fatebreaking

[fatebreaking]

Is she being heard? She isn't sure. Perhaps that bird made of starlight and hopes and dreams and wishes is listening, or perhaps it is talking past her. Orianna lets out a slow exhale - bordering between a sigh and a sound of exertion.

It is a long trek back to her home. An empty place. But a quiet place.

----

When Xayah is near awake, she is in a room. A quaint room, with a couch in it, upon which she has been lain. There is a sheet underneath her, and a tarp underneath that, to protect the upholstery. A blanket gingerly lies upon her. The room appears to be some sort of studio, with panels on the walls to help with acoustics. However, it lies barren of instruments, of recording devices, of anything resembling the art of creation.

The door is left slightly open, and there is a note on it. 'Exit ->' And if she follows that, more notes. Posted on the walls, telling her where the bathroom is, the front and back exit, the fridge with a once-fresh salad put together that is as old as her stay. She is being given hospitality, with one minor exception. There is a second story, and there is a chair before it, with a note. 'Don't.'

There are a few more things that are off. A house that is not quite furnished. Picture frames without pictures in them, but no extra holes in the walls where pictures once were. The signs of a place that wasn't moved out of, but instead hadn't yet been fully moved into. And its sole occupant, one Orianna Reveck, lives in it like a ghost.

The woman is positioned on a chair, slumped over it, a phone in one hand. She's sitting on it backwards, inelegantly, but has her other hand lightly wrapped around one end, as though she might lift it up as a weapon at any time. Her back is to the house, and she is facing the front door, as one might if they were on guard. If and when Xayah deigns to leave her temporary 'room', the mechanic's voice will call out without turning. "Good morning. How are you feeling?"

As   if   denying   her   words,   the   avian   did   not   let   go   of   her   grip.   Weak   as   it   might   be   in   account   of   the   loss   of   blood.   Orianna   may   be   there   for   now.   But   how   long?   Her   dazed   mind   crossed   between   her   old   team   and   her.   It   was   a   natural   association   that   she   made   with   Star   Guardians,   with   people   helping   her,   with   anyone   she   crossed.   The   only   person   she   had   was   herself   to   trust,   and   her   body   was   failing.   There   was   fear,   yes.   Fear.   But   a   certain   kind   of   sadness   that   stemmed   from   the   sheer   tragedy   of   such   a   thought.   Of   the   grief   and   pain   all   bundled   together   as   she   bled   out   in   a   stranger’s   arms.   Forgotten.   Left   behind.

She   twitched   in   pain.   Orianna’s   words   stung.   They   stung.   She   had   been   forgotten   already.   Too   busy   to   come   back.   What   was   once   born   out   of   love   and   companionship   had   turned   into   bitterness   and   hate.   All   the   love   that   was   was   now   rage,   and   all   she   could   do   was   directed   at   the   very   same   people   that   she   had   loved.   They   created   her,   a   being   made   of   rage   and   vengeance.   Zoe   exploits   it,   but   she   doesn’t   care.   There   was   little   to   care   about   these   days   other   than   giving   a   direction   to   that   endless   well   of   wrath.

Saki   curled   up   to   Xayah’s   chest,   nestling   on   it.   “   Still   here.   “   She   purred   to   Xayah,   echoing   what   Orianna   said   if   only   to   provide   Xayah   with   some   sort   of   comfort.   Her   answer   seemed   to   be   sufficient   for   now   for   the   companion.

Xayah’s   body   has   little   strength   to   aid   in   the   process   of   lifting   and   carrying,   as   her   consciousness   seems   to   be   bordering   on   the   line   of   barely   holding   on.   Her   arm   that   was   previously   clutching   dangles   from   her   side,   while   the   other   rests   on   her   own   body.   Uncertain   of   the   distance   and   now   that   the   battle   was   long   over,   her   mind   seemed   to   slip   into   darkness   somewhere   in   during   the   walk.

