eyeballcommander

[eyeballcommander]

How do you feel about the Skullship being haunted now?

Oh please. I highly doubt that he managed to summon a real ghost.

[eyeballcommander]

How do you feel about the Skullship being haunted now?

Oh please. I highly doubt that he managed to summon a real ghost.

[eyeballcommander]

They’re rats.

So... you guys are co-parenting now?

Um. Not really. I would not say co-parenting if all we are doing is training lab rats to shoot blasters….

[eyeballcommander]

Sounds good! But can I still watch you train her?

Is that as big as the Sherri IIIs get?

About so.

[eyeballcommander]

Whenever she's ready!

On second thought, could you please tell me about their training regime and I'll take two?

Is that as big as the Sherri IIIs get?

About so.

[eyeballcommander]

Can I have her?

Is that as big as the Sherri IIIs get?

About so.

[eyeballcommander]

Do they just have average rat intelligence?

Is that as big as the Sherri IIIs get?

About so.

[eyeballcommander]

"hurt people hurt people" okay i will okay i will

[eyeballcommander]

@albertbutyoucancallmebert

(Previous) Bert nodded, just as willing to move on as there was a reason Commander Peepers was here in the first place, and that was to show him his new blaster. And delighted by how it seemed the worst of his anger was over, the presentation Bert wanted to give came back to him, along with some confidence. “Well,” he started as he excitedly pumped his fists, “imagine the power of one of those big bulky atomic laser vaporizers.” He spread open his hands, then crunched them together as he continued, “Now imagine that power, albeit slightly weakened, condensed down into that blaster.” He started his own pacing around, with Sherri Jr following right behind him like a shadow. “Indeed, this blaster can obliterate just about any opponent, reducing them to nothing but a wisp in the wind! Well, there are some size limitations, sure, but even then it’ll zap away a huge chunk out of them. Truly a conveniently portable death ray!” He added some sinister finger tapping to his pacing. “It can blast holes through thick walls. It can blast holes into the ground. Too lazy to get up and throw out an empty milkshake cup? Bam, just disintegrate it away.” “And not to worry,” Bert said as he scurried back to Commander Peepers’ side and pointed out the blaster’s dial, “you still have your standard stun and blast settings.” He then put a hand on Peepers' shoulder. "And I could go on and on about the hours I poured into developing and implementing cutting edge safety features!"

Commander Peepers’ eye sparkled in amazement. “It can really do all that?” Then he picked it up and squinted while he looked for ways to get it open.

“How’d you condense its energy storage? What is it powered by? Does it have any means of generating power? If so, what’s the cooldown time between shots? If not: Does it have interchangable batteries? Could they be quickly swapped out? Or does it have to be plugged in?”

Commander Peepers paused to take a much-needed breath. Then he set it down on the nearest counter space he could find as he continued to examine it.

“Does it have any security measures for if it falls into the wrong hands? I’ve been considering putting a biosensor on the version I have in development, but gloves kinda complicate things...”

“Hmm...” He stopped and crossed his arms while tapping his foot and resting his hand on his chin. “What if... I used the glove itself as a key by embedding an RFID chip into it!?”

Then he wrote that down in a little notebook before going back to Bert’s blaster. He kept it opened next to him in case he needed to jot down another idea.

Once he had gotten through his first series of questions he looked to Bert and slyly smiled. “Safety features, eh? Did Walters rub off on you?”

[eyeballcommander]

No other reason? I’d say that hatred is its own, morally neutral reason.

Who do you hate mostly? :)

Everyone. Buuut if I had to choose one unlucky soul who receives the brunt of my hatred, it would be that hair brained loser fraudster no-good loathsome dumbass scientist watchdog @albertbutyoucancallmebert. Scientist watchdog @albertbutyoucancallmebert is a glorified nerd who gets paid bunches to play with ants and rats. He is a waste of space and contributes nothing of note despite his reputation as a scientist watchdog. @albertbutyoucancallmebert defies, denounces, and slanders the name of Glorn as if he's above the crimes and sins he has committed. But We know the truth. And We shall have Our day when We bring a violent end to scientists watchdog's meaningless existence and We will rejoice when he withers into obscurity. @albertbutyoucancallmebert.

Thanks for asking!~

[eyeballcommander]

If I was pretending I'd be doing a pretty bad job!

I mean really! I hang out at evil scientist conventions! I attend villain meetings! I literally just called the empire I co-rule evil!

....Anyways Bert, did you get hacked? Or possessed or whatever?

