existential-crisis-of-the-mind

[existential-crisis-of-the-mind]

Tim Drake as a low key gamer boyfriend

Playing a slice of life game like Stardew Valley together:

He is all about optimisation over aesthetics. Doesn’t fully comprehend why you’d want to spend a day talking to villagers and looking for collectibles over grinding for ore in the mines.

“But think about it babe, once we get enough iron ores for sprinklers, our crops will automatically be watered and we can use our energy to do other things!”

Sucks at the fishing mini game, even after he got the most expensive finishing rod and special bait. He can get very sulky about it but immediately pipes up when you offer to help.

“Oh my god! Can’t believe you caught the legendary fish! You’re amazing at this” he cheers as he envelopes you in a tight hug “Gonna buy a fish tank and add the lil guy to it to commemorate this moment”

Loves playing the multi-player version with you, will happily forgo his efficiency maximisation driven gameplay to goof around with you. Always eager find you rare items and tries his best to bring out his creative side.

“So I had a go at decorating the house. Naturally I wanted to furniture to be colour coordinated, so I referred to the colour wheel to determine a complimentary colour palette and then- wait I’m rambling about an unnecessarily niche aspect again aren’t I?” He’s taken by surprise when you peck his cheek in response, offering him a bright smile “I love when you ramble about unnecessarily niche topics, please go on". 

He flushes bright red in response, mentally cheering about how lucky he is that his partner is always so encouraging and excited about his random deep dives.

Playing Minecraft together:

Will fiercely protect you from creepers and zombies but also kills you the moment you spawn for a laugh. 

Is very invested in building houses, has watched several tutorials on how to make cool builds (will not admit to this if asked). 

“Babe check out the roof on this build, I’ve used a different style of tiered layering, it an interesting technique you see…” 

Always ensures you’re topped up on resources. Brings back lil flowers when he goes off to scope out a new area. Is always excited for you to try out new things in the game.

“Oh my god! Babe look we've hit jackpot and found a ton of diamond- What? Oh no you should be the one to mine it! You’re gonna make your first diamond pickaxe!”

Playing Sims 4 together:

For whatever reason, his skill with Minecraft house builds simply does not translate into Sims gameplay. He cannot construct a decent roof to save his life.

“What do you mean I’ve half assed the roof? No babe come on, it’s a modern build. I made it flat on purpose. Don’t you see the vision??” You raise an eyebrow in response, he pauses for a beat before relenting “Alright fine it’s pretty shit, roofs are hard okay!” 

Tries really hard to succeed at the Rags to Riches storyline before inevitably giving up and using the 50k motherlode cheat.

“Why does my sim have a bored moodlet after making 3 paintings? He’s gotta stay inspired if we wanna make any money!”

Gets way to caught up in the ‘create a sim’ mode

“What do you mean I’m taking too long? I’ve gotta have at least 3 everyday outfits sorted for my sim”

Loves pets in the Sims, spends way too much time cooing at puppies and kittens 

“Oh my god look, this cat is named Mayor Whiskers! He’s the Mayor of this town, we’ve gotta make a good impression”

[existential-crisis-of-the-mind]

Small Talk (Jason Todd x Reader, Pt 3)

Pt 1 Pt 2

Prompt: Jason worries that you're just putting up with him out of a misguided sense of pity.

Jason and you were at an impasse, what with his stubbornness in accepting that he was enough for you. 

A frown lines his brow as you staunchly refuse to agree with him on the matter.

“Think about it (Name), there are times where I disappear for days on end- I’m not always there for you”. 

While he has no regrets when to comes to his anti-hero endeavours, it does gnaw at him when he finds himself thinking about what it’s like to be on the receiving end of such an unpredictable schedule.

“You’re there for me when it matters Jason” you retort. Before he can get a chance to refute you quickly back your claim with evidence.

“Remember that one time I was really sick and you showed up not only with medicine but also soup and even agreed to watch chick flicks till I fell asleep?”

Was the soup a bit burnt? Perhaps. Was he a bit hesitant about watching Ten Things I Hate About You at 1 in the morning? Maybe, but doesn’t matter cause he came around real quick on that stance. Besides, it was the thought and effort behind his actions that showed you he cared. 

“And let’s not forget this was shortly after we met, when we were still getting to know each other, so you *really* didn’t have to do any of that” you add.

Jason stumbles a bit at the example, averting his gaze as he tries to think of how to counter your  quick remark. 