Saki   remained   attentive,   but   focused   on   Xayah.

“   You   are   not   one   of   them?   “   Saki   cooed.   “   Misty-eyed   babies?”   A   couple   head   tilts.   “You   speak   not   the   same.   No.   “   A   couple   of   blinks.   “You   are   not   like   her   either.”   Referring   to   Xayah.   Simply   observations   in   her   speech.   “Are   you   not   afraid   of   us?”   Her   small   frame   seems   to   hop   onto   the   embedded,   darkened   gem   of   Xayah.   “Her   claws   are   as   sharp   as   her   mouth.   You   know?”

[fatebreaking]

It's enough to break her heart. If she had one... If she still had one.

"I'm still here." At least, someone should be. As Xayah clutches at her clothes, Ori feels something swell in her dead heart. Something old and forgotten, like rusting gears. She hears the whispers still - foolishly sympathetic! - but she pushes those thoughts away. Pushes away the monster, the villain, the foretold apocalypse. One day, she will be the ruin of all things. But not yet. After all...

"I'm still here." She understands. No hospitals. Not always possible. There's a nod of her head. Xayah looks more and more like a wounded bird. Like her. And oh, how she hates mirrors, how she finds them disgusting, nauseating, mind-numbing... Where's Janna? Where's Sona? Where's Jinx? Why doesn't anyone talk to her? Why does everyone hide everything from her? Why does she always end up alone? Orianna closes her eyes, and a slow, mechanical, creaking breath escapes her - machine-like, fried, exhausted. She feels she's faced with a mirror. She knows the feeling of being forgotten. Of being a friend, abandoned. Of being nobody.

Because you are nobody. No one cares if you're not a machine, if you're not an apocalypse.

Orianna's expression returns to neutral soon after, as she mulls it over. And she isn't sure what to say. How to say it. It's made worse when Saki speaks to her, tries to glean into Orianna's true intentions.

"My true intention... Is that I find myself tired. Tired of seeing friends burn themselves out. And especially tired of knowing that heroism is conditional on love. When the world ends, will your friends be too busy? Will we still be saved? Will we be important enough to save, to care about, to not be forgotten?"

The voice in her head, the machine, hisses at her. You're saying too much. But she doesn't care much. Orianna is honest even when she shouldn't be, unfiltered, with emotions she can't comprehend. A liar that cannot lie.

"My back is already turned, Miss Bird. It is why I am here. Outsiders find outsiders, abandon outsiders, forget outsiders, and die as outsiders. But... if I may say this..."

"I'm still here." Orianna lifts Xayah, her body creaking, and begins the long trek home. It's empty now. An empty place. Sona won't come home, and Janna won't meet her eyes. So it will be fine. And... You idiot. You don't even know when you are, so why are you assuming?

Because the Sona she knows would have leapt into her arms in an instant. And the Janna she remembers would have patted her head. And she would not be so alone. Perhaps, she's been saying it to herself. Perhaps it's been more to herself this whole time. She doesn't know. She isn't sure. Orianna sighs as her body creaks, fighting against the exertion as she carries Xayah, one step at a time. And she says it again, to Xayah, to Saki, to herself.

"I'm still here."

Seas   of   distant   memories   flooded   the   avian’s   vision   ,   blurred   and   hazy   ⸻   only   the   sting   of   a   sharp   pain   against   her   wounds   brought   her   back   to   sheepishly   clutch   at   any   fabric   she   could   find   on   the   other’s   form   .   Perhaps   as   her   only   means   to   exert   some   sort   of   vague   threat   ,   but   moreso   as   a   means   to   get   her   to   stay   .   Ahri   flashed   before   her   eyes   ,   turning   her   back   on   her   ,   and   she   clutched   harder   .  

Don’t   go   .

Don’t   leave   .

Don’t   you   see   I’m   hurt   ?

