family-video

[family-video]

Dire, Dire Docks Koji Kondo Super Mario 64 (Nintendo EAD, 1996)

[family-video]

Introduction

Hello, not sure if anyone would ever read this but I'll say it anyway. I'm tired of living like this. With AI, constant modernization, instant gratification, all of it. I know I'll sound old and bitter, but bear with me. Im 23 years old, and over a decade of my life has been owned by the internet.

When I was 11, I was given my first tablet. I used it mostly to play games, but I began obsessively scrolling on iFunny and Tumblr. If I wasn't doing that, then I was watching Youtube. I spent hours on it every day, cycling through the apps. Then when I was 13, I got my first smartphone. It somehow got even worse. I had access to every social media now, and I wanted every hour of my waking day spent scrolling on Instagram, snapchat, twitter, everything and anything I could download. I spent my years like this until I was 18, and COVID hit.

As I was bored in quarantine, I finally realized something-I felt empty. I was no longer surrounded by anyone, I had no one to prove myself to. I turned off my phone and reflected for awhile, and realized how deeply I missed life before social media.

Before I turned 11, I was truly living. And the world felt alive with me. Some might argue that perhaps I only felt that way because I was a child, but I disagree. I know there was a shift there. When I was a kid, before the internet entered my household, I woke up on the weekends- and did nothing. There was no phone to grab and immediately scroll on. I would lay, look at the ceiling, or glance at the ticking Hello Kitty clock mounted on the wall to know if it was too early to get up for the day. Once I was up, I would sit at the table and eat my breakfast. I would read my books, play on my DSi, or play with my littlest pet shop figures. I would go outside to blow bubbles, or sit in front of the TV to watch SpongeBob.

Then if my parents felt like going out to eat, we would. We would go to Texas Roadhouse and not mind the long wait, and then go to my favorite place in the world- Family Video. In there I would spend all my time looking at the video games before renting something I liked and going home.

I don't know if this makes sense, but things felt so alive. The world felt almost sparkly. Everywhere we went was busy, but no one seemed to mind.

However, now, I feel like things are dull. Dead. Again, I do not think this is because I am an adult.

Now I wake up, and I immediately grab my phone. Even when I try my best not to, I subconsciously do it. I read through my unimportant notifications and scroll on TikTok or instagram reels before thinking "What the hell am I doing? I need to get up!" When I do get up, I eat my breakfast while scrolling on twitter, reading unimportant things like celebrity drama.

Then if my boyfriend and I don't feel like going anywhere for the weekend, we sit, and we scroll, and we watch YouTube, and play Roblox. (Yes, I am aware I am too old for that. But playing Bloxy Bingo with my siblings is too much fun.) And if we feel like eating out, we don't even go out. We simply order off DoorDash, sit, and wait. And I plan on digging into this "instant gratification" thing in another post, but I will say that it feels so dull.

Another thing too is that both my boyfriend and I have anxiety- and going out to stores doesn't necessarily feel the same anymore. Ok, here is where I will hear someone out if they say "well it's cuz you were a kid!". Is it just me, or after COVID did everyone forget basic manners? I can't walk into Target without feeling like I'm going to have a heart attack. Everyone is cutting you off abruptly, or walking so quickly behind you they're almost stepping on your shoes. And NO ONE says excuse me. Sure we don't have to, but it would be a little nice if I had a clue that you were trying to get past me in an aisle without bumping my shoulder.

This stressful experience leads me to want to isolate myself further. And as I head to the car, sweat dripping down my forehead from damn near running to leave, I get a notification on my phone from my crime app telling me that there was a super terrible tragedy nearby that instills the feeling in me that I need to stay home.

I need to stay safe inside, continue door dashing, continue scrolling.

But I'm done with it. I have felt the desire to abandon this lifestyle for a couple of years now, but this time im going to do it- and I mean it.

I am going to live like its the 2000s again.

Yes, I am aware that I could never truly go back to the way things were before. And there are in fact modern things I want to keep in my life. Modern interests, etc. But what I mean is I don't only want to quit social media (besides Tumblr so I can write), but I want to go back to some of the technologies that genuinely worked just fine. In an ever changing world, I can appreciate that we make technological advances every single day. But maybe we don't need to.

I know this is long, and again I am unsure if anyone read this. But if they did, sorry for the rambling, and thank you for reading my thoughts.

So without further ado, here I go- back into my imaginary time machine.