fandomassimilator

[fandomassimilator]

next gen texting crack….

Jamie: so they like….moved the philophisers stone room right?

Teddy: I dunno…

Teddy: Maybe?

Victorie: NO

Victorie: No

Victorie: NO

Roxanne: omg i wanna check

Louis: no fair! I wanna trespass

Victorie: thank Merlin your not at Hogwarts

Dominique: Jamie the prefects are in a meeting you can go now

Victorie: Jamie I will give your ass detention

Jamie: I’ll say you swore at me

Freddie: oh damn

Freddie: Jay can I come?

Jamie: yea

Jamie: meet at the spot?

Freddie: Agreed

Roxanne: yalll never let me hang out wiht you guys!

Roxanne: its not fair

Dominique: yeah but you can go through thier shit while theyre gone

Freddie: NO DONT YOU DARE

Roxanne: HA IM TAKING UR CANDY

Albus: grab Jamie’s invis cloak for me pls

Roxanne: share it?

Albus: and rose ofc

Teddy: is rose there?

Albus: yeah we’re in the library,

Albus: she says your not supposed to be texting during prefect meetings

Dominique: oh shit she’s right

Dominque: this is why we keep rose around

Albus: now she’s complaining ab not having a phone

Freddie; sry ab that Rosie-Posie

Albus: (rose speaking) i will end your entire exsistence Fredrick lee Weasley-Johnson the second

Dominique: OH DAMN FREDDIE UR DEAD

Jamie: no shot rose could find us

Jamie: also its dark asf down here

Roxanne: you actually made it down there???

Freddie: yeah in the room where they had the devils snare

Albus: guys i have a genius plan

Dominique: no

Jamie: let the Slytherin speak

Albus: so all of you guys should go home and start talking about things your doing in school

Albus: like…hanging out or pulling pranks or falling of stairs

Albus: what do Gryphindors do?

Victorie: you have gryphindor parents?

Albus: i highly doubt Jamie could save the world tho

Freddie: true that

Jamie: hey!

Albus: anyway, and Rose could be all like ‘guys when was this?’ Or ‘I dont remember this?’

Albus: and y’all will be like, well we couldn’t contact you or whatevs

Albus; and maybe rose could cry or something

Dominique: thats so mean

Roxanne: I love it

teddy: what if that happens for reals tho?

Albus: this is rose typing now, I’ve commandeered Albus’s phone. If you exclude me i will know and there will be consequences

Jamie: noted

Roxanne: understood

Freddie: yes ma’m

Louise: why dosent these rules apply to me

Roxanne: you CHOSE to go to French school

Jamie: GUYS THE CHESS SET IS STILL HERE

Freddie: omg is so cool

Dominique: I kinda wanna play chess against it

Albus: the way you would instantly die

Albus: that was rose btw

(Jamie changed ‘Albus’s nickname to ‘Albus/Rose’)

Albus/Rose: ew Jamie that sounds like a ship

Jamie: SORY SORRY

(Jamie changed ‘Albus/Rose’s nickname to Albus and or Rose)

(Albus and or Rose changed Jamie’s nickname to ‘Jamie/Alice’)

Jamie/Alice: HEY

Teddy: al and rose ur nickname is to long

(Albus and Rose changed Albus and Rose’s nickname to A and R)

Teddy: works for now

Freddie: so the wall of fire is still up

Freddie; which potion did aunt hermione say it was

Jamie: rose?

Victorie: NO NO NO NO

Teddy: NONONONOONONON

Victorie: SHIT THEY”RE TAKING OUR PHONES AWAY

Teddy: ROSE YOU EBETTE NOT

A and R: dw i wont

Jamie: Rosie you asshole

Chat name: the cool kids (no prefects alowed)

A and R: third one from the left idiots, i want honeydukes,

Freddie: omg rose you phyco

Jamie: sure this is right

A and R: 100%

Freddie: works for me

Jamie: DAMN HE JSUT KNOCKED IT BACK

Freddie: IT WOULD BE A REALLY FUNNY WAY TO DIE

Roxanne: RIP Fredrick Weasley-Johnson the second, we should really stop naming people that

Dominque: PPFFTTT

A and R: TEA

Freddie: also jamei and i are texting so this room is dead quiet

jamie: cept the fire its creepy

A and R: go on…

Dominique: the way im kinda scared

Louise: clutching my pearls rn

Roxanne: your what????

