eyexofxnight

[eyexofxnight]

Delphine would have been deeply offended by the implication that Walter of all people was the catalyst for her current mission. He was another person she regretted being unable to help, but she would never make the claim that he was more significant than any of the sisters she had lost. Of course, she worried that she might become like him, but that was a fear that she was sure had no basis in fact. All thinking like that did was hold her back.

“Of course I’m not like him.” She answered firmly. “And I never could be. That’s the point. No matter what I do, I could never dream of the cruelty he committed. Mine is a mercy.” Would she take pleasure from destroying those who had hurt her and her brothers and sisters? Almost definitely. But that was different. Even if it pained her, it was still a task she was determined to carry out.

“You don’t understand.” She told him, coldly appraising him with her eyes. How could someone like this possibly understand? “The worst thing I could do now is nothing. If you come across a man on fire, do you stand and wait for him to burn or do you try to put the fire out?”

Besides, she thought, though she was unwilling to admit this much out loud, Besides, I won’t feel a shred of guilt over what I’m going to do.

His confusion confused her in turn. Hadn’t she already told him all of this in the graveyard? In any case, why did it matter?

“Yes, of course.” The question seemed so mundane, it elicited a small laugh from her. “I told you: he was my brother. I don’t mean by blood, of course, we were both raised in the orphanage. But the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb, and whether I cared to admit it or not, that made him my brother.”

Surely none of this was a revelation. She looked at him as though he were a curiosity, perhaps with the same foreign eyes of any outsider who looked at her. She hadn’t ever heard anyone describe Walter so flippantly as “something else”, but the casual nature of it, how out of place it felt, brought forth another uneasy laugh.

“Of course I knew him. I told you: I loved what he should be and hated what he was, and when he died I cried selfish tears because I did nothing to stop him. I cried and I made his funeral wreath because nobody else would do either. But I’m not like him.”

The remaining fondness left her eyes and she pinned James down with a hard stare.

“I’m not. I don’t understand why he did what he did. There was always something wrong with him. We may have both suffered under the same system, but I could never be like him; he killed children.”

She blinked rapidly and looked away, jaw set, eyes burning holes into the ground at her feet.

“I’m trying to protect them. Maybe even children like him. And like me. We might have both been destroyed by what was done to us, but it doesn’t mean we’re the same.” She looked up at him and heaved a weary sigh. “I don’t want to go back. Any way I go has to be forward because all I’ve done until now is stand still.”

[eyexofxnight]

His confusion confused her in turn. Hadn’t she already told him all of this in the graveyard? In any case, why did it matter?

“Yes, of course.” The question seemed so mundane, it elicited a small laugh from her. “I told you: he was my brother. I don’t mean by blood, of course, we were both raised in the orphanage. But the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb, and whether I cared to admit it or not, that made him my brother.”

Surely none of this was a revelation. She looked at him as though he were a curiosity, perhaps with the same foreign eyes of any outsider who looked at her. She hadn’t ever heard anyone describe Walter so flippantly as “something else”, but the casual nature of it, how out of place it felt, brought forth another uneasy laugh.

“Of course I knew him. I told you: I loved what he should be and hated what he was, and when he died I cried selfish tears because I did nothing to stop him. I cried and I made his funeral wreath because nobody else would do either. But I’m not like him.”

The remaining fondness left her eyes and she pinned James down with a hard stare.

“I’m not. I don’t understand why he did what he did. There was always something wrong with him. We may have both suffered under the same system, but I could never be like him; he killed children.”

She blinked rapidly and looked away, jaw set, eyes burning holes into the ground at her feet.

“I’m trying to protect them. Maybe even children like him. And like me. We might have both been destroyed by what was done to us, but it doesn’t mean we’re the same.” She looked up at him and heaved a weary sigh. “I don’t want to go back. Any way I go has to be forward because all I’ve done until now is stand still.”

Even when his countenance shifted and heavy realization seemed to set into his features, even then she wasn’t sure he understood entirely. Well, how could he, she reasoned with as much grace as she could conjure. It was likely something he had never had to think about .