Before a triumphant smile can settle on your face he whips his head back “Well that doesn’t really count. It was more like an exception. I mean, it’s not like I’m good with grand gestures of romance, or hell any gestures of romance for that matter”

Now there *was* some truth to that, he wasn’t someone who was loud about his relationship. 

But just because he wasn’t vocal about his feelings doesn’t mean he didn’t care. He just expresses it differently. You weren’t gonna let him get away with that flimsy reasoning.

“That’s simply not true Jason. You may not express yourself with grand gestures or bold declarations. But you show it in other ways. Remember that one evening I began rambling about how I wanted to be a plant mom?”

When he nods in affirmation, you motion towards the windowsill, which consists of a neat line of tiny succulents. 

Right. You had rambled about plants to him one night and the very next day you came home to four new succulents, all curtesy of Jason who knew they were very easy to care for and would make for great starter plants. 

His face burns bright red at that. 

“Yeah well- well I can be a real mean mouthed grump at times” he sputters. 

He crosses his arms as he fixes his gaze firmly onto you, almost as if that would add to his feeble rebuttal. 

You bite back a smile at his statement, “Well sure, sometimes you have bad days and appear to be in a bit of a foul mood” you concede, but before he can take any satisfaction in said concession you quickly continue,

“But you’re only human, and you’re allowed to have bad days… Besides when have you ever taken a rough day out on me?”

Never. And he knows it. 

He’s always gentle with you. Even in his worst moods, he never took it out on you. In fact, he’s almost all too quick to cave in to a warm hug or a nice home cooked dinner.

His shoulders slump as he quietly mumbles “Do you have a defence lined up for all my points”

You laugh lightly as you move to sit closer to him on the couch.

“Maybe” you shrug “you can be awfully hard on yourself, and I just want to remind you that you’re not all that bad. You make me really happy”.

The corners of his mouth curves up into a bent smile, “You’re too nice”

You raise a brow at him, “Or maybe I’m just being honest, but that clashes with the biased narrative in your mind so you’re trying to reject it ”

As his eyes widen, you lean in to whisper conspiratorially “You can say yes to both if you wanna stroke my ego”

That gets a huff of laughter out of him. He shakes his head as he turns towards you, his expression open and honest, “Sometimes I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. Like I’m steering a ship with no directions or no clear destination in sight”

He hesitates for a beat, biting his lip as he contemplates his next words.

“I just… I don’t wanna mess up what we have. I’d hate to lose you cause I didn’t do something right” 

You feel your heart fuller at his soft admission. 

You offer him a soft smile “Jason, there’s no ‘wrong’ way for being in a relationship. You don’t need to see into the future and get everything right. We both get to decide how we wanna shape things, and we’re allowed to make mistakes on the way”

You’re reassuring words seem to relief some of the weight in his shoulders. 

A small self conscious smile adorns his face. He almost seems to bashful to response, which elicits a laugh out of you before you lean in and peck his cheek.

“You ought to give yourself more credit you know” you gently whisper

Jason finds himself melting under your warm gaze. He may find it hard to believe that he’s enough, but it seems like he can’t shake off your belief that’s he’s all that and then some. And that’s comforting to know. 

He doesn’t express his feelings in words, but that doesn’t throw you off.

When he kisses you instead, it feels all too short, and somewhat rough, but you can’t help but smile as you return his affections. For it wouldn’t be Jason if he wasn’t rough around the edges, and it wouldn’t be Jason if he didn’t have a rebuttal to something he didn’t fully agree with.

But you’ll give him a pass just this once, especially when his arms are wrapped around you so gently, despite the scars and callouses on his hand, evidence that softness is all too foreign to him.

But he stubbornly tries nevertheless. For you.

[existential-crisis-of-the-mind]

What if? (Jason Todd x Reader)

Prompt: You really need to know if your boyfriend would still love you as a worm.

“Wait… what?”

Jason slowly blinked at the question you posed him. He wasn’t sure if it was the lack of sleep owning to his nocturnal vigilantism catching up to him, but he was struggling to comprehend what you just said.

Perhaps he just misheard you in his sleep deprived haze? There’s no way you actually asked what he thinks you did. 

“You heard me” you huff as you crossed your arms. You expression remained neutral, bordering on interrogative as you tried to stifle a laugh. Which was proving to be a trying task given the look of pure befuddlement on Jason’s face.

A beat passes, you don’t budge. Jason has no choice but to play back your question for confirmation.

“Would I still love you if you were a worm?” 

His tone was skeptical, brow raised in confusion. Or was it concern? Concerned confusion? You couldn’t really tell.