A and R: its a saying

Louise: its a saying

Jamie: so y’all know how dumbledor destroyed the mirror of erised?

Dominique: yeah?

Freddie: oh shit

Roxanne:???????

Jamie: we’re going to leave

A and R: WFT JAMIE

A and R: FREDDIE

Roxanne: OH SHIT

Roxanne: FREDRICK MY IDIOT BROTHER I SWEAR ON UNCLE FREDS BONES IF YOU FUCKING DIE I SWEAR TO FUCK

Domiqnue: IF THEY DIE VIC AND TED WILL KILL US

Jamie: relax guys, we jsut had to double out of there

A and R: so what was it?

Freddie: the mirror of erised was there but there was this screaming….face stuck in it

Freddie: apslougly terrifying

Freddie; we’re going back to bed rn

Dominique: oh thank Merlin your okay

A and R: gn

Jamie: gn

[fandomassimilator]

How old were you when you realized the birth years of the six eldest Weasley kids coincided with an ABBA album release almost perfectly?

you cant tell me Fabian and gideon weren’t the biggest ABBA fans and would assign each of their nephews a song based off their album and play those records for the boys. It’s the only muggle band any of them know, and more specifically Bill Charlie and Percy explicitly remember it

Now imagine, a heavily pregnant Molly dancing around her kitchen with her brothers, husband and five kids while Chiquitita by ABBA blasts in the background

The songs assigned

Bill - he is your brother

Charlie - Mamma Mia

Percy - Money Money Money

Fred - Angeleyes

George - Chiquitita

Ron - Super Trouper

Ginny - no album or uncles for her but i think she’d be Slipping Through My fingers

[fandomassimilator]

is now a good time to say that I've been ignoring every additional season of the umbrella academy as canon since season 2 and still perpetually live in post-season 1 fanfic world, which only has sibling bonding, healing from trauma together, and hugs? you should all join me. it seems like everyone could use some time in the 2019 nopocalypse sandbox

[fandomassimilator]

My Next Gen Texting Fic Crack part 1

Year Seven- Teddy Lupin (Huffelpuff) Victorie Weasley (Ravenclaw)

Year Five- Dominique Weasley (Gryphindor)

Year Four - Louis Weasley (Attends Beaubaxtons but still included)

Year Three- Jamie Potter (Gryphindor) Freddie Weasley-Johnson (Gryphindor)

Year Two- Roxanne Weasley-Johnson (Gryphindor)

Year One- Albus Potter (Slytherin) Rose Granger-Weasley (Gryphindor) Scorpius Malfoy (Slytherin)

Not Sorted Yet: Hugo Granger-Weasley, Molly Weasley-Wood, Lucy Weasley-Wood, Lily Luna Potter, Daisy Dursley

Note; this is not cursed child compliant at all (no shocker) and follows my own slight interpretation of post cannon, the ages are flipped around, Teddy and Jamie are only four years apart so he can be a part of the story, Hugo is one year younger then Rose while Molly, Lucy, Lily and Daisy are four years younger then Albus

Warning right now: this author is a Percy Weasley apologist, these contain a plot line where Percy was disowned from his family after a row after the battle of hogwarts and Fred’s ensuing death, his twin daughters carry the last name but he does not, none of his family has seen him in years, or his daughters. The -Wood part is self-explanatory. Nothing about this follows cannon but fuck cannon. More about this will learn as the story unfolds

These will be random and in no way cohesive or planned, just ignore the continuity errors- i will however try to explore more of a character if requested. These practice ‘writings’ are to explore the next gen because Jesus Christ these kids need a bit of a fixer uppper

—✨tHe WoTtErS✨—

Jamie added ‘Albus’ to the group chat

Jamie changed ‘Albus’s name to ‘Baby Slytherin’

Baby Slytherin: does this mean you don’t hate me?

