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kel doesn't know what only children are

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Everyone, I am pleased as cheesed to announce my grand return to tumblr! I know you sexy beasts have missed me! Get ready for a sizzle mo fizzle mo chizzle mo drizzle ton of super epic posts! I'm talking ART! I'm talking FANFIC! I'm talking MISSIONARY! I'm talking MISSIONARY! GET HYPED!!! 😫

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Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

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poop test

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Hi Rozu! I absolutely LOVE your Painted Illusions and Distorted Illusions AUs! Everyday I check to see if there's something new. lol I noticed that Tommy always wears a netherite chestplate when he's with Dream... did Dream give it to him?

Thank you!!!

And yes, Dream gave Tommy the netherite chestplate so they could match

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Dream SMP AU fic that looks like generic RPF on the surface (everyone is a streamer or content creator) but it soon becomes clear that it is definitely the DSMP characters because almost none of them are Minecraft streamers and half of them aren’t even human.

Dream is a voiceless 100% speedrunner vtuber. He inexplicably still has beef with Tommy, a prank vlogger. Wilbur makes political and social commentary video essays and lives with his father Philza (Japanese sword collector). BBH is a retired veteran who turned to baking to relax. His life partner Skeppy is a prank vlogger, and their son Sapnap is an shooter game player who got famous for melting his entire setup with fire breath live on stream after getting too mad about a bug that cost him a match.

Eret is a queer cosplayer who also happens to be a member of a royal family and a major diplomat. His community tab is like “Sorry I didn’t upload this week v-v I had to renegotiate a trade agreement and that took a lot out of me! Whew! ^-^” Tommy also does music mixing streams and chill sewing videos. Tubbo is doing “mechanics ASMR” where he silently makes clockwork and electrical devices. His enderman husband Ranboo does family vlogs but never shows pictures of Michael or Tubbo or himself, just their hands and Michael’s hooves and voice. No one knows they’re married except for the people who recognize Tubbo’s hands.

Sam is a engineering professor whose uploads range from cute videos of his dogs to hour long video essays on industrial manufacturing. Ponk collects shoes. Technoblade is the only Minecraft YouTuber. He’s also a piglin brute who needs a custom gaming setup for his massive hooves. Foolish is still posting Tiktok thirst traps.

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:drops a bit more of the lore and skedaddles outta here: ┌( °-°)┘

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“The three of them completely blind in the darkness” gave me such a clear vision of this scene that I had to animate it, haha

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Hey idk if anyone’s tested this yet, but it seems like tumblr let’s you deactivate the weird Apple filtering thing

I don’t have an Apple device to test this on but hopefully it works

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“Help, my bugs have discovered agriculture.”

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Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

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Do You Love The Colour Of The Sky? 

Do You Know The History Of The Dream SMP? 

(speedpaint) 

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How to Write Dialogue for (most) Dream SMP Characters

A few months ago, I remembered seeing a lot of posts giving advice on how to write dialogue for DSMP Characters. And while those posts contained numerous helpful pointers, overall, they fall just short of capturing what it means to write in a character’s Voice.

Unique character Voices, while tricky to get right, are usually achieved by giving each character a distinct set of words to say, in a manner that distinguishes them from the rest of the cast. 

With this in mind, I’ve spent the past few days combing through almost Thirty Hours of VOD footage to collect nearly all of the unique words, phrases, and speaking habits of every major and minor character on the Dream SMP (involved in 2+ story arcs.)

Before Reading:

Sentence-Starters are single words or phrases which begin a sentence. (ie. “Y’know, maybe you should try something different.”) 

Sentence Paddings are reoccurring words added to the middle of sentences. (ie. “It’s like he just can’t cry.”) 

Sentence Endings are single words or phrases which end a sentence. (ie. “There’s no need to fight, I hope.”)

All three of these types can be combined with one another to create more natural-sounding sentences. For instance, if a character has the two Sentence-Starters “Okay” and “So,” they can be used like this; “Okay, so, I’m a bit worried.”

(Note: When certain traits or phrases aren’t obvious with how they should be applied to dialogue, an (ie.) will be added below to illustrate them.)

Wilbur

General Traits:

Repeats himself for emphasis. Sometimes these repetitions will add additional information. More often, this repetition is focused around a specific word with the circumstance of the sentence being changed each time.

ie. “I’m living in an eternal limbo again. I’ve been through limbo, I’m out of limbo, and socially, I’m still in this limbo.”

Highly eloquent in language, bordering on poetic.

Highly introspective; significantly less so after Eret’s betrayal and onward.

Occasionally makes literary analogies and references, sometimes breaking the Fourth Wall to do so.

Curses semi-frequently. Wilbur is the only known character to use the word “cunt,” although rare.

Common Go-To Swears - Fuck, Shit, Prick, Bastard, Hell, Ass (Including all variations and combinations.)

Tends to hum when he thinks to himself.

Stutters most often when offended, shocked, or surprised.

Generally addresses characters semi-formally, often by title or role.

Often slips into long-form monologues when self-reflecting.

Usually defaults to being the head of a conversation; introducing, managing, and elaborating on topics throughout, especially when speaking to three or more people.

Circumstantial Phrases:

You and I, we’re ━ (To connect positively with someone.)

ie. “You and I, we’re used to seeing the good in people.”

I wanna pick your brain / Can I pick your brain? (To ask about someone else.)

Don’t say that, I’ll cry (Affectionate banter, only to Tommy.)

I’m afraid ━ (When hopeless or delivering bad news.)

ie. “I’m afraid there’s no getting out of this now.”

There’s no reason to ━ / There’s no reason for ━ / There’s no need for ━  (When being threatened or breaking up a fight.)

ie. “There’s no need for violence, gentlemen.”

Keep reading

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Niki posted some photos on instagram!

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crime bois are back am i right, hahahha crime bois yes, crime bois are back

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