You nod in response. Jason stares at you, eyes narrowing in doubt. He felt somewhat ambushed, a few minutes ago he was just lounging on the coach, half paying attention to whatever late night sitcom was playing on the television screen . That's when you waltzed into the living room and bluntly asked him if he’d still love you if you turned into a worm. 

At first he thought you were just doing a bit, he thought you were being seriously ridiculous. But you didn’t even crack a smile so far.

So does that mean you were ridiculously serious about this? Could there possibly be a wrong answer to such a manic question?

Jason felt he had to tread carefully, he had a gut feeling that this was a prank meant to trip him up.

But what if you were suddenly hit by a bout of insecurity? Perhaps this is the outcome of a spiralling internal monologue. He didn't want to make light of it if that were the case. But how does one even go about answering such a hypothetical?

“As in…Like an earthworm? The ones just crawling in soil?” 

Was he just buying himself time or genuinely asking? He wasn’t too sure, but at this stage some clarification wouldn’t hurt.

“Yes, exactly” you nod in confirmation.

“Okay so… are you like a talking worm? Like can we communicate? Is it a telepathic thing?” he asks as his hands move around, seemingly trying to make sense of it all.

“Okay, that’s too many clarification questions Jason. Would you love me as a worm or not?”

“I mean I’m just trying to think this through. Why would you desire love from a human if you were a worm? Help me out here”.

Jason felt that was a fair question to ask. That is, once he decided to set aside the sheer ridiculousness biological improbability of this scenario ever manifesting.

You’d give it to him, it was a valid question. One that you didn't have an answer prepared for.

But you’d rather not get philosophical about the implications of you becoming a worm right now. You just wanted to see him squirm for a bit.

“Okay, wow. I’m sensing a good deal of sarcasm in your tone and I’m not sure how to feel about that Jason”

He shook his head as his brow furrows in further confusion, “Babe, it’s 2am. You just asked me if I’d love you as a worm. Am I supposed to believe this is coming from a place of reason and rationality?”

“Well I’m just curious. It’s only a question, one that you’ve still not answered” you point out as you raise a brow at him

Jason gives you an unimpressed look. It lasts a beat before his shoulders fall. He sighs as his hand reaches for his neck, as if he is genuinely considering the question.

“Okay, well I mean if in this current timeline, you happen to become a worm at some point, my feelings wouldn’t just disappear overnight. I’d still love you… I suppose it would just look different?”

The question at the end seems to be one he’s pondering for himself rather than directing at you. He could buy a terrarium to keep you in... What kind of soil do earthworms prefer? Wait- why is he thinking about this hypothetical, this is just the culmination of you letting your intrusive thoughts win.

He shakes his head, as if to stop himself from diving deeper down that rabbit hole before meeting your gaze, though this time he did catch your bent smile before you schooled your expression.

“You’re adding a lot of caveats to your answer you know”, you note as you assess him with a suspicious gaze. 

“Well, I’m just trying to be realistic…which sounds ironic given how ridiculous this scenario is”

The last part was mumbled but you caught it never the less. You cross your arms as you continue to stare at him. Jason stiffens for a second before narrowing his eyes.

“I mean, how would you even retaliate if you actually became a worm?” he asks in a challenging tone.

There's a short pause before you begin shaking your head, eventually breaking into laughter.

“You know what, that’s fair. I just wanted to see how long you’d play along with this. Glad to hear I wouldn’t just be squished under your boot".

He rolls his eyes, though there’s no heat behind the gesture, “Har har, I’m not that cold hearted you know”.

He takes a step towards you, assessing your expression. As if to check if you have any other antics up your sleeve.

Satisfied with his brief inspection, he leans in to give your forehead a short kiss.

“You’re ridiculous you know that” he mutters, though the wry smile on his face says otherwise. His double life as Red Hood can be stressful and tense, often leading him to deal with grim circumstances.

So though he’d never admit it out loud, he does appreciate your knack at keeping things lighthearted. 

You flush as his actions before looking up at him, barely biting back a laugh

“Wait one more question. What if I was the worm from Dune? What would you do then?”

“…Hey babe, here’s a grand idea. Why don’t we head to bed?"

Yeah, Jason felt your intrusive thoughts had plenty of wins for the night.

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[existential-crisis-of-the-mind]

Love Language (Jason Todd x Reader)

Prompt: Jason Todd with a gift giving love language

Jason Todd wasn’t the best good at- capable of expressing feelings of affection. Maybe it was just a byproduct of having skipped most of his adolescence, what with the interruption of being buried alive then resurrected in green goop. But whatever, maybe that was just speed running his character development.

