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1 month ago
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“I was a star spilled in your arms.”
— Julia de Burgos, from Song of the Simple Truth; “Harmony of Word and Instinct,” (via violentwavesofemotion)
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Rainer Maria Rilke, The Book of Images
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Susan Sontag, from “Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963″
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093020
I am currently at starbucks now at better.. my comfort place since then …
I am feeling weird for the past few days .. it seems like I have a partner and at the same time I dont have. I am aware that I am sticking in a bare minimum relationship… I am jealous with the idea of being cheesy or having a spontaneous relationship.. and yeah partner .. which I know it is something that I wouldn’t be able to attain .. like come on let’s face reality that I am not someone who is in the “standard” of having that kind of love life .. and yeah maybe life ..
I had a small argument with Darrel.. which is we have been fighting about for like almost 2 weeks already.. I feel like I deserve to be treated this way .. and sometimes it feels like I do not .. I don’t wanna give up .. and at the same time I want .. there are days that it feels like any moment all of my emotion will explode … Im sad .. disappointed .. I feel shame ..
earlier.. while nakaupo ako jeep .. there was this gay couple in front of me .. the idea of being protected and loved .. I could see it sakanila .. which is something that I am craving .. I know that I dont wanna be showy in public.. but even in private I wanna experience that kind of love ..
I feel like crying right now .. but I cant .. i did not go home agad because I feel alone and the sadness is here .. I an not suicidal.. i am feeling depressed… even the weather is also making me more sadder ..
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