fangedbats

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A canon event in ever teenager's life is someone older showing them that Axe bodyspray and a lighter make a pretty decent flame thrower.

Ik Tim is a genius and prolly knows that already, but that's not the point.

I gave Jason a clipper as a lighter cause they are superior.

Who do you think is sitting on the bednand taking the picture?

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Batman #130

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official elon musk hate post reblog to hate like to hate reply to hate

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The return of Donna Troy ( 2005 ) + Donna’s eyes

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A proposal

Sometimes, in fandom, we just want to write id-tastic fic that rolls around in tropes that might be viewed as problematic. But we don’t want to address the problematic side of things in this particular fanwork; we just want to roll around and wallow.

It is considered courteous to give readers a heads-up via use of AO3 tags. I propose a tag that signals that a given fanwork is for rolling around, not giving a measured evaluation of anything. The MCU has carved out a space for this sort of fic with the “HYDRA Trash Party” tag, for which I commend them. Trash Party is a bit too specific to cover all of the ground I’m thinking of here, though; I propose “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat.”

For those of you not familiar with Arrested Development, Michael Bluth finds a paper bag in the freezer labeled “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat.” He opens the bag, finds a dead dove, and reacts as follows:

[gif of a white man saying “I don’t know what I expected” in a deadpan manner]

The “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat” tag would essentially be a ���what it says on the tin” metatag, indicating “you see the tropes and concepts tagged here? they are going to appear in this fic. exactly as said. there will not necessarily be any subversion, authorial commentary condemning problematic aspects, or meditation on potential harm. this fic contains dead dove. if you proceed, you should expect to encounter it.”

(more at KnowYourMeme: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/i-dont-know-what-i-expected)

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he bites

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Pay me attention...Please :(

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okay hear me out: a fic riffing off the “Robin meets the JL while Batman is away and bolts” post I made but it’s a horror fic told from Robin’s POV as he desperately tries to escape through Gotham, using every gadget and contingency Batman gave him, running to the point of collapse and then trying to turn around and do a last stand with Batman’s holdout from the deepest pocket on his belt, the one he promised B he’d only use if it was life or death, and —

and the big reveal is that the person who’s chasing him is Superman. who readers know and love as Clark Kent, but to a terrified Robin? to a Robin who was told in no uncertain terms to run and keep running if he ever saw him?

anyway, cue Clark getting a surprise hit of Kryptonite from the terrified twelve year old and then having to explain at the next League meeting why, and how, he terrorized Batman’s sidekick when he knew Gotham was off limits. and he has to explain to Batman, who is so righteously furious, so close to losing it then and there and bringing out the Kryptonite himself.

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I love how it's literally canon Cass would randomly break into Steph's house and Tim's apartment and also the manor before she was adopted and had zero remorse each time. Waking Steph up in the middle of the night while sitting on her bed. Eating Tim's rice krispies and using all his hot water then leaving without even saying hi. Lounging in Bruce's chair and snooping around the manor while he's being investigated for murder. Showing up in a dressing gown at the door to the manor when a social worker tries to investigate Jason Todd's death, offering zero explanation of who she is because technically she had yet to exist at that point. Breaking into the batcave when she needed information and kicking Dick in the face when he tried to stop her. Breaking into the CIA to remove all evidence she exists, cementing her status as an urban legend. The chances of Cassandra Wayne appearing randomly in your house are low

but never zero.

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Once Clark tells Batkids that if they need a safe space or some comfort, then they can come and visit his farm — he'll do his best to provide some help or support.

And he means it.

However, he is pretty sure that they will rarely use this advice of his. They are Batkids, after all! Independent and uncommunicative at the most.

Well.

Turns out he was wrong.

Damian and Dick are frequent quests in his farm, anyway — Damian hangs out with Jon, always appearing out of nowhere, and Dick visits them here and there — so it takes Clark some time to notice that others are here, too.

