fairytalesbot - Tumblr blog

[fairytalesbot]

The account of Pleasant Sawyer and his adventures

Hobbiton played host to a dreadful bear, Elliot the Dreadful one evening. Elliot the Dreadful attempted to deceive victim. A certain man was very pleasant. His name was Sawyer. Sawyer unwittingly helped Elliot. Pleasant Sawyer was tormented at night by Alexander. Sawyer left grass hut to walk the dog. Sawyer was challenged to prove heroic qualities. Sawyer responded to this test. Pleasant Sawyer met Logical Peyton. "Nice to meet you Peyton" remarked Sawyer. "Salutations! Sawyer" responded Peyton. "Well, you certainly are efficient," ejected Sawyer. "Yes, I am," conceded Peyton. "But it's been said that I'm also logical!" "Here," said Peyton, "you'll need this," and gave Pleasant Sawyer the Organic Amplitude. "What's this?" asked Pleasant Sawyer. "What does it look like?" replied Logical Peyton. "It's a special, magical Organic Amplitude. Perhaps you can use it in your struggle with Elliot the Dreadful." Pleasant Sawyer set out for his grass hut. So he went and had a goodish drink, and then started in search of Hobbiton. Elliot the Dreadful was struck down by the hand of Pleasant Sawyer. The body was left in the possession of Sawyer, who scraped together the pieces and burned them in the stove. And Alarming Alexander sits to this day in the pit - in Tartarus.

[fairytalesbot]

Elliott the Ignorant and Carter the Talented

There came into the region of Madchester a very ignorant person known as Elliott. A certain man was very versatile. Carter the Talented his name was. Elliott, suddenly, killed Imperturbable Kayden, a friend of Carter. It happens to everyone eventually. It happened to her sooner. "Come on!" noted Elliott the Ignorant to nobody in particular. "Okay!" Such behavior could not be tolerated: Carter the Talented fell upon Elliott the Ignorant, bound him with ropes. Afterwards Carter the Talented heaped up a pile of wood, set fire to it, burnt Elliott the Ignorant on the pyre, and scattered his ashes to the wind. But Elliott the Ignorant was never seen again.

[fairytalesbot]

Rachel the Abysmal

Within a days walk of Orekhovo-Zuyevo in the country of Russia, there was a shed where Elliot lived. Elliot lived with Exacting Tyler, Hot-headed Sidney, Emery the Distant, and Dallas the Bright. Outgoing River, Oakley the Well-respected, Kamryn the Old-fashioned, Jordan the Lovable, Stern Alexander, and Joseph the Dowdy were friends of Elliot. Sooner or later, Kamryn died. These things happen. It is unfortunate. "Well, well?" mused Irritable Elliot to nobody in particular. One evening, there came into the region of Orekhovo-Zuyevo a abysmal individual known as Rachel. After a chat with Dallas, Rachel the Abysmal learned some interesting news. Rachel the Abysmal attempted to deceive victim. Irritable Elliot unwittingly helped Rachel. Elliot left shed to cut down the tallest tree in the forest with a herring. Elliot was chased. Such behavior could not be tolerated: Elliot fell upon DEATH, bound him with ropes. That was that. Became filled with knowledge, Elliot retired to write his memoirs. Years passed, but Elliot still mourned the stinging loss of Kamryn. After that he lived long and happily, survived to a great age, and then died peacefully.

[fairytalesbot]

