familyzen

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Outfit swap!

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Update on workout fun

It's Friday. The workouts didn't go exactly as planned but I'm happy with the progress. I started Sunday with a made up workout, which is what inspired the crossfit workouts game. I have about 20 different workouts written on pieces of paper that I keep in a tub in the garage (where the gym equipment is kept). Each morning I shake the box, pull a note, and do what it says. The workouts take 10 to 30 minutes to complete, then I walk the dog around the block and do about 15 minutes of yoga before breakfast. The plan is to do Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, longer yoga on Thursday (instead of the workout), and another workout on Friday. This week I did it Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, longer yoga on Wednesday, Thursday, and will do another one today. Breaks/ open on the weekend. We're pretty active on the weekends so I'm not worried about scheduling anything formal. If we just sit around, then so be it... Since this was the first week and I've been super sore. It's a good sore, but sore all the same. So far so good. This seems like a fun way to keep things fun. A couple workouts were sucky, intentionally hard things I wouldn't just make up on a given day. The hardest this week was 21-15-9 reps on burpees and deadlifts, another hard one was 400m run followed by 21 kettle bell swings and 8 pull-ups for 3 rounds... I have more cardio than I realized but still am missing my former strength. That will come... it feels good to do workouts that I don't want to; to overcome my lazy streaks and just get it done. Boom!

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Cheerfulness

I found this list of positive signals from Tony Robbins this morning that has me pretty fired up. I keep thinking about our values sticky notes, the family zen diagram, and how these have refined over time. The first grouping of stickies now looks like just a list of things we like rather than values. My second attempt is still quite strong in terms of core values but it also seems to miss the point; more a list of things that I won't tolerate anymore. Then the third iteration, which just says Happy, Health, Wealthy, Wise... those are the goals. But why do so many negative emotions seem to run my life? That's a topic that I hope to write about in the weeks to come. But, among the list of positive emotions to start living by is cheerfulness. That one sticks out the most to me this morning. It's amazing how powerful smiling at someone can be. Walking down the sidewalk, instead of looking away as you pass.. finding the perfect excuse to get distracted by a random whatnot at the exact moment you're about to make eye contact with a random stranger.. instead of doing that, look at them and smile genuinely... it's amazing what happens. Try it. You'll see... I've been experimenting with the above for a few weeks; smiling at strangers, my team, my wife and kids, other drivers on the road, everyone. I'm thinking this morning that this is really about the power of cheerfulness. It's contagious and that's a good thing... I'm going to spread cheerfulness in my affairs today, beyond just smiling, but an honest attempt to be cheerful in my affairs, and see how it goes. I bet the experience will be cheerful..

[familyzen]

Fitness fun

Yesterday, I wrote down ~20 different beginner crossfit workouts on little pieces of paper and will use them as a fitness game for the month of August. Each workout day, Mo, Tu, We, Fr, I'll pull a card and do what it says. Some workouts will repeat, but all are to chance. Should be fun... progress and honest thoughts about it will be posted here.

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Weekends

Weekend mornings are the best! I find it absolutely impossible to follow my weekday routine on the weekend.. there's just no way to pry myself out of bed without sleeping in. Especially when my wife and kids are snuggled in with me... then the delicious coffee, the homemade breakfast (pancakes or biscuits?)... laziness and relaxation.. sometimes this is the best feeling in the world! I wonder if I were a freelancer, working from home, if I'd have trouble following my usual morning routine. Definitely can't on the weekend... probably makes it feel that much more luxurious to follow the routine for 5 days and then get 2 mornings off.. now back to my coffee!