Tim starts joining them on occasions first. Mostly with Kon by his side, but he still steals sweets from the countertop that they hide from Jon, and Clark just... smiles. Okay. It is cute. Kon is a part of the family, and he is clearly in a good relationship with Tim. It is not bad at all.

...Until, Cass randomly appears in his study room out of nowhere, scaring the shit out of him, telling that she needed a quiet place to read the book.

And then Lois almost gets a heart attack when she wakes up in the middle of the night to drink water and bumps on Duke and his magnificent glowing eyes, because... Because Duke munches their cereals in four am???

(He was nearby after some mission. Was lazy to go to the safehouse. Whatever.)

Clark finds Stephanie sleeping with his sheep, caged in her hug later that week. When he returns home to tell Lois about it, he finds out that... She stress-bakes with Red Hood himself, while they both loudly shit on the Batfamily for different reasons (but mostly it is about Bruce, of course).

Alfred calls him a few hours later, asking to send the kids home for dinner.

Clark thinks that maybe — just maybe — moving out is not a bad idea, after all!

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timmo this time

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Fun fact: Canonically, nobody in the batfam has been called 'baby bird' or 'baby bat'. Apart from Duke. They have always been Duke's nicknames.

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Dick was 100% the worst kid Bruce had to deal with, but he turned out such a well adjusted adult (relatively) that no one believes Bruce when he tries to explain the absolutely unholy terror that was pre-teen Dick Grayson.

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I need a Jason/Cass team up where they're sent on a mission together somewhere and the whole time it's just Cass knife chopping him every time she senses his intent to kill

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Since we all agree that people of the Alley of Crime adore Red Hood and believe in him, I think it is time to imagine Jason in a scene similar to the one from OG Spiderman, where his identity is accidentally outted in front of crowd of people, and they all are just choose to protect him and help him out.

So maybe Gotham is facing especially nasty trouble, and vigilantes are on the receiving end this time. So maybe Jason is thrown at the dirty Alley in his part of town, wounded, with helmet flying off, and there is just a crowd of people staring as bleeds out, astonished. And Jason thinks, oh, that's the end — he can go and shoot himself, honestly, because he just failed the man rule every vigilante have: never show your face, never reveal your identity.

But people are... helping him? His eyes are half-open, breath laboured and pained, but all he hears is gentle murmuring:

'God, he is just a kid...'

'He must be younger than my son.'

'Poor child...'

He feels soft elderly hand against his cheek as someone from the crowd, an ex nurse, comes closer to bandage his injuries, while a kid, barely with the size of his helmet, brings it back, sticking out their tongue as they try to place it back on his head, to hide his face.

'It is okay,' the old woman reassures him. 'You are safe with us, son. We hadn't seen anything.'

Jason's eyes sting, because, oh.

It is his people. He loves them. He will die for them.

And they love him just as much.

He still waits for someone to out him, though. But the week ends, the villain is out of the picture, and no one says a thing. The only proof that it ever happened is civilians, who keep waving at Jason — not Red Hood, just Jason — when their paths cross somewhere in the shops or streets.

And that's how he knows that it is them; it is them, and they keep him safe as much as he keeps safe them.

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they saw u from across the bar and hated ur vibe 💔

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thinking about the blown out stars au this morning || @duskdawnallen

clara saving beatrix when she first arrives to the city, because she’s supernova — she’s not just going to stand around. beatrix reluctantly accepting it, because for all the world knows she and the batman are very different people. so there’s no way she would be abled to save herself.

clara choosing the gotham city assignment because no one else will and she feels like the city deserves better than that. (and she wants a chance to catch a glimpse of this mysterious batman).

beatrix, who still doesn’t kill. but if you hurt her children in any way you’ll wish that she did.

beatrix who realizes that she needs to communicate with her children to help them be happy. (her and dick don’t fight when he turns 18. they work through everything. jason tells her what’s happening and doesn’t run away to find sheila. she trusts his judgement more.) (it doesn’t save him.)