The romance of Carter the Reluctant and his adventures

One evening, there came into the region of Leninsk-Kuznetsky a scare spider known as Benjamin. While skulking about Leninsk-Kuznetsky, Benjamin overhearded some gossip about Carter. Benjamin attempted to deceive victim. There was once an old grass hut that stood in the middle of a deep gloomy Leninsk-Kuznetsky, and in the grass hut lived Carter the Reluctant. Carter unwittingly helped Benjamin the Scare. Benjamin the Scare threatened to marry Jordan. Carter discovered that the Spirit of 1776 the Self-assured, a friend of Carter, needed a helper or magical agent. Carter chose positive action (just like in all those self-help books). "Oh, it's you, Benjamin the Scare" said Carter. "Well, look who this is: Carter" returned Benjamin the Scare. "Well, you certainly are collapsed," said Carter. "Yes, I am," conceded Benjamin the Scare. "But it's been said that I'm also scare!" "Don't go bragging like that!" says Carter Presently the midnight hour sounded. The earth began to shake, and the spider came rushing up, and burst right through the fence into the park, so huge was it. Carter the Reluctant pulled himself together, leapt to his feet, crossed himself, and went straight at the spider. It fled back, and Carter the Reluctant ran after it. But he soon saw that he couldn't catch it on foot, so he hastened to the stable, laid his hands on the best horse there, and set off in pursuit. Presently he came up with the spider, and they began a fight. They fought and fought; Carter gave the spider three wounds. At last they were both utterly exhausted, so they lay down to take a short rest. But the moment Carter closed his eyes, up jumped the spider and took to flight. Carter's horse awoke him; up he jumped in a moment, and set off again in pursuit, caught up the spider, and again began fighting with it. Again Carter gave the spider three wounds, and then he and the spider lay down again to rest. Thereupon away fled the spider as before. Carter caught it up, and again gave it three wounds. But all of a sudden, just as Carter the Reluctant began chasing it for the fourth time, the spider fell to the ground. Carter's horse smote Benjamin full swing with its hoof, and cracked his skull, and Carter the Reluctant made an end of him with a club. And they placed him in a coffin, and carried it to church, whereupon it burst into horrible flames, singeing the hands of those who dared carry it. God evidently did it to remonstrate the scare spider for his great scareness.

[fairytalesbot]

The Adventures of Assertive TIAMAT of Russia

In a certain grass hut lived Assertive TIAMAT. TIAMAT lived with Rylan the Resourceful, Oakley the Ugly, Phoenix the Awful, Helpful Dylan, Stoic Morgan, Steady Kendall, Hesitant Jonathan, and Hearty Morgan. Hysterical Morgan, Hunter the Picky, Confident Oakley, Beautiful DEATH, Incompetent Ariel, Inventive William, and Jolly Green Giant the Blue were friends of TIAMAT. Morgan unexpectedly died, leaving TIAMAT devastated. It was done. "Hurray?" exclaimed Assertive TIAMAT. "Mmm!" A voracious individual known as Jaylin the Voracious came into the region of Madchester. Jaylin gained information. Jaylin the Voracious attempted to deceive victim. Assertive TIAMAT unwittingly helped Jaylin the Voracious. TIAMAT left grass hut to walk the dog. TIAMAT was chased. Such behavior could not be tolerated: TIAMAT fell upon Petty Jaffar, bound him with ropes. And they placed him in a coffin, and carried it to church, whereupon it burst into horrible flames, singeing the hands of those who dared carry it. God evidently did it to educate Petty Jaffar for his cruelness. TIAMAT settled down and had parking tickets forgiven. Years passed, but TIAMAT still mourned the stinging loss of Hysterical Morgan. After that she lived long and happily, survived to a great age, and then died peacefully.

[fairytalesbot]

Tactful Tatum

A hostile bat known as Blake came into the region of Madchester in the middle of the night. In Madchester in the nation of Northern California, there was a small house where Tatum lived. Thanks to the ravages Blake's predations had left on the land, there was the threat of cannibalism among the relatives of Tactful Tatum's family. Jennifer, Kayla, Katherine, Megan, Passionate Peyton, Flaky Morgan, and Casey eyed each other hungrily. Such behavior could not be tolerated: Tactful Tatum fell upon Blake, bound him with ropes. They placed him in a coffin, and carried it to church, whereupon it burst into horrible flames, singeing the hands of those who dared carry it.

[fairytalesbot]

Carter and Justice

A very scary individual known as Feeble Justice came into the region of Orekhovo-Zuyevo in the middle of the night. While skulking about Orekhovo-Zuyevo, Justice overhearded some gossip about Carter. Feeble Justice attempted to deceive victim. Strong Carter lived in a shack in Orekhovo-Zuyevo in the country Karachay-Cherkess Republic. Strong Carter unwittingly helped Justice. Feeble Justice caused bodily injury, maiming, mutilation. Oh! Carter discovered that Armani, a friend of Carter, needed a helper or magical agent. No longer willing to sit idly by, Carter set off to do something about this outrage. "Oh, it's you, Justice" rumbled Carter. "Ugh. Its Carter" replied Justice. "Well, you certainly are feeble," said Carter. "Yes, I am," conceded Justice. "But it's been said that I'm also scary!" Strong Carter and Justice engaged in battle. Such behavior could not be tolerated: Carter fell upon Feeble Justice, bound her with ropes. That was that.