I’m   still   aliv   ⸻

The   sting   of   touch   on   open   flesh   pulled   her   out   from   her   mind   to   look   at   the   face   now   familiar   of   the   stranger   who   had   decided   to   help   her   out   .   Her   heartbeat   was   quickening   ,   breath   unsteady   .   “   No.   “   she   muttered   ,   then   repeated   louder   .   “   No   hospital   .   They   would   all   rather   have   me   dead   and   mauled   than   help   .   “   She   allowed   her   head   to   rest   back   on   the   tree   trunk   ,   a   bit   stronger   than   she   had   intended   .

A   small   gust   of   dark   purple   energy   manifested   beside   them   ,   with   a   small   hooting   familiar   to   owls   .   Xayah’s   companion   fluttered   close   to   the   two   figures   ,   resting   on   Xayah’s   lap   ,   and   staring   directly   at   Orianna    for   a   second   ,   and   tilting   its   head   slightly   .   Saki   began   to   speak   in   what   ,   to   regular   beings   not   connected   to   the   first   star   ,   would   be   complete   gibberish   .  

“   She   is   one   of   them   .   “   A   statement   ,   a   tilt   of   the   head   further   and   a   small   hoot   again   .   “   Misty-eyed   babies��  .   “   The   statement   seemed   to   miss   Xayah’s   ears   ,   although   it   might   have   been   more   accurate   to   say   that   she   had   little   brain   power   to   actually   give   a   shit   .   “   And   you   are   helping?   “   Saki   hopped   closer   to   Orianna   .   “   Why?   What   do   you   want   from   us?   “   Her   eyes   narrowed   .  

Xayah   groaned   ,   to   which   her   companion   reacted   to   by   dropping   her   attention   on   the   stranger   and   instead   curling   up   to   the   fallen   guardian   .   A   faint   glow   of   purple   being   poured   onto   her   body   that   seemed   to   soothe   and   relax   the   avian’s   muscles   a   slight   bit   .  

“   Will   you   turn   your   back   ,   too   ?   “   Saki   quietly   whispered   .  

“   Shut   up   ,   Saki   .   “   Xayah   replied   .   "   Shut   up   .   " 

[fatebreaking]

Ori calmly wipes the blood off her cheek, the spit and iron and hate. Ah, if only someone else were here. A real guardian. Not a monster, disguised in the flesh of a person. Not a nobody. If it were perhaps her or her or -

But the names do not reach her thoughts. They are but seafoam in her mind, and when she grasps for who might help, there is no one. No one she can remember. They have all gone away, and she has gone away as well. There is only her.

Only her and this bird woman, with her claws and her talons and her feathers and her so many sharp things. A monster just like you. Better than me, Ori thinks, though her expression does not shift. It rarely does. Her thoughts are churning, always, always, always, but only the faintest hint reaches her eyes, her voice, her being.

You're more dead than she is. At least, inside. Ori doesn't put much thought to that, ignoring the unpleasant mechanical whisper in her head as her eyes track the daggers thrown her way, and the snarling scowl. Ori does not flinch, she does not even move, and she knows that gives her away as a 'less than' and a 'more than' she appears. She has not prepared for a masquerade, and so she reacts without any reaction at all, the most damning thing she could do.

You see? Now she knows, and she will despise you, threaten you, chase you away. She will see you as a -

 "    Do    it    .    "

You talk to much, she thinks to herself. She sits, calmly, and inspects the wounds one at a time. Arm. Side. Legs. Face. Bruising. First the side...

"This may sting." Ori's hands are firm as she grabs the antiseptic, the gauze, and so on. She has little in the way of healing, and so there will be scarring. Stitches perhaps. Hmm. She cleans the wound on the side first, wrapping it firmly over Xayah's outfit. It wasn't great work, but if she took off Xayah's top, she'd probably be stabbed. Troubling.

