fantailandfern

[fantailandfern]

This.

📷: @andrea_evgeniou

[Requesting ID]

[fantailandfern]

Study day 28.3.25

Same seat in the library as last week, but different angle for the pic.

Today's two main goals were:

• finish the final write-up of all modules

• begin to upload to my portfolio

Task one is nearly complete - I got stuck at the last hurdle, trying to find some research to back up a theory. I emailed a friend who works in the field (Deaf education) and she gave me some better keywords to search. I'll finish that research this weekend.

Task two is looking promising, too. I've been trying to use the portfolio template the university gave us, but I can't get things formatted the way I want, so I gave up and am creating a Google site (which they also accept).

The whole portfolio is due next Monday. Ideally, I'd be using this weekend to get ahead, but I promised my mum I'd take her to a festival tomorrow, and promised my sister I'd help her all day Sunday. Every spare minute after that, though, will be spent on study.

[fantailandfern]

Sure am.

RE-BLOG THIS IF YOU ARE ASEXUAL AND PROUD ♠️💜

[fantailandfern]

[fantailandfern]

This sounds so fun ❤️

this passage from cold comfort farm has always delighted me but I just now decided what the book is that I am going to write a novel as good as (but with a modern setting, of course) when I am fifty-three or so. it is middlemarch. when I am fifty-three or so I would like to write a novel as good as middlemarch, but with a modern setting, of course. my collection of material is proceeding apace. watch this space in like eleven years

BUT in the meantime would anybody like to do a tumblr middlemarch book club with me? like dracula daily but with middlemarch. it's so good and it's public domain and I need to reread it and I would LOVE to hear all your thoughts. it's long and it would take awhile but I think it would be so much fun. it's truly a delightful book, it's funny and serious and insanely real. you can't even believe the stuff george eliot sees and expresses so perfectly

should we start february 1st? maybe a chapter a week? I could create a community or we could just inflict our middlemarchery on everybody and hope for a general contagion?

or we could start february 14th. a st. valentine's launch for the preeminent english language novel about human relationships 😁

[fantailandfern]

Study day today 21.3.25

Arrived on campus late, so there weren't many seats left in the library, but I lucked out with this view. Autumn has definitely arrived. It's my favourite season - I love autumn colours, wearing tights and warmer clothes, and watching the world prepare for winter and rest.

Goal for today:

• finish last 3 modules of the course

[fantailandfern]

“If I’m truly valuable, why am I not chosen?”

It’s a question that stings: If I’m truly valuable, why am I not chosen? It’s easy to spiral wondering if we’re lacking something that others have but being valuable doesn’t guarantee being chosen. And being chosen doesn’t always validate your worth

Think about buying a perfume. Theres a luxurious, beautifully crafted scent, but if it doesn’t match your personal preference, you won’t buy it. If it’s not in your price bracket, you won’t buy it. If you don’t know the value of the perfume, you won’t want it. The same applies to people. Sometimes, someone’s decision to not choose you has nothing to do with you not being “enough” and everything to do with them and where they are at

Sometimes people don’t choose you because they are not in the right space to receive what you bring. A job may pass on hiring you, not because you aren’t skilled, but because they already have someone lined up. A person you’re interested in may not pursue a connection, not because you’re lacking, but because they aren’t emotionally available, confident or self aware enough to appreciate what you offer

We can fixate on the idea that being chosen validates our worth, but what if not being chosen is actually saving us? A relationship that never materialized could have led to heartbreak. A job you didn’t get may have drained your spirit. A friendship that never deepened could have been one sided and exhausting. Sometimes rejection is just redirection

If a luxury brand lowered its price every time someone walked past the store without buying, it would lose its exclusivity and prestige. Your value is not based on how many people “choose” you. It’s based on who you are, the standards you uphold and the energy you bring

Sometimes you don’t even realize your value and are actually settling for less. Stop measuring your worth through the lens of external validation. Instead of asking, Why wasn’t I chosen? start asking, Am I choosing myself? In my experience this is most often the case

The best relationships don’t require you to beg for a seat at the table. When you are aligned with people who actually see and appreciate you, you won’t feel the need to over explain, prove yourself or shrink to fit. They will naturally be drawn to your energy because it resonates with theirs

So instead of wondering why you weren’t chosen, start shifting your focus to who you are choosing. Are you surrounding yourself with people who truly see and value you? Are you holding onto situations that require you to constantly prove your worth?

When you fully embrace your own value, rejection stops feeling personal and starts feeling like a filter that removes what isn’t meant for you

[fantailandfern]

Study day today.

I'm still getting over a cold, so I'm studying from home today.

Today's goals:

Finish up module on kaupapa Māori approaches to research

Start next module on intergenerational trauma in education

Start editing work so far and update portfolio

[fantailandfern]

I didn't update from my study day on Friday.

I caught the bus in to the library and worked solidly from 9am - 1pm. Git lunch, but then was super tired so came home. The library was full of people with the Fresher Flu - the germs that spread at the beginning of the semester. Now I've got a cold. Will be avoiding the library for a while...

I've got the hang of the work I'm doing. I need to rework some earlier writing, but I've factored that into my timeline.

First assessment is due on April 7, so I need to get my skates on.

[fantailandfern]

Put yourself out there.

I know it's really scary to risk facing rejection, but life gets so much better when you risk it. People talk about "open doors" when it comes to opportunities, but you'd be surprised how many unlocked doors are there put there, just waiting for someone to knock or turn the handle or do something.

Take the risk. It's worth it.

[fantailandfern]

[fantailandfern]

Study day today!

I didn't quite get through as much as I thought I would, but, I did go deep, so that's just as satisfying.

Woke up early, did yoga, hung out laundry and was at the café by 8am. Caught the 8.45 bus in to campus.

Was joined by a friend for a study date - the first we've had, but by no means will be the last.

I stayed later and got more work done after she left to pick up her kid from school. Met another friend for a drink late afternoon, then bussed home.

Today's study topic: the UN Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities

[fantailandfern]

Study day today. I drove in because I needed to pick up a prescription from the other side of town and also needed to be home at a specific time. Couldn't find a park anywhere remotely near campus, so went to the pharmacy then drove home to study.

Things are making a lot more sense now that I'm getting into the swing of it. The work isn't academically challenging, just time consuming. I've created a timeline of when I need to get things done; so long as I stick to that, I should be ok.

This week's topic was teacher wellbeing, which I've already read up on as I was on the wellbeing committee at my last school.

[fantailandfern]

Second study day today. Spent two days in Auckland on a block course this week, so I've got much more of an idea of what I'm supposed to be doing.

Spent today learning about interprofessional practice - how the different strands of Specialist Teaching intersect. Some were definitely more interesting than others. The assignments aren't your traditional essay - more reflections on the course materiall and how it fits in with your current teaching practice.

[fantailandfern]

I had my first study day today. The course doesn't officially start until Tuesday next week, but the scholarship I won gives me a day off work each week for study, and my study day is Friday.

Since I don't have any official study to do yet, I spent the morning making flashcards for Spanish vocab (not what I'm studying, just learning from Duolingo), reading a chapter from an ed psych textbook (what I am actually studying) and then prepping for next week at work.

I'm so looking forward to having this extra day each week.

[fantailandfern]

I don't mean to gloat, but I walked for 10 minutes today. Without crutches.

[fantailandfern]

Is this about love or chronic illness?

“Everything is burning, my soul, body, outside, inside, heart, flesh. Do you understand? Do you really understand?”

María Casares, from a letter to Albert Camus written c. March 1952