“Oh, no,” She answered dismissively. “This isn’t all. I’ve tried a number of things, most of them far less pleasant. I’ve had success with some of them, but Amy is far from the only one I’ve lost. Just the youngest.”

It must have been brutal to hear said out loud and all at once like this, she thought. She had been living with this knowledge for so long that it had become another simple, grim fact of living. But not for long, she hoped. Not if she had any say in it.

“What would you do in my place?” she asked him. “Faith or no faith, if you knew what I know, how could you go on living if you didn’t at least try to put a stop to it? As with all things, I will do what I have to do.” She just wasn’t sure how she was going to pull it off. As far as she could tell, she would only have one shot at it.

“I said it before,” She reminded him. “How I should have put Walter down like a mad dog before he had a chance to do what he did. That was different, but still… It’s not a mistake I’ll make again.”

And what makes you think you’re better than him? She tried to resist the thought, but it bore into her. Aren’t you a killer too? Her hand clenched at her side, grasping at her skirt as though she were trying to hold herself in place.

“I know there are people who would hate me for what I do. Maybe even you do, but that’s fine. I’ve never been well-liked.”

[eyexofxnight]

Even when his countenance shifted and heavy realization seemed to set into his features, even then she wasn’t sure he understood entirely. Well, how could he, she reasoned with as much grace as she could conjure. It was likely something he had never had to think about .

“Oh, no,” She answered dismissively. “This isn’t all. I’ve tried a number of things, most of them far less pleasant. I’ve had success with some of them, but Amy is far from the only one I’ve lost. Just the youngest.”

It must have been brutal to hear said out loud and all at once like this, she thought. She had been living with this knowledge for so long that it had become another simple, grim fact of living. But not for long, she hoped. Not if she had any say in it.

“What would you do in my place?” she asked him. “Faith or no faith, if you knew what I know, how could you go on living if you didn’t at least try to put a stop to it? As with all things, I will do what I have to do.” She just wasn’t sure how she was going to pull it off. As far as she could tell, she would only have one shot at it.

“I said it before,” She reminded him. “How I should have put Walter down like a mad dog before he had a chance to do what he did. That was different, but still… It’s not a mistake I’ll make again.”

And what makes you think you’re better than him? She tried to resist the thought, but it bore into her. Aren’t you a killer too? Her hand clenched at her side, grasping at her skirt as though she were trying to hold herself in place.

“I know there are people who would hate me for what I do. Maybe even you do, but that’s fine. I’ve never been well-liked.”

It was clear to Delphine from the pain that crossed his face, this subject had struck a nerve. She nodded along patiently, not wanting to be unkind by reminding him that that was not the question she had asked. However, the answer he gave was enough; if his wife ever had been pregnant, it seemed unlikely that either of them had known about it. It wasn’t uncommon, after all, but to point out such a thing to him might cause further unnecessary grief.

Still, it was all beside the point, and the next words out of his mouth had her fighting the urge to slap her own forehead in disbelief. She had to wonder if anything she had said had made its way through his skull, or if she had overestimated his ability to understand what, if she was being honest, resisted understanding. It didn’t make sense, so how could she expect him to make sense of it?

“When a girl doesn’t have access to tests,” She continued slowly. “Or a reliable cycle to count on, sometimes the first indication that she’s pregnant comes with what we call the ‘quickening’ of the baby. That is, when you can feel it beginning to move. It’s probably an outdated term, I’m sure doctors have a better one now, but you see: we don’t go to the doctor.”

Reaching into the pail over her arm, her fingers brushed the leaves of the plant she had cut.

“I don’t imagine you know what pennyroyal tea is used for, then. I mentioned it before, in the graveyard. I said I gave it to Amy before she died, remember?” She exhaled a low, shaky sigh.

