evgenija01

[evgenija01]

Okay so, I think I figured out why people masturbate when they cant sleep. Its because they start getting worried and upset and sad and they dont want to feel that way, I mean who does? And they masturbate because it gives them that rush and the goodie feelies!

Its a wednesday, or at least it was, and I cant seem to fall asleep. Im tired, Ive been tired all month but I dont feel comfortable in my bed, its too hot underneath the sheets and my mind is going so fast that I cant stay still.

I hate nights like this. When you cant find the root of your problem, so you just shift and turn in your bed. Even while writing this I cant seem to find a position suitable enough to do so! Ugh!!

This year was definetly something. I work on something and it takes the life out of me and then the result is very mediocre even though Ive poured my soul into it and then I get angry and disappointed and I say to myself "well okay, now youll take a break to do and enjoy the things you want to" and that time never comes. At first it feels like it has but then something snaps me back into thay cycle of creation and anger and it frustrates me even more and just makes me sad and, funnily enough, numb in the end. When something repeats itself so much, you get used to it. Ive realized that. Im used to not stopping and constantly moving, even now, vo niedno vreme, all my mind does is think and think and think and think. Its insane. Is this what life will feel like forever? If Im not worrying about my weight, Im worrying about my art, if not about my art, Im worrying about college, if not about college, Im worrying about my social life, if not that I worry about my period and when or if itll come this month! I hate it!! Its so annoying to function this way!! And I think the main thing that makes me frustrated the most is the fact that all of this is of my making, slef-inflicted, self-imposed!!! WHY AM I LIKE THIS??? Can I just calm down for a moment and enjoy the sun, or the people, or my morning coffee? Or the fact that my birthday is coming up, but that same fact scares me because it means Im getting older and that the future that I was supposed to take care of by now is growing nearer and nearer and Ive done nothing about it?!?!?

I should try meditating. Or drugs. One of those two seems to be a remedy these days. But Im not strong or interested enough in the ladder, so I might as well go with the former.

Tomorrow I have history in the morning. Then Im going to go to Suli An and print the last piece I worked on. And then after that I need to go check on the cats. And then after that we celebrate Emis birthday.

I am. So. Tired.

Good night??

[evgenija01]

End of a season, wind from the west

Prints here! :)

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bunny_farm_v

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Takato Yamamoto: Twin Roses (2009)

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lola falana by frank dandridge (1969)

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why he ourple tho.

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Yoshitaka Amano: Candy Girls (2007-2010)

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dr pepper is a woman in stem

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Yuka Mannami for Numero Tokyo, shot by Petra Collins.

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hmmm

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when she succ you in the bus

she a succubus