f4ts1lv3rmoon - Tumblr blog

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

Ni lah sebab nya aku selalu tak ajak orang pergi mana mana sebab aku tahu diaorg takkan pergi... I’m never gonna ask anybody out anymore 😢

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

when i was in the worst of my depression, nothing made me more upset than people who told me to “stay/you’re so strong” or something along those lines.

i didn’t want to be strong anymore. i was tired and scared and couldn’t just keep “being strong.” i wanted to know i was worthy even if i was falling.

and i know a lot of y’all feel the same way. and that’s why i never say the phrase “stay strong” when talking to someone who is struggling.

so this is for all of the people who are having a hard time staying strong.

it’s okay to not be strong. it’s okay to be struggling bad. you’re still worthy even if you are at your worst and putting zero effort into healing.

instead of saying “stay strong,” i like to say something like “hang in there.” because that’s what really matters.

it’s okay to not be strong. it’s okay if you’re weak right now. all that matters is that you do hang in there and stick around for when you have the ability to be strong.

it’s okay to not be strong.

just hang in there.

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

I call this “cry as silently as you can so the man you love and just rescued from the Lonely can get some sleep.” 

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

gurls, my BMI is finally normal T_T

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

how i wish....

here is somethings that i wish i realize if i don’t suffer from chronic depression :-

1. i wish i realize that a lot of people love, appreciate and proud of me

2. i wish that i realize that my life is not that bad compared to others 

3. i wish that i realize that god doesn’t hate me 

4. i wish i realize that i should be more grateful cause i have what i need, not enough but i have it 

5. i wish i realize that i am good enough instead of hating myself cause im not like others 

6. i wish i realize that my scars are a part of me and how i should never be ashamed or anxious about people seeing them 

7. i wish i realize that i still have hope in life 

8. i wish i realize that it doesn’t matter how bad it get, but it always WILL get better in time

9. i wish i realize that i can fix things, i can fix my fate.

10. i wish i realize that i matter the most. 

but, again. i do not realize all of this cause i was blinded by my depression, trauma and dark past. everything is impossible for me cause i keep living in the past instead of the present. 

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

It's been so long since I've had clean wrists...think I'm gonna forget what they look like without scars.

-via broken-and-depressed-soul//Tumblr

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

"You took a lot of breaks, but you never gave up. You finished and that's awesome. I'm proud of you."

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

Hey, my love. Here is just a little reminder that every time you felt like giving up, every time you were convinced you were going to quit and every time you said you want to stop living, you didn’t. Life has been brutal, it has kicked you down so many times, but every single time you overcame whatever you were going through. You survived. Now, this is what I call true strength. It is proof that you carry a flame inside of you, so powerful and bright. You can be incredibly proud of yourself. So, every time you find yourself in a dark place again, remember that you are capable of making it out, darling.

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

You are worthy, even when you don’t feel like it.

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

"It all starts with not wanting to get out of bed, that's how you know you're getting bad again"

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

Listen, my love, I know you are trying so hard. I know you are working on yourself, but feeling like nothing is really improving or changing. I know you think you are messing up and making mistakes and therefore you are so damn hard on yourself. You do not realise that what you are doing is absolutely incredible - you are trying, fighting, surviving and you should be so proud of yourself for that. Who cares that you said something silly? Who cares that you didn't behave like you wanted to behave? Who cares that you fell back into an old habit or routine? Who cares that you couldn't tackle all of your to do list? Who cares that you messed up and failed? All you should care about is that no matter the darkness, you are still here, with a light inside that shines so bright and you should always remember to be gentle, to be soft, to be kind.

[f4ts1lv3rmoon]

ED MYTHBUSTING

Eating disorders are NOT contagious! Stop treating them like they are. It’s a mental illness, just like any other...not contagious!

Thin celebrities aren’t The Reason™️ people have eating disorders, although the way thin bodies are presented may cause or contribute to feelings of insecurity or shame about food and the body.

The invention of size 0 and 00 are not The Cause™️ of eating disorders—and they aren’t unrealistic sizes, some people are just small and need those sizes.

That whole idea that we look in the mirror and see a big fat person when we actually look like skeletons?? It’s just not universal, and it’s strange to assume that it would be. I’m sure some people do have that experience, but it’s not universal. My eyes are fine, I can see my body just fine, it’s about feelings—not about what my body actually looks like.