“The trouble with remedies like that is: if it’s not strong enough, it won’t work. But if it’s too strong…”

[eyexofxnight]

//im gonna need to throw a few blanket trigger warnings and PSAs on my rules/about pages

[eyexofxnight]

It was clear to Delphine from the pain that crossed his face, this subject had struck a nerve. She nodded along patiently, not wanting to be unkind by reminding him that that was not the question she had asked. However, the answer he gave was enough; if his wife ever had been pregnant, it seemed unlikely that either of them had known about it. It wasn’t uncommon, after all, but to point out such a thing to him might cause further unnecessary grief.

Still, it was all beside the point, and the next words out of his mouth had her fighting the urge to slap her own forehead in disbelief. She had to wonder if anything she had said had made its way through his skull, or if she had overestimated his ability to understand what, if she was being honest, resisted understanding. It didn’t make sense, so how could she expect him to make sense of it?

“When a girl doesn’t have access to tests,” She continued slowly. “Or a reliable cycle to count on, sometimes the first indication that she’s pregnant comes with what we call the ‘quickening’ of the baby. That is, when you can feel it beginning to move. It’s probably an outdated term, I’m sure doctors have a better one now, but you see: we don’t go to the doctor.”

Reaching into the pail over her arm, her fingers brushed the leaves of the plant she had cut.

“I don’t imagine you know what pennyroyal tea is used for, then. I mentioned it before, in the graveyard. I said I gave it to Amy before she died, remember?” She exhaled a low, shaky sigh.

“The trouble with remedies like that is: if it’s not strong enough, it won’t work. But if it’s too strong…”

It was as appropriate a term as any, she guessed. "Cleaning house". Something she had always been diligent and dutiful in. Why shouldn't she take it to the next step?

"Yes." She said quietly, the anger gone from her voice and replaced with tired determination. "To protect them. To redeem myself. To exalt Her."

Her gaze flickered back to his face like a black flame. She had considered the possibility. Maybe nobody would care. Maybe nothing would change. But she had to try.

"If I can't make a difference, then at the very least I'll see that justice is done. An example must be set. Will they be so cavalier when they have to order larger coffins? If nothing else, it seems like a significant expense."

At this, she gave a thin, joyless smile and continued to walk along, looking up at the windows and facades of the buildings that came into view, but seemingly taking none of it in. She paused and bowed her head, looking down at her chapped hands.

"Was your wife ever pregnant, James?" She lifted her head. "I don't mean to ask if you had any children, I'm asking if, to your knowledge, she was ever pregnant."

[eyexofxnight]

It was as appropriate a term as any, she guessed. "Cleaning house". Something she had always been diligent and dutiful in. Why shouldn't she take it to the next step?

"Yes." She said quietly, the anger gone from her voice and replaced with tired determination. "To protect them. To redeem myself. To exalt Her."

Her gaze flickered back to his face like a black flame. She had considered the possibility. Maybe nobody would care. Maybe nothing would change. But she had to try.

"If I can't make a difference, then at the very least I'll see that justice is done. An example must be set. Will they be so cavalier when they have to order larger coffins? If nothing else, it seems like a significant expense."

At this, she gave a thin, joyless smile and continued to walk along, looking up at the windows and facades of the buildings that came into view, but seemingly taking none of it in. She paused and bowed her head, looking down at her chapped hands.

"Was your wife ever pregnant, James?" She lifted her head. "I don't mean to ask if you had any children, I'm asking if, to your knowledge, she was ever pregnant."

Delphine was glad she didn’t have any hair because at that point she felt like she might tear it out. Unbelievers were almost literally impossible to talk to; if Father Rosten had been right about anything, it had been that.

“No, I’m saying that it makes no sense to worship a feminine god and at the same time degrade femininity itself. I’m saying our leadership, as it stands, is ill-equipped to confront their own shortcomings. I’m saying that they all had better be praying for Her forgiveness because they won’t be getting any from me. Are you familiar with pruning?” She lifted the shears she was still holding and snapped them for emphasis.

“Cutting away the dead and overgrown branches to enable new growth. I need to do some pruning. Not just for my sake and for the sake of my sisters, but for God and Her church as well.”

