evil-knight-oathbreaker

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

my manager just got stabbed by an ancient god

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

wear did you get your comically large sword? the comically large sword store is so expensive :(

@failure-wizard

Hot topic.

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

squire just asked if my sword REALLY needs to be so comically oversized to the point that it is actually impeding on my ability to use it in combat. foolish child. lol. lmao, even.

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

quitting my job so I can focus on my real passion (being a reoccurring villain for adventuring parties consisting of 3 or more people who start as a disparate collection of lost strangers but over the course of their adventure grow into lifelong friends and a force to be reckoned with)

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

EVIL KNIGHT OATHBREAKER DAILY ROUTINE!!!

5-9 praying to dark forces

9-12 illustrating manuscripts

12-1 lunch of bread and cheese

1-5 podcasting

5-7 bothering the tavern maidens

7-10 sending foolish adventurers on false starts to their quests

10-5 SLEEP

RINSE REPEAT 💪💪💪

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

not sure if you've been asked this before but be honest, which is the best: greatsword, maul, battle-axe, or warhammer?

POLEARM SUPREMACY 💪💪💪💪💪

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

on an almost empty bus rn but this gnome decided to sit literally right next to me. shes giggling and building some sort of contraption or gizmo. it seems to be arcane in nature and is pulsing with a strange light and heat. its getting a lot hotter actually lol. oh god wait i think its going t

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

ex-paramour just sent missive to inform me that she wants her minstrel back. now who am i going to make play ABBA at two in the morning??

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

just broke another one of my undying oaths. im going to say this on the subject, and let it be known that i mean it from the bottom of my blackened, ancient heart; whoopsie daisy.

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

job hunt is soo annoying 🙄. im literally agreeing to swear undying fealty to you and your house until the last sun burns out of the sky-WHY do you want me to complete THREE ancient trials??? and all for four copper pieces an hour too...

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

FOR SALE: CURSED AMULET (LIGHTLY USED)

PRICE: 2 SILVER PIECES OR YOUR SECONDBORN CHILD. FIRSTBORNS ARE TOO ANNOYING.

may bind wearer and members of the wearer's bloodline to eternal service in the legions of the dead after they pass but to be honest i dont really know for sure and i dont really care to do any substantial research into the topic

SERIOUS ENQUIRIES ONLY!!!

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

thoughts abt the plague?

i wouldn't have let it happen. that's just me tho.

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

getting fired from my job rn. apparently the king of liches doesn't have enough money to pay all his knight's wages, but DOES have enough to put random piles of gold pieces stacked precariously in each room of the fortress. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

work bestie entrusted me with the knowledge that she has a huge crush on the king of liches. I laughed but then realised that she's 100% serious. asked her if she was aware that he's so old a strong breeze could disintegrate him and if anything that just seemed to make her more enthused.

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

are you hunting sir sunlight, soldier of helm?

last time we fought he kicked my ass so current answer is no. that may change in future if i get a cool new magic item but rn im staying clear.

[evil-knight-oathbreaker]

scribe put a horrific typo in my last letter to the lady i am courting. it has been weeks since she last replied and i KNOW her messenger bird is not that slow. it is so over.