What’s not so nice however, is that he’s missed out on those teen years of fumbling through relationship firsts. Sure, maybe they’d be awkward, and he’d look back and laugh at those memories today. But part of him feels like those adolescent years would be far more forgiving towards hesitant confessions and embarrassing slip ups.

Now he’s having to navigate it all as an adult. Unfortunately, it’s not all smooth sailing for Jason, what with his twin quest for revenge and justice blocking out most of his schedule.

The thing is, he has no issues knowing what affection should feel like. He’s experienced the butterflies in his stomach, his throat lodging up because he’s afraid he’ll say the wrong thing, sneaking glances and immediately averting his eyes when he gets caught admiring you.

He’s experienced the pre-date nerves, having to stare down the mirror to convince himself he’s got this (why is it so much easier to punch a bad guy then tell you that your hair looks nice??)

And he’s also experienced the post-date embarrassments, replaying moments where he felt like a total dunce cause of something he said without thinking (he swears up and down he was not being raunchy when he said he likes sleeping with you. He meant it in the literal sense! Your presence helps lull him to sleep)

No, he definitely has no issues in experiencing sentiments of love and affection. But man does he struggle expressing said feelings.

He’s not sure he’s the best at communicating his fondness towards you. At least not with words, given his tendency to put his foot in his mouth when it comes to matters of the heart.

He’s come to realize while he may not be the best with words, he’s a good listener with a keen eye for detail.

Er- okay, perhaps he could have a keener eye for detail, but hey a man’s gotta have his Achilles heel right?

And that is exactly why he’s stood in the living room right now, with three different pairs of vintage sunglasses neatly laid out on the coffee table in front of you.

His stiffens a bit at your questioning gaze before clearing his throat.

“So, do you remember last week, when you were helping me out with groceries and we passed that vintage charity shop on the way back to my place?”

You do have a vague recollection of passing by a well decorated store selling accessories and other Knick-knacks. You nod as you briefly recall pointing it out to him.

He takes your nod as a sign to continue, “Right so, you had pointed out the store, and I recall you admiring a pair of sunglasses at the window display… you said you’d buy it when you get your next pay cheque. But I thought I’d surprise you with it instead”.

Right, well you are surprised, so that bit was accomplished. Though you can’t help but note how he talks in terms of a singular pair, yet there are three (very stylish) pairs of sunglasses in front of you. So you were surprised and confused.

You look back at him, the question on your lips. But the slump of his shoulders and grumbled huff escaping him tells you he’s already figured out what you’re gonna ask.

“Now look, I remembered the shop… I just couldn’t recall which pair you were talking about. So I- uh, I bought all three of them”.

‘Great. Now she’s gonna think I’ve got the memory of a goldfish and make poor financial decisions’

Jason barely suppresses a groan at the thought, averting his gaze in embarrassment.

“Look I think you’d look good in all of them, so yeah… I mean at the very least you like one of them right?” He asks, his voice faltering towards the end as he begins to doubt whether this was a good idea to begin with.

You barely suppress a laugh at his predicament. Of course he’d do this. Instead of just asking you, he’d rather just buy all three pairs to surprise you.

Your mind flashes back to all the times he’s voiced concern that he’s not expressive enough of his feelings towards you, worried that it would drive a rift between the two of you.

But you know that’s not true at all. He does care, he cares a lot. He’s just got a different love language, one that fits him all too well.

You shake your head with a smile as you rise up from the sofa, walking over to engulf him in a tight hug.

“You’re such a goof you know that?” You mumble against his shirt. Jason mutters in protest though he wraps his arms around you without missing a beat.

You lean back to see his face, a bright smile adorning your features, “Thank you I love them, all of them. And I love you” you declare before pecking his cheek.

A short laugh escapes him at your actions. He takes a moment to drink in your happy smile before proceeding to flick your forehead.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“I’m no goof”

“Oh you’re not? Is that why you technically bought one pair of sunnies for the price of three?”

He rolls his eyes at your teasing, deciding not to respond lest he implicates himself further.

So maybe words of affirmation aren’t his thing, and maybe it will take him a bit longer to respond back with ‘I love you too’.

But that’s not to say that Jason Todd isn’t completely and hopelessly smitten with you.

—————————————————————————

God he’s so fun to write, a total deer in the headlights when he’s in love.

Should I try this with other love language prompts? Lmk if you have any suggestions!