Of course, she was wasting her breath. He was too lost in the weeds of a faith he didn’t understand, to see the simplicity of her goal.

“It’s nothing new. The world is overflowing with sin and wrongdoing and those who are most vulnerable are the ones most subject to it. I’ve heard that it’s our calling to suffer but I’ve never heard it described as anyone’s calling to cause suffering, so what, I ask you, gives them the right?” She gave the shears another decisive snap before dropping them in her pail alongside her other tools and the plants she’d gathered.

[eyexofxnight]

charlotte's art history tarot - queen of swords

Art: Judith Beheading Holofernes – Artemisia Gentileschi

interpret this card

[eyexofxnight]

Delphine was glad she didn’t have any hair because at that point she felt like she might tear it out. Unbelievers were almost literally impossible to talk to; if Father Rosten had been right about anything, it had been that.

“No, I’m saying that it makes no sense to worship a feminine god and at the same time degrade femininity itself. I’m saying our leadership, as it stands, is ill-equipped to confront their own shortcomings. I’m saying that they all had better be praying for Her forgiveness because they won’t be getting any from me. Are you familiar with pruning?” She lifted the shears she was still holding and snapped them for emphasis.

“Cutting away the dead and overgrown branches to enable new growth. I need to do some pruning. Not just for my sake and for the sake of my sisters, but for God and Her church as well.”

Of course, she was wasting her breath. He was too lost in the weeds of a faith he didn’t understand, to see the simplicity of her goal.

“It’s nothing new. The world is overflowing with sin and wrongdoing and those who are most vulnerable are the ones most subject to it. I’ve heard that it’s our calling to suffer but I’ve never heard it described as anyone’s calling to cause suffering, so what, I ask you, gives them the right?” She gave the shears another decisive snap before dropping them in her pail alongside her other tools and the plants she’d gathered.

At this point, she was beginning to suspect that a conversation with a bag of mulch would be more productive and much less infuriating. She shook her head at him in disbelief.

"I have told you, James." She said in the tone of a tired mother scolding an inattentive child. "You're not listening to me. Why, then, should I continue to explain something you're seemingly committed to not understanding?"

She returned to pacing her tiny square.

"I'm not fighting the Order, I'm fighting something much more mundane than that."

She paused and fixed him with an obsidian stare.

"Did you know that God is a woman?" She nodded. "That's what they tell us. But I wonder: if that's true, why are Her daughters subjected to the treatment we've been subjected to? Why are Her servants with the most authority men? Oh sure, we have our high priestesses, but what power do they really have? Sure, Dahlia Gillespie sacrificed her daughter, but I haven't seen improvements around here since then. If you ask me, we've been spilling the wrong kind of blood."

She was sure that, somehow, he would find new ways to misunderstand her. She felt like she had said it a dozen times: she wanted to protect her sisters. It wasn't more complicated than that.

[eyexofxnight]

At this point, she was beginning to suspect that a conversation with a bag of mulch would be more productive and much less infuriating. She shook her head at him in disbelief.

"I have told you, James." She said in the tone of a tired mother scolding an inattentive child. "You're not listening to me. Why, then, should I continue to explain something you're seemingly committed to not understanding?"

She returned to pacing her tiny square.

"I'm not fighting the Order, I'm fighting something much more mundane than that."

She paused and fixed him with an obsidian stare.

"Did you know that God is a woman?" She nodded. "That's what they tell us. But I wonder: if that's true, why are Her daughters subjected to the treatment we've been subjected to? Why are Her servants with the most authority men? Oh sure, we have our high priestesses, but what power do they really have? Sure, Dahlia Gillespie sacrificed her daughter, but I haven't seen improvements around here since then. If you ask me, we've been spilling the wrong kind of blood."

She was sure that, somehow, he would find new ways to misunderstand her. She felt like she had said it a dozen times: she wanted to protect her sisters. It wasn't more complicated than that.