"Are you opposed to a hospital, Miss?" She's already on the arm, her hands moving quickly and gently, firm motions just slow enough to not further disturb the wounds and cause too much pain. She is experienced with this sort of thing. She's done it many times herself, in her own bedroom. In alleys. In dark places with no one around, just like this one. Ori's shoulders droop slightly and she lets out a heavy sigh, a sound she herself doesn't understand. It's good that she can be here. A little miracle, one that she herself did not receive.

The    blood    dripped    steadily    as    they    observed    each    other    .    A    small    back    and    forth    on    whether    one    ought    to    trust    the    other    .    Although    the    avian    was    hardly    in    any    condition    to    bring    a    fight    back    .    The    main    wounds    were    slashes    to    her    left    arm    and    side    .    Big    ,    pulsing    wounds    of    open    flesh    that    dripped    blood    over    the    remains    of    her    darker    costume    .    They    trailed    down    her    skin    ,    dropping    and    merging    with    the    earth    beneath    .    The    more    minor    ones    included    a    set    of    scratches    to    her    legs    and    left    side    of    her    face    ,    and    the    non-visible    bruises    under    whatever    remained    of    her    scratched    clothes    on    her    back    .

The    Vastaya's    eyes    narrowed    at    the    sight    ,    a    groan    of    both    unamusement    and    pain    .    She    was    in    no    mood    to    be    having    to    explain    herself⸻    and    more    importantly    .    .    .    This    was    no    ordinary    person    .    Pauldrons    as    such    .    .    .    Were    not    quite    so    much    as    common    in    people    .    Right    ?    Her    vision    blurred    with    every    few    breaths    ,    her    right    arm    givng    the    slightest    hint    of    a    tremble    as    the    feather    daggers    were    pointed    in    the    stranger's    direction    .    Shit    .    She    spat    blood    on    the    other's    direction    as    a    response    to    what    seemed    to    her    as    a    condescending    tone    to    her    threat    .

Her    talons    scraped    back    against    the    soil    ,    pushing    her    already    scratched    back    further    into    the    tree    trunk    behind    as    a    response    to    the    other    crouching    before    her    .    Her    golden    hues    desperately    attempting    to    figure    it    out    .    To    sort    this    out    .    Not    one    soul    in    this    wretched    planet    does    things    selflessly    ,    and    for    someone    who    had    already    died    ,    already    been    betrayed    ,    left    alone    .    .    .    There    was    hardly    anything    else    to    offer    .    Hardly    anything    but    rage    .    Anything    but    the    pure    seething    flame    of    watching    the    world    burn    .    No    ,    a    kind    offering    from    a    stranger    was    not    something    that    fit    in    her    vocabulary    .

Naturally    ,    there    was    hesitation    .

A    few    seconds    turned    into    a    few    minutes,    and    a    look    of    pure    venom    was    shot    at    the    stranger    .    Helpless    .    Again    .    Again    .    Xayah's    breath    shook    ,    deepened    ,    and    heaved    .    The    talons    would    scrape    against    the    earth    beneath    ,    tainted    with    her    blood    .    She    gulped    ,    sweat    dripping    from    her    head    .    Her    eyes    seemed    to    have    been    lost    in    the    distance    behind    Orianna    .    Beyond    her    .    And    for    a    brief    moment⸻    A    scent    .    Her    eyes    shot    a    venomous    look    .

Ahri    .

Her    fangs    bared    .    Her    eyes    closed    .    She    hardly    had    the    concentration    to    ,    but    she    was    lucid    enough    to    know    it    was    a    trick    of    her    mind    .    She    had    left    her    .    She    was    not    here    ,    the    fox    would    never    be    here    .    Not    in    a    moment    like    this    .    Especially    not    in    a    moment    like    this    .    With    every    last    bit    of    strength    ,    a    swing    of    her    hand    had    the    daggers    flying    straight    for    Orianna's    neck.    Until    the    last    moment    ,    that    is    ,    when    they    magically    seemed    to    have    curved    their    path    and    instead    dug    into    the    soil    behind    the    stranger    .    