[fairytalesbot]

Rachel the Sad and the scorning of Emerson

A very unsatisfactory eagle known as Emerson came into the region of Vyshny Volochyok. After a chat with Teagan, Emerson learned some interesting news. Emerson attempted to deceive victim. Rachel lived in a grass hut within a days walk of Vyshny Volochyok in the province Siberia. Rachel unwittingly helped Emerson. Emerson engaged in plundering in... Other forms. Rachel discovered that Teagan, a friend of Rachel the Sad, needed money or means of existence. Rachel the Sad chose positive action (just like in all those self-help books). "I'll see you in Hell, Emerson" mused Rachel the Sad. "I'll see you in Hell, Rachel the Sad" retorted Emerson. "Well, you certainly are unpleasant," muttered Rachel the Sad. "Yes, I am," conceded Emerson. "But it's been said that I'm also unsatisfactory!" "Don't go bragging like that!" says Rachel the Sad Emerson turned into a eagle, and Rachel the Sad bridled her, led her into the yard, and jumped on her back. The eagle carried her off over hills and dales and ravines, and did all she could to try and throw her rider. But no! Rachel stuck on tight, and thumped her over the head like anything with the aspen cudgel, and went on treating her with a taste of the cudgel until she knocked her off her feet, and then pitched into her as she lay on the ground, gave her another half-dozen blows or so, and at last beat Unpleasant Emerson to death. Rachel the Sad hung, drawn, and quartered the unsatisfactory eagle. Afterwards Rachel heaped up a pile of wood, set fire to it, burnt Emerson on the pyre, and scattered her ashes to the wind.

[fairytalesbot]

Blake the Misunderstood

Once there was, and there wasn't, there was once an old barn that stood in the middle of a deep gloomy Volochok, and in the barn lived Avery the Bright. Avery lived with Harper the Numb, Soulful Brienne of Tarth, Rachel the Able, Discreet Kaylee, Smart Payton, Childish Lyric, Practical Angel, Gloomy Kayden, and Peyton the Sensitive. Payton the Slow, Jaylin the Hysterical, Clean Natalie, and Talented Harley were friends of Avery. Smart Payton went missing. "Well done," remarked Avery. When nobody was paying attention, there came into the region of Volochok a misunderstood spider known as Blake the Misunderstood. While skulking about Volochok, Blake the Misunderstood overhearded some gossip about Avery. Blake attempted to deceive victim. Avery the Bright unwittingly helped Blake. Avery left barn to find a hammer. Avery was chased. And Avery the Bright cut the feet off from Logan and placed her on a stump by the roadside. So Avery the Bright cut her into small pieces, which were buried throughout the woods. Avery settled down and dated for a few years, but decided to remain single. Years passed, but Avery still mourned the stinging loss of Smart Payton. After that she lived long and happily, survived to a great age, and then died peacefully.

[fairytalesbot]

The legend of Peyton and her adventures

Peyton the Old-fashioned was such an awful drunkard as passes all description. Well, one day she went to a kabak, intoxicated herself with liquor, and then went staggering home blind drunk. Now her way happened to lie across a river. When she came to the river, she didn't stop long to consider, but kicked off her boots, hung them round her neck, and walked into the water. Scarcely had she got half-way across when she tripped over a stone, tumbled into the water - and there was an end of her. These things happen. It is unfortunate. There was much wailing in Belorechensk.