[existential-crisis-of-the-mind]

Small Talk (Jason Todd x Reader, Pt 2 of 3)

Pt 1 Pt 3

Premise: Jason worries that you're just putting up with him out of a misguided sense of pity.

Jason seems about ready to dip into fight or flight mode. Though you’d be surprised if flight mode even exists in his dictionary, perhaps it only applies to the dangers of expressing emotions rather than actual physical threats.

“Okay…” you begin slowly, mulling over your words so as to not spook him off, “Well to start off. No, I don’t pity you”.

He only frowns at that, crossing his arms around his torso tighter in response. Alright, can’t say you were all too surprised by that. Trust doesn’t seem to come naturally to the guy.

You take a breath before looking him in the eye, “Jason, I like you. I like spending time with you. I like what we have… is that so hard to believe?”

Jason averts his gaze in response, seemingly unable to face you. “I-I don’t know” he grumbles, a frustrated exhale escaping his lips.

“I don’t know what you see in me. I guess I'd rather tear down whatever halo effect you’ve got going on right now, rather than waiting for you to realise what you're getting yourself into, and walking out at a later point”. At least the former offers him some false sense of control, he gets to strip down the facade and push you away on his terms.

“So you think I’m going to just up and leave the day I see the ‘real’ you?” you have to bite back a scoff at his reasoning, but insecurities can take any form, and the fear of abandonment always seems to be the front runner in his case.

You shake your head as you counter him, “Jason respectfully, there was no point at which I thought you were putting up a prince charming act, you’ve never really made much effort to hide your broodiness”.

In fact, you've always appreciated how he never put up a front, his frank personality being one of the first traits that drew you in.

He bristles at your comment, but you can see some of the tension leaving his body as he uncrosses his arms.

“Hey! I can turn up the charm when I want to”.

You raise an eyebrow in response, that’s a shoddy defense at best.

You decide against bringing up the time he set the fire alarm off attempting to cook spaghetti for the two of you, or that other time he picked up flowers for you only to get into a scuffle on the way home, leaving you with five broken stems (but 3 petals stubbornly clung on, so they still counted as flowers according to him). No, now’s not the time to bruise his ego.

You sigh, deciding to try a more direct approach instead.

“What’s this really about Jason? Have I said or done something to make you feel this way?”

The genuine question coupled with the gentle tone of your voice further disarms him. He huffs a breath as he looks away.

“No…I just- I don’t know why you put up with me at times”.

You could feel the weight of his words even though they were spoken under his breath. Put up with what exactly? His sudden disappearances? His injuries? The bouts of sour moods? He doesn’t even know. But he can only imagine the combination to be unpleasant.

You reach for his hand, which is currently bunched up into a fist by his side before continuing “Jason… I love what we have. I mean, I know you’ve got your bad days, but you’ve never taken them out on me...”

You take a deep breath feeling somewhat hesitant about your next words, but knowing they need to be said.

“Look, I don’t know much about your past, and frankly I don’t need to, I enjoy what we have right now… But it seems like you’ve been let down plenty of times before, and those fears are being projected onto us".

He stiffens, confronted with the truth he barely lets himself think about. Instead of facing it head on, he chooses to deflect.

“That doesn’t seem like enough of a reason for you to stick around”

He may be trying to sidetrack the conversation, but you’re done beating around the bush. You need him to know he’s enough, more than enough. That you’re happy with him and not just putting up with him for the sake of it.

“Does it bother you? That I like you just the way you are?” 

He hunches over at your words, choosing to face the muted television screen instead of you.

“Not bother… I guess it’s a bit hard to believe. I mean I know I’m quite the looker and have a wicked sense of humour” he says dryly, though you don’t miss his attempt at biting back a snicker, “But man do I come with a lot of baggage” he concludes with a self depreciating groan.

You shake your head as you scoot closer to him on the couch, “Will you give yourself some grace for once? It doesn't seem like you were dealt the best hand in life” you retort, feeling defensive on his behalf.

“You’re trying to make sense of it all, you’re trying to do what’s right. Shouldn't that count for something? Don’t discount your efforts” 

He shakes his head as he turns to face you, conflict colouring his features.

“But isn’t it exhausting to keep up with (Name)? I can’t exactly offer stability- Hell, I can’t even say trouble finds me, I actively go seek it... I mean, I don’t even know what my future’s gonna look like, let alone what our future will look like”. 

Why stay when you can go seek out something more secure, more certain?

That question remained unsaid. Maybe he was being a coward, but part of him didn’t want to probe for answers he was not ready to hear.