Teddy; Of course not Al

Dom: we woulnt have added you to the gc if we did

Vic: DOMINIQUE

Dom: wat its tru?

Fredric: Welcome to the party 🎉

Baby Slytherin: is rose here

Jamie: iS rOsE hErE

Jamie: im your actual sibling

Roxie: pov Albus at every family gathering

Baby Slytherin: I dont deserve this

Vic: aunt hermione wouldn’t let her get a phone

Fredric: we’ll see how long uncle Ron lasts w that

Dom: clingy bastard

Vic; DOMINIQUE

Roxie: let the prophet speak Vic

Ted changed ‘Baby Slytherin’s name to ‘Albus’

Ted: Albus, are you doing alr in Slytherin, did you make any friends?

Jamie: on the FIRST DAY???

Jamie: thats asking a lot of Al

Albus: yeah, one

Fredric: thats more then you Jamie

Jamie: STFU I HAD YOU

Fredric: I DONT COUNT IM UR COUSIN

Jamie: ROSE IS ALBUS’S COUSIN

Albus: its not rose

Roxie: pray tell

Albus: no

Dom: some blond kid? I saw you

Vic: The Lovegoods arent in school yet?

Albus: not the Lovegoods

Fredric: ?????who????🧐

Albus: not telling

Roxie: SPILL

Albus: oh look its dad textin

Albus: do you think if we work together we could trick him into thinking im in Ravenclaw?

Ted: be honest w ur dad Al

Jamie: Also i already told mum

Albus: you tell mum everything

Freddie: girls, girls, why fight?

Dom: im asking rose the name of ur friend

Albus: pls no

Ted: why is it a secret

Albus: Jamie wont like it

Jamie: what???

Albus: oh look my screen times ab to go off

Albus: by guys

Jamie: should i tell him the password is our parents anniversary?

Ted: let him figure it out

Freddie:

Dom: what the actual fuck is wrong with you?

Vic: DOMINIQUE

Dom: the baby is gone i can do cuss words

Ted: Roxanne is 12

Freddie: Roxanne grew up around quidditch players, she can curse like a full grown man

Jamie: im so proud

Louis: guys i just checked my phone wtf is that gif Freddie?

Freddie: starting the school year off right

Dom: how’s France Lou?

Louis: its good, better food

Louis: i got stuff to tell you Dom and vic

Vic: other gc?

Ted: can I hear?

Louis: yes

Freddie: WTF NOT FAIR

Jamie: I WANNA HEAR THE HOT FRENCH GOSS

Roxie: YEAH

Dom: L

-The Best Weasleys + Teddy-

Dom: English pls for teddy and myself

Vic: Dominique…

Dom: i dont wanna translate rn just spill

Louis: so everyone’s 14 now and we’re all getting crushes and whatnot

Dom: omg is happening

Vic: is there a girl? Is she pretty?

Louis: thats the thing

Ted: what’s she’s like?

Louis: his name is Charles

Louis: i think i kinda knew i liked him last year but now we’re all older and it feel more real

Louis: i wanted to tell you guys first

Dom: Lou, we support you, completely, but im going to let vic handle the speech

Vic: Louis, we are your sisters, no matter who you chose to love, even if they’re really ugly, we support you

Ted: also between the four of us you are not the only straight person in this family

Louis: WHAT

Dom: OMG PRAY TELL

Ted: another time!

Dom: we love you Lou, go for it

Vic: okay, bed all three of you, its late!