The shove she gave him wasn’t hard enough to knock him over, it may not even have been hard enough to bruise, but it put a greater physical distance between them. For her part, she wished it was more distance than it was. The anger that swelled in her chest only somewhat naked the feeling of betrayal and wounded disbelief that, even now she could still be tricked into trusting any man.

“How dare you?” She spat once again. She had unraveled her own heart right in front of him, had told him things that she hadn’t even dared admit to herself, and for what? He cared so little that he had clearly not listened to a word of what she said; instead, he stood here, in her own home, no less, and accused her of things she’d had nothing to do with.

“No wonder you’re lost.” She sneered. “You can’t see what is plainly in front of you. And you call your own blindness ‘illusions’ and you blame this town and its people for your failures. Yours. And yet,” She looked him over with pure contempt. “You want me to ‘atone’ for what I had no part in. You have no idea what it is I’ve given my life to because you have no idea what it means to give your life to anything because all men like you know how to do is take. You take what was never given, never offered, never your right to take, because that’s the power you hold over those who have no power.”

She shook her head and turned back and forth as though she were pacing the perimeter of a very small cell.

“And if you think you don’t have any power, you’re delusional. Try, for once, to see the way women look at you. The way they act around you. See yourself through their eyes and maybe you’ll understand why I do what I do, what I’ve been doing, what I will do. Maybe if you take a second to think instead of shooting your mouth off about idle gossip, maybe then you’ll know why I tend to those young girls’ graves. You myopic, incurious jackass.”

[eyexofxnight]

The shove she gave him wasn’t hard enough to knock him over, it may not even have been hard enough to bruise, but it put a greater physical distance between them. For her part, she wished it was more distance than it was. The anger that swelled in her chest only somewhat naked the feeling of betrayal and wounded disbelief that, even now she could still be tricked into trusting any man.

“How dare you?” She spat once again. She had unraveled her own heart right in front of him, had told him things that she hadn’t even dared admit to herself, and for what? He cared so little that he had clearly not listened to a word of what she said; instead, he stood here, in her own home, no less, and accused her of things she’d had nothing to do with.

“No wonder you’re lost.” She sneered. “You can’t see what is plainly in front of you. And you call your own blindness ‘illusions’ and you blame this town and its people for your failures. Yours. And yet,” She looked him over with pure contempt. “You want me to ‘atone’ for what I had no part in. You have no idea what it is I’ve given my life to because you have no idea what it means to give your life to anything because all men like you know how to do is take. You take what was never given, never offered, never your right to take, because that’s the power you hold over those who have no power.”

She shook her head and turned back and forth as though she were pacing the perimeter of a very small cell.

“And if you think you don’t have any power, you’re delusional. Try, for once, to see the way women look at you. The way they act around you. See yourself through their eyes and maybe you’ll understand why I do what I do, what I’ve been doing, what I will do. Maybe if you take a second to think instead of shooting your mouth off about idle gossip, maybe then you’ll know why I tend to those young girls’ graves. You myopic, incurious jackass.”

“‘Things that shouldn’t be seen’?” She repeated. “Or things you don’t want to see?” It seemed to her that he didn’t want to see quite a lot. How else could she explain his stubborn refusal to understand her own battle? It was something he didn’t want to know about, of course. Something he looked away from when confronted with, as they all did. The ones who weren’t responsible were no better than those who were.

She had already tried to reach out to other priests in the Order, to tell them what was going on at Wish House, and they had nodded sympathetically, told her they would look into it, and then never said another word on the matter. Like him, they would prefer to hide from the truth.

“You’re so insistent on finding out what’s ‘real’, but you don’t want to confront reality. I think you would much prefer to live in your little world of illusions than face the facts.”

She couldn’t disguise the pure contempt in her eyes as she stared him down, although she was hardly trying to hide it.

