explorer-kateyabut

[explorer-kateyabut]

Journal #3

Good Conscience

I would say my parents raised me well for the part where I try to choose the good. In the simple things like whenever I go out to have fun with my friends and such, I always make sure to go home before the sun goes down even if they didn’t really tell me. In my mind it's a rational and right thing to do to not make them worried and so that I could still have time with them in a day. And as the eldest in the family I try to be a good role model. 

Another example of good conscience is when even if I would rather rest, I try to choose helping my friends when they need one.

But I also have a weak conscience. 

When you do something that isn’t right and you promise to yourself to not do it again but then the next thing you know you’re in it again. You end up being stuck in this cycle and in the process you always end up having this guilt. And I hate it because it’s really tiring. 

I have this attitude which I usually show at home where it seems like I’m angry with everything. Of course, I do try to be calmer but oftentimes I still fail. I often end up talking in a way that sounds harsh, angry and sometimes my voice even raises a bit. So after a minute or so the instant guilt would then swallow me because I didn’t really intend to do so. 

[explorer-kateyabut]

Journal Entry #2

Though shall not have other Gods before me

I thought that this means not to have another "god" to believe in other than God of the Bible. But I found out recently that it's more than that. Whatever I spend time and put effort in or whatever I put before God is an idol. For me these are my phone and people that I admire. It's hard for me to spend the day without using my phone whether I have plenty of things to do or nothing at all, almost like I can't live without it. On the other hand K-pop Idols are the people I admire. I was really giving most of my time watching them because they are one of my sources of happiness and motivation. But I was focusing on these so much that I forgot who I should really put as my priority.

Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy

We are not really the type to go to church every Sunday, but then we moved to a place near a church. After that we, of course, started attending masses frequently but I was a kid then so I find it boring and often get sleepy, I tried listening though. A year passed and we stopped going again because us kids lost interest in going and would prefer to stay at home doing our things. Our parents don't really force us to go so we all stopped going all together.

Though attending church is important, I think that it's fine to not go often as long as we spend time with him in our own ways like bible studying, worshipping him by singing to worship songs or listening to preaches.

I didn't really realize before how important giving time to God is. I would often excuse that I have plenty of things to do yet I am still able to waste time with my phone, and when I do have free time I do nothing.

Honor your father and mother

As someone who has anger issues I easily get annoyed and irritated especially with the simplest things and when I'm stressed out. Since we are all under the same house my parents are the ones who I often have these reactions to. And before as a child I would say I was really the "maldita" type. I always regret acting up and hate myself for it. I did not intend to act in such a way but because I can't control my emotions I end up disrespecting my parents.

Thou shall not bear false witness

I admit to lying and I think there would not be a week that would pass of me not lying. I do white lies and I also lie for my own personal gain. I think we lie because we think that doing so would make things easier in some way, but the truth is we're just doing the opposite.

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For us, sinning is inevitable. No matter what we do we will always end up sinning whether we see it as small or big, both are still the same in God's eyes. But as a child of God the least we can do is try to lessen it and continue doing our best.

Time management is important for me to have in order for me to still have time to spend with the Lord. But it won't be easy, especially with all the school work we currently have. But praying and talking to God during breaks is better than doing nothing. Self control is also something I must practice to stop myself from violating more of these.

[explorer-kateyabut]

Journal Entry #1: Loving Yourself

What positive traits do you have? Then show gratitude to God for them. Ponder on how you can best use your positive traits for your dreams and to help others. Think how you can further enhance your positive traits.

Hard Working and Doesn't give up easily

I may complain, I may have thoughts of quitting, I may say that I'm tired and that I want to give up but I always end up doing it anyway. I still do my best and put effort into everything that I do. I try to think that doing it is better than doing nothing at all, that's why I encourage myself to continue.

But of course if I work hard it doesn't always mean that the outcome would always be what I expected it to be. There are times where you did your best but won't get the results you wanted. And like any other human being I would feel down, and in my case I end up thinking about it the whole day and having no motivation to do anything. I just let myself release and feel my emotions rather than bottle it up. I already accepted the fact that hardships are inevitable but that doesn't mean I'm okay with it. I don't like failing but I learn from the process.

After some time, I try again. I'll keep repeating to myself that it's okay, I did my best and that it's something to be proud of. I think of my why’s to move forward then I try to work harder again and improve.