Ted: ma’m yes ma’m

Dom: see Vic, hes such husband material

Victorie: DOMINIQUE

[fandomassimilator]

There are a lot of ships that are So High School by Taylor Swift coded but Perciver takes the cake for me

Like: “Truth, Dare, Spin bottles, you know how to ball (Oliver) I know Aristotle (Percy)”

[fandomassimilator]

Just read Cursed Child again and man, JKR did the main characters so dirty. My boy Albus Regulus Potter would never do something like that,

it’d be even more foolish and more of his cousins would somehow be involved - you telling me the rest just had completely normal school days???? Nu uh, Roxannes a nosy little shit, James has an invisibility cloak and Vicotorie’s been hearing about all the crap her family gets up to for twenty-something years. Time Travel is happening and you’re telling me these kids were just like ‘nah, let the ministry handle it-‘ Since when???And they did awful too, a kid died, someone used an unforgivable on Scorpius.

Yeah, Al and Scop are Slytherins, so was Draco and the golden trio and him fucked with each others lives on a daily basis, we were robbed of every other Potter-Weasley-Granger-Lupin kid having interactions and real personalities beyond their namesakes and parents in this essay i will-

[fandomassimilator]

okay okay I know we’re hung up on George marrying Fred’s Yule ball date as if maybe four people in the entire school could very well tell the two apart at the time and maybe a sixteen year old Angelina danced with one or the other or both (she is iconic enough to pull both) it’s not like Harry ‘idk maybe snakes just do that sometimes’ potter would know

[fandomassimilator]

Prewett twins hc bc I need more of them

-identical twins (i know in cannon they’re brothers but it’s better this way)

-Fabian’s older by seven minuets

-Gideon was the more serious of the two, but they’re energies bounced off each other well

-Identical but never had to play it up, Gideon’s hair was longer, Fabian always wore a million bracelets, small things that made them different

-still completed sentences and had mental conversations ( magical twins)

-Absolute menaces to ‘Little Mol-Molls’

Gryphindors(they tried to take death eaters in a 5v2 ofc they’re gryphindors)

-Gideon was gay, Fabian straight, they constantly teased one another about it

-about once a year for three years in a row they would get into a real fight around Easter , this was so predictable they faked having it for two years after on easter

-called each other ‘gid’ and “fay’

-Bill and Percy’s favorite uncle was Gideon, Charlie’s was Fabian, the rest don’t remember the two of them

-Menaces at Hogwarts as well, but only did large scale pranks

-the reason magic carpets are banned in magical Brittan (never proven guilty)

-Pranks included: making everyone wake up in different beds in different house dormitories, stealing the house points hourglass, sending 100 letters to professor mcgonagall from the owlery at breakfast (banned for the rest of the term), making Flitwicks toupee dance, anti-gravity spells in corridors, hosting toboggan races down the moving stairs, inter-house after dark quidditch games that sadly didn’t nt carry over as there were a lot more racists in new generations, taking aging potion and sitting at the staff table, replacing Binns and HoM teacher (lesson was excellent 10/10), trying to enchant the sorting hat to put kids in house prewett and turn their hair ginger, ACTUALLY SUCCEEDED AND ARTHER NEVER DID MANAGE TO GET HIS HAIR BACK TO BROWN, replacing owls in owlery with tropical birds trained to deliver letters (only went wrong when a staff member who’s owl was already out tried to use one), making Molly’s birthday a school-wide event, spiking the pumpkin juice with various harmless potions for fun, switching quidditch robe colors while players were playing to sow confusion, once banned from quidditch stealing the cup, charming the oldest crustiest brooms to look like their owners and stitching them out, stealing every single chair in the entire building and the sequel, stealing every table in the castle, enchanting cockatrice to play marching band, chanting the lyrics of the schools song, ‘general mischief ’,

-best friends with Zerioch Zonko

-played chaser (rip the third guy)

-Gid had a dragon tattoo among others on his arm,

-Fabian would let his nephews draw on him

-Died minutes apart, clutching each other

-Fabian died first, Gideon felt it and followed seven minutes later

-‘worst seven minutes of my life’

-watched over all their nephews and placed bets on their houses

-befriended James and the like in heaven

-fully supportive of their twin nephews

-the first people Fred saw when he got off the train in heaven

-fox patronus, coyote animagus forms (only learned how to transform after death)

-tried to look after their dead nephew but it was hard some days

-Greeted their little sister when she finally passed

[fandomassimilator]

and if I said transmasc James Potter then what?