“And what do you know about anything? What do you know about what can or can’t be fixed? You don’t even know the ground you’re standing on right now and you have the gall to tell me that I shouldn’t try to remedy the harm that has been done to people I love? Have you ever really loved anyone, if you can’t understand why I would want to help them? Or do you just see me as an automaton incapable of feeling? How dare you tell me to abandon my cause just because you don’t see me and my sisters’ lives as worthwhile.”

[eyexofxnight]

“‘Things that shouldn’t be seen’?” She repeated. “Or things you don’t want to see?” It seemed to her that he didn’t want to see quite a lot. How else could she explain his stubborn refusal to understand her own battle? It was something he didn’t want to know about, of course. Something he looked away from when confronted with, as they all did. The ones who weren’t responsible were no better than those who were.

She had already tried to reach out to other priests in the Order, to tell them what was going on at Wish House, and they had nodded sympathetically, told her they would look into it, and then never said another word on the matter. Like him, they would prefer to hide from the truth.

“You’re so insistent on finding out what’s ‘real’, but you don’t want to confront reality. I think you would much prefer to live in your little world of illusions than face the facts.”

She couldn’t disguise the pure contempt in her eyes as she stared him down, although she was hardly trying to hide it.

“And what do you know about anything? What do you know about what can or can’t be fixed? You don’t even know the ground you’re standing on right now and you have the gall to tell me that I shouldn’t try to remedy the harm that has been done to people I love? Have you ever really loved anyone, if you can’t understand why I would want to help them? Or do you just see me as an automaton incapable of feeling? How dare you tell me to abandon my cause just because you don’t see me and my sisters’ lives as worthwhile.”

Delphine recoiled at his accusation and outrage flashed across her face before being replaced with a look of grim disappointment.

"I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand what I'm fighting." She spat back, her words charged with disdain and possibly an accusation of her own. "It may be your answer to simply run away when life is too hard, but I've built an immunity to the poison you speak of."

She knew she was now strong enough to fight the monsters that needed to be destroyed. If she didn't do it, it would never get done. In that way, it was the same as any other unpleasant chore she took on.

"And you should have observed by now that I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. See, so far, I've been cutting away the weeds where they sprout up, but if I have to dig down and tear them out by the roots, I will. Too long I've watched my sisters suffer and die because the people who were meant to protect them were too cruel or apathetic. Now that I'm doing so much more, you'd ask that I simply leave? Why? Have you never done anything to correct your own wrongs? If not, maybe that's why your perception is so clouded. You want me to leave because that's what you would like to do, but I'll only tell you this once: I'm not a vessel to carry your guilt."

[eyexofxnight]

Delphine recoiled at his accusation and outrage flashed across her face before being replaced with a look of grim disappointment.

"I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand what I'm fighting." She spat back, her words charged with disdain and possibly an accusation of her own. "It may be your answer to simply run away when life is too hard, but I've built an immunity to the poison you speak of."

She knew she was now strong enough to fight the monsters that needed to be destroyed. If she didn't do it, it would never get done. In that way, it was the same as any other unpleasant chore she took on.

"And you should have observed by now that I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. See, so far, I've been cutting away the weeds where they sprout up, but if I have to dig down and tear them out by the roots, I will. Too long I've watched my sisters suffer and die because the people who were meant to protect them were too cruel or apathetic. Now that I'm doing so much more, you'd ask that I simply leave? Why? Have you never done anything to correct your own wrongs? If not, maybe that's why your perception is so clouded. You want me to leave because that's what you would like to do, but I'll only tell you this once: I'm not a vessel to carry your guilt."

"Yes, I think it is just you." She nodded curtly, offended by the implication that her own home would change just for the sake of some stranger. He'd been there once before, well so had many others. She lived there, she knew the places that the tourists didn't know, she saw the lake in the winter, she heard the rumors that went around over the years.

"Listen," She told him, taking on a gentler but weary tone. "If you give in to grief so thoroughly that it tarnishes your perception of the world around you, then you'll be lost. It will consume you and you will sink."