I thank God for I have this trait and for he is the one who gives me strength. He's one of the reasons for me to continue having this trait of mine, if not I could just easily stop putting effort into things. He's the only one who knows what happens behind the scenes.

Gratitude

I appreciate and values the simple and small things, and I cherish the happy moments in life

Whenever I find myself in a situation that I'm happy and laughing or even just in a calming and comforting atmosphere I try to live in the moment. I always thought that I should remember that moment and make the most out of it because I won't know when I will experience it all again, I would feel really thankful for it. I observe and take it all in, it's also the reason why I love taking pictures and recordings. Because after sometime it will feel so unreal.

But I would also be very happy just being able to see the sunrise when I wake up, whenever I made someone laugh or hearing a simple thank you. To be able to sing and dance to my playlists in my room. I think these moments are often overlooked and taken for granted. We won't be able to remember these as much as the big moments in our lives, which is why I think it holds its own value. Compared to that achievement you made 4 years ago, or that one summer vacation that has a special place in your heart, you won't be able to remember now what made you laugh a week ago, that day where you got to checked off something out of your wish list, or that you were able to eat your cravings today.

And as a person who needs lots of help and asks lots of questions, I’m really thankful for those who help me. When I say thank you I really mean it and do my best to get back to them. I know showing that you’re genuinely thankful would make them feel that they are appreciated and not taken for granted.

These are why I try, if I don't forget, to list down the things I'm thankful for the day at night and say my thanks to God. I'm blessed with all the happy memories I have. These lists will be my motivation to continue when things are not okay. While I'm waiting for good days to come again, I'll say thank you for experiencing those kinds of happiness.

I try to change myself for the better

I wasn't that great of a person before but as I grew older I began to reflect more and that's when I started to see the mistakes I made. And now rather than making excuses for it, I acknowledge them and try to do things to improve. Like rather than procrastinating, I now try to be more productive even by 1 percent every day. Rather than comparing myself and my life to others, I now focus on what I have and what I am. I'm willing to change for myself and for others. But not in a way that I'm doing it to please them but rather to not hurt them anymore. This trait is what I'm thankful for the most because when I had it, it's like the start of being free from the me that I hated and closer to the person I want to be. If I didn't change sooner I'd only give myself a harder time which could delay me to accomplish lots of things. I thank God for he made me realize these, and was patiently waiting for me to come back to him.

Supportive/Encouraging

Supporting others, especially my loved ones, is the least I can do for them, as long as they are not causing any harm. It's important to have a strong support system and I would be glad to be included in that. This is my way of showing that I love them. They should know that they aren't alone and that we are rooting for each other. No matter the outcomes we will come running to them and say we are proud. Encouragement and support helps us to be more confident to do things because we know that we will always have each other's back. I love seeing my friends shine and most importantly when they realize that they do shine. I believe that they can achieve their dreams and try new things they are interested in if only they believe in themselves more.

I thank God for letting me see the good in others, I would be happy to let him use me in bringing out the best of them.

Good listener and Empathetic

I'm an active listener and I do my best so they would feel that they are being heard. I try to show them that I'm interested by active listening. I usually ask them questions to let them know that I am interested. Because for me asking questions helps me to think of it more, with that in mind I ask questions thinking that it may help them to think about possibilities and their feelings. While listening to them, I always try to put myself in their situations. I try to put myself in their situations especially if it's intense, I'd feel sympathy for them and at the same time I feel what they are feeling. I also tend to get upset and angry with what they're experiencing but of course I should still remain calm, if both of us were full of emotions we would end up being a mess. I just let them talk and wait for them to finish before saying anything, especially advice unless they ask. But listening is all I can offer to them since I'm not good at giving advices.

It actually feels great if someone asks you to listen to them because it means that they trust you enough to tell you the thoughts they have and they feel comfortable to tell you their problems, you also learn with their stories. I think it's proof that I'm doing a great job in my role as a friend or family. You know the person more when you listen to them.

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As for my dreams, it won't just pop out of nowhere, I need to build it and that requires hard work and the need to change to change myself. But also I won’t take for granted the simple wins, simple things and the people who are with me during the process and won’t wait until I get the results to start being thankful.  I would encourage myself as well as the people around me and together we reach our goals.