She    opened    one    of    her    eyes    only    to    see    the    woman    laugh    and    stop    abruptly    .    '    Broken    '    is    what    her    mind    replied    ,    but    did    not    escape    her    lips    .    There    was    something    offputting    about    her    .

"    One    .    .    .    "    She    paused    for    a    second    ,    then    resumed    ,    "    One    wrong    move    ,    and    those    daggers    behind    you    pierce    you    through    your    chest    .    "    She    groaned    ,    her    hand    finally    settling    to    her    side    in    exhaustion    .    She    turned    her    head    to    the    side    ,    if    only    to    hide    her    unsteady    breath    ,    if    only    to    close    her    eyes    and    let    whatever    this    was    happen    without    the    embarrassment    of    acknowledging    it    .    "    Do    it    .    "

[fatebreaking]

Just as I warned us. Villain, not hero. Ori tilts her head to the side, as if both to empty out water from her ear and to express confusion. There is blood. A lot of it. Why does she find carnage so beautiful? The way scars line each person's life with ethereal tremors of -

Stop waxing poetic and just kill her! The woman looks down at the bird before her. She steps closer, then closer still, one step, two steps, until she's within stabbing range.

"Why four pieces? One would be sufficient to end my life." She lifts her neck, revealing the lack of protective gear. It is only in the pauldrons that look like hands grabbing her shoulders, tight around her as if to hold Ori in place, that there is a hint that she is more than an overly concerned traveler.

"You may make attempts upon my life once you are well enough to do so," she states, as she crouches before the wounded bird. She ignores the screaming voice in her head that tells her that if she wishes to die so quickly, she should end it faster and resign herself to a proper fate. Orianna Reveck is not a quitter.

And she is not a woman who leaves the injured, downtrodden, or in need behind either. Even if they will stab her with knives or take all that is hers later. Naive? No. She is not naive or innocent. She is aware of the consequences. And what does that make you, who doesn't care? Ori tilts her head again as she reaches into her pack and pulls out a first aid kit, sliding it forward.

"Will you permit my help, Miss?" If Xayah will put down her pride long enough to be helped, then Ori will help. If not, she will watch the bird woman dress her own wounds, and ensure Xayah is not disturbed. After all, the night is dark and full of terrors. Very few are as kind as her.

She finds herself laughing suddenly, her stoic nature and deadpan tone of voice melting away for a few moments. It's just all so silly. This whole situation. Arguing with a voice in her head, and how poetic that makes her. This woman before her, this guardian - perhaps as alone as she is. Villains before heroes, heroes before villains. At least this woman, Xayah, ought to live. At least her.

Ori's expression flattens out immediately after without warning.

[fatebreaking]

I'm back only for Draeya and, if Wup is still around, Wup.

Anyone else, you'll have to remind me who you are. I don't remember anyone, and I can't match urls to names or old names to new names, or remember the history. You'll have to remind me, if you want me to remember.

[fatebreaking]

...I think I quit. Which has probably been a long time coming, as I’m sure most of you could tell!

But the fact is that I would log in and then scroll through primarily to support & interact with people, but like... not for myself. So then I’d just log in when I posted art, and then do the same thing. Except that there’s almost no point in posting art here. And now I just log in, comment on a few things, and then get scared that I said something I shouldn’t have and made someone upset. Among other concerns, like my ask miss-rate, low self-esteem and anxiety, and the general malaise of logging into a site where I don’t have the energy or time to keep up.

So.