“Jason, I’m not going give up what we have now because of a pessimistic ‘what if’ future that may never come to be… You make me happy. You’re so good to me. I wish you could see that”.

Feelings of sadness and frustration settle within you at his incessant attempts to downplay himself. Downplay what he means to you.

You spend a moment wracking your brain, trying to conjure up the magic words that will get through to him. Considering which memories you can point to as evidence for your case, what traits of his you can highlight in your defence. But so many moments flit through your mind, warm memories playing over like a cinema reel, you don’t even know which to choose from. 

That itself is enough proof that’s there’s plenty of reason to stay right here, by his side.

Now it was just a matter of getting him to see the same.

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Initially thought of writing this in 2 parts but 1am big brain energy has given me enough ideas for a pt 3.

[existential-crisis-of-the-mind]

Small Talk (Jason Todd x Reader, Pt 1 of 3)

Pt 2 Pt 3

Premise: Jason worries that you're just putting up with him out of a misguided sense of pity.

Jason frowns as he looked down at his drink. A cup of steaming hot cocoa you had prepared for him, insisting it will warm him up.

His frown deepens as he glances at his fingers wrapped around the mug. Knuckles which were bloody and bruised an hour ago now carefully bandaged in ointment and gauze.

If it were up to him, he wouldn’t bother wrapping his wounds. They were surface level, didn't need stitches. The dried blood would serve a reminder of another target taken down. He wouldn’t bother taking any painkillers either and certainly not bother fending off the cold with a warm drink. None of that matters in the grand scheme of things.

His eyes then flit to you, sitting on the couch beside him, blanket wrapped around your curled up form as you distractedly flit through TV channels. 

Jason knows you’re not paying attention to the screen, it’s all just static and white noise. He can tell by light frown lining your brow, the way you bite your lip and the tautness in your shoulders that you’re worried. Worried about him, but unwilling to voice it. Probably cause you’d been bluntly dismissed the last couple times you raised your concerns.

Because Jason doesn't have the privilege to acknowledge his pain, doesn’t have the time to sit in his feelings nor reflect on his past. He's had to forego all that if he wants to move forward, to seek justice. At least his brand of justice anyway, drenched red in revenge as it may be.

But you, you stubbornly insist on being soft, on treating his wounds as if he’s delicate, making space for his feelings as if they matter, tolerating his outbursts without judgement or ire, staying in spite of how much the sight of his battered and bruised body coming home scares you.

It’s not like you know all that much about him to justify his antics. He’s not exactly disclosed his past beyond the fact he’s cut ties with his family, hasn’t really told you all that he gets up to as Red Hood. And his standoffish personality? A supposed byproduct of being resurrected only to realise you were abandoned by daddy dearest, though he’d rather not go down that rabbit hole.

So he can’t help but wonder why you choose to stick around. Why you put up with a caustic man like him, surely his sarcasm and occasional witty remarks don’t balance out his other self destructive tendencies.

“(Name)” He calls out, waiting until your eyes are on him before he continuing

“Do you feel sorry for me?”

The question hangs in the air for a moment, almost as if you need a moment to register that’s what he really asked.

“What?… What do you mean Jason?” your expression conveying genuine confusion at his out-of-the-blue question.

“You heard me” He mumbled gruffly, internally warring with the uncomfortable atmosphere he's created but also unable to sit with his doubts any longer.

“Do you pity me? Is that why you stick around and play house?”

He knew that last bit was uncalled for, but it was hard not to feel that way when his mind whispered those cruel words. That you felt sorry for him. Saw him as a broken man, damaged goods.

He knew that’s how the few people still in his life viewed him. A young boy subjected to trauma at the hands of Gotham’s most nefarious villain, turning to a life of revenge and vengeance... too far gone to see the light. An 'anti-hero' who needs to be stopped. Captured and contained.

Except how others perceived him didn’t quite bother him, not like he held any of them in high regards, especially not Bruce. Yeah okay, he was still bitter at how quickly everyone seemed to resume their day to day routine in his absence. Not like he had any evidence of them trying to avenge him and he sure as hell wasn’t going to give them the benefit of doubt.

But you, well you were different. You weren’t a part of his previous life, you only had the (dis)pleasure of meeting reborn Jason Todd. The jaded, sardonic Jason Todd, who was done with the world and all it had to offer. 

And yet you smiled at him. Cared about him. Worried for him. As if he’s deserving of any of those sentiments, as if even though you don’t fully understand him or the things he does, he still matters.

You seem to accept him in a way he’s yet to accept himself, and that thoroughly confuses him. To the point where the only conclusion his mind can offer is that you pity him. 