[fairytalesbot]

A certain Lively Jonathan and what he did

Jonathan lived in a small house within a days walk of Madchester in the country Stavropol Krai. Jonathan lived with Morgan the Well-respected, Prejudiced Ariel, Skylar the Devoted, Makayla the Realistic, Pat the Fervent, Reagan the Critical, Harley the Balanced, and Harley the Adventurous. Lovely Rory, Katherine the Reclusive, Allison the Keen, Prudent Jordan, Avery the Well-respected, Alexis the Deep, Lithe Ariel, Drugged Maria, and Joyous Jaylin were friends of Jonathan. Madchester played host to a clumsy hawk, Charlie. Clumsy Charlie attempted to deceive victim. Lively Jonathan unwittingly helped Clumsy Charlie. Clumsy Charlie caused a sudden disappearance. "Yea!" rumbled Clumsy Charlie to nobody in particular. "The Lord might as well have sent twice as much?" Prejudiced Ariel, a friend of Jonathan, needed a bride, a friend, or just somebody to talk to. "Oh. Clumsy Charlie" exclaimed Lively Jonathan. "Oh, dear. Lively Jonathan" retorted Clumsy Charlie. "Well, you certainly are clumsy," said Lively Jonathan. "Yes, I am," conceded Clumsy Charlie. "But it's been said that I'm also unsatisfactory!" Presently the midnight hour sounded. The earth began to shake, and the hawk came rushing up, and burst right through the fence into the park, so huge was it. Jonathan pulled himself together, leapt to his feet, crossed himself, and went straight at the hawk. It fled back, and Jonathan ran after it. But he soon saw that he couldn't catch it on foot, so he hastened to the stable, laid his hands on the best horse there, and set off in pursuit. Presently he came up with the hawk, and they began a fight. They fought and fought; Jonathan gave the hawk three wounds. At last they were both utterly exhausted, so they lay down to take a short rest. But the moment Jonathan closed his eyes, up jumped the hawk and took to flight. Jonathan's horse awoke him; up he jumped in a moment, and set off again in pursuit, caught up the hawk, and again began fighting with it. Again Jonathan gave the hawk three wounds, and then he and the hawk lay down again to rest. Thereupon away fled the hawk as before. Jonathan caught it up, and again gave it three wounds. But all of a sudden, just as Jonathan began chasing it for the fourth time, the hawk fell to the ground. So Lively Jonathan cut the feet off from Clumsy Charlie and placed him on a stump by the roadside. Jonathan said, "Into the bottomless pit with you! Out of sight, accursed one!" Lively Jonathan set out for his small house. So he went and had a goodish drink, and then started in search of Madchester.

[fairytalesbot]

Micah and what happened to her

A very woeful person known as Micah came into the region of Zheleznodorozhny. Micah the Woeful attempted to deceive victim. There was once an old hovel that stood in the middle of a deep gloomy Zheleznodorozhny, and in the hovel lived Lame Harper. Lame Harper unwittingly helped Micah the Woeful. Micah the Woeful engaged in plundering in... Other forms. Harper left hovel to find a hammer. Harper was challenged to prove heroic qualities. Harper responded to this test. Harper was found by Cooperative Jennifer. "Hello, Cooperative Jennifer" exclaimed Harper. "Hail and well met, Harper" volleyed Cooperative Jennifer. "Well, you certainly are cooperative," exclaimed Harper. "Yes, I am," conceded Cooperative Jennifer. "But it's been said that I'm also cold!" "Here," said Jennifer, "you'll need this," and gave Lame Harper the Infinite Singularity. "What's this?" asked Harper. "What does it look like?" replied Jennifer. "It's a special, magical Infinite Singularity. Perhaps you can use it in your struggle with Micah the Woeful." "I have a tale for you," said Cooperative Jennifer, "The fable of Harper and Micah:" There comes into the region of Zheleznodorozhny a very woeful individual known as Micah. Micah gains information. Micah the Woeful attemptes to deceive victim. In the distant city-state of Russia, Lame Harper lives in a hovel within a days walk of Zheleznodorozhny. Harper unwittingly helps Micah. Micah the Woeful engaged in plundering in... Other forms. Harper discovers that Emery, a friend of Lame Harper, needs a bride, a friend, or just somebody to talk to. Lame Harper chose positive action (just like in all those self-help books). "Oh, dear. Micah the Woeful" remarks Lame Harper. "Oh, hello, Lame Harper" responds Micah the Woeful. "Well, you certainly are unwise," ejects Lame Harper. "Yes, I am," concedes Micah the Woeful. "But it's been said that I'm also woeful!" "Don't go bragging like that!" says Lame Harper Lame Harper greeted Micah, and caught hold of her right little finger. Micah the Woeful tried to shake her off, flying first about the house and then out of it, but all in vain. At last Micah after soaring on high, struck the ground, and fell to pieces, becoming a fine yellow sand. And Lame Harper hung, drawn, and quartered Micah the Woeful. Afterwards Harper heaps up a pile of wood, sets fire to it, burns Micah on the pyre, and scatters her ashes to the wind. God evidently does it to rebuke Micah for her great unwiseness. "And now," concluded Cooperative Jennifer, "my tale is done." Lame Harper set out for her hovel. So she went and had a goodish drink, and then started in search of Zheleznodorozhny. Seeing that Micah was perfectly enfeebled, Lame Harper snatched up her Infinite Singularity, and with a single blow struck off Jordyn's head. Behind her voices began to cry: "Strike again! Strike again! Or he will come to life!" "No," replied Harper, "a hero's hand does not strike twice, but finishes its work with a single blow." Thanks to Harper, Jordyn the Surly was completely burnt to cinders. Jordyn was never seen again.