That wasn't what she was doing, she told herself. She was staying afloat to the best of her abilities. Despair had its hold on her for a while, but at least she was trying. She'd even had a few small successes, girls she had been able to save. She just needed better tools and more medication, but there was something else that kept flitting into her mind. Cut the problem off at the source. Was such a thing possible?

His question jarred her out of her concentration and she shook her head.

"No, I'm needed right here. If you have a nest of snakes in the foundation of your home, do you just go find a new home? No, you kill the snakes."

Saying it out loud, it felt like a promise. Quietly, she nodded to herself and muttered, "amen, amen..."

[eyexofxnight]

something you can do today is donate to an abortion fund in florida and to an abortion fund in south dakota since abortion rights measures failed there. you can find one to donate to in one of those states here: https://abortionfunds.org/find-a-fund/

[eyexofxnight]

"Yes, I think it is just you." She nodded curtly, offended by the implication that her own home would change just for the sake of some stranger. He'd been there once before, well so had many others. She lived there, she knew the places that the tourists didn't know, she saw the lake in the winter, she heard the rumors that went around over the years.

"Listen," She told him, taking on a gentler but weary tone. "If you give in to grief so thoroughly that it tarnishes your perception of the world around you, then you'll be lost. It will consume you and you will sink."

That wasn't what she was doing, she told herself. She was staying afloat to the best of her abilities. Despair had its hold on her for a while, but at least she was trying. She'd even had a few small successes, girls she had been able to save. She just needed better tools and more medication, but there was something else that kept flitting into her mind. Cut the problem off at the source. Was such a thing possible?

His question jarred her out of her concentration and she shook her head.

"No, I'm needed right here. If you have a nest of snakes in the foundation of your home, do you just go find a new home? No, you kill the snakes."

Saying it out loud, it felt like a promise. Quietly, she nodded to herself and muttered, "amen, amen..."

“Of course it has.” She answered him matter of factly. “You feel differently about it now. Your perception of a place dyes it with whatever feelings you have tied to it.” It made sense to her, but she still couldn’t understand why his perception would be so drastically changed. Sure, his loss was a tragedy, but death was inevitable. She felt a twinge of resentment that someone who had such happy memories would forsake them in favor of grief.

In her opinion, it seemed that he lived something of a privileged life, as evidenced by the next thing he said to her. Of course she’d thought of leaving; she had said as much, but he couldn’t seem to understand why she wouldn’t.

“If I left, what would happen to the rest of them?” She challenged him, her tone becoming short. “Who would protect my sisters, if not me. Life isn’t all about finding contentment, and in any case, contentment is not what I would find if I abandoned my sisters.”

She shook her head impatiently and went back to staring daggers into the cracked ground. Men were obtuse, at best, she reminded herself. Naturally, he couldn’t relate to her fears and regrets. His idle commentary about the town brought her sharp black gaze up to his face again.

“Now, what in the world are you talking about?” To her, the town seemed to be the way it had always been, if not a little worse for the wear. From what she’d heard, endemic drug problems were mainly to blame for the town’s current decline, but she wasn’t one to speak on such matters. “You’re just here off-season, that’s all.” From the way he talked, she would have thought the man had never experienced seasons before.

[eyexofxnight]

[WIP] Finally redeeming myself by drawing Eddie Gluskin again after 9 years!!!!

[eyexofxnight]

“Of course it has.” She answered him matter of factly. “You feel differently about it now. Your perception of a place dyes it with whatever feelings you have tied to it.” It made sense to her, but she still couldn’t understand why his perception would be so drastically changed. Sure, his loss was a tragedy, but death was inevitable. She felt a twinge of resentment that someone who had such happy memories would forsake them in favor of grief.

In her opinion, it seemed that he lived something of a privileged life, as evidenced by the next thing he said to her. Of course she’d thought of leaving; she had said as much, but he couldn’t seem to understand why she wouldn’t.

“If I left, what would happen to the rest of them?” She challenged him, her tone becoming short. “Who would protect my sisters, if not me. Life isn’t all about finding contentment, and in any case, contentment is not what I would find if I abandoned my sisters.”