So here he is. He’d like to think this is him laying his cards on the table, but really he’s just an archer looking down the tall castle walls he’s built around himself, waiting to pierce an arrow through the one good thing he’s got going. Cause it’s just too good to be true. 

He’s not going to put a label on what he feels towards you, not just yet. Not when he doesn’t know where he stands with you.

He raises an eyebrow as he crosses his arms, curious but defensive in his stance as he braces himself for what you have to say.

He sucks in a quiet breath as your lips part. As much as he’d like to think he’s prepared for the worst, the possible reality where you do view him as damaged goods would definitely sting. 

His eyes flit back to yours regardless, he’s no coward after all.

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Gotta love the random burst of 1am inspiration disrupting my sleep schedule. Let me know what you think of this! Part 2 is likely going to be dual POVs for maximum angst  

[existential-crisis-of-the-mind]

Meeting the Parents (Hal Jordan x Reader)

"Honey can you help me with my tie?" A voice rings out from the bathroom.

Hal was meeting your parents for the first time over dinner tonight. He'd grown very fond of you over the course of your relationship. You were the first woman who humoured him in spite of his odd reasons for canceling dates last minute or borderline bizarre excuses for up and leaving the middle of dinners past (it wasn't his fault intergalactic criminals had such poor timing!)

Whatever it is you saw in him, he was grateful for. It was getting awfully lonely on earth trying to balance a double life fighting crime in space. He eventually confided his hero identity to you, which made it a lot easier for the relationship to grow.

Hal finally had a good thing going. Needless to say, he wants to keep it that way, so he was really hoping to win over your parents tonight. Now Hal's no stranger to turning up the charm, his suave nature and witty comments can win over most. But the stakes were higher than usual tonight, so he didn't want to mess things up. Not that he's worried about that or anything. He fights space criminals and brokers intergalactic peace treaties for a living! This will be a piece of cake.

"Say sweetheart, what kind of flowers does your mother like again? I wasn't sure if they were roses or lilies so I bought both" He says as he pops his head out of the bathroom.

Wait, then why was there a third bouquet of Tulips on the kitchen counter?

Almost as if sensing your question before you voiced it, "Oh! The florist told me Tulips are a crowd favourite so I bought them as backup" he adds, his smile turning somewhat sheepish at the admission.

Yup. He's totally not nervous about this.

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Hal can be such a drama queen, though we love to see it.

Let me know if you liked this and want to read more. I've also created a Character AI bot if you want to play with this prompt Link :)

[existential-crisis-of-the-mind]

Dive Bars and Hidden Scars (Jason Todd x Reader)

Jason Todd was nervous. As much as he’d hate to admit it, the infamous Red Hood’s mind was a buzz with thoughts. Though this time he wasn’t plagued by the antics of one of Gotham’s many villains, nor was he breaking his head strategising his next move. No, the source of his nerves was far more mundane than the his daredevil double life could offer.

He was nervous because of a date. That he set up. 

In his defense, he didn’t think he’d get this far. His mind was running a mile a minute when he somewhat bluntly asked (Name) out. 

(Name), the friendly barista who always greeted him with a warm smile despite the standoffish aura he carefully constructed to keep people at arms length.

You grew on him, your warm personality, bright smiles and witty remarks. Initially Jason would lie to himself, repeating that he just need the hit of a double shot of espresso to start the day, hence the cafe was a natural stop. But lately he caught his thoughts wandering to you, wondering if seeing him made blood rush to your cheeks the way it did for him when his sights set on you.

The smiles and brief morning chats was a good set up. That arrangement suited him just fine, hell it was more that what he should’ve gotten, given his precarious second life as Red Hood. It isn’t safe for him to get too close to people, especially not civilians.

So imagine his surprise when he blurted out the suggestion for the both of you to visit a hole-in-the-wall dive bar he recently discovered. And imagine his shock when you actually agreed to it, enthusiastically even.

Jason’s foot frantically tapped the wooden floor, he took another sip of his drink. Yeah he arrived early, but it was only to scope the place out first. He wouldn’t want to bring you some place too seedy.

He felt rusty, not like he's had much time to go on dates after being resurrected. Turns out the quest for revenge seldom leaves space for other interests or hobbies.

But he likes you, and he doesn't want to mess this up.

His eyes flit to the door as it creaks open. There you are, looking radiant even. That lipgloss really suits you.

Wait why was that his first thought? God he's is doomed isn't he?

Here goes nothing He thinks to himself as he waves to you from the booth he secured.