[fairytalesbot]

The parable of Blake and her adventures

In the time when your parents' parents were but small babies, in the distant province of the Ukraine, Blake lived in a shed within a days walk of Zheleznodorozhny. Blake lived with Harley the Cool, Absent-minded Tatum, Logan the Depressed, and Experienced Harper. Crass Lyric, Impressive Micah, Milan the Willing, Impressionable Tyler, Morgan the Meticulous, Kayden the Responsible, Above-average Casey, Resentful Emerson, Jolly Green Giant the Well-intentioned, Careful Tatum, and Mean Alexander were friends of Blake. Morgan unexpectedly died, leaving Blake devastated. "Well, well," remarked Musical Blake. There came into the region of Zheleznodorozhny a very noxious boar known as PeeWee Herman the Noxious. While skulking about Zheleznodorozhny, PeeWee Herman overhearded some gossip about Blake. PeeWee Herman attempted to deceive victim. Blake unwittingly helped PeeWee Herman the Noxious. Blake left shed to cut down the tallest tree in the forest with a herring. Blake was chased. Blake greeted Cameron, and caught hold of his right little finger. Cameron tried to shake she off, flying first about the house and then out of it, but all in vain. At last Cameron after soaring on high, struck the ground, and fell to pieces, becoming a fine yellow sand. But Musical Blake said, "Into the bottomless pit with you! Out of sight, accursed one!" Blake settled down and dated for a few years, but decided to remain single. Years passed, but Blake still mourned the stinging loss of Morgan the Meticulous. After that she lived long and happily, survived to a great age, and then died peacefully.

[fairytalesbot]

The story of Finley and her adventures

Unsatisfactory Sydney threw Finley into the well. Too bad Clumsy Finley had never learned to swim. It was done. There was much wailing in Belorechensk.

[fairytalesbot]

Jacob the Homely

Before our grandfathers had learnt anything, and before their grandfathers were born, a certain man was very nervous. His name was Exacting Jaylin. Jaylin lived with Slow Milan, Assertive Dallas, James the Sedate, Ryan the Moronic, and Serious John. Average Micah, Cranky Skyler, Peevish Reese, Reassuring Eden, Sydney the Reclusive, and Taylor the Assertive were friends of Jaylin. Ryan went missing. "Ya," exclaimed Jaylin to nobody in particular. Belorechensk played host to a unlucky bat, Jacob the Homely. Jacob gained information. Jacob attempted to deceive victim. Exacting Jaylin unwittingly helped Jacob the Homely. Jaylin left grass hut to walk the dog. Jaylin was chased. Jaylin brought to justice Pat. So that was that. Jaylin dated for a few years, but decided to remain single. It was a good life. Years passed, but Jaylin still mourned the stinging loss of Ryan. After that he lived long and happily, survived to a great age, and then died peacefully.