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Loving kindness for ourselves

Emotions are a funny thing. I've been reading and thinking about the idea that emotions are never a bad thing... my body's perfect response to a situation that is not happening the way "it's supposed to".. emotions are a signal.. that signal needs to be interpreted. Have you ever turned on the radio and the volume was too loud and whatever came on sounded awful? But a few seconds later, or perhaps after you've turned the volume down, you realize that it's a great song, something you love? Emotions can be like that. It's a signal and the perception/ interpretation of that signal is what matters. The radio is electronic signal turned into sound by a speaker. Your ear hears the sound, sends a signal to your brain, and you interpret it to be good, bad, indifferent, or maybe something else. Point is, you "decide" to keep the music on, change the station, turn it down, turn it off, or whatever... If my wife says something that upsets me, most of the time I strike back. I'm probably feeling rejected, disrespected, shocked that she sees the world differently than me, or a whole mountain of other things... but if I can take just a moment to re-interpret that signal as something else... maybe she's just trying to help. If emotions are just a signal, then "good" or "bad" is the interpretation of that signal. I'm not bad if I feel something bad... but I am responsible for the interpretation of the signals I receive. That's something I CAN control... but it doesn't mean it's easy to do... With loving kindness and curiosity, I'm going to try to further understand the signals I receive and my body's tendency to respond in any particular way in my activities today. And, try to resist the urge to mis-interpret the signal as something negative before I give it the chance to have a positive interpretation.

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On success

I guess I identify with the idea that if you want to be successful, follow successful people. Read their books, follow them on twitter (which I don't do), find them on linked in, make friends, etc. Do what they do. Become interested in what they're interested in. Follow those they follow. But what if others find me successful? What are they following if they are following me? How much of what I do is something others want to do, too? Probably more than I realize.

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On Blogging

Almost every “success tips” article that I read suggests writing daily. I often think about writing as a career, if only I were skilled… It’s the one morning routine that I haven’t consistently applied personal pressure to take on.. and so this is my attempt to do just that. 
6 months from now, I’d like to have a collection of writings on my philosophies. Not sure if it should be setup in how-to format, a guide book of sorts, or just a collection of musings… but I’m not going to decide that now. I’m just going to start writing. Years ago my wife and I started a fitness blog called StrongBuddy. It was about working out together to help keep each other motivated and build our relationship. We wrote about exercise routines, diet, recipes, and whatever else. We thought about fitness a lot and writing about it seemed like the natural fit. 
These days I’m working on my values. What am I truly here for in this life? What is the deeper / higher purpose? Or, less deep, am I taking the time to appreciate the stuff right in front of my face? I read A LOT of self-help books, spiritual teachings, guides, etc., and I think it’s time to start writing about it. Similar to StrongBuddy, a collection of writings to share what I’ve learned about life. Maybe it will help you, too.

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Beliefs

In a book that I’m reading : Tony Robbins��� Awaken the Giant Within, it asks me to list empowering beliefs and dis-empowering beliefs. I did this privately a few days ago but spent more time thinking about it and landed roughly here:

Empowering beliefs: 

I believe in making small changes that when done consistently over time lead to greatness (aka success, happiness, etc.). This has become a conviction through daily practices such as waking up at 5 am to sit quietly and drink my coffee, read Tony’s book (and others), doing yoga or other workout, walking the dog, having a mindful breakfast by myself or with whoever else is awake in the house, and then starting the rest of my day. I didn’t do this all at once, rather, added one activity at a time, developed the habit of doing it, experimented with adding or subtracting other activities, and stuck with the ones that work. 

I believe in continuous learning. I don’t know what I don’t know and the more I learn, the more I learn there is to learn. This is a life-long quest to be better, to learn more, to add to the web of knowledge that I’m so grateful to possess (and cultivate). My audible subscription is priceless... love listening to books while I drive to work! 

I have found a spiritual path that is consistent with my other beliefs and it helps me let go. I used to spend a lot of time resisting. Having found a church that I really enjoy, consistently hear messages that reach me deeply, finding community, and being part of something bigger than myself is incredibly comforting... I’m able to let go of my resistance to spirituality and belief in higher powers and “just go with it”. I like it and I’ll continue. 

I believe in doing something that I love that adds value to society. Also, connecting people and plants. These are career goals. It used to be all about plants but lately I lean more environmental. I’m also interested in exploring life coaching, ministry, psychology... disciplines that can help me help others. 

