starts with feeling empowered from saying no to food, so I have to be strong. I even deleted the uber eats app because that is a big temptation of mine.. I started up my watpad journal if anyone wants to read https://www.wattpad.com/user/nameisE -- Back in the day when I first started this used to help me stay busy and not eat.. Im gonna get ready to go to the pool, do some laps then work on a chapter for the journal. 

[fattoothin]

Day 2, i’ve already purged the food beside me... I keep nothing down everyday, and when I feel super weak I’ll let my self keep a meal down at night.. I’m a hot mess.. I didn’t get invited to anything today and that killed me inside.. and yeah I think i’m honestly taking a hiatus from my social medias until I can come back on the camera skinny.. I let myself go so far... heres some collar bone progress but this is mostly just to remind myself of what I;ve done to myself at 21.

[fattoothin]

I am doing this.

I'm tired of telling myself I'll start again tomorrow. I'm tired of telling myself it doesn't matter anyways. I'm tired of regretting everything I ate yesterday, or today, or feeling regret for something I haven't even eaten yet. I hate it, I hate myself for being okay with it, I'm taking back control.

I am in control.

I am doing this.

[fattoothin]

Did i mention being fat ruins your life

My “bestfriend” is slim.. she does work vry hard for it so i respect her lots... I just feel shaded today because she went on a boat and I know she would’ve been able to bring me..  or she would ask if i wasn’t fat... Like.. hear me out... I invite here to everything, and now that i moved to this fancy place i was gonna invite her to the pool but i think its fair if maybe when i plan to do my bday ‘make-up’ bash (in august once i’ve lost 50 pounds total since may) then i’ll invite her and other people... I just don’t feel like we’re really bestfriends.. i think im honestly the duff.. and seeing her posting a fun makeup bday for her friend yesterday then chilling on a boat and saying hot girl summer... its like yes I’m not hot.. The guy who threw the boat thing follows me too and knows we’re friends... I wanna make a bet that anything he throws he WILL invite me too in august, because i will be 50 down, and a beautiful 150.. less then my bestfriend.. And i will say no. 

I think this shit is more painful because it’s the second time I have to start from biggest.. and watching things happen and socially not being accepted because im chubby is just trash.. at 21 you’re expected to be thin and beautiful.. I’m flabby...

I’m pushing.. I’m hoping I can look back at this next month and laugh.

[fattoothin]

Screaming 'cause I've got it to good to cry

[fattoothin]

When I’m sad all I wanna do is binge but then I know how shitty I’ll feel about it after. It’s like a vicious cycle and I feel like those times in my life when I’m happy I take for granted and then when life gets dull it’s so hard to get out of the rut. Especially with covid things got so mundane and I miss my uni life and I hate being home it brings me back to the past too much.

[fattoothin]

mood: weepy hollow - fox academy

This is the slowest a plateau has taken to happen.. I eat barely anything everyday, never over 1000 calories.. I honestly don’t have the energy to workout anymore, but when the gym in my condo opens up I will force myself to just do lots and lots of cardio.. I just hate being fat and my life just feels miserable being overweight.. even though I have a perfect life basically.. Just being fat ruins everything... 

[fattoothin]

[fattoothin]

May the 10 of Pentacles bless your account with more money than you can spend. 💵✨

[fattoothin]

my stupid therpist is almost 30 mins late on out appointment.. she wants me to be fat.. if i start working out and she calls i swear!!!!!

sexy, healthy, fitness! ♡

[fattoothin]

Valeria Lukyanova, the Ukrainian human barbie. When I first saw photos of her I was around 15 years old. I cannot describe the instant, chilling desperation that came over me to lose weight and achieve what I thought was perfection.

She works out for several hours a day on occasion, can run a half marathon at a 9 minute pace, has that "glass skin", and basically has the discipline I always wanted. I still would love to look like my own wonderful version of this one day, but I think its just important to remember that even though we have our thinspiration girls we revere as goddesses and strive to look like, we need to still create the best we can of ourselves.

I will never have an 18 inch waist like Valeria, but I can have a very toned 24 inch waist that still looks stunning in a bikini. I'll never have 16 inch thighs, but I have wide hips that still allow for a thigh gap if I put in the work for those toned legs that look great in shorts.

These are things about myself that I will attempt to improve so I can achieve my most beautiful self, rather than cry over them because they look the same as this other person. You may not have a busty chest like you may want, but that doesn't mean you can't work it out to perk up your breasts to pull off those adorable, black lace bralettes.

See your gifts, improve those gifts, and then show them off. See the beauty in yourself. See the intricate parts of you that come together to make something great.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I bet if you showed me what you thought was the worst part of your body I could point out something amazing about you that you may not have even noticed. We are our own worst critics, don't forget that and don't let it take over your life.

[fattoothin]

Please reblog, this is so important.

[fattoothin]

back down to 194 but I’m sick of seeing that number ffs I wanna be in the 180s :((

[fattoothin]

ive been burning through hundreds of dollars D: i need to be motivated

everyone please motivate the ✨FUCK✨ out of me cause if i binge again i’m going to lose my shit-

[fattoothin]

i want to be the fat girl turned skinny, my name will be on everyone’s lips talking about how good i look

[fattoothin]

be the beautiful friend, not the fat friend

[fattoothin]

Wanna know what having anorexia is really like?

*sleeping as much as possible to keep yourself from binging *drinking so much green tea or coffee on an empty stomach that your hands shake *pushing on your stomach to stop the growling *exercising until your legs feel weak *peeing 40 times a day *weighing yourself daily *having to say no to foods you once loved *hiding your illness from family/boyfriend/friends *choking on giant vitamins *wearing jackets in the summer because you’re always cold *always being covered in bruises *binging when you’re alone… *…and then trying to puke or shit the guilt away *staring at thinspo literally 24/7 *crying when the number on the scale just won’t move no matter how long you fast *feeling guiltily proud of all your symptoms