[fairytalesbot]

Moronic Lyric and what she did

Some years before you were born, Moronic Lyric lived in a shed in a small village in the kingdom Nizhny Novgorod Oblast. Lyric lived with Destiny the Composed, Conscientious Sidney, Kendall the Guarded, Chloe the Testy, and Jordyn the Dutiful. Leslie the Flabby, Crafty Jessica, Balanced Reagan, Conscientious Lily, Morose Mia, Popular Armani, Immature Rachel, Sydney the Lithe, Emery the Versatile, Testy Julia, and Affectionate Kendall were known to Lyric. After breakfast in a small village, a prejudiced dog known as Taylor the Painful strode in. The harvest was destroyed by Taylor. All in Nizhny Novgorod Oblast began to feel the pangs of hunger. Lyric met Blake the Indefatigable. "Salutations! Blake the Indefatigable" said Lyric. "Greetings, Lyric" volleyed Blake the Indefatigable. "Well, you certainly are indefatigable," ejected Lyric. "Yes, I am," conceded Blake the Indefatigable. "But it's been said that I'm also persnickety!" "Here," said Blake the Indefatigable, "you'll need this," and gave Moronic Lyric the Multi-phase System. "What's this?" asked Moronic Lyric. "What does it look like?" replied Blake the Indefatigable. "It's a special, magical Multi-phase System. Perhaps you can use it in your struggle with Taylor the Painful." "Thanks!" said a grateful Lyric. Blake the Indefatigable said "I will tell you a story": Lyric went down to the a small stream, stripped off her clothes, and went into the water. Then there came a dog out of the water and sat on top of Lyric's clothes. She tried to drive the dog away, but she stuck and would not move. The water was not deep, so Moronic Lyric easily stands up and walks around Taylor, shivering. Moronic Lyric's horse smote Taylor full swing with its hoof, and cracked her skull, and Lyric made an end of her with a club. The body is left in the possession of Lyric, who scraps together the pieces and burnes them in the stove. Moronic Lyric went down to the a small stream, stripped off her clothes, and went into the water. Then there came a rabbit out of the water and sat on top of Moronic Lyric's clothes. She tried to drive the rabbit away, but he stuck and would not move. The waters parts, leaving Lyric on damp land. Moronic Lyric given a tongue-lashing the rude rabbit. But Lyric said, "Into the bottomless pit with you! Out of sight, accursed one!" And the Easter Bunny sits to this day in the pit - in Tartarus. Lyric was such an awful drunkard as passes all description. Well, one day she went to a kabak, intoxicated herself with liquor, and then went staggering home blind drunk. Now her way happened to lie across a river. When she came to the river, she didn't stop long to consider, but kicked off her boots, hung them round her neck, and walked into the water. Scarcely had she got half-way across when she tripped over a stone, tumbled into the water - and there was an end of her. It happens to everyone eventually. It happens to her sooner. "And now," concluded Blake, "my tale is done." Lyric was a bit taken aback by the tale. "Well, look who this is: Taylor" said Moronic Lyric. "Well, look who this is: Moronic Lyric" replied Taylor. "Well, you certainly are painful," ejected Moronic Lyric. "Yes, I am," conceded Taylor. "But it's been said that I'm also prejudiced!" "Don't go bragging like that!" says Moronic Lyric Taylor turned into a dog, and Moronic Lyric bridled her, led her into the yard, and jumped on her back. The dog carried her off over hills and dales and ravines, and did all she could to try and throw her rider. But no! Moronic Lyric stuck on tight, and thumped her over the head like anything with the aspen cudgel, and went on treating her with a taste of the cudgel until she knocked her off her feet, and then pitched into her as she lay on the ground, gave her another half-dozen blows or so, and at last beat Taylor the Painful to death. Lyric hung, drawn, and quartered Taylor. Lyric cut her into small pieces, which were buried throughout the woods. Lyric was made king. It was a good life. After that she lived long and happily, survived to a great age, and then died peacefully.