She shook her head impatiently and went back to staring daggers into the cracked ground. Men were obtuse, at best, she reminded herself. Naturally, he couldn’t relate to her fears and regrets. His idle commentary about the town brought her sharp black gaze up to his face again.

“Now, what in the world are you talking about?” To her, the town seemed to be the way it had always been, if not a little worse for the wear. From what she’d heard, endemic drug problems were mainly to blame for the town’s current decline, but she wasn’t one to speak on such matters. “You’re just here off-season, that’s all.” From the way he talked, she would have thought the man had never experienced seasons before.

The way he lingered in the graveyard gave her pause. She wondered if there was something else he was looking for there, but if there was she was sure it was beyond what she could help with. She snipped off a few blooms and leaves from the plant at her feet and dropped them in her pail before standing.

“I know some.” She admitted. “I read a lot about them. It’s a hobby of mine. Plants can provide so many solutions, if you know where to look…” She eyed the reaching stalks of hemlock that grew along the embankment as they left the graveyard behind. In the fog, their sprays of white flowers looked like ghost lights hovering just above the ground. Something had come to her mind as she had stood among the gravestones, baring her soul to a stranger, but it was a thought she couldn’t bring herself to look at directly. At least not yet.

“If I’d gone to school, maybe I’d have studied botany.” She mused. “Or maybe medicine. I don’t know, I never got that chance.” Again, she fought against the bitter taste of envy when she spoke of possibly leaving. She had chosen to stay, she reminded herself. No one had forced her hand.

“So, you and your wife were here during the summer, I imagine?” She said slowly. “Have you been to the lake yet? That’s where most people go during the summer.”

Although she couldn’t honestly say she knew what he was looking for, she found it useful to retrace her steps when she had lost something.

[eyexofxnight]

The way he lingered in the graveyard gave her pause. She wondered if there was something else he was looking for there, but if there was she was sure it was beyond what she could help with. She snipped off a few blooms and leaves from the plant at her feet and dropped them in her pail before standing.

“I know some.” She admitted. “I read a lot about them. It’s a hobby of mine. Plants can provide so many solutions, if you know where to look…” She eyed the reaching stalks of hemlock that grew along the embankment as they left the graveyard behind. In the fog, their sprays of white flowers looked like ghost lights hovering just above the ground. Something had come to her mind as she had stood among the gravestones, baring her soul to a stranger, but it was a thought she couldn’t bring herself to look at directly. At least not yet.

“If I’d gone to school, maybe I’d have studied botany.” She mused. “Or maybe medicine. I don’t know, I never got that chance.” Again, she fought against the bitter taste of envy when she spoke of possibly leaving. She had chosen to stay, she reminded herself. No one had forced her hand.

“So, you and your wife were here during the summer, I imagine?” She said slowly. “Have you been to the lake yet? That’s where most people go during the summer.”

Although she couldn’t honestly say she knew what he was looking for, she found it useful to retrace her steps when she had lost something.

"I wish." She sighed. Whoever this man was, he truly didn't understand that for her, there was no moment before the fall. She hadn't fallen anywhere, she had started in a pit and had been unable to claw her way out. Now it seemed her only hope was in lifting others out. "I wish the past was buried, but we're not so lucky."

Again, she paced to the nameless headstone and rested her hand on it in a gesture of weary resignation. "I don't need anyone to look after me, I've done a fine job of that on my own. If I'd looked after them with the same care, maybe we'd all have been better for it."

She had always been adept at fighting for herself because she had learned to take any punishment she was dealt. But the idea that someone else might be punished for her own insubordination had kept her from speaking out many times.

"Anyway, I'm not doing you any good here, either." She admitted. "Your wife isn't here. Best to keep moving forward, then, right?"

She went to the fence and began to exit when she spotted a plant that was of interest to her growing around the posts. She knelt to examine it but didn't reach out to touch it, merely taking note of it in her mind as she stood once again and looked back at him.

"Are you coming?"