eyeuhdontknow

[eyeuhdontknow]

its all hypothetical

new moon... fresh slate... i desire peace and i will do whatever it takes to protect my peace.

i want ot create but i cannot.. in a slump but also not.

its weird.

things might be getting better

or not

however i am making sure i am headed down the right path

i am no longer putting up w others bs

i will only do what serves me

i am so high its not even funny

high off an old ass burt ass bart.. now thats sad.. but i vneed to save money.. and i need to get a job and i need to get a place of my own

we need to ge out of thid mess..

we deserve to live in a safe drama free peaceful home..

[eyeuhdontknow]

NEW YEAR'S DAY | TAYLOR SWIFT

[eyeuhdontknow]

ive missed you…

suddenly those words came out of my mouth

but the funny thing is you missed me too

but have i missed you or have i missed YOU

[eyeuhdontknow]

everyone knows im in over my head

wrote an emo ass rhing the other day.. emo ass poem. like who am i? 13? being emo again.

Day 28 - A picture of your favorite place in the world

yeaaaa you know

[eyeuhdontknow]

you saw me start to believe for the first time

Day 27 - A picture of your favorite night

last night was all i needed to feel okay again, home is truly where the heart is. school is just temporary and thats okay, i will always have the homies waiting for me.

that reminds me of something someone said to me a few years ago.. actually many years ago lol -

“I too enjoy having friends still that I met when I was younger. It creates a true bond when you can traverse through life and step away from each other and feel safe returning to them”

specifically the last part, we both suck at communicating when im out of state but whenever i come back its like nothing changed

last night, all of yesterday really, was the best! but i have a feeling nov 22 is gonna become one of the best nights! i hope he can make it!

^ a draft from last wk

gonna do this shit again.. needing to write my thoughts out and I have this need to share w others...

things ive learned recently

hurt cannot exist w/o love

it was real and it still is

im so down bad...

[eyeuhdontknow]

[eyeuhdontknow]

what am i what am i supposed to do.

stuck in the efffin loo. i fear..

back on here.. thats how u know I'm in the loop bad

well its funk, not the loop.............. yet! i hope it doesn't turn into the loop

i need august to slip away like a bottle of wine

i dunno in need to let thoughts out in a mysterious way

[eyeuhdontknow]

bisexual? nah more like byesexual..

cant get anyone

but i dont take it personally

it hurts more than i thought.. am i allowed to cry? the feelings weren’t that deep anyway but it was just bad timing.

the first one made sense for me to be hurt but this..

[eyeuhdontknow]

a crazy fucking video that just woahh. mind blown

[eyeuhdontknow]

cheese sandwich to my pinkie pie

thjngs ive learned since my last post

he was a jerk like oh my god why didnt i believe i could do better!

i have better.. im fine w this whatever it is bc i know there is actually a high chance of being something, we are talking abt it and i love the amt of honestly and open communication

oh i so have a type..

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you

you dont understand.. like im not a newport smoker, my god i would never but i cant help but smile every time i see a newport box on the ground

[eyeuhdontknow]

i think im alright..

going crazy

missing home

needing a break from this school

needing a break from a certain someone

drinking too much its making me gain weight

Day 25 - A picture of you from last year

me exactly a yr ago lol

[eyeuhdontknow]

i get drunk but its not enough

Day 24 - A picture of someone you miss

(skipping day 23)

me.. i miss me.. i miss drunk me. i miss drinking. but thats not the real answer.. not gotta post them.. not gonna willingly put my shit out there like that. i miss my brother, i miss my friends from home.. i miss that dude.. i miss my ex.. i miss her (all three different people lol) but really i do miss me, ive lost my funk and drinking is the only way to get it back.. is it escaping? yes i am well aware that i drink to escape.. am i doing it too often? yes but i am now all out and maybe thats not a bad thing.. suddenly im more of a drinker than a greener

[eyeuhdontknow]

you rock

things ive learned

im not a bitch for no reason...

you knowingly push my buttons.. you had it coming

this is the reality of working on not being a people pleaser..

thinking you're being a cunt because this is you setting boundries

you voicing your needs

you being heard

you have very right to set those much needed boundries

it shines light on whos real

madly in love.. but not w who you think.. obsessed.. re-reading old convos

i have a REAL drinking problem.. you know its bad when it makes you start to gain weight... or that's maybe from recovery

new favorite article of clothing... I'm having fun styling this corset.. i really like buttons.. even if they're nonfunctional

the corset in question.. i love this thing

Day 22 - A picture of something you never leave the house without

my camera :)

oh yea i got a new camera... shoutout ebay!! i love retail therapy.. plus i needed a new camera bc i lost mine and i was due for an upgrade from my silly point and shoot.. plus I've been eyeing this camera for years

[eyeuhdontknow]

I feel like I don’t say this enough, but

FUCK!! FUUUUCK FUCK FUCK!!! WHAT THE FUCK!! WHAT IS GOING ON!!

[eyeuhdontknow]

are you sure

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

this.... this day was epic but also the downfall.. the real downfall.. my god... we celebrated everyone's bday but mine

[eyeuhdontknow]

long live (all the pictures we took)

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel

not really a place.. but id love to go back in time to when i had my camera..

things ive learned since i last wrote on here

this is my downfall.. unsure if its self-sabotage or karma but the world isn't on my side

i have a drinking problem... if only i could drink responsibly.. then i wouldn’t have lost my camera

i still have feelings for this one person.. no not e.. I've let go of.. i realized i just liked the idea of him.. i realized i still have feelings for this other person and i was just trying to suppress them by being w him... but i also found myself comparing him to others.. other relationships.. the person i still have feelings for.. sucks

I'm slipping.. accademicly.. i feel myself slacking but i have no more energy.. this whole situation w my old roommate has me emotionally drained.. yes i did wrong but at least i know that.. at least i have self awareness (when sober lol) at least i can own up to my faults.. but she cannot.. she simply doesn't know her faults and i dont want to be the one to humble her.. ill save that job for someone else.. someone who has the energy for her.. i simply do not

i am cornered.. i am traped.. i am not playing the victim i am the victim as much as she is

my castle is crumbling, i am digging myself deeper into this hole, i need to get a grip, i need to stop trying to escape reality by drinking.. yea you're not solo drinking but getting blackout at a frat and losing your camera isn't any better..i need to take a break from drinking.. yea that's probably best.. but i crave it, i crave the temporary escape

[eyeuhdontknow]

sucks major balls

bringing this back because why not

thing i have learned today..

my immune system isnt failing me.. im failing my immune system

she clearly doesnt know how to let things go

i love him, i realized hes whats helping me the most w my ed recovery. he gets me to try new foods (this popped up in my mind bc i saw a video w dragon fruit and remembered the time he bought a dragon fruit for me to try and then proceeded to think abt all of the foods hes introduced and reintroduced to me. he will always be my best friend

i am indeed morphing to my past self but this time in the best ways

Day 19 - A picture of something you love to do.

this.. hanging out w THE homies