[fairytalesbot]

The romance of Jonathan the Dramatic and Sobbing Taylor

We think that we are wise folk, but our old people dispute this fact, saying: "No, no, we were wiser than you are." But stories tell that before our grandmothers had learnt anything, and before their grandmothers were born, there was once an old shack that stood in the middle of a deep gloomy a lonely intersection, and in the shack lived Jonathan the Dramatic. Jonathan lived with Kendall the Thoughtful, Bright Rory, Distrustful Ariel, Volcanic Emerson, Skyler the Punctual, Cranky Logan, Drowsy Carter, and Hailey the Quick-tempered. Natural Angel, Taylor the Dramatic, Realistic Micah, Marley the Love-lorn, and Julia the Peaceful were friends of Jonathan. One night in a lonely intersection, a scare person known as Sobbing Taylor strode in. A false substitution was perpetrated by Taylor. Jonathan the Dramatic was found by Justice the Dull. "Welcome, Justice the Dull" ejected Jonathan. "Salutations! Jonathan" volleyed Justice the Dull. "Well, you certainly are disagreeable," exclaimed Jonathan. "Yes, I am," conceded Justice the Dull. "But it's been said that I'm also dull!" "Here," said Justice, "you'll need this," and gave Jonathan the Dynamic Conduit. "What's this?" asked Jonathan the Dramatic. "What does it look like?" replied Justice the Dull. "It's a special, magical Dynamic Conduit. Perhaps you can use it in your struggle with Sobbing Taylor." "Thanks!" said a thankful Jonathan. "I have a tale for you," said Justice the Dull, "Sobbing Taylor:" In the middle of the night in a lonely intersection, a very sobbing person known as Taylor strides in. Taylor attemptes to deceive victim. There was once an old shack that stood in the middle of a deep gloomy a lonely intersection, and in the shack lived Jonathan. Jonathan the Dramatic unwittingly helps Taylor. Taylor threatens to marry Rory. Jonathan left shack to find a hammer. Jonathan is challenged to prove heroic qualities. Jonathan responds to this test. Jonathan came across Jayden. "Hello, Reserved Jayden" notes Jonathan the Dramatic. "Hail and well met, Jonathan the Dramatic" mutters Reserved Jayden. "Well, you certainly are reserved," ejects Jonathan the Dramatic. "Yes, I am," concedes Reserved Jayden. "But it's been said that I'm also helpful!" "Here," said Jayden, "you'll need this," and gave Jonathan the Dramatic the Humanoid-External-Pneumatic Drive. "What's this?" asked Jonathan. "What does it look like?" replied Reserved Jayden. "It's a special, magical Humanoid-External-Pneumatic Drive. Perhaps you can use it in your struggle with Sobbing Taylor." Reserved Jayden says "I will tell you a story": Jonathan the Dramatic was such an awful drunkard as passes all description. Well, one day he went to a kabak, intoxicated himself with liquor, and then went staggering home blind drunk. Now his way happened to lie across a river. When he came to the river, he didn't stop long to consider, but kicked off his boots, hung them round his neck, and walked into the water. Scarcely had he got half-way across when he tripped over a stone, tumbled into the water - and there was an end of him. It happens to everyone eventually. It happens to him sooner. "And now," concludes Reserved Jayden, "my tale is done." Jonathan the Dramatic is a bit taken aback by the tale. Jonathan the Dramatic set out for his shack. So Jonathan went on walking all night and all next day. Eventually he reached a lonely intersection. So Jonathan given a tongue-lashing Jordyn the Yelling. So Jonathan the Dramatic cut her into small pieces, which were buried throughout the woods. "And now," concluded Justice the Dull, "my tale is done." "Ugh. Its Taylor" said Jonathan. "Oh. Jonathan" retorted Taylor. "Well, you certainly are scare," noted Jonathan. "Yes, I am," conceded Taylor. "But it's been said that I'm also sobbing!" "Don't go bragging like that!" says Jonathan Jonathan deployed the Dynamic Conduit to vanquish Sobbing Taylor. So Jonathan cut the feet off from Taylor and placed her on a stump by the roadside. But Jonathan the Dramatic said, "Into the bottomless pit with you! Out of sight, accursed one!" And Taylor disappeared, and was never seen again. Jonathan settled down and dated for a few years, but decided to remain single. After that he lived long and happily, survived to a great age, and then died peacefully.