Not everyone with an ED is super skeletal skinny, or white, or female, or able-bodied, or teenaged. Just like everyone else, we come in all shapes, sizes, colors, ages, etc. We aren’t all skeletal, white, teenage girls 🤷🏽‍♀️

For some reason, in all the fiction I’ve seen about EDs, the girl with the ED has divorced parents with whom she has a rocky relationship? Dysfunctional family situations are a big risk factor and can contribute to stress and disordered eating. But everyone has different experiences and, needless to say (I hope) some of us have good relationships with our parents, some of us have parents who aren’t divorced, etc etc. This one feels particularly harmful though, because it kind of implies that it’s the parents’ fault that their child has an eating disorder because they got divorced.... And divorced doesn’t always mean bad!

People with anorexia DO actually eat. Sometimes, we even eat normal, balanced, sufficient meals. Which leads me to...

Not all days are bad days, at least not for everyone. I have an eating disorder, but some days I feel totally fine and normal. Just like any other mental illness...it’s not constant uninterrupted anguish.

“Diet culture” is not The Cause™️ of eating disorders, but it may contribute to feelings of shame about food and the body.

Eating disorders are “about” a person’s relationship with food and their body...but they aren’t really ABOUT a persons relationship with food and their body. For some people, it’s about control, or shame, or gender dysphoria, or fear of adulthood, or purity. For some people it’s about a fear of abandonment, fearing that people will leave you and not take care of you unless you’re sick.

Not everyone with EDs hides their body under baggy clothes! Not all of us feel the need or want to cover up.

Like all mental disorders, EATING DISORDERS ARE NOT A LIFESTYLE CHOICE. They’re complex mental disorders, trust me! No one just chooses to starve themselves, force themselves to vomit, eats until it hurts, or exercise till they pass out. These aren’t fun quirky lifestyle choices.

Not all of us “look sick,” you can be a normal weight and still have an ED. This goes back to #5. I’m olive toned and tan which makes my complexion look healthier than the skeletal, white, teen girl you’re expecting—that doesn’t mean I’m doing great.

Getting up to a healthy weight or “looking healthier/better” doesn’t mean someone in recovery is actually doing better. If they were in inpatient care, they likely HAD to gain weight to get out...this doesn’t mean the mental part of this MENTAL ILLNESS is cured.

On the other hand, being thin doesn’t mean someone, even someone with a history of EDs, isn’t doing okay. Again, and I cannot stress this enough, people with EDs come in all different shapes and sizes. Even if someone is “too thin” and in recovery, it doesn’t mean they’re faking, all bodies are different maybe this is normal for them, or maybe they arent at a normal weight for them but they’re really trying to gain weight and get better. Maybe they’ve broken the ED in their brain and are waiting for their body to follow—don’t invalidate their progress by commenting on their size.

Anorexia and Bulimia aren’t the only eating disorders! There’s orthorexia, diabulimia, binge eating disorder, OSFED, etc. No one is worse than another per se, everyone has different experiences, different severity, and no matter what ED someone has it is always deeply painful and everyone deserves help!

Not all eating disorders are connected to or caused by a single traumatic event or by any traumatic event at all. Everyone has different experiences, and some people are just predisposed to develop eating disorders...

If you haven’t guessed by now there is no single Cause™️ of eating disorders. People have different life experiences, different brains, different habits....

People with EDs are not an enemy to people in larger bodies, fat acceptance, body positivity, etc. That would be like saying that people with depression are an enemy to happiness and positivity, and I think we can all agree that that’s not the case. Body positivity is wonderful, and I’m sure there are far more people with EDs than you think who are strong advocates for body positivity or who want to be able to accept the body positive message but aren’t currently capable because of their disorder.

Having an eating disorder doesn’t mean that you just hate food, that you judge others for eating or what they eat, that you fat shame others, etc. I know a lot of people with EDs who LOVE food and are wonderful cooks. Some people with EDs may feel uncomfortable being around people who are eating, but not everyone feels that way. As with any insecurities, people sometimes project their body insecurities onto others—it’s not a great thing to happen, it’s not fun, but it is fairly normal and it doesn’t mean that someone with an ED is necessarily judging other’s food choices or body.

Treatment and recovery are different for everyone—and they should be different for everyone. It’s wrong and dangerous to administer the same treatment to every person with an ED. People with both Type 1 diabetes and an ED (usually, have been misusing insulin to lose weight) need vastly different care than someone with a different condition, and beyond that different people just need different care. No single thing works for everybody, it would be nice if that was the case though!

Please feel free to keep adding, it’s really important to bust these myths, stereotypes, and misconceptions. Just like everybody else, people with EDs are widely varied and diverse and it’s important that we recognize this to make it easier for people to recognize disordered eating and get help.

Feel free to comment on this post. Are there any ED myths I missed that really bug you? Am I wrong?? Let me know!