fatnotpregnant

[fatnotpregnant]

Men are simple: Keep their belly's full and their ball's empty.

Romantical conversations with The Mister.

[fatnotpregnant]

Today is a most excellent day. For God brought forth into this world the woman that makes me complete...completely crazy.

Romance courtesy of The Mister

[fatnotpregnant]

Every other odd.

Back in my day, you looked forward to the rare day that your math teacher would have mercy on their students and only assign even or odd problems. But WTF is this “every other odd” business??!! Literally took more me longer to figure out which problems had to be done than the problem itself! #millenials

[fatnotpregnant]

The most important decision you will ever make is to be in a good mood.

Voltaire

[fatnotpregnant]

I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.

Trust.

[fatnotpregnant]

I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men. They are far superior and always have been. Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she will give you a baby. If you give her a house, she will give you a home. If you give her groceries, she will give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

William Golding

[fatnotpregnant]

9/11: Never Forget.

[fatnotpregnant]

Was I the only one down with the Beverly Hills Teens back in the heyday? #sorrynotsorry

[fatnotpregnant]

Somebody at Dreamworks needs to make this right, because this prepubescent in bike shorts is NOT my She-Ra!

[fatnotpregnant]

NOW WHAT?

Me: Do you guys want to watch Doc McStuffins?

Kalel: No, that's for girls.

Linus: Yeah, we can't watch that because it's for girls!

The Mister: What's wrong with girls?

Linus: We don't like girls!

The Mister: Mom's a girl!

Linus: (with a look of bewilderment runs to his brother and whispers to him) Mom's a girl! Now what are we gonna do?

[fatnotpregnant]

Men are only as faithful as their options.

Chris Rock

[fatnotpregnant]

What Mother's Day looks like when you have teens.

[fatnotpregnant]

For the first time, I just might finally understand this whole Star Wars thing.

[fatnotpregnant]

I'm telling you . . . Molotov Cocktails work. Any time I had a problem, I threw a Molotov Cocktail and BOOM! Right away, I had a different problem.

#nbcthegoodplace

[fatnotpregnant]

TRUST.

[fatnotpregnant]

A winner is just a loser that tried one more time.

George M. Moore, Jr.

[fatnotpregnant]

Cousins 2.0: Smells like trouble