fadavitalis

[fadavitalis]

[fadavitalis]

when they tell us to hide, i will smile at them.

when they tell us to see truth, i will talk to them.

when they tell us to die, i will wave at them.

when they tell us to be hanged, i will hug them.

so i would say, were i a saint.

so i would say, were i a witch.

so i would say, were i a monk.

so i would say, were i a lamb

i feel for our siblings.

i feel fury.

i feel hate.

i feel what they feel.

i want to be better.

i want this to cease.

we just want love.

we just want peace.

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I think, when i originally wrote this, it was at a time queer rights in america were underfire, some 8 Years ago. i dont like to be angry, i dont like to (imply to) harm anyone, but it can be a challange to always be better, be bigger.

Now, so many years later, similar things are going on, and once more i feel this same anger.

It felt apropriate to share this because of all that.

[fadavitalis]

when they tell us to hide, i will smile at them.

when they tell us to see truth, i will talk to them.

when they tell us to die, i will wave at them.

when they tell us to be hanged, i will hug them.

so i would say, were i a saint.

so i would say, were i a witch.

so i would say, were i a monk.

so i would say, were i a lamb

i feel for our siblings.

i feel fury.

i feel hate.

i feel what they feel.

i want to be better.

i want this to cease.

we just want love.

we just want peace.

--------------------------------

I think, when i originally wrote this, it was at a time queer rights in america were underfire, some 8 Years ago. i dont like to be angry, i dont like to (imply to) harm anyone, but it can be a challange to always be better, be bigger.

Now, so many years later, similar things are going on, and once more i feel this same anger.

It felt apropriate to share this because of all that.

[fadavitalis]

OH NO THE HORROR *looks at my horribly neurodivergent friendgroups*

fuck you *casts Greater Polycule at you. a dozen people appear and start talking at you about their special interests*

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Pragmatism forces me to ask: what if you are? Or what if you're an NPC in your own life? Will you live your life any other way? Will knowing it change anything? Probably not, so why worry about it?

It's brains in vats all over again: a fun thought experiment, but not worth losing sleep over. ✨️

Main character

We all know the story's, the one of the hero, the one of the dancer, the outcast, the writer and so many more. I often see people with talents or traits that make me think "oh yes, that is a main character", mostly due to the above mentioned archetypes. The people who invite all their friends to the party, the ones who go into the dance battle with fierce conviction.

While I understand that it's often just a moment, a decision people make of what they want to do with their life or maybe just for the evening. In my head I can almost see the movie of their life playing, the one that shows how they got there. With their strengths and weaknesses, how hard they worked to get there or the people that left them no choice in the matter.

I don't know where these stories come from, I guess it stems from a very creative part within me. Usually, if I do end up talking with these people, I end up discovering that, they too are just humans. Not necessarily main characters, just people doing what they love.

However, it does make me wander, what is my role in life?, what kind of character am I? I once heard someone say the very inspirational line "we are all the main character of our own life, our own story" while a beautiful ideal, I cant help but ask myself, what if I'm not?

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At the time i wrote this, i very mush felt not in controll of my own life. Its how it goes sometimes no?

Well, one worrying reply I got on this, has never really left me: okey, but what if you're the main character in someone elses life?

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Loved me some creepypastas back in the day, especially Pokémon ones! It might be a bit tropey, but I really enjoyed this one.

The Doll (Creepypasta)

It was a day like any other, I left home to do some grocery-shopping and see if I could get my hands on that damned little thing I have been looking for, for a while now. I can’t recall what it was though.

Either way, I walked into a few stores, and left without success. In one of the stores however, I saw this plushie, one of a Banette. It was just sitting there, all alone, with that almost evil grin, it seemed all the others were gone. It was looking right at me, I felt like it was calling me. What can I say? As a long time Pokemon fan I knew the stories and the scary pokedex entries.

A once beloved doll that got neglected and even thrown away, now looking for revenge. A game made for kids they say, well this is one hell of a scary entry. But that's all it was: a game. right? I loved the look of this particular plushie, so I bought it, took it home and made a promise.

I would not neglect it, I would love it and take care of her, like so many kids did before me with their own dolls.

I put it up on the shelf, close to my bed. Every night, I'd give her a little petting, lovingly as a promised. I kept her clean of dust, played a bit with her, all that.

I'm not sure when exactly, but I moved out of my home. Of course, I took Banette with me. Carefully placed into a box where she would remain for a few weeks. You know how moving goes. Everything you own gets put in a box, you throw out some stuff, some boxes don't get unpacked until weeks later.

That's exactly how it went. I forgot about Banette for a while until I came around to unpacking the last boxes, including the one with her in it. Carefully, I picked her up, and took a good look at her for the first time in what felt like ages.

Something was off, her almost evil grin seemed.... different. It was less like a grin and more like a blank stare. I must have wrongly remembered what she looked like.

Now at my own place, I had the chance to put her on a nicer place, no longer by my bed, but now in a glass showcase. Where she would be safe from dust, and there for everyone too see, along with some other things, such as cases from my old Pokemon games and other plushies.