I quit. And like... not the ‘oh but I’ll still log on to post art’ shit. I’m just kind of over it all. My mutuals and other folks also, you guys meant a lot to me. ( @summoner-renzus / @defyances / @halfliing-ormr / @embraced-agony / @ioniasjewel / @virtuosin / @piltover-sharpshooter / @lightshielded / @sheriff-caitlyn / @yuhl / @regina-tenebris / @thegoldentigress / etc etc I’m sure I fucking missed some people ). As a general statement, I enjoy the presence of every one of the people I follow, and 90% of the people who follow me. So if you’re thinking “well damn shit I’m not on that list” you probably are. The 10% are basically just people I don’t even know. But mostly I think most of you are well-intentioned, kind, and genuine, and I love that about you all.

It’s been real.

If you still want to talk to me ( ? ), I’ll pop back in once in a while to answer any asks or whatever related to that. Hand out my discord, what have you. Mutuals are welcome to that. If you wat to cut ties here, I respect that too.  ( If I am not responding, you can ask someone who has my discord if they can contact me. That’s cool. )

People on discord, you cannot escape me ( you can, you just need to talk to me on discord and we can go our separate ways peacefully ), I will continue to harass you with animals on a weekly basis. Love you long time. If you still want to see my shitty art, talk to me and I’ll get that figured out or squared away.

So this is me saying, “I’m out, but you can still come contact me if you wish and I’ll try and make that work.”

Yup yup.

Baibai.

[fatebreaking]

Background study evolved into a thing for my D&D group.

[fatebreaking]

Background study evolved into a thing for my D&D group.

[fatebreaking]

"And in the end, there were no more gods to pray to, no more heroes to depend on - no one answered my prayers, no one heard my call. There was just me."

[fatebreaking]

Concept for a Homunculus Servant, Tetsu ( full name: Tetsudatte ). It’s a pun on the word for iron ( tetsu ) & the word for ‘to help’ ( tetsudau, conjugates to tetsudatte ). It’s all one big pun, he’s the ‘Helping Hand’.

He’s a bit chipped on the edges, but he’s aight.

[fatebreaking]

Been busy. Continue to be busy.

Just got finished trying to create an appropriate boss monster for a party of 7-8 level 20 adventurers. Brain hurty

[fatebreaking]

Testing tones by attempting to copy a manga panel by Oh/sawa Ya/yoi.

[fatebreaking]

[fatebreaking]

What chess piece are you?

Stolen from @sheriff-caitlyn, tagging anyone who wants it.

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The Conductor - Black Knight

You are a Black Knight, the black sheep, the underdog. As the only piece that can jump over others, you can easily get yourself in and out of situations - always catching people off guard with your charisma and cunning. You move in the shadows, trading information with shady people, getting the upper hand through not always good methods. How far do you think this road can take you? For all your charisma or cunning, lies can only get you so far. One day, that mask you've put on will slip, and you'll be left defenseless. But until then, oh black knight, live like there's no tomorrow - because there might not be.

The Angel of Rust - White Rook

You are a White Rook. As a piece that can move inwards and outwards, you're a master of self-reflection. You know what needs to be done and when to do it. You're a protector, and would willingly take someone's place in danger in a heartbeat because you know you can handle the pressure. But even castle walls crumble. For all your chivalry and fortitude, everything must come to an end. Will you be there to see the final stages of the war? Or will you have already been discarded in the battle?

The Blade Witch - Black Rook

You are the Black Rook. As a piece that can move inwards and outwards, you're a master of self-reflection. Being the black piece, you hide an inner beast within you. Perhaps you're one to rush headfirst into trouble, was it for a friend's sake? Or your own? Are you the overprotective type? Did you know your grip was that tight around someone's neck? For all your protectiveness and deliberate planning, you can't wash the blood off your hands that easily.

[fatebreaking]

Ah, that day is coming. The musician is going to stay inside, cover her head with pillows, and pray to all that is good and holy that they not be too loud.

[fatebreaking]

Things that are the same between my muses and I:

Oscillating rapidly between “prove everyone who told you that you couldn’t do it, were unskilled, and treated you as less than completely, utterly wrong” and “becoming good enough to stand on equal footing with those we respect"

[fatebreaking]

It should be obvious but Ori hates Renata.