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We looked inside some of the posts by excruciatings and here's what we found interesting.
Average Info
Notes Per Post
171K
Likes Per Post
84K
Reblog Per Post
87K
Reply Per Post
95
Time Between Posts
23 days ago
Number of Posts By Type
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14
Photo
3
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isn't it insane how you can be having a normal convo with someone meanwhile you're literally disassembling a razor to c*t yourself with 🤡
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i was like doing pretty ok resisting the urge to spiral after monday but then my meds got delivered an hour ago and now i'm struggling 🤡
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how to let go how to let go how to let go how to let go how to let go how to let go how to let go how to let go how to let go how to let go
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wanting to hurt yourself because you want the attention, but simultanously knowing that same attention will come with a type of worry and disappointment that you don't want
#i want to overdose i want people to notice me#i want people to show me they care#but i don't want their negative emotions#i don't want all the other things that come paired with it
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add an ed and a trauma disorder to that btw (:
sometimes i remember i literally have a borderline personality disorder, an avoidant personality disorder, a social anxiety disorder and chronic depression and i just go “ha ha i’m in danger! (:”
#my therapist told me today the team was talking abt if i actually have a social anxiety disorder#and then i proceeded to cry abt social situations so!! i think they need to recheck that
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why am i so fucking insane?! i am craving to be self destructive and to go further into this breakdown!!! i actually want to suffer rn. the rational part of me knows i need to distract myself, think of happy things, ask for help, but that fucked up little part of me wants to sink deeper and deeper and just let myself drown for a bit
#there's so many people i can't disappoint rn though#my therapists will be so disappointed bc they thought i was doing good#which i was!!! idk what's been happening in my head these last few days#idk what the fuck is wrong with me
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i truly don't understand how i was able to cut so deep shortly before i went clean because now after not doing it for months at a time usually i can only make shallow cuts bc it hurts too much to go deeper?? did i really become desentized to the pain back then? i wanna go back actually
#self harm mention /#maybe i just don't have the right razors hm#also it's so fucking annoying i have nerve damage on one side of my left arm#and cutting there feels extremely weird and painful#so it's just focused on like half of the arm#it's so funny
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Being mentally ill jn your 20s is not the same as being mentally ill as a teenager. It’s just embarrassing. Everyone got better and I’m still stuck in my mind. Nothing improved, nothing changed.
Why can’t I move on and just be better?
~M 10.10.2022 22:33
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No, this is fine *seething* I don’t think your happiness is a personal attack on me *dying mad with envy* (I hate you)
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what they dont tell you about growing up as a very lonely little girl is that you grow up and still a part of you remains that very lonely little girl
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