Who do you hate mostly? :)

Everyone. Buuut if I had to choose one unlucky soul who receives the brunt of my hatred, it would be that hair brained loser fraudster no-good loathsome dumbass scientist watchdog @albertbutyoucancallmebert. Scientist watchdog @albertbutyoucancallmebert is a glorified nerd who gets paid bunches to play with ants and rats. He is a waste of space and contributes nothing of note despite his reputation as a scientist watchdog. @albertbutyoucancallmebert defies, denounces, and slanders the name of Glorn as if he's above the crimes and sins he has committed. But We know the truth. And We shall have Our day when We bring a violent end to scientists watchdog's meaningless existence and We will rejoice when he withers into obscurity. @albertbutyoucancallmebert.

Thanks for asking!~

[eyeballcommander]

Stop trying to kill one of my best scientists. And get off your high horse! You're at least as bad as anyone else in this evil empire!

Who do you hate mostly? :)

Everyone. Buuut if I had to choose one unlucky soul who receives the brunt of my hatred, it would be that hair brained loser fraudster no-good loathsome dumbass scientist watchdog @albertbutyoucancallmebert. Scientist watchdog @albertbutyoucancallmebert is a glorified nerd who gets paid bunches to play with ants and rats. He is a waste of space and contributes nothing of note despite his reputation as a scientist watchdog. @albertbutyoucancallmebert defies, denounces, and slanders the name of Glorn as if he's above the crimes and sins he has committed. But We know the truth. And We shall have Our day when We bring a violent end to scientists watchdog's meaningless existence and We will rejoice when he withers into obscurity. @albertbutyoucancallmebert.

Thanks for asking!~

[eyeballcommander]

@albertbutyoucancallmebert

(Previous) Bert stared at Commander Peepers with rapt attention, enjoying the mere act of listening to him speak. Even if he didn’t follow everything perfectly, what with his talks of vamooses and zounderkites. He knew it was jargon from the old-timey novels the Commander liked to read, and Bert always tried to piece together the meaning with context clues. There was a brief delay after Peepers’ last rhetorical question as Bert was still mulling over the unfamiliar words, but eventually he blurted out, “Ohh, you hate your family?” He asked it more to get confirmation that he understood correctly rather than inquiring further about the topic. Though the topic was a bit intriguing...

“Yep,” Peepers said as he turned his attention back to the blaster. It wasn’t as if he was avoiding the topic. He simply wasn’t interested.

“So whaddya do to it?” Peepers picked it up to take a closer look. There was no trace of the anger or anxiety he had shown within the last few minutes. It had been completely replaced by curiously.

[eyeballcommander]

@albertbutyoucancallmebert

(Previous) Bert vigorously nodded. “I understand. I get some of my things stolen all the time by them.” He also sheepishly rubbed his head. “...Sure I can be a bit clumsy and misplace a lot of things, but,” he took on an annoyed expression, “I always know they have taken something when unlucky phenomena start happening, like tripping every time I pass through a door or choking on every third sip of a beverage…” Bert then stared at the ground and clenched his fists. “And I am also sorry you had to deal with Percy being a nuisance to you again. That headache of a watchdog…” As he was staring at the ground, he caught sight of a green snout poking out from behind the corner of the central table. He took a step to the side to peer around Peepers to get a better look at Sherri Jr lurking. She perked up when she met Bert’s eye. Ah, she’d been caught eavesdropping!... Though it wasn’t really eavesdropping when Commander Peepers could be heard from anywhere in the room. More than anything, though, Sherri Jr was lurking there in preparation to attack if the Commander dared to do anything more harmful than shake and yell at her father! Despite the many times he warned her never to attack the Commander, she would have done it! But now that things seemed to have cooled down, she waddled over to Bert and sat at his feet, warily staring up at Peepers.

Peepers let out a relieved sigh and wiped imaginary sweat off his imaginary brow. “Phew! Good to know that he’s only capable of minor curses!”

He never quite understood why people apologized for things that were out of their control. Or at least, not when they weren’t playing damage control on behalf of some moron who’d drag them down with him. But Peepers couldn’t say he actually felt as sorry as Lord Hater should.

That’s why Peepers wasn’t sure how to response to Bert apologizing on behalf of their mutual enemy. What was he supposed to do anyways? So he ignored it and kept talking.

“Once I got cursed by some dying hag to be unable to shoot without it literally blowing up in my face!” He paused to snicker. “I knifed her, of course. Took some doing with an Offiziersmesser but I got it done.”

Then he crossed his arms and groaned. “Getting it dispelled was a pain and a half though... Not that it’s a problem once you find the right guy. But 95% of the so-called witches were frauds, 70% of the real ones fled, 25% of them took the opportunity to try to lay another curse before vamoosing, and the last one would only do it for a powerful ancient artifact we just finished getting.”