[fandomassimilator]

Harry Potter and the cursed child but it’s the golden trio being so confused at what their kids get up to bc they grew up as child soldiers and don’t know what a normal childhood is but they’re trying their very best

[fandomassimilator]

harry potter au where everything is the same but dumbledore’s army is disguised as a basketball team

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where are those ‘bring everyone back from the dead fics to feel soemthing’ ? I’ve only found maybe ten good ones, there’s gotta be more

[fandomassimilator]

hoes mad-furious even

[fandomassimilator]

I know people hc that Fred II and Roxanne are the next generation of Weasley twins but I always imagine it as Molly and Lucy. Percy watched Fred die, so emotional damage, and identical or not, he would still know to raise his daughters like different people without as much pressure of ‘the Weasley twins’ on them. It follows the pattern of the sibling of the twins having the next generation.

Screw it, rant time. You can tell which gen people prefer by how they characterize the next gen. Rose isnt the next Hermionie, Hugo isnt just another Ron, Albus isnt Regulous, Scorbus isnt Drarry or Jegulous for that matter. Most importantly, kids named after dead people arent those people. The pressure of having to live up to James Potter, Sirius Black, and Fred Weasley isnt going to shape these kids into them.

Imagine it like this: Mcgonagall sees the names James Sirius, Fred II, Teddy Lupin, and thinks it’s all over. But James is a good kid, he likes being liked. He plays Quidditch, but isn’t obsessed with it. They pull the occasional prank, but it’s nothing ingenious. They grew up on stories of the mauaders, prewetts and Weasley how can you blame them. Teddy tutors younger-years, James makes non-magical maps for first-years, Fred’s fireworks are the silent type as to not wake anyone. All is well.

Then Lilly Luna Potter strolls in, followed closely by the next generation of twins. Lily’s in Slytherin, Molly in Gryphindor and Lucy in Ravenclaw, though Mcgonagall finds herself questioning it twice a week. They have access to three common rooms, the RoR, Lilly nicks the Mauaders map from James three weeks in, Albus lets them borrow the invisibility cloak. Gravity is reversed in the great hall, everyone’s dragonhide gloves are filled with itching powder, thornless roses block corridors, hundreds of marbles are released down the staircases. Mcgonagall writes to Percy twice to confirm he only has two children because Argus keeps swearing there are four, one in each house.

It’s a miracle to see any of them wearing the correct tie, Huffelpuff tries to stay out of it, a ‘war’ starts between the entire house of Ravenclaw and Slytherin that ends with a school-wide assembly because oh my gods its all the geniuses of the school going to war the Gryphindors and Huffelpuffs need to actually learn. Molly plays Beater for Ravenclaw, Lily takes Teddys job of commentator. In third year Iily and Alice Longobottom take polyjuice so there actually are four of them during Christmas dinner, Rose has never looked so afraid.

Molly gets every detention, though probably split them 50/5o with Lucy. Lucy’s record is perfect as a Result, she makes prefect. A mistake. She catches a group of muggleborns trying to set up Wi-Fi and actively helps them. Lily finds out she inherited Parseltounge from her dad in fifth year, they of course turn the Chamber of Secrets into a lounge (their parents had the baskalisk cleared out) Most letters send home say: ‘Something has happened, we cant prove it was your daughter, but who else could train two hundred garden snakes to follow Albus around so kids stop picking on him’

[fandomassimilator]

the main difference being: Scorbus actually like and talk to one another, something Drarry and Jegulus cannot have

Jegulus and Drarry shippers act like Scorbus is the same ship when there are some pretty noticeable differences.

(it’s canon and both participants are emo losers)