Strength comes from resiliency. Facing life’s challenges and surviving to share the story. So much adversity... life can be overwhelmingly hard. After a significant setback at work 6 months ago, I hit a bottom of sorts. It wasn’t just the setback at work, but the accumulation of so much stress over time, unresolved issues, neglect of values, and way more than I’m going to list now... but I’ve learned that strength comes from facing our challenges and overcoming them. This means we have to go through hard shit to feel accomplished. A fulfilling life requires hardship. I’m good at facing hardship. 

It is important to identify values and live by them. Some of the most important to me are as follows: Golden Rule, Responsibility, QTR (appreciating our limited/ unknown quality time remaining - make the most of it!), Compassion (I also call this practicing loving kindness), Action, Gratitude, Continuous Learning, and Service to others. 

Each day is an opportunity to begin again.  Each day is a lump of clay... it is what we make of it... stumbling blocks or stepping stones. 

I believe in spending money on experiences, family adventures, health and wellness, and living like I’m retired today, rather than waiting for the future to enjoy the fruits of our labor.

Dis-empowering beliefs:  

This part sucks. I don’t like thinking negative thoughts, generally try to push them away before they can take root. And, almost as soon as I begin writing them, I recognize they are holding me back and want to change them. But for the purposes of this exercise, here goes... (I started writing and then came back to add the following:) Man, this is funny to me. I am struggling to be honest. I’m proud of my empowering beliefs and embarrassed of my dis-empowering beliefs. I keep editing them to “sound better”. Fine, standing up to fear (should be a value above)... 

I think my marriage is always on the brink of collapse because my wife doesn’t like me. I feel rejected constantly through her critical nature, unattractive because she doesn’t engage in romance with me, and perpetually not good enough. She amplifies my flaws. I don’t think she does this intentionally, in fact, this is likely all in my head due to some deep seeded beliefs about myself and my worth. I fight with her because I feel threatened and lash out. It’s not fair to either of us to feel this way. 

I have a low opinion of myself and think others don’t like me. Despite all my achievements, success patterns, efforts to be a good husband and father, commitment to my job, family, friends, etc., I often feel ashamed of myself anytime someone is critical of me. I need a great deal of reassurance to feel good about myself. 

I have a lot of good intentions but need “lazy breaks”. Sometimes I just want to sit down, have a drink, smoke a doobie, and check out... do nothing of the above awesome things. Just not participate.  I think this is destructive. 

I want to quit my job and do something else but worry I won’t be able to provide for my family. Actually, it’s more like, I don’t want to have to work that hard because I enjoy the life I have. It will be hard to start my own company. But, I want to do it because my current employer doesn’t seem to value people over profits and I want to work for someone that does. I want to leave the world better that I found it and this is not happening at my current job. On the other hand, it allows me the finances to explore other aspects of my life (part of kids life, camping, eating great food, experiences, exploring spirituality, making new friends). There’s no need to change today so I keep going with the other ideas I’ve mentioned. 

I worry that I’ve inherited my mother’s depression. My mom had depression and she lived a hard life struggling with it. She taught me to keep going and demonstrated how to put others first, even when you feel like shit... But, I really don’t want to have depression... sometimes the way I overthink things, get caught up in my personal drama, throw tantrums, feel hopeless, feel the previously mentioned low self-worth, I think those things may add up to depression... Then again, that weight empowers me to keep moving forward. I refuse to let it pull me down. Just keep swimming and pushing forward. Again, perseverance. 

More to come on this stuff. Good changes coming, I can feel it. 

[familyzen]

5 minutes

Recently I’ve discovered it takes as little as 5 minutes to change my day.  Podcast are becoming my new self-help go-tos because they are so short!  In as little as 5 minutes, I can get a gem of information that can affect my thoughts and actions for the entire day.  I view it as having a conversation with a friend and they are having a 5 minute rant to help me through a topic or problem.  