Once Peepers finished telling his little story he smirked. “Oh yeah: I got my bloodline cursed. Probably. Kinda hope it worked its way into the existing line because I hate that gaggle of zounderkites.”

Then he mischievously snickered. “Could you imagine wasting the rest of your life energy on a guy who never intended to have kids?”

While he was talking he noticed Sherri Jr. creeping on up and leaned to the side to get a better view around the corner. Come to think of it... It’s been a tad too long since she last visited Hater Jr, hasn’t it?

[eyeballcommander]

@albertbutyoucancallmebert

(Previous) Bert squeezed his eye shut when Commander Peepers shouted in his face. But he soon became wide-eyed when he started talking about how “that bastard,” obviously Percy, was unaffected by the death threats and even used the situation to bait the Commander. It added a whole new layer of guilt as Bert watched him nervously pace. As he was being simultaneously shaken and shouted at, Bert couldn’t help but be reminded of the earful he got back when the secret remote lab was infiltrated and the HT-125F was destroyed. Ah, one of his first interactions with Commander Peepers. He could feel himself start to blush and hoped to Grop it wasn’t noticeable. But now was not the time to be reminiscing! He was in hot water! Bert readjusted his glass that was nearly shaken off his face and bowed his head in shame. “I was thinking I wanted to surprise you with a meaningful gift,” he replied in a small voice. “But... But I failed to think that you would miss this specific blaster so much. I am realizing I should have done this to a different one. Or at least not have kept it a surprise.” He lowered his head further. “My apologies. I am the dolt, Commander, not you."

Peepers had noticed Bert’s blush and took comfort in the “fact” that he wasn’t the only one embarrassed by this ordeal.

Bert’s heartfelt apology, however, gave him another reason to be ashamed of how he overreacted. Maybe he... shouldn’t be acting like this. Friends were in short supply.

Peepers stepped back and sheepishly rubbed his head while averting his eye to hide his own blush. “Well... It’s just...”

He paused to let out a deep sigh. How could he explain his feelings without seeming more childish than he already did? For a moment he considered claiming that his blaster was far more special than it seemed But:

1) Things were awkward enough as it was without adding to Bert’s guilt.

2) Bert had spent months becoming intimately aware of how normal it was.

Instead, Peepers finally said. “It’s not... really about the blaster. I’m just... not fond of the idea of him taking my things, y’know?”

Not that he was happy about anyone doing it. But most people didn’t have powerful magic. And even a child knew that stolen objects could be used as curse catalysts if they fell into the wrong hands.

[eyeballcommander]

@albertbutyoucancallmebert

(Previous) Commander Peepers’ ire didn’t go unnoticed. Bert nervously wrung his hands as he scanned the lab. “I didn’t do… Well, I have been working on, um, a thing and…” Bert stopped stumbling over his words when Peepers reached for the cloth himself. He had an entire presentation he was going to give before revealing the blaster, but with his nerves it was all scrambling in his head. So maybe it was best if Peepers just saw it already. And then Bert still had to explain that the blaster was Peepers’ old one. Should he mention that now to get the commander’s rage over with? Or should he mention the upgrades first to get Peepers’ mood up before dropping that this was his missing blaster? Maybe the second option. Yeah… But once Peepers lifted the cloth away, Bert was overtaken with nerves and guilt and blurted out, “I stole your blaster.” However, the blaster didn’t look like the one the commander lost in the doom arena. Instead of the standard red casing with yellow details, the gun was black with red accents. And a Hater Empire logo decal had been applied to the side. “And then modified and upgraded it without your consultation, or, well, knowledge.” Bert winced as if he was anticipating being smacked across the head.

Commander Peepers was pretty impressed right until Bert told him how he sourced the base material. His eye narrowed in rage as he whirled around to grab Bert by the shoulders.

“You WHAT!?” Peepers shouted in Bert’s face. Then he let go to frantically pace.

“Do you have.... ANY idea how many death threats I sent over that thing!?” He groaned and clutched his head in his hands. “And that bastard played into it! I bet he was laughing about me being a paranoid idiot this whole time!”

Peepers returned to Bert, clapped his hands on his shoulders, and pulled him close to look him dead in the eye. “He even tried to use it as obvious bait! Why, if I hadn’t asked T-”

He abruptly released him again to return to nervously pacing while burying his face under his hands. “UGH! Why didn’t I THINK of that earlier!? I can’t believe I’m such a dolt!”

Before Bert had the chance to cut in Peepers grabbed his shoulders again. “BUT I WOULDN’T EVEN BE IN THIS MESS IF IT WASN’T FOR YOU! ” Then he started to shake him. “Seriously! What! Were! YOU! THINKING!?!?”

[eyeballcommander]

This is my favorite blog on the whole Tumblr.

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