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Hope you liked this! Haven't written in a minute so would be keen to know if you'd like to read more.

Also made a bot of this on Character AI if you want to play your own story with this prompt link :)

[existential-crisis-of-the-mind]

Dunked! (Maki x Reader)

Pt 1

Artist credits: @adamslander66

Shinichi Maki.

Kainan captain. Consecutive two time prefecture MVP. Reputedly the best player in the region.

Maki was well respected in the high-school basketball scene, and well liked by teammates. His skill and determination left little to chance, and his exceptional play style became something to witness.

All these titles made for heavy laurels to carry.

For someone who only knew him through basketball matches, he almost seemed infallible. The points he scored looked effortless and his defence resembled a well practiced dance.

However, growing up as neighbours and attending the same school taught you otherwise.

You got a glimpse into all the work he put in. You knew that his victories did not come by chance nor luck. But rather a stubborn dedication to outdo himself each time he stepped onto the court. Regardless of whether it was the court hosting the high school nationals, a practice match or even the one by the park close to your house. You remember all those summer mornings spent with you swinging your legs on the wooden bench by that court, watching him practice his three pointers.

So when others gaped at his accuracy, you flash-back to all those years of hard work which led to his effortless style today.

“Hey, sorry did I keep you waiting too long?”

You were brought out of your reverie when the boy himself was walking towards you. Duffel bag on his shoulder and the Kainan sports letterman on his back. He just got back from a weekend training camp. The two of you had agreed to check out the new bubble tea place round the corner.

Your smile towards him was squinted with your hand shading you from the sun’s glare. “It’s alright, I wasn’t waiting long, how was training camp?”

He glanced up, pursing his lips in thought “it was good practice, we won the matches but some were by too close a margin”

As he crossed his arms your eyes were drawn to his fingers, bandages scattered between them.

You huffed as you began to rummage through your bag, “You’re pushing yourself too hard again, it’s a training camp”. You looked towards him with a chastising gaze as you handed him a small tub of aloe vera balm. Being friends with a sportsman like him taught you it’s always handy to carry some around.

He smiled softly before taking the balm,  “Yeah I know, you’re always reminding me. I just want to make the most of every opportunity I get”

Of course he’d say that . You couldn’t help but giggle at the classic Maki answer. “I get that, but you can’t push yourself until breaking point, it’s gonna take time. Besides look how far you’ve already come”

Sure the others got to see him under the spotlight glares of gym stadiums. They saw him surrounded by his excited teammates as they cheered on their captain walking up to receive the MVP trophy after a match. They got to see him at his best. They witnessed him revel in glory after reaping the fruits of his labour.

And while you got to be a part of those moments, you also got to see all the hard work behind the scenes which led up to them. You saw his tired eyes after a rough evening practice. You recall the times when you stopped by his house to do homework together, and how you’d often find him in front of the TV, eyes glued to the screen, notepad in hand analyzing players’ strategies in national basketball games. You remember the several instances when he’d hurt his knee or bruise his elbows, and how he’d just grit his teeth and continue the game, blinded by adrenaline and a sheer desire to give it his all.

So you couldn’t help but be somewhat of a mother hen when it came to reminding him not to be too hard on himself. He was still a teenager, and while it was easy to miss that given his larger than life presence on court, you’d be throughly reminded of it when you’d get to walk home with him after school and notice his red palms as you heard him excitedly talk about his game.

Shinichi Maki was a great basketball player, but he was a very dedicated player first and foremost, and you’d always admire him for that. This was just one of the many traits of his you adored, and recently you’ve noticed that list keeps growing.

- - -

As you both walked towards the cafe, Maki snuck a sideways glance at you. A small smile adorning his face as he listened to you talk about a certain flavour of bubble tea you were looking forward to try. He looked down at his palm, which felt a lot cooler after he applied the balm you generously provided. You were someone he could always count on, always looking out for him.

He remembered the summers he’d head out with you to the park nearby to practice, and how you’d appear before him with a toothy smile and cartoon bandaid in hand whenever he’d skid his knee. The many times when you’d walk home together after a gruelling after-school training session, and you’d casually hand him an electrolyte drink. And of course the balm that you once joked that you carry around with you everywhere, because he always presents an opportunity for its use. Maki hoped you knew how much he appreciated your kind gestures. How much he admired your kindness.

Cause lately he’s caught himself thinking about these little moments far more frequently.

[existential-crisis-of-the-mind]

[existential-crisis-of-the-mind]

it’s that time of the year again