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I get paid to think

I’ve been getting paid to think for a long time. See, I have a Ph.D. in horticulture and I got it by getting paid to think about research on a bunch of important things... if by important things, you think that means research that is helpful to like 6 people in the world. While a worthwhile accomplishment, I hadn’t yet realized the importance of doing something that is bigger, that is helpful to more people. This is not the point of my post. I’m trying to say that it’s a strange struggle that I have a job that requires me to think about a lot of things from a lot, A LOT of different angles... I’m basically in charge of trouble shooting products to death so that they launch with no glitches, and more importantly, with my customers getting the best results they've ever had.... so my point... I recognize the importance of letting go of over thinking. I over think everything. It causes me stress. So I’m conflicted because I’d really like to think about less... to not just cut things out of my life that aren’t essential so that I can focus on the most important things.. I want to do that.. but I also want to make space for thinking a whole lot less. This is probably why I drink so much. I want to take a vacation from over thinking. Know of any over thinking fast diets? 

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Gratitude

This morning I woke up before my alarm clock with a sick feeling in my stomach. I was having a horrible headache from neck and shoulder tension and it was giving me an upset stomach strong enough to wake me up. In the past, this would've kept me in bed, ruined my whole day. But, today I'm thankful for my daily yoga practice. I found a video for neck and shoulder release. The gentle stretching and breathing cured my tension and I feel completely better. Ready to start my day... and it's still only 615. Thankful for my practice and my body's ability to heal. And the divine wisdom that guided me to this healing activity.

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Daily Challenges

Of course life is going to bring up challenges and force you into uncomfortable situations.  Being a family means we are the ones who see the good AND the bad.  We are the coaches and the front row audience.  We are the ones who can make or break one another.  We know what buttons to push and when.  We also know how to help.  We know when someone is trudging through really deep “mud” and needs a helping hand or a wake up talk.  

Often times, my husband and I discuss why a good and meaningful, long-lasting marriage keeps you honest.  If one of us has a mean tone or tough attitude, the other is there to call it out.  These checks and balances are what help us stay alert to our deeper plans to be great people and role models for our family.

Recently we all witnessed a level 20 meltdown.  It lasted for about 15-20 minutes and our young kids were stunned.  They observed a truly child-like tantrum erupting from one of their parents and they were scared.  My daughter finally called it out, which thankfully forced the situation back to reality.  I knew I couldn’t get through and calm down the situation as it was unfolding so I waited until after the kids had gone to bed.  We talked about the extreme emotional outburst, while I’m not immune to them, don’t erupt and last for that long.  We discussed how our kids needs to see their parents be real people as much as they need to see them regain control.  I had to point out, though, that the outburst was a far cry from our path to zen.  Through the discussion, we realized many of our zen diagram components were being “threatened” and over the course of the week had worn over the mind and caused the deepest gut reaction that we all witnessed.  Our family talk was more effective and brought about a true realization to the meltdown all because we had the zen diagram to call on and bring us back on our path.

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Creating our Zen Diagram

We sat down a few months ago and wrote words on sticky notes that highlighted what we thought was important to us and our family.  At that time, we came up with 19 different words that exemplified our wants, desires, and needs.  We found a way to arrange them in a hierarchy and we stuck them on a glass door right next to our primary eating area.  We didn’t intend to look at them everyday, but that was just the logical place to sit down and set them up.  It turned out to be a turning point in our family’s path to zen.  With these words on our walls for all to see, we can talk about them openly with each other and even when guests visit.  We can see their importance in our everyday lives and they can help steer us from decisions that don’t match our family’s long-term, happiness plan.  

We’ve since added 5 more, and I can see us finding other key words over the years that will give our family deeper meaning and keep us pointed on our journey to zen.  Our tier 1 key words are: Fulfillment, Excitement, Wellbeing, and Legacy.  These are the primary words that guide our daily decisions and thoughts and carry the most weight when we check in with each other.  

Under each Tier 1 word, we have listed other key words that we feel match our primary, true north, markers.  Under Fulfillment: Enrichment, Community, Personal Development, and Learning.  Under Excitement: Adventure, Experience, Fun, Food, and TV.  Under Wellbeing: Chill, Mental/Physcial Health, Mental/Physical Fitness, Spiritual, and Nature.  Under Legacy: Family, Purpose, Gratitude, Strength, Career, and Money.