Some time later one of my friends dropped by, they mentioned how sad Banette looked. I thought it was weird. Didn't she have more of a blank stare? I didn't pay to mush attention to it, it's just a plushie anyway, right?

The place I now lived was cool. It was in a nice neighborhood and always something fun to do, so I wasn't home as mush as I used to be. When I was home I'd have friends over. I'd forget to clean my place as often as I should, and I'd have no real attention for the showcase anymore. Forgotten, neglected, gathering dust.

One night, ever so slightly drunk I'd come home. With friends I talked about the old neighborhood and I was feeling nostalgic. I took a good look at my showcase because of this. Pokemon games, my 3DS, figurines, some plushies.

It was nice to think of these old times. But, I thought there was a Banette in there too? Oh well my drunk mind must be remembering it wrong.

When I woke up the next morning something felt off. I felt like I was being watched. there she was. With an evil grin looking at me from the other side of my bed. I was sure this is not where I left her. I was sure I didn't remember it wrong. At the same time I recalled last night, where I thought a Banette was missing.

Dolls don't move on their own. right? I must have taken it with me to bed last night without realizing it. Then I remembered the promise I once made to this one. The pokedex entry, everything. My expression went from half sleepy to one horrified at the realization of what I've done.

Banette started talking.

"You remember now, right?"

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When I originally wrote this, I had actually just bought a banette plushie, and I even added a cute little picture! It may not be the most inspired thing, but at the time I was proud I wrote something of this lenght, and it was well enough recieved even by non-pokemon fans (read, family and other facebook friends)

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Poly-Satisfied

That is the word that has been on my mind when I describe my situration. A common word in the Polyam world is "Poly-saturated" to signify that someone has enough partners as they have time, energy, and other resources. They are not open to new partners. Polyamorous people can be poly-saturated at 1 or even 0 partners. But I needed a word between poly-saturated and "looking for new partners". Poly-satisfied feels right! I am very happy with my all my partners right now so I am not desperate for new partners. But if the perfectly right partner came along I would consider it. Almost like a demi-romantic phase of polyamory. I am very grateful for all the lovely people in my life that make me feel so fulfilled and satisfied!

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Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is…evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

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Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is…evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

[fadavitalis]

I just love it that Dutch queer organisations are becoming more and more aware of the growing number of polyamorous people in this country. I'm feeling so honoured I was interviewed and photographed by Bi+ Nederland to spread awareness and inform people.

Our visibility matters, especially in this highly conservative climate.

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polyamory and bisexuality could have saved camelot

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polyamory and bisexuality could have saved camelot

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I realized I was okay with my partner having other partners by the time I was 13 (though I didn't have a word for it at the time) and the reason I realized this was because I was so full of seething hatred (the kind only 13 year olds are capable of) for the love triangle in twilight that by the time I got to the third book I was like "who CARES if she has two boyfriends. I wouldn't care if my partner had other partners as long as I knew about it and everyone was okay with it. Anything is better than this nonsense"

I realized this several years before I realized I liked girls. I'm a lesbian. Anyway I just think "realizing you're poly via twilight hate" is objectively hilarious but it does, unfortunately, mean that twilight was a formative experience for me.

Twilight defined a generation. Love it🫶 or hate it🤬, it still shaped you. Very few escaped this fate.

Your fate, specifically, though, is objectively hilarious

Seriously though, at least you got something worthwhile out of the books! I often think it is easier to define ourselves first by what we are NOT than by what we ARE, so I can't say I'm surprised. Hating love triangles seems to be a common theme with us polyams 😂

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Fact: Polyamory often requires you to make sacrifices.

Suggested sacrifices include

three coins from a long-lost treasure

several short pieces of string, preferably in different colors

the assumption that jealousy is an indicator of a healthy relationship and its absence suggests a lack of interest in your partner

an egg

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“When the handle has snapped off the basket that held all your eggs…” gone girl tier monologue

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A lot of people fear losing their partner to polyamory, and that sincerely is unfathomable to me. Polyamory allows me to stay with a partner through more incompatibilities, because I can get that fulfillment somewhere else.

If I, as a very cuddly person, have a partner who isn’t interested in much touching, that’s okay, because I can get someone else to pick up the slack. And even though that person may not be the type of conversationalist I want, they’ll be perfect for curling up and watching movies with. And so on and etc and so forth.

I’m not claiming polyamory will fix already failing relationships, or that poly relationships immune to ever breaking up. But it relieves so much anxiety over finding The Ultimately Compatible One that I can be content with The Pretty Good Ones

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Let me introduce you to what a GM called "world's most dangerous panda."

This is from the latest LARP of the weekend of 20 to 22 September. Red Assa was the war cleric of a goddess of vulcanos and bloodshed, undercover as a blood thirsty pirate. It was fun playing a brute with an axe, a big change of pace from my usual diplomatic roles, for sure! It did cost a lot of energy, so I'm not sure I'd want to play her again.

Go try a new hobby, they said

Try LARPing, they said

It'll be fun, they said

Welp, now I have a new hyperfixation, more LARP more better, AND a new partner and a bunch of new friends. I don't have time for this much social stuff, help!!! 😂😭